Untrue Love

I can't help but watch him. Daisuke is a beautiful person. Beautiful. Dai is the type of person you can only dream about loving. And he loves me more than life itself. Then why am I incapable of returning his love?

It’s the quiet times, like these, as I watch him sleeping that my conscious starts acting up. Is it really my conscious? I don’t know. Its really more like a little imp, the devil, shoved in my brain by someone looking for a never ending revenge. I think I could convince myself that I was happy if it weren’t for this meddlesome voice.

How could I have told him no? After everything he's been for me, done for me. It would kill me to hurt him.

That's what your afraid of isn't it. Your afraid your going to loose him.

Everyone one expected it. They were all so happy. Maybe they can see something I can't.

If everyone were to jump of a bridge, would you?

Shut up. What do you know about anything? You’re just a silly voice.

I know you're just playing with him.

No I'm not. I'm protecting him.

But he loves you.

And I love him.

Not like that. You know what I mean.

I was shocked at first. Not because he loved me, but because his revelation didn’t fill me with intense joy. The most perfect person in the world loved me and my gut response only came out as ehh. The fear swirling in those chocolate orbs were more than I could handle. I can’t hurt Daisuke. He doesn’t deserve that. And then the tears. I had to say something. I couldn’t let him hurt. I owe him my life.

No, no don’t cry Daisuke. It’s not like that. That's not what I meant. You just took me by surprise.

So you’re lying to him? That's how you show your appreciation?

It's just a white lie. I'm only trying to protect him. There’s no reason he ever has to learn this world is imperfect. I want him to have this fairy tale romance.

I can do that for Daisuke.

And how long will you let this continue?

Indefinitely. Until Daisuke wants something or someone different.

How sweet. He's willing to sacrifice himself for his friend.

That’s not what I meant and you know it.

Sure it isn't.

It's not as if there is someone else. I could never hate Daisuke. That has to put us ahead of most relationships. I'm sure I'll love him. Soon. All I need is some more time.

So, you think he's so dumb he won't ever be able to figure out your just playing with him? Using him?

Daisuke’s not dumb.

Then you know that one of these days he’s going to figure out that you don’t really love him.

I do love Dai. I don't want to loose him. Not ever.

Yeah.

I didn’t know a voice in my head could be so sarcastic. Shhh. He's waking up. He's going to catch me studying him again. I should pretend like I’m asleep.

“Hey Ken.” I smile at his still dream-clouded eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“You.”

“I love you, Ken.”

“I love you, too.”

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