The years came and went...My daughter and Tony went bowling often, and
this is where Tony's future daddy came into his life. Dennis worked with
a lot of the children, coaching them, and Tony and he got along well.
Then Kim and Dennis started seeing one another, and one thing led to
another, and I will never forget the day when my daughter called me and
said that they were going to be married! They were married on December
31, 1988. Tony went up to his Grandpa's to spend some time with him,
while they had a short honeymoon. When he came home, Tony called me to
tell me what a good time he had had at his Grandpa's, and then he said,
"I love You Me Ma"...
The next day, I was told that I needed to go home from work immediately.
They would not tell me why. My brother-in-law came and took me to the
same hospital where Tony had been born. My grandbaby was rushed to the
hospital, and we didn't know if he were still alive or not. Kim and
Dennis tried to wake him that very next morning to go to school, and he
did not respond. So they called 911, they worked on him at the home,
then took him to the hospital, where they continued to work on him. They
were unsuccessful in bringing Tony back, and he was pronounced dead. We
got there right afterwards. We all just fell apart. Here was this 11 1/2
year old boy that had had no health problems, that we knew of, had
suddenly died. Of course they did an autopsy on him. They found that he
had viralmyocarditis (a flu around the heart). Some children, we were
told, have this for some time, and some, like our Tony, die quite
suddenly from it. It still remains a mystery to us today...While the
autopsy did not make us feel better, it did relieve our minds that maybe
we could have "done something" (I was mostly relieved for my daughter,
for I know she had many doubts as to what went wrong, could she have
prevented it, and so forth)...not knowing what...it's just one of those
illnesses that can happen quickly, and as in Tony's case, no forewarning
of illness at all...
Kim told us later that day that she had just told
Tony the day before that she was pregnant, and he was so happy and said,
"It will be a boy, Mom!" And yes, on 9/23/89, Dennis Jr. (D.J.) was
born, one day after my 50-th Birthday! And then his sister, Kelley Jean
arrived fifteen months later. They are now 10 1/2 and 9 years of age. So
Tony only had a "real" daddy for 10 short days of his life! He was
looking so forward to a brother and being a "family...To talk to him one
day and have him tell me I Love You, and be dead the next was the most
horrible thing I think I have ever faced in my life.
To this day,
whenever I go to the tree placed at the school in his honor, I always
try to put an "I Love You" balloon there for him. I have one also above
his last picture taken, in my hallway. Those three words are precious to
hear from any loved one or friend...but especially mean so much to me
because that was the last "link" to my Tony. I also have a heart shaped
one above my bed in a hanging lamp with those words on it. Tony was a
total 49-er fan, and his "idol" was Joe Montana! We were priviledged to
meet him this past year, and I had him sign his picture to Tony, so that
now hangs above Tony's picture too. The shock of his death was so
overwhelming...getting through the memorial services in the bay area,
then going up north to bury him was really a blur to us all. Because of
his love of the 49-ers, he was buried in my son's 49-er Jacket...and we
all wore 49-er clothes to his memorial, and requested others to do the
same. My son took it like he had lost his own child, because he was
really the only "father-image" that Tony had growing up. My son has told
me that Tony has come to him one night after he had died and told him
that he was alright...and we know that this must be so. He is in good
hands, he's just no longer here with us. So on January 11, and on July 2
these days are truly difficult for us all to get through. Although it
has been 11 years this past January, it still hurts so bad today like it
was just yesterday. He was such a part of all of our lives, and to be
taken so suddenly...we will never really understand the why's...I often
wonder what he would look like if he were alive, for he would now be 22
and would have turned 23 this coming July...
His grandfather (my first
husband and the children's father) was so shocked that he had died,
because he had just spent almost a week with him, and in so many ways, I
was so thankful that Tony did not die at his grandpa's. That would have
been even more difficult for him to have had to accept such a tragedy.
(But he did have some very special last memories of Tony that he shared
with us that were truly priceless!) Sometimes I wonder if Tony didn't
know ahead of time that he might be dying because of some of the things
his Grandpa shared with us. (he may not have been feeling good but
didn't mention it) I know at their wedding, he did complain that he was
tired and had a headache, but we all thought that it was just all of the
excitement of the day and so forth. He went on up to his Grandpa's and
was excited to be going. Then when he was there, and just before coming
back home, he just prayed and prayed for snow, and it was like his "life
depended upon that snow!" And yes, he did get his prayer, and it did
snow while he was there. He rolled snow around and around the mobile
home trying to make a snow man. One year here in Arkansas, we had a lot
of snow in January, and we built this big snowman in Tony's memory, with
a 49-er hat, scarf and gloves...Best snowman we ever made!
Our lives will never be the same without Tony...but each of our lives are by far richer because God brought him into our lives, if only for 11 1/2 years..and for each one of those years, we are all truly grateful. He is missed each and every day, but his sweet memories live on in each of our hearts and will always and forever until I can meet him again, face to face and hear those words again, "I Love You, Me Ma"...
