Things I Hate


1. The guy from sugar ray
2. Barbara Streisand
3. Really fat people
4. Foul odors
5. Cat hair
6. Annoying drivers
7. flys
8. people who know too much about cars
9. not funny, really stupid people
10.people who dye their hair green to get attention
11. people who wear too much red
12. white people who wear fubu
13. tommy hillfiger
14. gay people
15. friends of gay people
16. an itch on your back where you can't reach it
17. smelly shoes
18. boredom
19. the number 4
20. BET
21. "VJ's"
22. martha stewart
23. whoever turned in Richard Nixon
24. ricky martin
25. the movie baby geniuses
26. whoever funded baby geniuses
27. whoerver approved the script fo baby geniuses
28. whoever saw baby geniuses
29. anyone who likes baby geniuses
30. the little abc loge on the corner of all their shows
31. people who live in america and don't speak english
32. people who don't like me
33. when people read over your shoulder
34. those two trains going in opposite directions questions
35. fat boobs
36. bad cheesesteaks
37. people who suck at the whack a mole
38. people who hate nintendo
39. arcade games that cost more than a quarter
40. kid rock (if he is even worth hating anymore)
41. when cable goes out
42. people who don't leave me alone
43. when i find a code on the internet and it doesn't work
44. the owner's of furbys
45. anyone who understands pokemon
46. rotten bananas
47. when its really dark and something feels squishy
48. ellen
49. that girl bird thing that is ronald mcdonald's friend
50. mark mcguire
51. sammy sosa
52. jay leno's chin
53. when people misquote cartoons
54. the New York Mets
55. bad movies with good preview
56. people who tell me movie endings
57. when my alarm clock doesn't work
58. the word raspberry- i hate that goddamn P
59. grease fires
60. old people driving
61. the guy who played judas in jesus christ superstar
62. policemen
63. the movie highlander
64. the tv show highlander
65. whoever doesn't like mystery science theater 3000
66. cold hot dogs
67. anyone who insults me
68. really snotty rich people
69. when a sports event or "special presentation" makes real shows come on later
70. denim jackets
71. when i get dirt on my pants and i don't know how
72. People who are glad to see the vet go
73. kiss
74. team jerseys that are the wrong colors
75. backstreet boys
76. bird shit
77. forced learnnig
78. pointless busywork
79. leaky cups
80. dorks who get chicks
81. the Atlanta Braves
82. saved by the bell: the new class
83. low talkers
84. getting electrocuted
85. the Arizona Cardinals
86. being wrong
87. being sick
88. insomnia
89. the New Jersey Nets
90. the New York Knicks
91. country music
92. dungeons and dragons
93. joe bloggs (the average psat student)
94. communists
95. people with greasy hair
96. sea lice
97. crabs(the animal not the sex disease)
98. riding bitch
99. n sync
100. Ohio
101. cannabalism
102. work
103. the jamiriqui guy
104. techno music
105. the real world
106. whoever cancelled alf
107. whoever cancelled denver the last dinosaur
108. when it snows and I have school/work
109. stepping in dog shit
110. bicycle helmets
111. knee pads
112. when clothes rip
113. superman the cartoon
114. everyone on captain planet (except the evil version of captain planet)
115. whoever keeps putting for sale signs on my lawn
116. guys who wear leather pants
117. anyone who has recently seen elvis
118. anyone who eats the last pop tar at my house besides me
119. crickets
120. waking up before noon
121. those soap commercials where they tease you with naked women
122. disco
123. Abe Lincoln
124. anyone who doesn't watch the weather channel
125. anyone wearing a stone cold shirt
126. non alchohalic beer (really-whats the point?)
