It was late when I wrote this, so don’t blame me if it’s a little weird. I don’t own any of the Escaflowne
gang; I only own the weasels wearing vests running away scared in Episode 14, but they have lodged themselves in
my brother’s pants, so don’t expect to see them for awhile. O.o;;
Un-random Insanity (with me it’s a common thing)
Un-random Insanity #1-The Auction
(group of esca fans sit in auditorium seats while an auctioneer crosses stage to podium)
Auctioneer: Hello, and welcome to the first annual Escaflowne Auction! The first item we have to bid is...(whispers
to assistant) What do we have again? HIS WHAT? You’re joking right? Who would want to buy that? Fine, just
bring it out. (turns back to audience) We have, urm, Folken’s metal arm!
(People ooh and ahh as the lovely assistant displays the arm with dramatic gestures)
Folken: (shouting) Hey, I still need that! (waves stump of arm to get attention)
Fangirl 1: (whispering) Urm, Folkie-sama? I really hate to tell this, but you died, remember?
Folken: (yelling) Great, you just ruined my great exit at the end of the series! AND WHY MUST YOU PEOPLE
KEEP CALLING ME FOLKIE-SAMA?!
Fangirl 1: (snuggles Folken) Because it’s kawaii like you, Folkie-sama!
Folken: Oh. Okay. (drapes real arm across her shoulders as he returns to his seat)
Auctioneer: Okaaaaaaaayy, let’s just skip that item, and go to the next one. Our next item is a date with that famous
knight, Allen Schezar!
(total silence as Allen struts himself on the stage)
Auctioneer: Let’s start the bidding at $20! (silence) $15? (still silence) $10? (crickets chirping) C’mon guys, that’s
how much the dinner at the restaurant costs!
Fanboy: (rises hand in air) $10! (people stare in disgust at him) What? I just want the dinner, that’s all! (gets attacked
by surrounding fanboys) Ow! Right, you tell me you guys don’t have the urge to touch that soft, golden hair-Ouch!
Lettgo! I want my pretty boy!! Wah!! (carried out of auditorium)
Auctioneer: Whoa, that was freaky. If nobody else wants to bid, then I guess-
Millerna: $100!
Allen: (screaming) No, not her!! Please!! I’ll buy myself for $138. 42!! Please, that’s all I got on me!!
Dryden: (flashing a stack of bills) You’re at a lost buddy! I’d pay anything to get her away from me!
Millerna: Goody!! That means...$140!
Auctioneer: Going once, going twi-just forget it! Sold to the desperate princess twit!!
Allen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (runs away with Millerna chasing after him on her horse. [don’t ask
how it got there] )
Auctioneer: Next we have one of the many flame-throwers once owned by the infamous Dilandau Albotau! Bring it
on out! (nothing happens) Urm, you can bring out the flame-thrower now...(still nothing happens, but a loud
commotion is coming from backstage) What’s taking so long?!
(Van drags out flame-thrower with Dilandau holding on to it kicking and screaming)
Dilandau: No! Don’t sell ‘Old Flamey’! He’s mine!
Van: (trying to remove Dilandau from flame-thrower)You’ve got to repay the damages from your past battles
somehow, Dilandau!!
Dilandau: But can’t you sell something else?! This is my favorite flame-thrower!
Van: That’s what you said about the last 671 flame-throwers we already had to sell!
Dilandau: Well, they were!!
Fangirl 2: I’ll buy it if Dilly-chan comes with the package for $50!!
Fangirl 3: I’ll buy him for $60!
Dilandau: Wait a minute, I never-
Fanboy: Never mind Allen-chan! $95!
Auctioneer: How did you get back in here?! Never mind, going once, going twice, goin-
Dilandau: No way! Burn you whackos! (grabs flame-thrower and burns whole audience)
Fangirl 2: Wow, I was burned to a crisp by Dilly-chan! I feel so special! (turns to pile of ashes)
Fangirl 3: We must be the luckiest people in the whole world! (also turns to pile of ashes)
Fanboy: Now I’ll never meet Gaddes-chan and the rest! (falls back burnt much to the relief of Gaddes and the
Crusade crew)
Van: Dilandau, you baka! Whose going to buy our merchandise now?!
