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written @ 09:01 pm 05.13.03
It's been awhile I know it's just that I've been so busy these last couple of days so I really haven't been able to write. I'm soooooooo tired right now but oh well, I still have tons of stuff to do. I also have to go and practice some more for the second day of tryouts tommorow, hopefully it will go better than the first day. It was kinda awkward because since I'm just starting out my nerves were really getting to me and I just couldn't focus but I think i'll do better. Today I practiced for a couple hours before I started my homework so I basically know most of the dance and cheer and I have two hours to brush up on my moves before practice so I think i'll do good. I still can't do a complete toe touch though and it's really pissing me off because I'm so close and it just seems like when I try harder it gets worse instead of getting better, i'll see if I can ask someone to help me. I also feel really bad right now because Camille was with me this afternoon and I couldn't give her a ride home and she had to walk in the rain. I'M SO SORRY CAMILLE!!!!! I wish I could've but I couldn't, my mom was already getting on my back because she had to take my little brother somewhere. I hate it when she does that. She always seems to get her attitude with me for no reason. I was gonan call Camille but then I remembered that she isn't allowed to use the phone on the weekdays or something like that but i'll see her tommorow. I also have a Chem test tommorow that I need to study for but I think I won't need to for that long because I basically know everything pretty well but i'll look through it just in case. Oh and you know who I keep bumping into for some strange reason, yeah you probably guessed, Bridgette or however the hell you spell her name. She just gives me this look and I'm just like, what the hell is your problem you know? I mean it's not like I actually ever said anything about her so what the hell you know. I swear though that if she gives me one of her looks again I'm just gonna flip and she's seriously going to hear it. I'm tired of her having her attitude towards me because of what someone said. Who knows what she might be saying about me too, because I doubt that she isn't saying anything. Well honestly I really don't care, it just pisses me off how gullable and naive people can be. Not to mention how paranoid, what kind of person confronts someone that they don't even know and just start accusing them of things they haven't done? My point exactly. Well, I have to go finish my hw. Oh and before I forget I added a tagboard thingy and guestbook so feel free to say something. I'll try to write again later, notice the word try lol.
alina
written @ 05:36 pm 05.10.03
Hey everyone, sorry I didn't write sooner. I didn't have any time at all yesterday because I had to take a shower, change, and rush to Camille's house right after school. We went to get our nails done, they look so purdy now lol, and then to see X2: X-Men United. Omg that movie was sooooooo good! I didn't think that it would be as good as it seemed, you know how sometimes they make amovies osund so good in the previews and then you see it and its like what the hell, this movie is so crappy, but it wasn't. Night Crawler was different than I expected though, I thought he was going to be one of those badass characters but he wasn't, I'm not going to say alot though for those of you who haven't seen it just going to say that you should go and see it because it's worth it. The theatre was so packed though, we were lucky that we found seats, thank god we didn't come with more people because we probably would have had to sit in different places. I had such a great time yesterday even though I was sorta tired. I think that going out was all I needed to feel better but now I feel crappy again. I feel like myself again but very crappy. Stupid allergies, they usually don't hit me this hard but I've been sneezing all day and my eyes are puffy. Ugh, I just feel so crappy right now. I'm just glad that I didn't wear that much make-up yesterday, all I had on was what I put on in the morning since I didn't have time to do anything to my face which was just some foundation, lipgloss, and some powder. I know that if I would've put on some more I probably would be worse right now. Hopefully i'll be all better by monday since I have tryouts, don't want to be all flustered and junk during the routines and stuff, I already have my nails to worry about. I just hope that I don't break them or pull one off or something because that would hurt like hell. Oh and guess what? You know how I told you guys that I was going to fix things between what's his name and me? I think that I won't have to say anything to him after all. For some reason he's been acting differently towards me recently and things between us seem to be getting back to the way they were before, atleast I think they are. Some of his actions atleast point to an improvement. Global on friday was different, he actually talked to me and stuff so yeah that's improvement. Hopefully things will keep going like that so I won't have to confront him, I'm too scared to do that I admit. I don't know why but he seems to bring out the shyness in me. I usually can just talk to people about whatever straight to their faces but with him its different, damn him lol. Oh and did I tell you guys we cleaned out our lockers for PE. Friday was the last day we had to get dressed and from now on we have it easy. I think I can start going to gym class now lol. Mr. Rhett told us though that we still had to participate but I doubt it because Saira told me that Mr Sal said that they weren't going to do anything anymore so hopefully that's the way it will be. If not i'll just do my normal routine and only go once or twice a week. Last week was the only week that I actually got dressed and went since those were the last classes and the last time that being prepared counted. Mr. Rhett was starting to get mad at me so I sorta had to but all that counts is that I showed up right. Thank god he wasn't here on friday, I actually had two free periods even though I didn't have much to do. Alex and me just walked around and then went to the bridge and sat awhile. Omg, I didn't know so much people smoked weed and stuff at our school. Where Alex and me were sitting, everyone was smoking weed. No one said anything though which surprised me because they were doing it right there in open view. That's kinda stupid though because then they're all like you guys shouldn't do that stuff when they don't stop them from doing it you know, they're so hypocrtical it isn't even funny. It's like when they tell us not to cut and skip classes and they just let us walk out. It's like what is it with that. Thank God we weren't there for that long because the smell was starting to get to me, you remember how it was when I went to Arena. I also felt like going home on firday too but I had to take a Chem quiz. My teacher's been giving us quizzes like every two days which has been driving me nuts and his classes seem to go on forever. Friday's class seemed to never end, I thought I was going to die of boredom just sitting there. Nothing else pretty much happened. Well I think that's about it, I think I told you guys everything. I'll try to write again later.
alina

