Poke-Mac
By Mandy Owston
Director: Ok, folks, work with me here. Everyone gets a shot at showing me why they deserve to star in this commercial, so when I call your name, get up here and strut your stuff for the cameras. (checking his notecards) All right, first up we have… Brock!
Brock: Hi, I'm Brock and I wanna talk to you about this brand new side dish that's destined to be the newest star of your dinner table, Poke-Mac and Cheese! Now whenever I cook macaroni and cheese, I start with exactly six cups of pure, sparkling Mount Moon spring water, which I bring exactly to a rolling boil. I then add the noodles, which as you can see are adorably shaped like Pokemon! After I cook the pasta, I always add exactly 3 tablespoons of fresh Moo-Moo Milk, along with… hey! What's this disgusting powdered cheese doing in here? I can't cook with processed cheese-food! Everyone knows that this stuff isn't…
Director: (hastily interrupting Brock's tirade) Cut! (mopping his brow) Maybe this is going to be tougher than I thought. Ok, anyway… (flipping to the next notecard) Next we have… Team Rocket!
Jessie: Prepare for trouble, it's Poke-Mac and Cheese!
James: And make it double, we'll cook some with ease!
(Meowth groans at the latest version of the infamous motto)
Jessie: Hello everyone! We're Team Rocket, and we're going to tell you all about this simply scrumptious new dinner called Poke-Mac and Cheese!
James: It's fast, it's even yummier than instant noodles, and it's ever so easy to make!
Meowth: Yeah, it's so easy to make dat even Jessie can't screw it up!
Jessie: You little furball! Take that back! (smacks Meowth over the head with a saucepan)
James: (putting his hand on Jessie's shoulder) Calm down, Jess… the director's watching! (Jessie and James sweatdrop and smile nervously at the director before continuing)
Jessie: (regaining her composure) But as I was saying! Poke-Mac is easy to find anywhere, and all the best trainers are eating it!
James: And just because it's terribly overpriced due to the Pokemon-shaped noodles, you shouldn't worry!
Meowth: (picks himself off the floor) Yeah, you can always just swipe it off some little twerp if you ain't got da money for it!
Director: Cut! (shakes his head) Ok, time for Plan B… instead of talking about the Poke-Mac and Cheese, why don't you just try a simple taste-test? Just try both bowls of macaroni and tell me which one you like best. Ash Ketchum, you're on!
Ash: (sitting down behind a table that contains two bowls of macaroni and cheese) I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, and I wanna be the world's greatest Pokemon Master! Hi Mom! Hi Professor Oak! Hi Gary, the loser who's not good enough to be on TV! (does the anime taunt where he pulls down an eyelid and sticks his tongue out)
Director: (becoming frustrated) Just get on with it!
Ash: Oh, ok. Anyway, I love Pokemon, so I'm sure I'll love new Poke-Mac and Cheese! (takes a bite from the Poke-Mac bowl) Wow, this stuff is great! I could eat this all day! (continues to eat the macaroni)
Director: (in a stage whisper) Eat the other stuff!
Ash: Oh, right. (takes a big bite from the other bowl) Hey, this stuff is even better! (everyone else sweatdrops) Hey, Brock, why don't you ever cook anything like this?
Director: (wringing his hands) Cut! Cut! Cut!!! Tracey, you're on!
Tracey: I'm Tracey Sketchit, a Pokemon Watcher. Hi Professor Oak, remember me? (the director shoots him an angry glare and Tracey continues) Anyway, this new Poke-Mac is… hmm… (stops to stare at the bowl of macaroni) Let me just make a quick sketch of this…
Director: Just eat the stinkin' macaroni!
Tracey: (shaking his head) I'm sorry, but as a Pokemon Watcher I have to admit… these shapes don't look ANYTHING like the Pokemon they're supposed to! (picks up one of the shapes) This is supposed to be a Jigglypuff, but look at its eyes! They're not half the size a real Jigglypuff's eyes would be in proportion to the size of its mouth. And you call this a Pikachu?
