‘EATING DISORDER’

By ‘Xevious’ Pat Banks

EXT. TOWNSVILLE SKYLINE - AFTERNOON

NARRATOR: The city of Townsville! A city full of hard working, dedicated citizens. Just look at them go!

[Cut to the exterior of an office building. Through the windows we see workers diligently typing away at computers.]

NARRATOR: With the gown-ups out earning the income, the children are busy boning up on their educational requirements.

[Cut to the interior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten. The students are at their tables busily scribbling in their tablets as Ms. Keane walks through the room looking over their shoulders.]

NARRATOR: But this isn’t your average, ordinary day, for the hustle and bustle of another workweek is coming to a close. You guessed it, it’s….

INT. UTONIUM DINING ROOM - EARLY EVENING

POWERPUFF GIRLS (yelling): Friday!! Yea!!

[The Powerpuff Girls are hovering next to a nearly set dining room table. A white tablecloth is draped over the sides as the Girls place four chairs around the table, two on each side.]

BUBBLES: I just love Friday. It’s my favoritist day of the week.

BUTTERCUP: You said it! Nothing beats staying up until ten. It sure beats that crummy eight-thirty. How am I supposed to go to sleep when it’s practically daylight outside?

BLOSSOM: It’s not that we get to stay up late that makes Fridays special. It’s family fun night! (putting her hand to her chin) I wonder what the Professor has in store this week?

BUTTERCUP: TV!

BUBBLES: Games!

BLOSSOM: A movie!

PROFESSOR (entering from the kitchen carrying four plates): You’ll never know unless the table gets set.

POWEREPUFF GIRLS: Yes, sir! (They fly into the kitchen.)

PROFESSOR: What angels. I wish every night was a Friday night.

[While humming, the Professor starts circling the dining room table placing the dinner plates before each of the four chairs. After he finishes his task, he puts his hands on his hips and smiles, looking towards the kitchen. After a few seconds his smile disappears. After a few more, it turns into a frown.]

PROFESSOR (yelling through the doorway): Girls, what’s taking so long in there?!

BLOSSOM (voice from the kitchen): We’ll be out in a minute!

[The Professor stands patiently in the dining room, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. The Girls soon float through the doorway with silverware in hand. They start placing the utensils on the table.]

BUTTERCUP (to the Professor): Why can’t I do the knives anymore? Bubbles always get to do the knives.

BUBBLES: Because you’re supposed to carry them with the pointy end down. They’re not swords, you know.

BUTTERCUP: You’re lucky I have to do spoons!

PROFESSOR: Now Girls, behave. This is supposed to be family fun night. Emphasis on fun. Remember that.

BUTTERCUP: Hey Professor, would it be OK if we watched TV while we ate? That’s fun.

PROFESSOR: You know the rules. No television until the table is cleared off and the kitchen is cleaned. There will be plenty of time for that later.

BUTTERCUP: It’ll be just for a little while. After the news, they’re going to show the highlights of our battle from yesterday.

PROFESSOR: Why do you have to watch it live? I thought Blossom taped all of those?

BLOSSOM: I sure do! You never know when you may need battle footage for drawing up new strategies. Not that Buttercup ever goes near my tape library, even though she’s more than welcome. Maybe she’d actually learn something for a change.

BUTTERCUP (to Blossom): Oh, shut up for a minute, will ya’. (to the Professor) It’s just that I did real good this time. Bubbles and Blossom were both down and I took charge. You should have seen me. That monster ran off with all five tails tucked between its legs!

PROFESSOR: I’m sure you did good, honey, but rules are rules. No television at dinnertime. You can check out Blossom’s videotape later.

BLOSSOM: Don’t worry, Professor. I’ll mark it as ‘blood and guts.’ She’ll be sure to find it then.

BUTTERCUP (to Blossom): I’d rather torture myself with one of Bubbles’ "Chippy the Chipper Chipmunk" tapes than give you the satisfaction.

BUBBLES: What’s wrong with Chippy?

BUTTERCUP: How can a squirrel be so happy all the time? It gives me the creeps.

BUBBLES: He’s not a squirrel, he’s a chipmunk.