127. dirty hippies (take a shower)
128. stale fritos
129. reduced fat oreos
130. feminists
131. wet farts
132. the war of 1812
133. sour grapes
134. hot chicks who are too annoying to be around
135. bill gates
136. vinyl siding (aluminum rocks)
137. innacurate weather predictions
138. soda popinski from mike tyson's punch out
139. losing bets
140. inside jokes
141. wet willies
142. wedgies- especially atomic
143. cleaning things
144. when you walk under a tree and get nailed by an acorn or a squirrel
145. leaches
146. closed captioning that doesn't go away
147. when you walk into a spiderweb
148. mosquito bites
149. the kix commercials
150. anyone who instant messages people they don't know because they like a profile
151. misjudging the depth of a puddle
152. tom glavine
153. mad cow disease
154. The man in the yellow hat from curious george
155. the thing that goes bump in the night
156. chewy bacon
157. buck teeth
158. homophones
159. people who curse too much
160. "politics"
161. Mongolia
162. fighting vega from street fighter II
163. mad about you
164. elephantitus
165. not having any food around the house
166. rip tides
167. american eagle
168. modern art
169. greg maddux
170. busy signals
171. mo vaugn
172. alien anal probes
173. alien abductees
174. toxic fumes
175. anything i cannot afford
176. the news
177. the misspelling of my name
178. every appliance from the flinstones (except the record player)
179. people who know alot about wine
180. johnny cochraine
181. the added scenes to Billy Madison when it was on network television
182. that einstien's brain cannot talk
183. that i don't have a cool nickname
184. this old house
185. g.e. smith
186. the indecent exposure law
187. confined places
188. Mount Everest (biggest mountain my eye)
189. the brady bunch kid greg
190. pablo neruta
191. jason giambi
192. those little wussy dogs-you know the ones
193. peppermint patty-the lesbian not the candy
194. cream soda
195. grass stains
196. drag queens
197. whoever stole my louisville slugger wiffleball bat in sixth grade
198. jellyfish
199. rated g movies
200. the new york yankees
201. bill laimbeer
202. libraries
203. questions
204. new tube socks
205. public urination laws
206. star wars dorks
207. the LA Lakers
208. in line skaters(wow you're gay)
209. Nazis
210. men who wear speedos
211. notre dame
212. quotation marks
213. chunky mashed potatos
214. chris kattan
215. whoever stopped making mr. t cereal
216. kenneth copeland
217. the smell in my basement(flood water gone weird)
218. testicular cancer
219. kathy lee gifford
220. Titanic
221. Shaquille O'Neal
222. Janet Reno
223. whoever cancelled fraggle rock
224. that cult leader guy
225. the political frankenstein
226. that 2 wrongs don't make a right
227. jeremy burnitz
228. pigeons
229. princess toadstool
230. being hungry
231. when movies are sold out
232. narcs
233. montel williams
234. cutting the lawn
235. Congress
236. 7th heaven
237. touched by an angel
238. Father McLaughlin's computer
239. Leather pants
240. Tight underwear
241. History
242. Stonewall Jackson
243. March of Dimes
244. The 24th amendmen
245. Ben Hur
246. 1979 Honda Accord
247. Old people diapers
248. Fargo, North Dakota
249. when someone wears the same thing as me
250. the Dallas cowboys
251. from 6:30-9 in the morning
252. Exorcist 2
253. Onion grass
254. tetnus
255. organized basketball
256. donald trump
257. hieneken---none of the rich upscale beer for me
258. illegal immigrants
259. tying my shoes
260. that dumb fag teletubby
261. Miss Peacock
262. Sitting in a wet chair
263. little whiney dog barks
264. when i miss news radio
265. that chris farley died
266. carbon monoxide
267. that i cannot find a copy of the ren and stimpy cd
268. hoover vacumes
269. Herbert Hoover
270. the post office(if only one could get mail without it)
271. dog biscuits that look like cookies
272. opponents of tater tots
273. when you talk to a girl for like 20 fuckin minutes and she slyly mentions she gots a boyfriend
274. Auto Racing
275. wet floor signs
276. the way you feels right after eating at taco bell
277. those handheld fishing games
278. those handheld fishing game commercials
279. the guy on those handheld fishing game commercials
280. the kid on those handheld fishing game commercials
281. pencils with no erasers
282. NO TIME MACHINE
283. that i cant fly
284. when i lose my hat
285. lockjaw
286. that stealing is "wrong"
287. those pigs ears things
288. dropping things
289. work
290. Will and grace
291. spikey bushes
292. the movie "you have mail"
293. chick flicks in general
