Matthew....gift of God
Matthew Aaron is the identical brother of Jacob.
On April 29, 1992, the eighth month of my pregnancy,
I learned from my doctor during an ultrasound that one of my babies had died.
This was due to a compromise in his umbilical cord.
Matthew was delivered June 9th just three minutes after Jacob.
Matthew's life within me and his death have brought me many tears
but also many blessings.
Through Matthew I have met some tremendous people.
People who I would have never crossed paths with without that loss.
People who have added a richness to my life that is immeasurable.
My Matthew "Gallery"
December 2, 1991 the day I found out I was having twins. I was 11 weeks.
"Mommy, please come play with me." Were the boy’s sweet words.
I covered my eyes at the brightness, I thought was the sun.
But when I woke to my senses, I knew where I was.
I was there in Heaven, given only one day
To live and love with Matthew...to watch him grow and play.
I rocked him as a baby when he lay to take a nap.
And he woke up as a toddler still cradled in my lap.
He placed his hand in my hand and we ran as fast we could.
Over hills and through streams, collecting things a boy should.
Then he walked me to a corner and he climbed aboard a bus.
I sent him off to school at 5...I was living all his firsts.
I waited by a seashore for his day to be done.
Someone came and sat beside me I had not been alone.
I felt a gentle arm pull me close in loving warmth.
It was the safest feeling I had ever known...none like it on earth.
He said, "I know you’ve missed him since he went away from you.
I’ve watched your sorrow filled tears fall all the night through.
I know your heart has broken for all that you’ve gone through.
For I have been right where you are.... I lost a child too."
Then I heard Matthew’s laughter as he ran across the sand.
Schoolbooks dropped to the ground and he stood before me a man.
"Mom," he said. "I love you." And he hugged me with all his might.
And I closed my eyes to hold back tears as I told my son goodbye.
Then he turned and walked away and slowly disappeared.
And I awoke to gentle laughter ringing in my ears.
"Hey!" said a little voice with a smile as bright as day.
Then Jacob and I got out of bed and went outside to play.
Why did you sigh when I held your hand, it made you unhappy I can't understand?
When I gave you a hug, you held me so long. I'm not too young to know something is wrong.
Why do you watch me when I run to play? No one else ever smiles at me that way.
Why did you cry when I told you my name?"
Because I had a little boy, his name was the same.
I never will walk and have his hand to hold. His arms around my neck I will never know.
I will never see him on bright sunny days, running outside eager to play"
My baby died before he was born. Taken to heaven in Jesus' loving arms.
Forever there my baby will be. And the love in my heart will echo eternally.
But don't worry your little heart over my tears. I was just enjoying my Matthew while watching you play here.
Part of a poem by William Wordsworth
"To HC"
Thou art a dew-drop, which the morn brings forth,
Ill fitted to sustain unkindly shocks,
Or to be trailed along the soiling earth;
A gem that glitters while it lives,
And no forewarning gives;
But, at the touch of wrong, without a strife
Slips in a moment out of life.
Little Visits
Jesus held a special child on a dark and rainy night,
The wind was fierce and cold but his arms were warm and tight.
They lay his tiny body on the bed beside his mom,
Tho' she could not see him she knew Jesus had come to take him home.
She kissed his cheek gently filled with a lifetime of love,
And Jesus took his tiny soul home to heaven above.
He placed upon his little head a halo shining bright.
Then wrapped him in a robe of blue and wings of silver light.
"Jesus, where's my mommy? Will she be okay?
I know she had dreamed of me in a much different way.
Her tears are something different, it's her laugh I liked to hear.
Like the time I first kicked her and she finally felt me near.
The first heartbeat fast and strong made her sure of my life,
And suddenly I'm here-not there her dreams don't shine as bright.
Jesus, I know I'm fine and won't need anything with you,
But with all the things she dreamed for me what is she gonna do?
Oh, I love you Jesus, I'm so glad you brought me home,
But a big part of my little heart wants to be there with my mom."
"Your mother loved you more than words and misses you so much,
And no reason will suffice to take one that she loves.
But she knows she has an angel who can watch her every move,
And you'll flitter in and out her life-special visits just from you.
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Here's the way to the picture page!!
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