BUTTERCUP (sarcastically): Squirrel. Chipmunk. What’s the difference?

BUBBLES: I’ll go ask one.

PROFESSOR: No, not right now, Bubbles. Dinner’s almost ready. Everybody, take your seats. I’ll be back in a minute. (He goes to the kitchen.)

BLOSSOM (smugly): The squirrel is the larger of the two animals. It lives mainly in trees and has a large bushy tail. The chipmunk is smaller and usually lives underground. It has two black stripes going up it’s back and has a flatter tail.

BUTTERCUP: Wow, that was so not interesting!

[A phone sitting on a small pedestal next to a window begins to ring.]

PROFESSOR (yelling): Would one of you get that? My hands are full.

[Buttercup stands frowning with her arms folded as Bubbles floats in front of the window, staring at two chipmunks running through the yard.]

BLOSSOM: I’ll get it, as usual.

BLOSSOM (on the phone): Hello. The woman of the house? I guess that would be me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, I would be interested….

[Pan to Buttercup.]

BUTTERCUP: Hey! I’ve got it!

[Buttercup flies out of the room. Soon afterward, a shuffling noise is heard as we see her pushing the living room television into the dining room entrance.]

BUBBLES: But the Professor said no TV at dinnertime.

BUTTERECUP: I’ve got it all figured out. (She adjusts the set at an angle to the entranceway.) There. If I sit in my usual spot I have the perfect view. If the Professor is on his side of the table like always, he can’t see it. Same goes for Miss Goody-Two Shoes. They’ll have no idea. It’s the perfect crime!

BUBBLES: If he finds out, you’re going to get in big trouble.

BUTTERCUP: The only way he could find out is if someone opens their mouth. That’s not going to happen, is it Bubbles?

BUBBLES: No, I guess not.

BUTTERCUP: Smart answer. (She turns to the television and starts fiddling with the remote.) Let’s see. Mute. Then Channel 5. Here we go! Wow, they’re on sports already! That was fast. We should be on in a few minutes.

[Pan to Blossom.]

BLOSSOM (still on the phone): Thank you very much. Bye! (She hangs up and turns to her sisters.) You’re not going to believe this, girls. I just signed us up to have a chance to win ten million dollars!

BUTTERCUP: Ten million dollars! Cool!

BUBBLES: Think of all the people we could help with that kind of money.

BLOSSOM: My thoughts exactly. All I had to do was subscribe to some magazines and our name was automatically entered.

BUTTERCUP: How many did you get?

BLOSSOM: Ten.

BUBBLES: That’s a lot of magazines.

BLOSSOM: The way I see it, the more we subscribed to, the better chance we had at winning. The people who only ordered one don’t have a shot.

BUTTERCUP: In that case, you should have got twenty.

BLOSSOM: I thought ten was enough. I want others to have some kind of chance. Not everyone has the capability to think on their feet like I do. Boy, wait until I tell the Professor!

PROFESSOR (voice only): Are you three done setting the table yet?

ALL THREE GIRLS: Yes, Professor!

PROFESSOR (voice only): Bubbles, did you remember to wash up?

BUBBLES: Uh.…No, I forgot. Yeah, that’s it! I forgot!

PROFESSOR (voice only): Well, hop to it, young lady.

BUBBLES: Be right back.

[Bubbles flies out of the room.]

PROFESSOR (voice only): Who was on the phone, Blossom?

BLOSSOM: Some lady from Editor’s Open House Sweepstakes. She wanted to know if we were interested in a chance to win ten million dollars. I told her to sign us up!

PROFESSOR (voice only, laughing): You didn’t buy anything, did you?

BLOSSOM: No, I didn’t buy anything.

PROFESSOR (voice only): Smart girl.

BLOSSOM: I did subscribe to some magazines, though.

[The Professor runs into the dining room from the kitchen.]

PROFESSOR: Please tell me you didn’t subscribe to a magazine!

BLOSSOM: No, I didn’t subscribe to ‘a’ magazine.

PROFESSOR: Phew!

BLOSSOM: I subscribed to ten! We’re a cinch to win!