294. veronica's closet
295. Macdade Mall
296. the service at dennys
297. that big foot remains a mystery
298. missing socks
299. whoever thinks theyre too cool to see toy story 2- what a good movie
300. pro bowlers
301. parabolas
302. the sloman shield
303. andybody who watches auto racing
304. cavemen
305. hillbillies
306. the fact that people allow auto racing to be on television
307. Censor bars
308. electronic blurring (like on cops)
309. that mall pizza is so damn expensive
310. the smell of public restrooms
311. people who feel a need to constantly improve themselves
312. breaky pencil points
313. pen explosions
314. the windmill hole in miniture golf
315. the quadratic formula
316. pain
317. celene dion
318. apologizing
319. prep schools
320. stepping in my dog's water dish
321. boogie bass
322. elian gonzalez
323. Cristina Aguilera (well, her music, not her fine sweet ass)
324. sunburn
325. seaweed and that other stuff
326. vomit in all its many forms
327. people who find me "offensive"
328. cheri oterie
329. Exorcist 3
330. psycho 2
331. psycho 3
332. psycho 4
333. anybody who doesnt like cows
334. vegetarians
335. JD Drew
336. scrappy doo
337. department stores
338. flying fish world in mario
339. the monkees
340. new kids on the block
341. opponents to napster and the likes (especially metallica)
342. madonna
343. the theory of relativity
344. the yellow pages
345. Scott Rolen
346. the fact that the world is run by idiots
347. anyone who supported indicting Bill Clinton
348. facism
349. fake colors like fuscia and coral
350. the kkk
351. straight edge
352. sleeveless t-shirts
353. those fucked up bestiality people
354. traffic
355. those pt cruisers
356. the ford focus
357. decaffinated coffee
358. that andy left conan obrien
359. how little carpi sun you get in one "pouch"
360. computer nerds
361. those delirious crazy people who think aliens are out to get them
362. the aliens that are out to get me
363. anybody who doesnt like cotton candy gum
364. that assaulting an officer is worse than regular assault (unless you are me then it is not as bad)
365. underage drinking laws
366. Major League III: Back to the Minors
367. making my own food, it always tends to suck ass
368. wicker furniture
369. repetitiveness
370. repetitiveness
371. New Jersey
372. Tennessee
373. All showtime original series's
374. Class
375. fire blankets
376. theology
377. the word good (join the cause to replace good with well)
378. the comparative degree
379. stuttering
380. crappy breaky ping pong balls
381. Alabama
382. desk lamps
383. personalized stationary
384. february
385. dog balls with bells in them
386. the lack of booberry cereal
387. the lack of ectocooler
388. fat peoplpe in red
389. ravenous wolves
390. windbreakers
391. breaking a pencil point
392. dropping a pen
393. sailor moon
394. radio edits
395. TV-Y
396. TV-Y7
397. laugh tracks
398. william shatner
393. sailor moon
394. radio edits
395. TV-Y
396. TV-Y7
397. laugh tracks
402. the french
403. drunken belligerency directed at me
404. the rain forest
405. the Sahara desert
406. Mt. McKinley
407. boneless chicken wings
408. that bitch law and order slut
409. royal canadian mounted police
410. divorce court
411. unbreakable the movie
412. volunteer work
413. flat soda
414. The center square of malls with the fountains and gay t-shirt/necklace stands
415. people that have tails
416. fire alarms
417. ambulances
418. those backwards letters on ambulances
419. racing jackets
420. dry clean only
421. pedophiles
422. matching sweatsuits
423. little mustaces
424. tugboats
425. Cincinatti
426. the Red Sea
427. Democrats
428. Republicans
429. political parties in general
430. the great salt lake
431. that the spicy chicken fillet isn't on the 99c menu at wendy's
432. sellouts *cough*cough*blink182*cough
433. bands who put out calanders with their faces on them aaaaaaablink182choo
434. really nice handwriting
435. my inability to ignore people
436. people who string you along
437. mustard juice
438. ketchup juice
439. cat sup juice
440. the lack of mr. pibb vs. the abundance of dr. pepper
441. salt lake city
442. incessant use of metaphors
443. silent p's - fuck you pnuemonia
444. silent b's - die in hell debt
445. William the Conqueror
446. when irony bites me in the ass
447. that cartoon network doesn't have transformers
448. utah
449. that cartoon network doesn't have transformers
450. gundam wing
451. assanine comments
452. annoying laughs
453. pesonification
454. philosophy
455. people who say snap (but i excuse the biz markie in just a friend)
456. anyone over the age of ten at a sci-fi convention
