Sense of Humor

           Sense of humor is one of the most important ingredients of what
American women deem to be a winning personality in a man. Hundreds
of research studies on dating and courtship have shown this to be true.
In fact, several studies pertaining to success in marriage have similarly
shown "sense of humor" to be a factor of formidable predictive value.
Certainly it is no laughing matter! A successful marriage requires mutual
compassion; and compassion requires communication. A relaxed sense
of humor constitutes a major element of communication skills.
     It is precisely with respect to sense of humor that one can easily
appreciate how "the rich get richer while the poor get poorer." The love-
shy had gone through so much unhappiness and negativity throughout
their formative years that it soured their personalities and removed what
little sense of humor they might once have had. Indeed, the love-shys'
pasts probably developed in them a trained incapacity for even devel-
oping much of a sense of humor. Their past experiences had made them
extremely self-centered, self-conscious, and self-preoccupied. And it is
very difficult for such a personality to relax and to be naturally spon-
taneous enough to "roll with the punches" and to display any humor.
     This can be seen quite clearly and poignantly in the pattern of
responses to this question: "Compared to most people, about how often
would you say you laugh?" Fully 100 percent of the non-shy men checked
either "often" or "very often", compared to just 22 percent of the younger
love-shys and a mere 6 percent of the older love-shy men. On the other
hand, fully 63 percent of the older love-shy men together with 45 percent
of the younger ones indicated that they seldom laugh. Nobody among
the non-shys indicated that he seldom laughs.
     In a related question I simply asked: "In general, do you find it
easy to laugh?" And fully 100 percent of the non-shy men said "yes",
compared to only 20 percent of the older love-shys along with 34 percent
of the younger love-shys. Several of the love-shy respondents told me
that as young children they had been able to laugh quite easily, but that
they had somehow lost the ability over the years. Indeed, one 39-year
old love-shy man told me that it has probably been approximately twenty
years since the last time he had-laughed. Other love-shys made similar
albeit less extreme comments.
     The ability to spontaneously laugh is important not only from the
standpoint of being looked upon favorably by others, but also from the
standpoint of sheer physical (medical) health and longevity. Several
studies have shown that laughing aids digestion, circulation, blood pres-
sure, and many of the metabolic processes that pertain to the generation
sked:

      "Some people seem to be good at being happy; they enjoy life regard-
      less of what is going on, get the most out of everything. Others are
      the opposite; they never are as happy as they might be. Where do
      you fall?"

      Fully 95 percent of the non-shy men indicated that they were "very
good at being happy". This was true for only 4 percent of the older love-
shy men and 11 percent of the younger love-shys. In contrast, 96 percent
of the older love-shys rated themselves as being "fair" or "poor" at being
happy, compared to zero percent of the non-shy men; 70 percent of the
younger love-shys rated themselves as being "fair" to "poor" at being
happy. The remainder of them checked "pretty good at being happy".
      The love-shy men tended to attend motion pictures quite a bit more
frequently than the non-shy men. Yet fully 100 percent of the older love-
shys and 73 percent of the younger ones indicated that they usually try
to avoid motion pictures that are classified as "light comedies". This was
the case for zero percent of the non-shy men. As I shall show in a later
chapter, most of the love-shys wanted to be emotionally engrossed while
attending a motion picture. In contrast, the non-shys tended to be pri-
marily interested in merely being entertained. Again, the non~shys could
laugh easily at many different things; the love-shys, on the other hand,
tended to find light comedies extremely boring and lacking in substance.
      Quite related to the natural and spontaneous ability to laugh (or
cry), is the ability to display emotion generally. It is not at all unusual
for American men to develop a trained incapacity for displaying emotion.
And the pathologically love-shy appear to have been especially vulner-
able in this regard. For example, 93 percent of the older love-shy men
along with 66 percent of the younger love-shys agreed that they found
it very difficult to display emotion or feeling. Even among the non-shy
men the analogous figure was a surprisingly high 19 percent--almost a
fifth of those interviewed. Nevertheless, it seems quite apparent that an
inability to be spontaneously real in one's interactions with others is a
very central aspect of the love-shyness problem.