Dilandau: Oops. Maybe when FoxKids plays our show-Gah! What am I saying?! (runs off to fry some certain TV
executives)
Auctioneer: Good night folks. Hopefully when you see me next, I’ll have a new career.
Un-random Insanity #2-Infomercial
Announcer: Have you and your friends ever wanted to learn the language of Gaea? To break free from conformist
languages such as Ebonics and Swahili? Then this is the tape set for you: Gaeanese for Dummies! You’ll learn useful
phrases such as, “Excuse me, you’ve burned my city to the ground and now I wish to kill you! Do you mind?”, as
well as “Why yes, I do have wings. Would you like to see them?”, and the most important phrase of all, “I think it
just might be fate talking, but I love you!”
Yes, Gaeanese for Dummies is a great addition to any family, but
it can be yours for the low price of five payments of $19.95. But if you call now, we’ll add an extra payment! That’s
right! For six low payments of $19.95, Gaeanese for Dummies can be yours today! Call now!
Un-random Insanity #3-How to get Sugar-High by watching Escaflowne
1.) Make a pitcher of Kool-Aid or some other drink with high fructose levels and little or no real fruit juice.
2.) Gather all 26 Escaflowne episodes and settle for a long time.
3.) Down a glass of your drink when ever the following occur:
-Someone says “-sama!” or “lord!” (you can stop right now)
-there’s crystal glowing red and/or a blue pillar of light appears
-the word “fate” is said
-feathers are floating in the air
-someone is jealous
-someone gets smacked
-blood flies into the air
-Hitomi has a crush on someone
-when a flashback begins, it’s very confusing to the viewer
-you find yourself rooting for the bad guys
-someone almost dies, but is brought back to life
-someone plots to kidnap Hitomi
-Folken whistles the Fanelian song
-a city is on fire
-you think, “Wow, Van looks cute in dragon blood.”
-you want a tear tattooed to your cheek
-someone has wings
-you make nicknames for your favorite characters
-tarot cards are shown
-Hitomi gets a good vision (ha! you’re not drinkin’ nothing!)
-Hitomi gets a bad vision (you’re gonna need a new pitcher)
-you admire the characters’ butts during inappropriate times
-Hitomi’s cheeks are red
-Merle is in SD form
-you know what’s going to happen before it does
-someone says, “The Mystic/Illusionary/Phantom Moon?!”
4.) Enjoy seeing little Van-samas fly around your head as you bounce off the walls. If you were daring and old
enough to use this as a drinking game, you’re probably died from alcohol poisoning 22 times now. Have a nice day.
^_~
Un-random Insanity #4-Escaflowne Song Parodies
Dilandau, Van, Merle (sung to Do, Re, Mi from the Sound of Music)
Dilandau, a pyro, a crazy pyro!
Van, whose kingdom was burnt down!
Merle, a talking cat-girl!
Hitomi, uses a pendant to get around!
Folken, fights for the wrong side!
Millerna, loves two guys!
Allen, thought his sis had died!
But fate leads back to...
(repeat until you pass out from lack of oxygen and intelligence)
Who let the Guymelefs out?! (sung to Who to let the dogs out by the Baha Men)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Everything was peace and quiet;
the crew on the Crusade were at a still.
But then mechas came a flyin’,
with every intention to kill.
And Allen shouted:
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Allen hurried to get in Schezarade,
as Van got ready to go in Escaflowne.
But just as they left the Crusade’s hangar,
more guymelefs came out of the Vione.
And Allen shouted:
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Who let the Guymelefs out? (who who who who?)
Un-random Insanity #5-Untitled
BAKA!! BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
VAN-SAMA!!!!!!!
VAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN-SAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAA!!!
DILLY-CHAN!! MOREO!! MOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!!
FOLKIE-SAMA!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
MILLERNA!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
ONISAMA!! HAHUE!!
Urm, that’s for dealing with that. I had to get that out of my system. And guess what? I’m done!! Yeah!! Lookie, the
weasels are back!! YAY!! O.o;;
Please don’t flame me; I mean no disrepect. PWEASE NO FWAMEY ME!! BYEZ!!^_~*