PROFESSOR: Egads! What were you thinking! You don’t need to buy magazines to enter these contests! It’s a complete rip-off! I can’t believe you did this without asking my permission first!

BUTTERCUP: That’s what I kept trying to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen.

PROFESSOR: You keep out of this, Buttercup. As for you, Blossom, I’ll deal with you after dinner.

[Blossom frowns and sulks silently in her chair. As the Professor walks back towards the kitchen, he begins to talk to himself under his breath.]

PROFESSOR: It’s family fun night. It’s family fun night.

BUTTERCUP: What’s that, Professor?

PROFESSOR: Oh, nothing. (looking at his watch) Say, where’s your sister? How long could it take one person to wash up? (yelling) Bubbles! Are you finished yet?! We’re about ready to start!

[Bubbles enters the room and quickly zips down into the nearest chair, Buttercup’s usual seat.]

BUBBLES: Sorry it took so long. I wanted to get squeeeeaky clean.

PROFESSOR: Everybody just sit. I’ll be out with the salads in a few minutes.

BUTTERCUP (to the Professor): I can’t sit down because Bubbles is in my chair. (to Bubbles) Move it or lose it, blondie!

BUBBLES: Professor, can’t I sit here for a change? I always have to sit in the same ol’ chair. Please! Please! Please!

PROFESSOR: All right. But just for tonight.

BUTTERCUP: Not tonight! I won’t be able to see the….uh….the….

BUBBLES: You won’t be able to see the what?

BUTTERCUP: Oh, have it your way! Just stay there for all I care, you baby!

PROFESSOR: Do we have to go through this every night? For once I would like you three to be on your best behavior.

[The Professor reenters the kitchen as Buttercup glares at Bubbles.]

BUTTERCUP (angrily): Way to go, sis. I can only see half of the TV from here. You’re really in for it now.

[Bubbles begins giggling.]

BUTTERCUP: You wouldn’t think it was so funny if you knew what I have in mind.

[Bubbles giggles even louder.]

BUTTERCUP: What’s with all the laughing? I’m dead serious!

[Bubbles bursts out into uncontrolled laughter.]

BUTTERCUP: That’s it! (yelling) Professor! Bubbles keeps laughing!

PROFESSOR (voice only): So what’s the problem?

BUTTERCUP: She won’t stop!

PROFESSOR (voice only): Just ignore her if it bothers you so much. Laughter never hurt anyone.

BUBBLES: Laughing is good for you. Why don’t you try it sometimes? You might like it. (She again starts giggling very loudly.)

[Buttercup, now sitting in Bubbles’ usual seat, mumbles incoherently as she starts tapping the table in frustration. The Professor enters the dining room with four large bowls stacked inside each other in one hand and a large serving bowl in the other. He places them on the table.]

PROFESSOR: Here’s the salad. Dig in. The casserole ought to be ready in about fifteen minutes. And Bubbles, stop laughing and eat.

BUBBLES: Yes, Professor. Umm, would you pass the carrots, please.

PROFESSOR: You’ve never put carrots on your salad before.

BUBBLES: I thought I would try something new.

PROFESSOR: Here you go. (The Professor hands Bubbles a bowl of carrot shavings.)

BUBBLES: Thank you!

[She sprinkles a few of them over the top of her salad and places the bowl next to hers.]

PROFESSOR: Buttercup, what are you trying to do? Break the chair? Settle down!

[Pan to Buttercup. She is pushing off from the table and leaning her chair back on two legs. She quickly falls back forward with a loud thump as the chair hits the floor]

BUTTERCUP: Sorry.

PROFESSOR: Blossom, don’t you want any salad?

[She sits speechless.]

PROFESSOR: The old silent routine, eh. Well no main course for you until you start eating. Understand?

BLOSSOM (quietly): Yes, sir.

PROFESSOR: Buttercup! What did I just say?

[Pan to Buttercup. She is now leaning even farther back in her chair. Being caught for the second time, her face turns red as she falls back forward.]

PROFESSOR: Don’t let me catch you doing that again!

[Bubbles starts to laugh once more.]

