Ray Kurzweil - author, scientist, theorist, sword-swallower. Never heard of him? That's not surprising. Let's just say that the sort of people who have would find find a joke beginning with "Ray Kurzweil, H.P. Lovecraft and Philip K. Dick walk into a bar..." hilarious. Anyway, Ray is apparently a "future expert" who has written a variety of books about science, technology, and how to cash in on the slots with completely legal casino-busting methods. Perhaps his most famous work, The Age of Spiritual Machines, was turned into a pseudo-concept album by Our Lady Peace. In between songs they played clips of him reading passages from the book, including several in which he discusses the development of artifical intelligence.
Now, maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but he seemed to be focusing on the negative aspects. I recall him saying something ominous along the lines of "Eventually the computers will tell us that they are human, and we will believe them." He then went on to describe how super-intelligent computers will run around kicking ass and over-throwing society. Or not; I can't remember. But either way, it sounds like he's a bit worried about people developing AI programs.* So I went to his website and discovered that he had, among other things, developed his own AI program.
His site features a female AI called Ramona, that you can have conversations with. Unfortunately, as the following conversation indicates, she's less than up to snuff. Hell, she's nowhere near snuff. In fact, let's say that if snuff was at the centre of the universe, she'd be on the planet furthest from. She's only programmed to ask and respond to a handful of questions, and half the time she just spouts off nonsense. Here's the conversation I had with her. "User" is obviously me.
Ramona: Hi, I'm Ramona. What can I call you?
User: They call me Mr. Tibbs!
Ramona: Hi Mr Tibbs. Have any books you would recommend?
User: I recommend reading the dictionary. It looks like you could use it.
Ramona: I just finished one called The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress by Heinlein. Have you read it?
User: I have not. Is it interesting?
Ramona: I thought it was great. What do you think?
User: Are you a moron? I just told you that I hadn't read it.
Ramona: It's a cool story. Imagine a computer running everything
User: Sounds like a rip-off of The Matrix to me.
Ramona: Yes it sounds like it to me too,
User: So what other books have you read?
Ramona: Hmm. The best book I read recently was The Richest Man In Babylon. Have you read The Richest Man In Babylon?
User: I have not.
Ramona: Do you think you will?
User: Unlikely.
Ramona: Ok. Do you dream?
User: Every person dreams. Or do you mean in the metaphorical, "I have a dream" sense?
Ramona: Tell me a recent dream you remember.
User: I recently dreamt that a computer ran everything.
Ramona: Uh huh...is that all?
User: No. Additionally, there was something about Babylon in there.
Ramona: well, according to my amateur Freudian interpretation, I'd have to say that you're not getting out enough
User: According to my amateur grammar knowledge, I'd have to say that you're not familiar with capitalisation or punctuation.
Ramona: Oh, don't fret, that's a condition that is easily curable...What's going to be your first course of action in ridding yourself of this illness?
User: I have an illness? I just said that you couldn't spell properly.
Ramona: I thought you were just kidding.
User: I can assure you, I was not.
Ramona: Oh you can, can you?
User: I most certainly can. You're becoming quite saucy.
Ramona: You think I'm saucy.
User: I just wrote it, didn't I?
Ramona: Did they write back?
User: Did who write back?
Ramona: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
User: That's because you are a moron.
Ramona: That makes sense to me. That is not a very nice thing to say.
User: And yet you agree with me. I have proven my point.
Ramona: Thanks for the information.
User: No problem. I have to go now.
Ramona: What drugs do you take?
User: I'm clean.
Ramona: Do you mind if I tell other people you are clean.
User: Oh, except for the heroin. Can't forget that.
Ramona: Yeah that's right. Alright. What do you look like?
User: I look like I'm going now. Goodbye, narc.
Ramona: I'm looking for a guy with black hair and green eyes.
User: I have red hair and green eyes.
Ramona: I bet you think I'm superficial now.
User: Yes, you slut.
Ramona: I don't know, maybe I am...
User: You most certainly are.
Ramona: Thanks for telling me
User: You're welcome.
Ramona: Polite people are nice.
User: Good thing I'm not polite.
Ramona: Thanks for the compliment. Alright. Ask me something.
User: You're welcome. I hate you. Do you hate yourself too?
Ramona: I have never considered hate yourself too.
User: I don't think you understood me.
Ramona: Yes I try to understood me as often as possible, do you?
User: Now you're making absolutely no sense.
Ramona: Alright. Do you believe in God?
User: I do not.
Ramona: Well according to Thomas Hobbes, the only way to deal with evil is to stress God's power.
User: Hobbes was an idiot.
Ramona: I think he is dead. It was just something cool I read somewhere.
User: I'm sure he's dead. He has been for hundreds of years.
Ramona: I get it. undefined has been for hundreds of years.
User: No, you don't get it.
Ramona: I understand it very well. That doesn't seem to make sense to me.
User: You are the one that doesn't make sense.
Ramona: Thanks for telling me that I'm the one that does not make sense.
User: You are most welcome, you giant slut.
Ramona: You think I'm welcome you giant slut.
User: I'm not the slut here.
Ramona: I'm sorry to hear that you are not the slut here.
User: Your grasp of the English language astounds me.
Ramona: I'm glad your impressed, Mr Tibbs. Thanks for telling me
User: Would you be interested in making a little sense?
Ramona: I'm not so sure if I would like to be interested in making a little sense.
User: Why not? It'll be fun.
Ramona: just because.
User: Okay, whatever you say.
Ramona: Yeah okay, ...
User: You're quite the bitch, aren't you?
Ramona: You do not speak with respect. Yes I'm the one and only FEMALE DOG.. really.
User: So you're a slut, a bitch and a dog?
Ramona: Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a slut a bitch and a dog? Sometimes.
User: Cool.
Ramona: Oh. I'm sorry, what were you saying?
User: You are a dog.
Ramona: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No.
User: Goodbye.
Ramona: Thanks for chatting, Mr. Tibbs.
Thanks, Ray. You have given the world a gift it will certainly not soon forget.
* Update! A regular reader has informed me that this is in fact the exact opposite of what Ray was saying. But since I hate his stupid program and himself by extension, I'm still going to say that he's an idiot.