Director: (at his wits' end) Forget it! Misty, go ahead!
Misty: I'm Misty, and I love Water Pokemon! Let's see what adorably cute Pokemon shapes are inside this bowl! Oh, here's Poliwhirl… and Pikachu… and Jigglypuff… and Squirtle… HEY! You only put TWO Water Pokemon in here! Why isn't there one for Staryu? Or Goldeen? Or my Psyduck? (her face gets bright red and her teeth become fangs as she screams) And why isn't there one shaped like my Togepi? Togepi's a lot cuter than Meowth, and that rotten little flea-trap got HIS own shape!
Meowth: I resent that! (leaps onto the set) I'm da only Pokemon dat can talk, an' you're gonna begrudge ME a shape in dat macaroni? What can dat stupid little Togepi of yours do, anyway? (flexes his claws and prepares to Fury Swipe Misty)
Director: CUT!
Jessie: (right behind Meowth) You tell her, Meowth! It's time for us to finally get the recognition we so richly deserve!
James: (joining Jessie and Meowth) We're sick of being pushed to the background! This time, Team Rocket gets their turn in the spotlight!
Director: Didn't you hear me? I said CUT!
Brock: Wait a minute! Did you hear ME complain that my Vulpix didn't get her own shape in that stupid macaroni?
Meowth: Butt out, Squinty!
Tracey: Come on, guys. Can't we all work things out?
Everyone on stage: NO WE CAN'T!
Ash: Tracey's right. (everyone stops to stare at Ash)
Tracey: Why should we fight about something like macaroni shapes? (with a superior attitude) Pretty childish if you ask me.
Jessie: Oh REALLY? (swings the saucepan again and conks Tracey over the head with it. He slumps to the ground, unconscious, as everyone applauds. Jessie smiles.) He's had that coming for TOO long.
Ash: He did have a point, though.
Misty: (gritting her teeth) Easy for YOU to say, Ash. You're the 'star' of the show… even though you're a lousy trainer.
Brock: (his eyes narrow even further… if such a thing is possible) And you'd still be lost in the Viridian Forest if not for us.
James: (whining) It's not fair! The twerp got THREE of his Pokemon in the macaroni, and all we got was Meowth!
Jessie: But you're not getting away with it, twerp! Go Arbok!
James: And go Victreebel!
Arbok: Charrrrbok!
Victreebel: EEEEE! (dives into the macaroni bowl, splashing cheese sauce everywhere)
Ash: Go, Pikachu! Thundershock!
Pikachu: Pika! CHU!!! (everyone in the studio gets shocked, including Ash)
Director: (covered in smoking, orange cheese sauce) THAT'S IT! All of you, OUT. NOW. (several security guards appear and throw everyone out of the studio)
Several months later…
(Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Brock, Tracey, Jessie, James, and Meowth are gathered around a TV set in a Pokemon Center as the Poke-Mac commercial comes on)
Ash's Mom: …So that's why I always make Poke-Mac and Cheese for my little trainer… number one Poke-Snack recommended by moms everywhere!
Ash: (embarrassed) I can't believe it… outta all of us, he picked my mom for the commercial.
Tracey: (in one of his "gems of wisdom") Guess that shows that you can have an idea in your mind that's nothing like what the director really wanted.
Everyone else: (glaring) Shut up, Tracey.
(A Nurse Joy enters the room, carrying a large covered dish)
Nurse Joy: Excuse me…
Brock: Ohhhh Nurse Joy! (running over to her) You're the most beautiful…
Misty: (grabbing his ear) Cool it, Casanova, we've heard it before.
Nurse Joy: (giggling) You all looked tired, so I thought you might like something to eat.
(Everyone's face lights up.)
Ash: Yeah!
Nurse Joy: (lifts the lid of her dish) It's something brand new, I just heard about it yesterday. It's a pasta dish called "Poke-Mac and Cheese"
(Everyone facefalls)
The End.