PROFESSOR: For heaven’s sake! What’s gotten into you three?! Blossom, straighten up and start eating! Bubbles, stop laughing this instant! And Buttercup….Buttercup! What did I tell you twice already?! Keep the chair on all four legs!

[Pan to Buttercup who, for the third time, is caught leaning back in her chair. After she flops back down, she angrily rests her head in her hands as she places her elbows on the table.]

PROFESSOR: That’s better. Show a little restraint.

BLOSSOM (quietly): Could I have the carrots?

PROFESSOR (calming down): I’m glad to see you’re speaking again. Bubbles, pass your sister the carrots.

BUBBLES: There’s none left.

PROFESOR: None?!

BUBBLES: I used the whole bowl.

PROFESSOR: Well, I’m glad to see that somebody’s eating, but next time, try not to overdo it. (sighing) I guess I’ll have to go make some more. Why don’t you come with me, Blossom? I could use your help. You’re the best carrot maker I have!

BLOSSOM (perking up): Really!

PROFESOR: Really.

[The Professor and Blossom go to the kitchen.]

BUTTERCUP (to Bubbles): Why can’t you scoot your chair in a little bit? I still can’t see the whole screen even when I lean back, and we’ll be on after this commercial.

BUBBLES: I’m in as far as I can go.

BUTTERCUP: Why’d you have to sit there anyway? You know I wanted to watch the TV.

BUBBLES: I can’t tell. I’ll get in trouble.

BUTTERCUP: Oooooh! Did widdle Bubbles do something bad?

BUBBLES: Stop it! I’m not kidding.

BUTTERCUP: Look, if I tell your secret, you can always tell on me about the TV. I promise I won’t say a word.

BUBBLES: OK. But be quiet, or you’ll scare them.

BUTTERCUP: Scare who?

[Bubbles lifts up the edge of the tablecloth to show two small chipmunks sitting in her lap. They have their heads buried in a bowl full of carrot shavings happily munching away.]

BUTTERCUP: Whoa! No wonder you didn’t want to stand up! You brought squirrels in the house! The Professor’s going to flip!

BUBBLES: They’re chipmunks, and they’re so cute! When I saw them out the window playing in the yard, I couldn’t resist! And they keep tickling me with their noses!

BUTTERCUP: Look, since I know you have those whatever-you-call-them, let’s go ahead and change seats before the Professor gets back. (She turns toward the living room entrance.) Ah, man! They’re showing the part where the monster picks Blossom out of his teeth. Hurry up! I’m on next!

BUBBLES (looking at her lap): Hang on, we’re going for a ride!

[As the Girls begin to stand, Blossom flies back with a new bowl of carrots. Bubbles quickly lowers the tablecloth as Buttercup sits back in her chair.]

BLOSSOM: Here’s the carrots

BUBBLES: Where’s the Professor?

BLOSSOM: He’ll be back in a second. He’s getting more dressing out of the fridge.

BUTTERCUP: I don’t know about you two, but I’m starving! I wish we could get to the casserole right now.

BLOSSOM: I took care of that problem. It should be done in a couple of minutes.

BUTTERCUP: What do you mean?

BLOSSOM: He had the oven set on four hundred degrees. Well, I turned it all the way up to six hundred. The casserole ought to get done sooner that way. This time I’m sure he’ll be surprised!

BUBBLES: That’s a good idea! I wonder why the Professor didn’t think about that?

BLOSSOM: I had to make up for the magazine subscriptions somehow. This should do the trick.

[The Professor enters the room carrying a jar of dressing and retakes his seat. All four begin to eat their salad.]

PROFESSOR (breaking the silence): So, anything interesting happen in school today?

BLOSSOM: Yeah! We were playing baseball at recess when Harry threw an apple to Buttercup instead of the ball. When she swung, it exploded all over her. She was covered in applesauce.

BUTTERCUP: Thanks for bringing that up. If Ms. Keane hadn’t been standing there, Harry would have got his. I still owe him one!

BUBBLES: He said he was sorry.

PROFESSOR: What I meant was, did anyone learn anything new?

BUBBLES: I found out that if you color with two hands at the same time you can finish your picture twice as fast!

