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A WORD FROM THE WISE Do you sit on the floor with wine and cheese, and mispronounce “allegorical” and “didacticism?” Well then, my friend, you, by film (mind you, not movie, as movies are for the proletariat) “genius” Woody Allen’s standards, are a psuedo-intellectual. By my standard, you should be executed for crimes against humanity. Ladies and gentlemen, the Masters community, and perhaps the world at large, is infected with cancers of life. What is a psuedo-intellectual? Good question, young squire. A psuedo-intellectual is a person who does his utmost to give off the impression of sophistication, worldliness, and intelligence. There is nothing wrong with being smart. In fact, it is a wonderful thing. However, there is something wrong when these charlatans inject one of their characteristically verbose, yet wholly useless, statements into a conversation to bolster their claim of membership in the intelligentsia. How can I spot a psuedo-intellectual? Thank you for that excellent question, you club-footed troll. Today’s psuedo-intellectual does not look like yesteryear’s average bohemian. They do not carry drums, they usually do not snap their fingers at everything, and they do not all live in the Village. Hardly, today’s psuedo-intellectual is an expert at guerilla warfare. They lurk under the radar until the right moment and pop out of a metaphorical bush, ninja-style*. Other distinguishing characteristics include the possession of “heavy” reads such as Nietzsche** or Rousseau or perhaps even Proust. Possession is 9/10ths of the law as they say, but it is not enough in ascertaining 100% proof of psuedo-intellectual status. What usually distinguishes this foul class of humans is the blasé attitude they take towards these books. Do not trust any one who tries to tell you that Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain or Bertrand Russell’s Conquest Of Happiness or Dante’s Inferno, is an easy read. What behavior is typical of a psuedo-intellectual? Again, a lucid question from someone such as you. Now get back to the coal mine. Naturally, these seemingly (to the naked eye) erudite literati not having minds of their own, rove in packs. These pacts are only for collective safety. You will notice that at the slightest chance, one of these Benedict Arnold’s will seize the other by the throat at the first sign of an error. Each one of them is on a quest to be the alpha male/female. Psuedo-intellectuals assume much, whereas true intellectuals assume little and search for much. Listen to them attentively, so that when they make a mistake, you can call them on it. At this point they will accuse you of putting words in their mouth or misunderstanding them; don’t let them spook you though, expose them. You should also watch for their tactics of using belittlement and being condescending. Be warned, these people who play the role of the intellectual are multiplying and are extremely dangerous to learning. When they blather in classes, professing knowledge of advanced subject matters, they give off the impression that you can trust their opinions as facts. Now, I am sure that some of you witty people out there are wondering to yourself in which category I would fall. Do not worry yourself about such things; I know what I am talking about, I have the facts. One last thing before I go, be leery of those who quote great men. I only know one thing, and it is that I know nothing. -Socrates * This term was coined by a friend, not me. * To be fair, I did read Nietzsche at the beginning of the year. I am atoning for past sins.