457. little kids smoking
458. twelve year old girls who think that they are britney spears
459. socks with sandals
460. those dark spots you get from staring at the sun
461. the Appalachian mountains
462. gas station bathrooms
463. gay rapists
464. everlast
465. smithsonian magazine
466. manitoba
467. stonewashed jeans
468. guys in cutoff jeans
469. ideal gas laws (ideal my eye)
470. anyplace run by mormons
471. NASA
472. swallowing toothpaste
473. when there are no stars out
474. that stupid SNL cheerleader skit
475. anybody who purposely looks like eminem
476. hurricane floyd
477. that damn dancing baby
478. New York giants
479. queen latifa
480. that the taco bell dog got fired
481. carrot cake
482. leno's band leader guy
483. the Irish potato famine
484. George Bush
485. and his idiot son
486. samsonite
487. holes in socks
488. garbage water
489. tanning saloons
490. accidentally touching under table gum
491. Alleys
492. chinese finger traps
493. the lack of bad fortunes in fortune cookies - it makes the good one essentially meaningless
494. the pointless use of bottled water - i can see if you're in New Jerey but this is getting out of hand
495. the simple mention of the word castration
496. movies that are "compelling"
497. the fundamental theory of calculus
498. any guy who didn't like the movie fight club - but i already said homosexuality
499. bifocals
500. sheds
501. manual pencil sharpeners
502. birds early in the morning
503. nitric acid
504. caulk
505. old timey bicycles
506. professor plum
507. metal jagged edges
508. AM Radio
509. crop circles
510. When You first Get into a car on a hot day
511. the smell at the zoo
512. fake holidays (mother's day, valentine's day, chanuka-just kidding)
513. coming clean and admitting the truth
514. chemical burns
515. those gay waffles with that crap jelly or whatever inside
516. whoever thought, "hey, lets put peanut butter and jelly in the same bottle"
517. the unoriginality of sitcoms
518. lisa simpson
519. Arbor day
520. boats that don't go really fast
521. the effect airplanes have on your ears
522. concrete
523. statistics
524. when people tell me the good news first
525. cowboys
526. troll dolls
527. staples - yeah, you suck and don't got that
528. 99% of all commercials
529. people who get "mild" sauce on wings
530. bumper stickers that preach about god
531. mistyping my password
532. wearing a belt
533. wearing any other non-essential clothing
534. the Gobi desert
535. the guy who delivers my newspaper
536. the entire Latin language
537. buck teeth
538. parakeets
539. obtuse triangles
540. any form of country music who's intent isn't to mock country music
541. that i suck at most physical activities
542. when the plastic things come off your shoelaces
543. shoe wedgies
544. any sandals that have that containment loop for the big toe
545. that priests think they know how to have a healthy relationship
546. when i have something, set it down, and forget where it is all within ten minutes
547. yellow paper
548. "must see tv"
549. when a network calls a tv show "unforgettable"
550. Anyone who names their kid something that will obviously get his ass kicked
551. stamps
552. Yoko Ono
553. the fact that there has been enough boredom in the last few years of my life to compile this list
554. that my heart isn't shaped like a valentine's day heart
555. large holes
556. any kind of purple drink
557. people who protest petty things
558. the weekend updates since norm macdonald left
559. hockey
560. curling
561. any other “sport” on ice besides snow fights and snow writing contests
562. phony people
563. gas prices ( i know is pretty typical to say so, bet, hey, go to hell i think they suck)
564. stucko walls and ceilings
565. accidentally letting go of a helium balloon
566. pretty much all popular music
567. the US Army
568. Rohobeth beach
569. the spelling of bologna
570. hot dogs w/out hot dog rolls
571. moon pies
572. novacaine
573. parsley
574. non-rainbow jimmies
575. horizontal stripes
576. manilla envelopes
577. accepting consequences
578. chldren between the ages of 2 and 14
579. big gaps between teeth
580. the guy who sells sports memorabilia on channel 48 at 12:30 on Sundays
581. that i can never find an extension chord when i need one
582. rechargable batteries
583. the lack of "The Tick"(cartoon) at resonable hours
584. coudaroy pants
585. chain wallets
586. streets where the center line can't be seen well
587. matchbox (hot wheels fan myself)
588. carpenter bees
589. any kind of uniforms
590. the second half of fall590.
