"The Why Behind the Who"

By Jo Gamm Witt
Copyright 2023


I was pondering this morning about scars. Friday before last when I had all my grandkids, my grandson Garrett had injuries on his knee from a recent bike wreck, and I showed the kids the large scar on my forearm from a bike wreck when I was seven years old. I told them about it still having tiny rocks in it (according to a doctor years ago) and let them feel a rock under the scar. They were pretty fascinated by that. Then this past Friday when I had all the grandkids again, little Henry is such a smart little boy—he mentioned me having rocks in my arm, and so I let him feel it again.

This morning I was pondering about how physical scars are more obvious, but emotional ones are much less obvious. I was remembering with sadness a pastor I had worked with a few years ago whom admittedly I had been put off by, until a few years ago when she had given a very open, heart-deep sermon where she talked about all the abuse she had sustained as a child and abuse from her ex-husband. I doubt there was a dry eye by any of us who heard her message that day. After that we connected on a whole different level—walls had been broken down, and when people connect on a heart level, deeper connections are made. She passed away suddenly and unexpectedly a few years ago, and I was thinking this morning about how I wish that I had known sooner about her life, about her emotional scars. I often have said “There is always a why behind the who,” and in saying that, I’ve claimed to try to understand people with that in mind. But I had not tried to understand her; I just had not liked her.

Realizing emotional scars takes a great deal of mindfulness, care, and genuine concern. Often we don’t take the time to really get to know people, but rather make quick judgments about them, quickly discredit them, and walk away. I regret that I didn’t really know her sooner, because in truth she had a beautiful soul; it was just a very scarred soul in need of people to genuinely care about and love her, even when because of her scars, she seemed difficult to love.

It's interesting with missing persons, that they may mention physical traits such as scars. We may be identified by our physical scars, which become part of who we are, reminders of where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced. Emotional scars often aren’t readily identifiable, but they too are part of who we are and they also are reminders of where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced.

When we are mindful enough to take the time to search for “the why behind the who,” we may discover beautiful souls wearing emotionally scarred “masks,” souls in need of love.


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