written @ 07:36 pm 05.08.03
Can't really write alot right now, don't have much to write about anyways. Just thought i'd let you guys know that my day went by way better today even though I can't feel my right leg right now. Did I tell you guys about that? Well its been bothering me since yesterday and I don't know why, my spine hurts when I walk though. It can't be that serious though right? I think that I probably just stretched wrong or something since I've been training for tryouts on monday. I wish that it wasn't so soon though, I don't think that I'm going to be ready enough though. Oh well, well I have to go. I'll try to write again later.

alina

written @ 03:51 pm 05.07.03
Talk about having such a shitty day. I think everything that could possible go wrong went wrong today. Ahh! I can't stand it damnit. Besides all the petty little things that happened you won't guess what happened to me before chem. See today I decided to actually go to P.E., aren't you proud lol, and afterwards as usual I always go to chem and get excused to go to the bathroom. It's my usual after gym routine, I go and fix my hair and whatever, you know how it is, and then out of nowhere this girl comes up to me. At first I thought it was just somebody that I knew you know from like elementary school or middle school and I just couldn't remember who it was which has been happening for some strange reason a lot lately, and then she's like "Do I know you?", so ofcourse that's what I thought right. Then she starts giving me this lecture on how I shouldn't talk about people that I don't know and blah blah blah, the whole time I was just like who the hell is this you know? She was giving me this lecture and she didn't even say who she was. I was shocked though because I honestly wasn't expecting that from her you know, I mean I've never actually met her so. Anyways, she kept talking and talking, and I was just like who are you? It was kinda funny though, I almost started to laugh because she was telling me in this way that I dunno how to explain it that was so funny. I didn't though, which is good, see I do have self control lol. Finally in the end she tells me who she is, and her name sounds familiar. After she leaves I realize I knew her, well I never really met her until today, but I knew of her let's just say. She was the girl who used to go out with Melanie's boyfriend and all this other stuff, so I sorta did know her but I never really said anything about her. I mean, what could I say if I didn't know her you know. I dunno where she got the idea that I ever spread any rumors about her or talked about her, I never have. That kind of pisses me off because it makes me think about who would tell her something like that. I have heard things about her, bad things, but I'm pretty sure I never done it or started any of the rumors. Unless Melanie had something to do with it...I don't want to think that but it seems the only way that she could be accusing me of something that I didn't do you know. See this was awhile back when Melanie first started to go out with Andrew, I ran into her in the bathroom during my usual routine and started talking to her about how happy I was for her and she starts to tell me about how Bridgette, that's the girl, knew that Andrew liked her and dumped her for her and how she told Melanie to go out with him. I told her that it was strange you know because I knew that if I found out a guy dumped me for someone else I wouldn't want to encourage it you know. So I was like who's the girl? I was curious you know and I thought I remembered Andrew telling me who he was going out with that time that you the whole group went out. So she's like "I dunno I think it's Bridgette." When she said that I remembered hearing some stuff about her from some other people, so I told her "From what i've heard you two make a better couple." See I had heard from these people in PE, see I knew I shouldn't be going hehe, and some other people about her and how she was a slut and all that, I didn't really take it into account though because I didn't know her you know but then she asks me about what I meant and wanted me to tell her so I did. I told her that I heard from some people that she was a slut and yadi yada. I never said that I thought she was one or whatever, I only told her what I had heard from other people. That was the only time that her name ever came up, and I've never said anything about her so I dunno. Makes me wonder a bit though about who I tell things to, some people just twist your words around, it pisses me off. You know me if I did have something against her I would have let her know then and there, I always tell it how it is, I don't care what people think. See I think that if you ahve something against someone or you have problem with someone you should tell them, that's the way I am. It's better to let them know then and there then to be parading around like a hyprocrite. She really threw me off though because I kept thinking about it over and over trying to remember you know if I had actually said anything about her but I haven't, I didn't say "Oh that Bridgette, she's such a slut." I never said anything like that. People these days. Well that's what happened, I'm over it now though. I talked to Camille a couple of minutes ago and I vented a bit, besides I got my jeans. I love new jeans! Yesterday I spent like all my money and bought four pairs of jeans, so I'm happy. Shopping always makes everything better! Oh yeah, no one has emailed me yet. You lazy bums lol. Come on I asked you the day before yesterday if you could help me and still no one. Come on guys, if you can install greymatter and a tagboard for me I would so love you! Lol, not enough? Well I promise to plug you forever or do whatevers reasonable. So please if you can email me, see all you have to do is click email. Not too hard I hope hehe. Well I have to go start my hw.