591. generic soda (except Dr. Riffic)
592. tree bark
593. locusts
594. the hair cuttery
595. when girls dye their hair that bright red color
596. the jet stream
597. Things that are "required"
598. walnuts
599. mounds
600. mounds with almonds
601. school zones
602. anyone who doesn't like Kevin Smith movies
603. getting a haircut
604. MTV
605. broad social trends
606. lawn gnomes
607. typewriters
608. excessive humidity
609. mountain bikes
610. your mom
611. statues
612. mummies
613. the underratedness of futurama
614. closeminded people
615. AOL
616. people who love to talk on the goddamn phone
617. solicitors
618. two way mirrors
619. most of the things you, the reader, love
620. the increasing dependence on graphics in the video gaming industry (for real people, video games reached their climax with nintendo)
621. things that flash
622. people who think they're smooth
623. Dave matthew's band
624. every goddamn commercial before a movie at AMC
625. McGuyver
626. people who dont curse enough
627. parking lots
628. Colin Powell
629. red tims
630. blue tims
631. any other color of tims
632. stupid food combinations (like apple - raspberry juice)
633. tile floors in the winter
634. leaving my car windows open in the rain
635. leaving my car windows open in the snow
636. Soft pretzels from ANYWHERE but the Philadelphia area
637. hardasses
638. cursive
639. crossing gaurds
640. purple grapes
641. Smee (from peter pan)
642. Jesse "the Body" Ventura
643. the symbol for radioactivity (such a cool word deserves a much cooler symbol)
644. that fat lady who was played by John Goodman on Saturday Night Live, you know, the other fat girls friend who gave Clinton Head....yeah, that Hoe
645. anybody who doesn't like Jim Varney
646. anybody who red the last thing without saying to themselves "I love ernest"
647. anybody who read 646 and thought "who's Jim Varney?"
648. waiting in line
649. the use of ketchup on anything that isn't a burger, cheesesteak, fries, or tater-tots
