FF7 vs. Pokemon!
Dana: Welcome to the Final Fantasy VII vs. Pokemon Tournament!
Christine: Both Dana and I will be your hosts!
Dana: You mean ‘hostesses’.
Christine: Whatever.
Dana: Anyway, this whole tournament is about the arguments between Pokemon and FF7. Many of you fans out there are still arguing about it!
Fan A: POKEMON RULES!
Fan B: FF7 RULES! DIEEEEEEEEEE!
Christine: See? So, we decided to have a series of matches between the characters to determine who is better! Let’s get to our first match!
Dana: Our first match is…Tifa versus Misty!
Christine: Expect a catfight there!
Dana: I’m sure of it…anyway, let’s get back to the match! Oh wait, it hasn’t started…
Christine: Oh shut up! You’re confusing me!
Dana: Oh fine! Anyway, from Nibelheim, Tifa Lockheart!
Crowd: (breaks out in heavy cheers) YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Tifa: (backflips into ring) I’m going to win this match! Misty is going down!
Christine: And next, her opponent, Misty Waterflower from Cerulean City!
Misty: (climbs in the ring) Tifa, YOU are the one who’s going down!
Dana: Now, our special guest Tahara Kermaly will be ringing the bell!
Tahara: Hi! (waves to crowd then rings bell)
Bell: DING DING DING!
Christine: And the match has started!
Tifa: (punches Misty in the stomach)
Misty: Oof! (holds her stomach)
Dana: Tifa takes the advantage!
Tifa: (kicks Misty in the back causing her to fall)
Misty: Ack!!!
Tifa: Ha! (throws Misty in a corner)
Misty: Grrrr….(slaps Tifa)
Tifa: Hey! (slaps Misty)
Misty: (slaps Tifa)
Tifa: (slaps Misty)
Christine: It has happened! THE CATFIGHT!
Dana: I knew it!
Tifa: (jumps up and uses her Waterkick limit break against Misty)
Christine: Wow! A waterkick! That sure caught Misty off guard!
Tifa: (uses Final Heaven)
Misty: AHHHHHHHHHH! (flies out of building)
Referee: And your winner is…Tifa Lockheart!
Crowd: WOOHOO!
Dana: Now that it is over, let’s go to the locker room with our announcer, Kelly
Chaing! She is interviewing Cloud Strife.
(Locker Room)
Kelly: So, Cloud, how do ya feel about the main event with you against Ash and Pikachu?
Cloud: I’m gonna Omnislash them to hell and back!
Kelly: …Interesting. Good luck!
(Back to Arena)
Christine: And now our next match, Cid versus…Machamp? Cid is SO gonna win this!
Dana: Ok! From Rocket Town, Cid Highwind!
Cid: (jumps in ring) I am gonna shove this @#$%^& spear up his @$$!
Christine: …oh-kay…His opponent, from…eh…unknown, Machamp!
Machamp: (goes in ring) Machamp cham!
Cid: Is that the only $#%& language you know?
Bell: DING DING!
Machamp: (punches Cid)
Cid: (hits Machamp over the head with his spear) Ha! I’m gonna @%$# win this!
Dana: And Cid takes the advantage!
Machamp: (uses Focus Energy)
Cid: (shoves spear into Machamp)
Christine: Wow! Good tactics! (grins)
Machamp: (falls dead)
Referee: Your winner is…Cid Highwind!
Crowd: WOOOOO!
Cid: What the #^%* is WOOOO? That is so #^&*@ stupid!
J.A.: It is not! (punches Cid)
Cid: ?!?!? (chases J.A.)
Dana: Um…okie. Let’s move on!
Christine: The next match will be Yuffie against Jigglypuff!
Dana: Poor Jigglypuff…Yuffie will probably be so annoying Jigglypuff will kill itself…
Christine: Now, from Wutai, Yuffie Kisargi!
Crowd: Booooooooooo!
Yuffie: SHUT UP! (climbs into ring)
Dana: And from…uh…wherever it travels to, Jigglypuff!
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! Jigglypuff! Jiggly jiggly jigglypuff!
Crowd: Yayyyy!
Bell: DING DING!
Yuffie: (casts Bolt 3 on Jigglypuff)
Jigglypuff: PUFF!
Christine: Hey, Yuffie didn’t have a Lightning materia before…
Dana: Wait a sec…(checks materia pouch) HEY! SHE TOOK MY LIGHTNING MATERIA!
Yuffie: Hee hee!
Jigglypuff: (sings)
Yuffie: … (falls over)
Christine: EVERYONE, PUT EARPLUGS ON!