BLOSSOM: I figured that out a long time ago. (to the Professor) It’s all about efficiency. For instance, when we were in the kitchen making the carrots, I noticed the oven was set on four hundred degrees. I turned it up to six hundred degrees so the casserole would get done faster. It should be finished right about…..…now!

PROFESSOR (panicking): That won’t get it done any faster! I hope I’m not too late!

[The Professor jumps out of his chair and sprints into the kitchen. He returns moments later holding a glass container with the blackened remains of the casserole. He turns to Blossom with a stern look on his face.]

PROFESSOR: Blossom, if you don’t mind, I’m not in the mood for any more of your ‘surprises.’ If you really want to help me out, just sit there.

[Blossom slides down in her chair with her eyes barely peeking out over the top of the table. Pan to Buttercup, who is now leaning waaaay back in her chair while holding onto the tablecloth for support, trying to get a good view of the hidden television.]

PROFESSOR (yelling sharply): Buttercup!!

[Startled, Buttercup lurches backwards out of control. She hangs onto the tablecloth for dear life, but to no avail. As she falls backwards, the entire contents of the table are pulled to the floor with her. The salad and various condiments are splattered across the room. Buttercup lies prone on the floor, still ‘seated’ on her chair. Blossom flies to her side.]

BLOSSOM: Buttercup, are you all right?!

BUTTERCUP: What do you think? Of course I’m all right.

PROFESSOR: I told you three times not to lean back like that. What’s wrong with you?

BUTTERCUP: It was an accident, really!

BUBBLES (nervously): Buttercup wanted to watch the TV even though you said she couldn’t so she pushed it to the doorway so she could see it while we ate but since I was in her chair she couldn’t see it so she had to lean back in her chair to be able to see but she leaned too far back and pulled everything off the table when she fell over!

PROFESSOR: Is that true, Buttercup?

BUTTERCUP: Yeah, it’s true, but at least I didn’t bring squirrels into the house!

PROFESSOR: Squirrels? Please. Bubbles knows better than to bring wild animals in here. (He turns to Bubbles.) Isn’t that right?

[Bubbles stares silently into space.]

PROFESSOR: Please tell me you’re not hiding squirrels? (He shudders.) You know how I feel about those things.

BUBBLES: They’re not squirrels. They’re chipmunks. Please don’t get mad.

[Bubbles slowly stands, holding two cowering chipmunks in her hands.]

PROFESSOR (startled): Squirrels! Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

BUBBLES (reacting): Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

BLOSSOM AND BUTTERCUP: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!

CHIPMUNKS: Eeeeeeeeeeee!

[The frightened pair of rodents jump from Bubbles’ hands and start weaving their way across the table, towards the Professor. Terrified that he is about to be attacked, he flings his arms upwards, sending the casserole out of its container and straight into the air, where it becomes stuck on the ceiling. He then quickly leaps under the table. The two chipmunks jump onto a chair and run into the kitchen. The Professor pokes his head out from underneath to survey the situation.]

PROFESSOR: Is the coast clear?

BUBBLES: You scared them! The poor things.

BUTTERCUP (pointing): I saw them take off for the kitchen.

PROFESSOR (speaking very quickly): OK. Here’s the plan! Bubbles, clean up this mess before it leaves a stain on the floor!

BUBBLES: Right!

PROFESSOR: Blossom, with me in the kitchen to catch the squirrels!

BLOSSOM: Check!

BUBBLES: They’re chipmunks! And all that I have to do is….

PROFESSOR (interrupting): Buttercup….

[The Professor looks at a now floating Buttercup, who’s sporting a wicked grin, ready for action. The Professor gets a worried expression on his face as he eyes the tightly wound Powerpuff.]

BUTTERCUP: C’mon! Give me a job. I’m rarin’ to go!

PROFESSOR: You can….you can….

BUTTERCUP: I can what?! Give the word and I’m on it like a black eye!

PROFESSOR: Go fight something!

BUTTERCUP: Go fight something?! (her eyes narrow) You got it! (She flies from the room.)

[In the background, we hear the sound of pots rattling.]

PROFESSOR: Hurry, Blossom! They’re destroying the whole kitchen!