alina

written @ 07:04 pm 05.06.03
I'm sooooo tired right now, ugh I can't stand it. It's like my brain wants to do so many things but my body is just like, "alina you need to sleep, just take a nap." Lol yes I know I'm strange. Anyways, now that I have time to actually write, remember how I told you I was going to fix the issues between me and whats his name? Well the day after I wrote all that stuff and the day that I was going to talk to him, notice the word going, out of nowhere he starts talking to me about Nadia in Global. I was like what the hell?! He hasn't spoken to me in like ages and then when he does finally say something to me it's about Nadia. He starts to tell me about how she got her attitude with him after he refused to give her a sex on the beach at the restaurant he worked at or some weird drink like that, I don't remember. Ms. Thompson made him shut up though and he never really finished telling me what he was saying. It was weird though because it was out of the blue you know, I never thought that he would actually say anything to me until I brought it up. Then later I see him in the hall and he says hi to me, which also took me by huge surprise because he hasn't done that in like forever. I was all shocked I think I just waved or something, I was still in my little world though because can you believe that I barely passed my Math test. Ahh!!! I hate math!!! When I got my test back I felt like I was about to cry because seriously you do not know how much I studied and I actually thought that I was going to do good on it. That's why I was having a delayed reaction, hopefully he doesn't take it in a bad way, that's the last thing I need. You know I was thinking about also fixing some of the issues between me and Nadia, you know how I've been trying to fix everything, but I dunno what it is, I just can't. I was completely determined to fix it, actually fix all the issues I have with people, but something always seems to get in the way. I wish it could just be easier you know and that I wouldn't always have to be the one to fix them. Oh well, if things don't get fixed with Nadia and me, I seriously don't care much, but if I can't fix things between what's his name and me then I think I will have a problem because I think I really need to save something there you know. I don't know if you understand but it's like this, all the things that attracted me to him in the first place are things that I seriously value in people and friends and I haven't really seen that in alot of people so I can't stand to lose it. I just wish I could find a way to actually tell him. Why can't I just talk to him damnit?!!! What is wrong with me?!!! I think I need someone to enlighten me, anyone? Anyone? Well I'm going to start to wrap this up because I have to shopping right now for some jeans. Hopefully that will help me sort everything out. I don't know what it is about going through racks of clothes that relaxes me, hopefully I can sort things out. Oh yeah before I forget, if anyone could please do me the favor of installing greymatter and a tagboard for me I would be really happy. I promise to plug you forever and love you so much if you could! Please, if you can *email* me. Well I have to go, i'll try to write back later.

