Some of these aren't finished, they're just the start of a poem, so bare with me here...while I write the rest later...enjoy!
you say you're sorry
when you're not
you know what you did
don't ask me
it doesn't matter why
I didn't like it
you hurt me
but I was coward
I didn't speak for you to stop
while my thoughts screamed it
making it harder and harder on myself
trying to escape
hurting me inside and out
over and over again
repeated pain
when will this end?
when will you end me?
speaking truths only to my lord
he'll understand me and the pain I go through
day from day
only to get to you, my lord
he'll know my agony
he went through it too
slanting towards the obvious
sliding down this tunnel
tunnel of lies
making every possibility
into an uncertainty
never been me
always changing, always shifting
what's been done and said
has been done and said
but it wouldn't have
if I were me
as all these emotions
churn in my heart
I put on a face
a face of strength
a face of well-being
but slowly my weaknesses
and my sickness appear
but I keep on
I mend the mask
just to keep the face
but like the saying goes
beauty is only skin deep
inside is the real me
the true core
I just don't know how
to be that anymore
not sure of the steps I take
playing with this idea of fate
only with you do I feel
this confusion and pain
you're my only
but how much can I take?
when will I leave?
and get away...
a week or two ago
settled into my bed
I set out to answer
this same burning question
once again you play god
changing whatever you wish
people, places, a whole universe
acting on impulse
always running for cover
don't tell me you don't know
I know differently
I know you inside and out
no more lying
no more stupidity
tell me what's on your mind
leave your broken heart
your sick humor
and dim intellect behind
we're harvesting humans
as if they were crops
is that what you want for supper?
the souls of us damned americans?
wouldn't you rather feast on something tastier?
like the minds of the poets or satan himself
hmmm...now there'd be a feast
I wish I could turn it all around
go back to what I said
and say it again
I'd tell you the truth
and you'd say it's alright
cause you knew it all along
we'd be done
and I could move on
I'd eventually end up
with a black thorn
left in my side
in place of your heart
the heart that cried for mine
poetry lost to a locker room
remembered not so written again
mother's day without a mother
my loss? or hers?
pain without celebration
or a brain...
an evil joke about sexy drugs emerges
told to the whole world
they don't understand it
they're all in too deep
caught up in yelling
making a bigger difference
than I could ever make
while I watch and wait
for the difference that will make me
What do I know?
What do you know?
What do they know?
In this world of confusion
What did I know?
What did you know?
What did they know?
Nothing, in this
World of confusion
the world has gone away
far into the lands of time
back to the day
where no man was jealous
or filled with greed
what path is it you choose?
to follow along with destiny?
or change and become one
this, a question of all time
lurks behind us
as the ever shrouding cloak on our backs
urging us forward
to and through an undestined future
future of reason
future of emotion
future of yours
I will love you forever
and I hope you know that
cause I know it
I really do
fuck the chances
of something coming up
this is it, this is my life, this is my love
it's here to stay.
my mother always said
there'll be better days
a day spent with you
that would be bliss
you make the sun shine bright
you make the moon full
you make my heart stop
and you are also what my heart beats for
someday I'll make you mine
so that everyday will be bliss
awakened in another verse
just to find that same old curse
pushing and pulling it around
resulting only in more work
when will this ever be resolved?
no longer am I filled to the brim
filled with emotion
filled with fear
I am void of all
but most of all I am
void of you
only with you
everything is clear
the poster falls down
and the mail never comes
when I write, it's with a passion
the same passion made here in this bed
the passion of a poet never to be
the passion between you and me
I love you witha hate so strong
burning your insides
to a dust that never was
small black tears
and then the warmth
the warmth of life again
born of hate
born of sin
they'll never let us in
we swallow lust
and wallow in greed
taking it all in
of course you'll be there
one day atop a mountain
with your painful stare
stabbing away as a spear
what more is to fear?
is it too late
to salvage these corpses?
is it too late
to save you from your burden?
is it too late
to prevent myself
from slipping in?
it won't end yet
and maybe you'll find
your peace here too
a piece of my heart
I'll wait in the dark
crying for you
nursing my wounds
turning my back
on everything
all that I worked so hard to get
ignoring what I threw away
waiting for me to give it up
cause it won't go away
spiralling downwards
bending over backwards
to get back up
back to the top
for we all know
the cream of the crop
always rises to the top
a person to love
a being to hold
all there is to you
is what you are to me
and more
your eyes are shut
and the calm washes out
that pain you feel
all across your face
peace and comfort is written
in the very essence
of your complexion
keep asleep my dear
just so I can write this
question and quarrel
blinded in the light
fed by the senses
into continuing this journey
if maybe you'd stop asking
I'd start telling
but then there's that quiet
inbetween the facts
starting to pound away
at your ears
as well as my fears
in the eyes of suicide
one faces fear and anger
paining away at their heart
you rationalize your death
with pity on only yourself
a glimpse of others ignored
and then you're out.
