"I may look young, but I still suffer from butt flesh."
"I may look young, but I still suffer from hot flashes."
(some commercial.)
"Mess with me, and you'll go the way of the dildo!"
"Mess with me, and you'll go the way of the dodo!"
(dragon ball z)
"He cans retarded people."
"Lips reach farther than teeth though."
(erin)
"This is really good cunt."
"This is really good corn."
(louis)
"There was a catholic there."
"There was a cat back there."
(erin again)
"Do that funky hand job."
"Do that funky hand jive."
(2 stupid dogs cartoon)
"Look at those two! Dogs have more sex!"
"Look at those two! Dogs have more sense!"
(Digimon)
"Dr. Suess in a bong here."
"I don't belong here."
(Andrea's cousin, Sam)
"I'm here...wait...fish powder!"
"Where's your white face powder?"
(andrea said that as she walked in my room and fell down)
"I need mushroom men pudding."
"I need pressure on my foot."
(andrea said that after her foot fell asleep)
"Happy morning's gay friends."
"Everyone is good friends."
(that's what megan said about all of us)
"I really want my dominant knight."
"What really got me down that night..."
(louis complaining that magan and i fell asleep when we were all on vicodin)
"I'm a muddy marsh."
"I'm a little more modest."
(holly was comparing herself to me)
"I need to stop sucking gas into myself."
"I need to stop second guessing myself."
(ben was second guessing himself.)
"Let's build a camel."
"Let's play with the camera."
(alan)
"I have wine and punch in my tub."
"I have Hawaiian Punch in my cup."
(guy at work named Rob)
"Mary had a little banshee."
"Mary hasn't been here yet, has she?"
(my mom)
"John had a big fucking wang."
"We are so fucking done."
(spag, mudvayne dvd)
"I was killed when I washed the elephant."
"I was killed and I'm still talking."
(louis)
"I need a bachelor I just cooked my hand on a tree."
"Maybe the batch that I took in my hand wasn't sweet."
(louis)
"I don't think it takes very long to get out of jail, I'll be back by five."
"I don't think it takes very long to do that tooth, I'll be back by five."
(my mom, going to the dentist.)
"It's time to smoke ass."
"It's five to twelve, Alice."
(traci, at the Clock)
"I crapped on someone today."
"I corrected someone today."
(louis)
"This pizza is irritatingly proof of my mouth."
"This pizza is irritating the roof of my mouth."
(bejmo)
"I think I'm going to get ornery later, at the most inopportune time."
"I think I'm going to get hungry later, at the most inopportune time."
(bejmo again)
"The tornado gave me a virgin."
"A twenty year old gay virgin."
(megan talking about a dude on the internet)
"That's a martini."
"S-M-R-T."
(shut up, jenna. just shut up.)
"I fucked all the Franny people."
"I talked to all the friendly people."
(LoTuS)
"I'm drowning in bodily fluids."
"Flippity floppity floop."
(LoTuS)
"I have bathroom ghosts chasing me."
"I have a bat and a ghost to scare away mosquitos."
(LoTuS)
"I accidentally dropped a cat on my vegetables."
"I accidentally dropped a can of vegetables on my foot."
(pharmacy person at CVS)
"Three pink candles, two for my mom and one for my dinner."
"Three pink candles, two for my mom and one for my woman."
(kevin, CVS)
"Hunny, I tried to light my penis on fire when I was peeing and it didn't work."
"Hunny, I tried to light my pee-pee on fire when I was peeing and it didn't work."
(uh huh, that's louis.)
"I'm a bald acrobat."
"It's such a long time ago.
(Lotus)
"This is a Marlboro Poptart."
"...And here I am mouthing on a Poptart."
(John)
"Tie on your crazy diaper"
"Shine on you crazy diamond"
(Pink Floyd)
"But are you the sheriff of Canadia?"
"But are you sure that's a good idea?"
(Kendall)
"I hate your cigarette."
"Can I hit your cigarette?"
(Benji)
Misread
Free Time Wasting
Free Wine Tasting
(sign at mall)
Caress: Sensational Smoothing with Small Penis.
Caress: Sensational Smoothing with Gentle Polishing Pearls.
Louis Misheard...
"I'm going to teach Holly masturbating today."
"I'm going to make Holly a mix tape today."
(me)
"I can't wait for the rectal scan to start."
"I can't wail for the retina scan to start."
(some guy at kroger, misheard by some guy at kroger)
"But that would turn my orange!"
"But that would give me more energy!"
(misheard by Tabitha at CVS)
Well that's all I have for now...but i update almost frequently so feel free to come back.
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