650. Anybody who read that and thought "What about hot-dogs?"
651. the metric system (more a huge piece of shit than a system)
652. cowboys
653. people who didn't like the cable guy
654. gothic anything (stupid depressed asshole shit)
655. that in Hannibal, lecter didn't use the guy's head as a cereal bowl
656. the Prime Minister of England
657. Frankie Munez, fuckin little bitch, I’ll knock his ass out
658. Martin Lawrence
659. people who say don’t run with sissors, I’ll run with whatever I damn well please
660. Disney"land"
661. when people eat the last of something and don’t throw out the damn box
662. when whoever you are playing picks your play in Tecmo Super Bowl
663. cats, the animals
664. Cats, the musical
665. George Lucas
666. flight simulators
667. Smallville
668. the damn Chinese people at the 56st st. beer store
669. Windex
670. Black Night
671. Marlboro
672. goldfish
673. Roach Motels
674. Levis
675. escalades
676. the guy who plays will on will and grace
677. the guy who plays jack on will and grace
678. both girls from will and grace
679. Joe Carter
680. Joe Carter’s Mom
681. Joe Carter’s Dad
682. Anyone else who may have contributed to Joe Carter’s Birth
683. people who wear their pants below their asses
684. pop-ups (I’m sure you got like 3 just coming here)
685. Lee Travino
686. Lee Travino’s Fighting Golf
687. people who say LOL
688. when people use those gay smiley face bullshit
689. that Around the Horn show
690. Abercrombie (but not Fitch)
691. that fake grass that you get in easter baskets
692. when the two not cool guys are on PTI
693. when lighters get real hot when you use them a lot
694. people who drool in their sleep
695. pillows without pillowcases
696. anybody who won’t see Freddy vs. Jason
697. John Leguizamo
698. Foot Locker
699. Sam Goody
700. Bud Selig
701. the real world
702. road rules
703. the osbournes
704. total request live
704. high socks without stripes
705. ants
706. that being a white male gives me no right to bitch and moan as much as i do
707. online casinos
708. anyone who has every gambled with an online casino
709. anti marijuana laws
710. that everyone remember's where they were when JFK died
711. ruining classics with remakes and more sequels
712. commercials that use little kids to hock their products because little kids are "cute"
713. shooter mcgavin
714. when you are taking a dump and then glance over and see no toilet paper
715. wet towells
716. how big of pussies the fridge and manute bol were when they fought each other on celebrity boxing
717. hunting video games
718. people who play hunting video games(except hunting in oregon trail)
719. that oregon trail is no longer cool to play
720. poorly done pornography
721. Corvette's from the 80's - there is such a gap between the classics and the cool new ones that is filled with utter crap
722. anyone who believe that Noah's Ark is real history, and yes, they exist
723. when sports stars make rap albums
724. mob informants
725. sandra bullock (anybody who disagrees, watch demolition man)
726. the way doctors and dentist's offices smell
727. those Styrofoam packing peanuts
728. when you are done popping all the bubbles in bubble wrap
729. when somebody else hase bubble wrap and doesn't share
731. when little kids cry
732. when you let somebody go first driving, and dont get a waive
733. necco waifers
734. sweet potatoes
735. when places put tomato and lettuce on burgers
736. that band Creed, if they still exist
737. Old Navy
738. people who chew pencil erasers
739. professional wrestling
740. people who change their names, especially Prince
741. that Deviled Eggs aren't really available all that often...think about it, how often do you eat deviled eggs, and they rule
742. people who refuse to let something die
743. cooked carrots, they get all soft and gay
744. people who vote
745. when somebody gives you the dead fish
746. when somebody short changes you, you know, when they go to shake your hand and just get the fingers
747. cards that don't involve one of the three sports, except ninja turtles cards
748. that they changed the flavor of green jujyfruits, it used to be that weird mint flavor
749. when the ocean is too cold to enjoy
750. people who juggle
751. people who play the guitar on the street and want tips
752. people who play shitty music on the beach
753. that fucking dog from duck hunt
754. people that tap their wrist to ask for the time, FUCK THEM
755. when somebody asks a question to which the answer is obvious
756. people who think violent movies and games are responsible for real world violence
757. anybody who doesn't recognize greatness in the Biz Markie
758. dog toys that squeek
759. September 1st
760. insurance
761. when people have stones instead of grass
762. the canadian national anthem
763. peach iced tea
764. when pointless stories make the news
765. the Mason Dixon line
766. people who wear shirts when swimming
767. anyone who wore clothes backwards when criss cross was popular for those two weeks
767. creationists
768. people who name their pets something ironic, like tiny for a pitbull or something like that
769. Louie Anderson
770. that they gave Louie Anderson hosting duties for the new Family Feud
771. when people step on beer pong balls at parties
772. shitheads who wear sideways hats
773. people who are obsessed with a single band
774. Murder She Wrote
775. Starbucks
776. when people say "X-Mas", not write it, i can handle that
777. fruit hats
778. when car alarms go off at night
779. Mr. Clean and his bald fucking head