I felt compelled to write after reading the letter from the disabled lady in your column (Cosmopolitan February, 1994).
I became disabled when I was 20 as a result of a massive, near fatal stroke. I am now in my late 30's. I walk with a limp, have limited use of my right arm and sometimes slur my words especially when I'm tired. But my friends don't think I'm "odd". And I have never, ever had trouble finding a boyfriend. I have a pretty face and pretty hair. But I also have a good, slender body. I have never thought of my body as "such a turnoff". I have been (happily) with my husband since I was 25 and we have had two children together. I still get male attention wherever I go, including in bars and nobody has ever run away when they saw I was disabled. I am attractive but I am not drop dead gorgeous.
I think the main difference between me and the other disabled lady is in our attitudes toward our disabilites. When a person thinks of herself as looking "odd to (her) friends" and of her body as looking ugly, for whatever reason, that becomes a self- fulfilling prophecy. Your answer to the lady was a good one but what I would add is a suggestion that she improve her self image/body image. Virtually everyone has something that he/she feels is wrong with his/her body. People usually only achieve a good body image by working on it. They do this by replacing negative thoughts (e.g. my body is a turnoff) with positive, self affirming ones (e.g. I have nice arms/a pretty face/etc.) They also do what they can to minimize what they perceive as their body flaws. And I would encourage anybody with any type of disability to join a health club. At the very least working out improves almost anyone's health, strength and sense of self worth, while putting him/her in touch with his/her body in a positive way. As an added bonus working out can visibly improve a person's disability, lessening its degree. In the year that I've been working out, it certainly has had that effect on me. There are all kinds of disabilities in this world and everybody has some degree of hard luck in his life. Anybody really can choose to make his/her adversity into an unbearable cross or (alternatively) turn it into a challenge and a positive growth experience. xperience. itive growth experience. e. ------------ Grand Total 325.00 ============ === ============ ========= ===
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