not telling them no
or whatever else was in power
deceiving my soul and
patronizing my heart
give in to this center
plunge away to the depths
just please stay
strolling through this
collected and cool
as my heart stops cold...
suddenly I don't know
where it is I am
what it is that
I was doing
back to the calm again
walking at that old tempo
as my heart stops cold...
so what are these?
all these faces
peering and jeering
all these bodies overheating
returned once more
to the peaceful grace
with which I move
down the street
only stopping to wait
for one thing
my heart stops cold.
tap into it
let it seep out
give your best
and don’t let it take
all that you’ve worked for
show it to him
but don’t ever
let him in on it
he’ll say what he wants to
about how you don’t
and you’ll just be left there
alone to thinking
a glare can say
anything it wants to
one shake and you’re gone
but with his stare
you know you’ve done wrong
and then some
tumbling along a road of uncertainty
causing us to question his authors
and history of drawing
from the final fountain of permanence
this pen is only a matter of youth
in his name for peace
we will bite our nails
and grip the pavement
in horror and terror
for the war isn't over
until he sings his praise
praise for you and your god
a demon of green
waiting to cross
watching the boxes on wheels
roll by with eternal speed
yet they know that
they'll never get there
get to that other side
get to that piece of land
get to that peace on land
over on that other side
just wait for the signal
and go.
go till your hearts content
take what you will
I'll be there to give
cave to your will
feed you and your desires
make that within pleased
castle on the hill
what do you hold?
world of beauty
spoiled with narcissism
this whole thing lost
for the world ignored
her cries of agony
her wails and tears
fearing they too
would fall in
be sucked in
and swept away
to a castle on a hill
rhymes of continuous beat
romping and stomping my heart
ready for love
push myself further
into this song
this emotion
to see this scene
take your eyes off that line
stare around the free
and gaze at the strong
build your tower at last
feel the power of past
making yourself
into me
let yourself go
fall into step
march behind the band
and give all you can
trying to be a man
desperately trying to give in
to what I've messed up
holding on to these pains
and waiting for a
better day to come
where you'll be there
comforted and calm
hate out of mind
anger out of sight
a wreckonciliation
hoped for in complete
insanity of despair
wading through the muck
god I want out
is about all you can think
yet you continue on
through the slosh
beneath your toes
you can feel the grime
and you can see
that you're not gaining
that you're only treading
but what water?
this is meant to be
and you'll come clear
what tragedy do you see?
there isn't one
just this issue
staring back at you
while you embrace it
while you wallow in it
get out now
and don't fall in again.
watching him like a hawk
timing your precise attack
staring him down
piercing his soul
of course with this way
you'll find things out
it'll give and give to you
all the energy
every little desire
and plenty of color
the question then
is why
how is it this way
and can you make it
things different
and things sane
or will this fight
be the one to overcome
and take your life away
in place of his
window of opportunity
tell me where to look
show me the future
give me reason
logic to base from
a because to follow
and then when I see
just please
don't take it from me
I climb toward the top
I can't really see the light
the light that I know I will reach
I look down below
underneath this never ending stairway
lie pillars of theories, untruths, and faith
how do I expect to be held up?
won't I fall, fall deep into the abyss?
not if I keep climbing
climbing away from the unknown
climbing away from your society
and toward my own reality
toward my own enlightenment
with each step comes comfort
with each step I know
that I will soon be home
cut off the top
look inside
fantastical mirror
and shadows of grief
with shades of light
reflecting my image
back to me
waiting for hurt
and maybe a cause
this affection
this appeal
this love
the world can't seem to wait
if only this dark would leave
I'd where and why
they're all headed.
with red and black behind me
the beauty of colors
is simply forgotten
give back to your position
and dreams of delicacies
take in a new light
shade yourself different
the color beside you
won't always be there
pushing away
to depend on another
grabbing hold again
and blind will I be
when I'm done
to what I felt before
what there was in end
to put into words unsaid:
I'm losing my grip
reality is taking over
let the light in
and give words to reason
but help me.
I have a voice to guide me through
to calm my poisons
get him to take me away
to a place of isolation
but with him there
all will be there with us
the world embodied
the tension relieved
and I can sleep again
clear it up
and wash it down
listen to his grave
when he's gone
but don't make
this sacrifice rule
