Alright, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against teenagers. I like some teenagers. Hell, even I'm a teenager at the time of this writing. But come on folks, I think you all know the type of people I'm talking about. You've seen them in chatrooms, and one one them might even be your little sister. They look a little like this:
The Newest Addition to the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List
Blah. If the internet were a giant field in which people go to pasture, these kids would be the cow crap that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe. And not the old, dry crap that you can just brush off. No, these lil' teenies are the ten-minute-old, steaming piles of feces that are just wet enough to cram themselves into every tread on your sole, and you have to spend twenty minutes scraping them out with a knife , or possibly a twig.
I may not have been the world's most mature 14 year old, but even I knew how to spell such rudimentary words as "sexy" and "girl" and "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis". And putting 69 into your email address or board name isn't going to make you seem like a mature, sexual person. It makes you look like a stupid kid who finds a less than subtle reference to oral sex hilarious. While you're at it, why not put the word "poopy" in there somewhere?*
Oh, and while we're on the subject, doesn't anyone else find the idea of a 12 year old calling herself "supa_foxxy_slut" just a little disturbing? And then they buy pink t-shirts with it written out in sparkles and wear it to the mall, where I go to avoid being annoyed by these morons. To make things worse, I have to actually listen to them raping the English language, rather than just type it. Yet somehow they manage to become even more incoherent.
The final icing on the cake is the way these kids usurp other people's identities in a vain attempt to make themselves unique. The music videos from MTV are the closest these (mostly) white kids from the suburbs are ever going to get to a black person, and yet they spout catch-phrases from well-known rap stars as though it will allow them to somehow become part of their culture. Not that I'm hating, kids, but your mad playa skills do nothing to change the fact that you're morons.
*And yes, I'm fully aware of the irony of criticising people for saying "poopy" when I just spent an entire paragraph comparing them to cow feces. If you're confused, I think you're missing the point of this article.