Everyone except Yuffie: (puts on earplugs)
Yuffie: ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz…
Referee: The winner of this match is Jigglypuff!
Crowd: Yay!
Dana: (runs to Yuffie and gets materia back) Finally!
Christine: Okay! Our next match will be a 4 on 4 match!
Dana: It will be the Turks against Jessie, James, Butch, and Cassidy of Team Rocket!
Christine: Bad guys versus bad guys!
Dana: Yeah! Now, from Midgar, we present to you Tseng, Elena, Reno, and Rude of…The Turks!
Elena: We are sooo gonna win this!
Tseng: Yeah!
Reno: Hah!
Rude: …
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYY!
Christine: And from Viridian City, Jessie, James, Butch, and Cassidy of Team Rocket!
Crowd: (stays silent)
James: Do we HAVE to fight?
Jessie: (wacks James on the head with her mallet) Of course!
Bell: DING DING!
Elena: (punches Jessie) Take that, freak!
Jessie: FREAK?! (rams Elena into the corner)
Dana: If this turns out to be another catfight…
Rude: (punches Butch)
Butch: (punches Rude)
(They both fall over)
Christine: Well, it looks like they defeated each other!
Reno: (uses pyramid on Cassidy)
Cassidy: Hey! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Dana: Cassidy is out of the match! And, it looks like Elena is really beating up
Jessie!
Elena: Ha! (throws Jessie into a pole)
Jessie: OWWWWWW! (blacks out)
Christine: Jessie is out cold!
(Elena, Tseng, Reno, and Rude (who managed to get up) form a circle around James)
James: Uh oh…(jumps out of ring and runs out of building)
Referee: The winners are the Turks!
Crowd: Yay!!!
Dana: Hey, we only have two matches left!
Christine: Yeah, but it looks like FF7 is gonna win this by a lot!
Dana: Yep! Now, this will be a clone versus clone match! Yes, Sephiroth and Mewtwo!
(Sephiroth materializes in the ring)
Sephiroth: Hah! I will win this, as I always win!
Christine: But Cloud defeated you before…
Sephiroth: Shut up! Don’t remind me!
(Mewtwo materializes in the ring)
Mewtwo: Foolish human, I will win!
Sephiroth: No, I will! (thrusts Masamune at Mewtwo, who dodges)
Bell: DING DING DING!
Mewtwo: (uses Psychic, sending Sephiroth flying into a pole)
Sephiroth: Ack! (summons Super Nova)
Mewtwo: Stupid human! (uses the attack that turns things to stone)
Sephiroth: (is unaffected) Ha! I wore a Jem Ring!
Dana: Hmm…this match can have many different outcomes…
Mewtwo: (uses psybeam)
Sephiroth: (summons Super Nova)
Both: (fall down then get up)
Christine: …?
Sephiroth: You dare try to kill me? (stabs Mewtwo)
Mewtwo: STUPID FOOL! (uses psywave)
Sephiroth: I AM NOT A STUPID FOOL!
Mewtwo: YES YOU ARE!
Sephiroth: NO I’M NOT!
Mewtwo: YES YOU ARE!
Sephiroth: NO I’M NOT!
Dana: Oh no…*sigh* This will take a while…
Sephiroth: SHUT UP YOU STUPID PSYCHIC KITTY! (stabs Mewtwo)
Mewtwo: Noooo! (disappears)
Referee: Your winner is…Sephiroth!
Crowd: Yay!
Christine: That was an interesting match.
Dana: But now is our main event!
Christine: Yep, Cloud versus Ash and Pikachu!
Dana: To me, Cloud can just skewer them with his sword and get it over with…
Christine: True. Anyway, let’s announce them!
Dana: First, from Nibelheim, Cloud Strife!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYY!
Cloud: (climbs in ring) This is gonna be 100000000 times easier than beating
Sephiroth…
Christine: And both from Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu!
Ash and Pikachu: (climb in ring) We’re gonna beat you! (Note: That was Ash talking)
Bell: DING DING DING!
Cloud: (uses Omnislash)
Ash and Pikachu: AHHHHH! ‘PIKAAAAAAAA!’ (flies off)
Dana: …
Christine: …
Crowd: …
Referee: …it looks like the winner is Cloud!
Everyone: …YAY!
Christine: FF7 wins this tournament!
Dana: That had to be on of the shortest matches ever!
Christine: I know. That was, like, 3 seconds!
Dana: Cool! We’re gonna be famous!
Cloud: No, I’M gonna be famous.
Dana: Oh yeah…(pouts) Why can’t WE ever be famous?
Christine: Because we always get stuck in these horrible fanfics of yours.
Dana: OH, SHUT UP!
The End!
(finally!)