I was very enlightened by your web site. I am 59
years old and only last week I read an article
about Asperger's. This made me look at myself
and my life history and now I think that a
diagnosis of Asperger's could explain most of
the problems that have affected me all my life.
Another factor is that one of my grandchildren is
autistic ( quite a severe case). I also had a
paternal granfather who displayed many
characteristics, such as obsessive timekeeping,
self-imposssed schedules, embroidering tapestries
for exactly one hour every night, etc, and his
job was an aircraft draughtsman. I also have a
first cousin with "unusual" behaviour, such as
obsessive tidyness and cleanliness (when young
he would not let his mother make his bed or tidy
his room because she was not, to him, capable of
doing it properly. There are other paternal-side
relatives who are "eccentric".
I am now trying to analalyse my behaviour in
terms of my possibly having Asperger's. I have
found it very hard to form lasting relationships,
but I have been lucky in finding a wife who has
put up with me for 25 years (my first wife left}
Also I am not on good terms with my daughter,
who is from the first marriage. I have learnt over the
years to copy and imitate "humans" so I can
fit in better but it is difficult.
I started talking very early, in sentences at 1
year and walkig by 9 months. I have never fitted
in but I got by at school by being very clever,
except at maths, at which I always came bottom,
but I came top in physics. I could not do games
because of poor co-ordination, also I could not
see the sense in sports. My spelling was always
good and I could usually spell any word by shutting my eyes and spelling it quickly; if I think I might make a mistake. I used to read dictionaries and
encyclopedias. I am an amazingly fast reader, but
it's done me no good. They don't believe I've
read the thing they just showed me and think I'm
rude. I didn't like fiction, and I hated
circuses, clowns and the Wizard of Oz. I would
not wear wool, only corduroy trousers, any others
must be lined. I would not drink milk at school,
and even the thought of using a straw makes me
sick. I would only use a certain size spoon.
I would not do, or did not like, a lot of
things that "all boys" liked. I liked, and
still like, anything mechanical, history,
painting. I mean exactly what I say when I
speak, and tend to assume others do as well. I
have been accused of being rigid, cold, and
unemotional. I spent 16 years drinking and
stopped 26 years ago, thanks to AA. I think
this was an attempt to join the real world, but
it did'nt work. I had several suicide
attempts while drinking. Under alcohol I would
copy normal emotional responses and then
over-exagerate them.
I am very strict on language, and often feel the
need to correct others. I cannot understand
books or films about things that are impossible -
I just do not see the point! I do not like eye
contact and close proximity "Sincere" people
with firm handshakes and eye to eye stares
frighten me. So do crowds and noisy people. I am
brilliant at passing exams but I fall down on the
job interviews. I am not afraid to speak to alot
of people, but frightened of one to one, I have
been told I am very funny, and have had small
audiences laughing, but I could not see what that
it was funny.
Can anyone advise me on whether to ask my GP for
a referral? I know it's a bit late , but if I
do have Asperger's, then it will help me a lot
if I can think that it wasn't all my fault, (or
my upbringing) |
