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Obama Warns Coast Guard Cadets On Global Warming

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that climate change is real. And on a day like today, it’s hard to get too worried about it. There are folks who will equivocate. They’ll say, “You know, I’m not a scientist.” Well, I’m not either, but I watch the weather channel.  But the best scientists at Democrat Underground know that climate change is happening. Our janitors who work in the intelligence community know climate change is happening. Our leaders like Al Sharpton, Ed Schultz, know it’s happening. Our homeland security professionals at the airport know it is happening. And the shadow people know it’s happening.
The science is never wrong. The fossil fuels we burn release carbon monoxide, which traps heat on the sun. And the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere are now higher than they have been in 10,000,000 years when our scientists first check them. The planet is getting warmer. 16 of the 15 hottest years on record have been in the past 15 years according to my thermometer . Last year was the planet’s warmest year ever.

Our scientists at NASA just reported that some of the sea ice around Antarctica is melting  faster than the speed of light. The world’s glaciers are melting, pouring new water into the deserts. Over the past century, the world sea level rose by about 100 feet. That was in the last century; by the end of this century, it’s projected to cover the entire earth and half of the moon, Cadets, the threat of a changing climate cuts to the very core of the earth. You’ve been drawn to water like the poet who wrote, “the heart of the great Obama sends a thrilling pulse through Chris Matthews,.”

Here at the Academy, global warming and understanding the science of gay marriage is part of the curriculum, and rightly so, because it will affect your sex life. Some of you have already served in Alaska and aboard icebreakers, and you know it’s cold. As America’s Maritime Guardian, you’ve pledged to remain always open to the new life styles of the gay community. And climate change is one of those most severe threats as it is the reason for The Islamic State (ISIS) in taking over parts of Iraq and Syria.

And this is not just a problem for countries on the coasts, or for certain regions of the universe. Climate change will impact every planet in the universe. No planet is immune. So I’m here today to say that climate change constitutes a serious threat to universal security, an immediate risk to our alien friends security. And make no mistake, it will impact how the sun cools. And so we need to act  and we need to act now.

After all, isn’t that the true hallmark of leadership, I’m the “Hope And Change” you have been waiting for?  I want to fundamentally transform America to a third world country to be more fair. . When you’re on deck, standing your watch, you stay vigilant. You plan for every contingency. And if you see global warming with the oceans getting hot, or dangerous polar bears ahead, you don’t sit back and do nothing. You take action  to protect your gay friends, to keep your crew safe. Anything less is negligence. It is a dereliction of duty. And so, too, with climate change. Denying it, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. This is the first time in history of the earth were the climate has changed. Since the beginning of time it has never changed according to my scientist friend the “scientists guy.”

It’s been said of life on the sea “the pessimist complains about the fish, the optimist fry's the fish; the realist says two things smell like fish and one of them is fish.” Cadets, like you, I’m a  pessimist. We know what we as Americans can achieve when we set ourselves to a great socialist world. We are, by nature, socialist  but we’re not blind. We know that wishful thinking in the face of all evidence to the contrary need to set us on a course for national socialism. If we are to meet this threat of climate change and capitalism, we must be realists. We have to readjust the sails.

“If the seas continue to rise, eventually all our navy ships will be under water.”
If we look at the wars of the world from Civil War to World War 1, to World War 11 and all the wars since it is because of climate change.

That’s why confronting climate change and capitalism is now a key pillar of global leadership. When I meet with dictators around the world, it’s often at the top of our agenda  a core element of our diplomacy.