BUBBLES: Why don’t you just let me call ….

[A loud shattering of glass is heard as Bubbles is interrupted once again.]

PROFESSOR: Not the raspberry parfait! (He runs to the kitchen with Blossom right behind him.)

[As Bubbles starts picking up the dishes lying on the dining room floor, Blossom and the Professor start yelling from a distance.]

PROFESSOR: There they are! Under the stove!

BLOSSOM: I don’t see them. Where’d they go?

PROFESSOR: Look! Behind the refrigerator! Wait, don’t try to lift it!

[A series of crashing noises are heard as the contents of the refrigerator spill onto the linoleum. In the dining room, Bubbles watches a tomato roll across the floor in front of her.]

BLOSSOM: Sorry! I’ll clean that up in a jiff!

PROFESSOR: Later, they’re getting into the cupboard!

[Plates start shattering as the Professor reacts with horror.]

PROFESSOR: My fine china! It’s been in the family for five generations!

BLOSSOM: Sorry! Over there!

PROFESOR: No! That’s the wine cabinet!

[Bubbles stops picking up the bowls off the floor, shakes her head in disbelief, and flies to the window. She opens the latch and swings it open. Turning to the kitchen, she lets out a loud cry.]

BUBBLES: Chi! Chi! Chi! Chi! Chi!

[From the kitchen entrance, we see the two chipmunks run across the dining room floor, hop on the window’s ledge, and scamper off in the back yard.]

BUBBLES (waving out the window): Bye! Visit again soon!

[Blossom and the Professor reenter the dining room.]

BLOSSOM (throwing her arms into the air): Yes! They’re gone! I really did it this time!

PROFESSOR: You certainly did. Someone get me a chair. I need a rest.

[Bubbles pushes a chair over to the Professor. He quickly sits down and rubs his shirt sleeve across his forehead.]

PROFESSOR: I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m exhausted.

[As the Professor shuts his eyes, the remnants of the casserole peels off the ceiling and lands squarely on his head. Cheese starts dripping down the sides of his face. He opens his eyes and sits motionless. The phone begins to ring.]

BLOSSOM: Uh, Professor, do you want me to get that?

[He continues to sit motionless.]

BLOSSOM: I’ll take that as a yes. (She flies to the phone and answers.) Hello. He’s busy right now. Could I take a message? You don’t say. No, I can’t believe it! You don’t say! OK, I’ll be sure to relay it to him. Bye.

[Blossom, with a worried look on her face, stares at the still motionless Professor.]

PROFESSOR (quietly): Give me the bad news.

BLOSSOM (nervous): Remember, tonight’s family fun night. Emphasis on fun. Right?

PROFESSOR (quietly): Just give me the news.

BLOSSOM: That was Mrs. Pitt. Buttercup punched Harry in the nose.

[The Professor clenches his teeth as steam starts rising from his head.]

[Cut to an extreme close-up of Buttercup’s face.]

BUTTERCUP: This stinks! I can’t believe the Professor. This isn’t fun at all!

[Cut to extreme close-up of Bubbles’ face.]

BUBBLES: You know what they say. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a girl healthy, wealthy and wise."

[Cut to extreme close-up of Blossom’s face.]

BLOSSOM: I know, but this is taking it too far. I’m still wide awake. Do something, Buttercup. You’re closest to the window.

[Pan back to see the Girls lying in bed wearing their nightgowns. The sun is shining brightly in the window. Buttercup gets up and closes the curtains, blocking out the remaining daylight. She returns to bed and pulls up the covers.]

BUBBLES: It’s still too light in here.

BUTTERCUP: Shut up, squirrel girl!

BUBBLES: They were chipmunks!

BLOSSOM: Chipmunks. Squirrels. What’s the difference?! Go to sleep.

[The girls shut their eyes and curl up under the blanket.]

NARRATOR: It looks like curtains for you three! Get it?! Curtains! The daylight! Ah, never mind.

[The hearts logo is shown as three sad looking Powerpuff Girls appear dressed in their nightgowns.]

NARRATOR: So once again the day is saved, I mean ruined….thanks to, or should I say no thanks to….the Powerpuff Girls!

END