alina

written @ 08:30 pm 05.05.03
Hey everyone can't really talk right now have to go do my project, just thought i'd let you know I was still alive. I also need someone to please do me a favor, anyone please I beg you. If you can, can you please install greymatter and a tagboard for me? Pretty please, I promise to love you more than yesterday lol. If you can please email me and i'll give you all the info you need. Thank you so much in advance. I would do it myself but the last time I tried to install it it was a complete disaster so I don't want to repeat that incident you know how it turned out lol. Well that's it, i'll try to write again later.

alina

written @ 08:14 pm 05.04.03
How do you like what I've done with the site. I've actually gotten most of the site up aren't you proud? I'm telling you guys that I'm actually going to finish this one lol, atleast I think. I still have to put up my fanlistings and cliques, not to mention all the stuff that I still haven't put up yet. Hopefully i'll be able to be finished by tommorow, I think I can finish soon. I've been having a good day so far too. My cousin came today to visit and brought us to boxes of donuts out of nowhere. He always seems to do that, just comes every once and awhile without any warning. We have like two dozen now and we don't know what to do with them. He's so strange but what can I expect, shouldn't be suprised we're related lol. Well just though i'd let you guys know how things were going I have to go finish up some stuff for school tommorow.

alina

written @ 08:13 pm 05.03.03
Hey everyone, I know its been awhile but the site has been down again due to bandwidth issues and has just recently been up again. Anyways, nothing much is going on with me right now. All hell is now over lol. Lucky you that the site has been down, I prolly would've been taking it all out on the site, not a pretty picture. Lately I've been thinking about all my friends and how my relationships are going and I've realized that if I don't start getting my act together I'm going to lose the only good friends that I have. Not to mention that I've started feeling guilty about not talking to what's his name anymore. It's not like I meant to stop talking to him it just happened. It's so strange though because we told each other that we would still be friends but we avoid each other. I know that personally I can't look him in the eye anymore. I was thinking that maybe I should talk to him before we completely lose our friendship over it, if it hasn't happened already. We're mature and we should be able to put everything behind us don't you think. I dunno atleast I hope so. I've lost so many people that way and I've always ened up regreting it so maybe I should. But why hasn't he said anything either? Do you think that he wants us not to talk? Ahh!!! Guys drive me crazy! They are never clear about their intentions and he especially isn't very upfront about anything. I am though, I tell it like it is and wish that he would just tell me if he has a problem with me and stop being a coward. How hard can it be to just tell me? Not that hard I think. Well I have to go update everything for the new layout, yes I think I am going to actually finish this one lol.

alina

written @ 07:00 pm 04.26.03
Hey I'm back, I know its been awhile but I'm back finally. Yeah nothing is up it's just that a lot of things have been on my mind recently and I really haven't had the time to actually write or update anything. You know how my life is I think I have something to do almost everyday no matter how I try to not have myself be so busy. I hate being so busy because it always just seems to stress my out and thats the last thing that I need right now and you guys know it. Ahh!!! Okay, just needed to let that out. Been busy busy searching today for possivle songs for this talent show thingy that I wanna be in and it's impossible because I can't pick. How about At Last by Etta James? I have always wanted to sing that song and it sounds so pretty but I'm not sure that I can pull it off. Since I haven't been in chorus this year at school I haven't exactly kept up my vocal traing from the last couple years, actually I haven't even worked on my scales at all so I don't know. I'm going to sing all weekend and hopefully that will help and get my voice up to a decent level, now if only I could remember those scales lol. Atleast I'm going to try right? I can't be that rusty can I? I'm always singing at home and to music so it can't be that bad, I wish I was in chorus this year. Hopefully i'll be able to audition for next year but I have to work on scales and all that so that I could be able to. Wish me luck! Well I better go, I know its short but it doesn't really seem to matter right now because you probably aren't going to see this entry until monday because of the bandwidth problem so ha you can't yell at me agin hehe. Well that's it I'm gonna go, i'll ttyl.

alina

written @ 07:06 pm on 04.20.03
Ahh!!! I think that I'm going to go crazy!!! So many things have just made everything even more complicated than they already are. To think that I thought things couldn't get any more complicated, how wrong was I. I don't know know what to say I guess lets just say certain things have come to light and now I know things that I didn't before, lets just leave it at that. I really don't want to get into it right now because I haven't really been able to actually see how I feel about it and I dunno I just don't think that I should put that out there like I normally would, I don't think that it is something that I personally would like to have out there, do you know what I mean? No offense to you guys or anything but I just want to keep this to my self for now, thanks for understanding. Anyways, moving on, happy Easter everyone!!! Enjoy it while it lasts, schools going to start soon. I really don't want to go back to school though, I don't know why but I seriously am not in the mood for it. I just want to stay home and relax without any worries. Maybe it would actually be better for me to go back, that way I won't have to be here when my parents get my report card. I don't even want to know what I got, I just know that let's just say I did really bad this marking period. It's so weird because it seems that my grades are starting to get lower every marking period. It drives me nuts because I've tried so hard to keep them up and it seems like it's useless. I wish that it were easier but it isn't, I can't imagine how next year will be when I start physics. Supposedly that's a very tough course but I don't know, I just hope that I could do atleast decent in that class next year. Omg, I'm so tired right now and I still have to do so many things for tuesday, not to mention that I have to finish moving everything in so that the links actually work. I knew I shouldn't have procrastinated so much but oh well I'm a procrastinator what can you expect. Well I better start working on my school project, i'll try to write back later and update some of the site, note the word try lol.

alina

written @ 07:04 pm on 04.18.03
I'm so tired right now *yawn* but I decided to put up this new layout since as you guys may already know my site has been down for the last couple of days all because of me and my genius. See I was trying to install one of those complicated tag board thingys but being the smart person that I am I ended up screwing up everything, but Jen, thank God, helped me and fixed everything. Thank you so much Jen! The only way though to fix it was to delete everything so I just decided to put up a new layout instead of uploading everything. Not bad huh? Considering that I just got Adobe Photoshop, I think I did good. I think this layout is easier to use too, all you do is click one of the links and presto the page appears in the i-frame lol. I am so proud of myself. Anyways enough of that, I think that I should inform you about everything thats been happening to me these last couple of days. As you all know my birthday was on tuesday, yay I'm 15 now. My parents wanted to do this whole family thing so I wasn't allowed to leave, it was a disaster by the way. I'm just glad I was able to go out on monday, even though that wasn't such a success either. Remember how I really wanted to do something for my birthday and I kept postponing it? Well I just decided in the end to do it on monday but since most people were on vacation and a certain whats his name wouldn't pick up the phone, it only ended up being Camille, Sandra, and me. Then Sandra was late and these guys kept following Camille and me which was very freaky. So you guys can imagine how that day went. Oh and guess where I went last night, Arena. It was so much fun! I had the greatest time even though my mom picked me up early. She drives me nuts sometimes, she didn't want me stay longer than 10! Can you believe that, I'm 15 years old and I've stayed out longer than that before, shes just paranoid. It's not like anything serious happened. I just had a good time and danced. It's not like I smoked or drinked, I was tempted to but I didn't, atleast I don't think I did. Last night just seems like a blur right now, I can't remember everything, just bits and pieces. I know it's strange but I honestly can't. I do remember this creepy guy though. I was dancing with Camille and Jen when all of a sudden this guy starts to dance with me but Camille gives me that look, you know the one that's like don't dance with him, so I pushed him away from me, then later he comes back and I didn't notice and says something, I think he says please and I just said no, and he grabs me. Omg I was so scared, he just caught me so offguard you know, so he's forcing me to dance with him and I don't remember exactly what happened next but I think Camille gave me that look again and just pushed him away. I can't remember exactly though, it's so strange. Just thinking about it just creeps me out. I'm not even sure who I danced with yesterday, except for a couple who I was able to see their face, and let's just say that they weren't very good looking. There was this guy who looked decent and started dancing with me but thinking that it was the jerk again I stopped dancing and pushed him away, I later realized who it was after I pushed him away. I have such bad luck in this, maybe it's because I was partly nervous since I wasn't sure what to expect you know. I dunno, maybe I should come with a guy next time so that that way I wouldn't have to worry about creeps. I don't regret going though, I just wish that my mom would let me go again. I know that she told me that I only have one opportunity to go and I used it but it was so much fun and now I know what to expect and next time i'll probably have an even better time. Maybe I should ease her into it, I didn't argue with her about coming home early even though I really wanted to so who knows, I'll try to see what I can do. I can always sneak there too so either way I know that i'll be going back but with her permission its easier. Well I have to go, I need to update all the links and stuff and put up the other stuff.

alina