Welcome To Fibro-Haze Humor Page 1!
I plan to include some humorous stories in my book, and submission of your story serves as right to publish! These stories will be used for entertainment, including my own wacky ones! If you object to having the story published, please do not submit it! Names will never be mentioned.
UPDATE: June 15, 2004 - To date,
I have received 3,000+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries including Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, & United States!
Sharing frustrations is good, but so is laughter! I know it can be difficult to view things in a positive way sometimes, but I'll take laughter any day, opposed to crying!
I sincerely thank you all!
You May Have Fibromyalgia If...
...you forget spending the whole New Year's Evening with your husband!
...you are in your own jeep, and stop for gas, however, you can't remember where the gas tank is located until another customer shows you!
...you complete your whole grocery shopping excursion while wearing a soft-blue-gel ice pack on top of your head, while your husband follows 3 steps behind you!
...you are constantly doing head counts of your own children, and pets!
...you leave every day for work using the front door, but must climb back into your home using a window after your work day is over!
...you rub a whole tube of Ben Gay all through your scalp to help your migraine! {Bad, Bad idea}!
...you tell the same story more than 3 times to the same person!
...you make your two monthly mortgage payments to the wrong bank EVERY month, having to go back out the next day to switch them!
...you go to the movie store with your fiancee to choose a movie, and after picking the one of your choice, he politely tells you the two of you saw it the previous weekend!
...you drive 60 miles for your monthly support meeting... only to find out, you are a week early!
If you don't see your latest story added to one of the several "Fibro-Haze Humor Pages", please let me know! I am working as diligently as possible due to my own struggle with Fibromyalgia and life in general!
Please read these wonderfully funny stories!
This lady has one of the funniest stories... she finished shopping, and went out to find her car! She said she walked up and down the parked cars, row by row, but could not find her station wagon. After 15 minutes, she got into such a panic, she began checking cars at random, to see if she could find an open door. Just before she was about to call 911, she saw a van, which looked familiar... It WAS her van, and the station wagon had been traded in months ago!(Wonderful!)
This lady experiences severe anxiety, when trying to go out in public... but each morning, she thinks she is strong enough to conquer this fear, gets herself dressed, puts on her make-up and fixes her hair! She says she can even get in the car, back out of the drive way, however loses her nerve. She pulls the car back in the drive way, goes back into the house, puts on her night gown, takes off her make-up and hides for another 24 hours! (Bless her heart!)
After making her regular pot of coffee, this lady could not find it when she went back for a second cup. Later in the day, she found the coffee pot, in the DRYER, with the door closed!! (What a unique way to keep the coffee warm! Hmmmmm, DRYER, good appliance... LIQUID inside electrical appliance... BAD!)
This lady went grocery shopping at the usual location, because she knows where all the items are located. Only, this time she couldn't find the flour isle. Frustrated, she leaves the store. She decides to go by the drive-thru window at McDonald's, where her son, Matt is employed. After receiving her food, she looked at the girl and asked, "Where is Matt?". The girl looked at her strangely. It took a moment for the lady to realize she was driving 'MATT'S CAR', and he was home asleep! (Funny!)
This lady says she was exhausted after visiting the grocery store, just tossing items in the general area they belonged. She said she was amazed to see 'popping fresh dough', when opening her cabinet filled with un-refrigerated, canned goods the next morning!(Great!)
This lady was making a Kraft Cheese dinner for her GodDaughter. She cooked the noodles, added the milk, butter and cheese. But as she was serving it, she remarked how 'soupy' it had turned out. After a few minutes of an instant replay in her mind, she realized she had forgotten to drain the water from the noodles before adding the other ingredients!(Great Story)
Me again... I was online chatting with a girlfriend of mine. We were talking about everything including life and men. I told her I was happy in my relationship just a little over one year old. She typed in... "I hear bells ringing!". Well, some people have told me that is one of their symptoms of Fibromyalgia. But without thinking, I asked, "Where do you hear bells ringing? Like a telephone?" Well, as she typed in her next response, I was laughing so hard, I had tears rolling down my cheeks! She typed... "NO, NOT REALLY! I MEAN WEDDING BELLS!". (If I had been less serious, this would not have been so funny! D'OH!)
This lady says she is always surprised to open the refrigerator door to find 'chilled' dish towels. It
was cute when she asked, "What ever would a person do with chilled dish towels anyway..."!(Don't ya just love it?)
This lady has to take her eyeglasses on/off as she does the grocery shopping. She told me that one day she
got to the check-out line, realizing she didn't have them. After a total breakdown, and crying loudly in the front of the grocery store, all of the employees began to scurry off down different aisles to find her glasses. She said it looked as if they were in a contest, and would win a prize for locating them. Soon, the glasses were found! Actually, the employees DID win a prize for finding her glasses.... she stopped being hysterical, gathered her groceries and left the store.(Too funny!)
This woman's girlfriend picked her up to take her to the doctor. She had been slipping in and out of consciousness, so the doctor ordered tests! The Neurologist didn't think she should be driving until they could remedy her problem! (prudent idea!) They arrived back home, after an exhausting day of tests! All she had to do was make it to the house, and the day would have been 'uneventful'. Well, it wasn't 'uneventful'! She says, first, you must picture that it's winter, and the snow banks on either side of the driveway were about 4 feet high. She got out of the car, closed the door, and 'OFF SHE WENT'...falling backwards onto the 'hard' snow bank, she moved like a sled in a down hill race, then right under the car. She was only to be stopped from disappearing completely, by her rather "large boobs"! Her girlfriend was hysterical! She went running to the house, yelling for her friend's son to come outside, saying his mother was under the car! Of course, she was quite excited as she tried to tell him what had happened! He was listening to tunes with his girlfriend, and was not comprehending what she meant, until they all went back outside. Yes, he saw his mother, UNDER THE CAR, however he was a little surprised to discover that SHE WAS ENTIRELY UNDER THE CAR, with her skirt up over her head! All he could see was her head, her shoulders, and part of her boobs! (In her e-mail to me, this lady asked, "Have you ever noticed nothing embarrassing happens when you're alone?") What a dilemma! They couldn't move the car, because she was between the front and back wheels. They couldn't slide her out gently, because her boobs were wedged tightly! She said it was a good thing she was unconscious! Finally, her son, (17 years old, 6'3" tall, with 19" biceps and a 50" chest) decides the only option left, is to try to get between his mother and the snow bank. This way he could reach under her arms and pull! It worked, so now, there she is, unconscious, thrown over her son's shoulder! As he begins to step back, the girlfriend suddenly yells, "DON'T MOVE! You're standing on her pills!". The girlfriend couldn't get between the son, his mother and the snow bank to get the pills. The son couldn't help since his hands were rather full! So, the woman's friend got down on all fours, and wiggled her way through the snow until she could finally reach the pills. With the pills in the girlfriend's hand, and the mother thrown over the son's shoulder, they entered the house. Since, his mother appeared to be unharmed, he put her to bed! But, this lady says you can rest assured... this incident is frequently told to anyone who will listen! (What a GREAT Story!)
It's me again... When I was experiencing changes after being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I suffered from 'fatigue', unlike anything I had ever felt previously. My daughter was in the 3rd grade, but daylight savings time had not yet changed. She was playing in her room, and I drifted off into this Rip Van Winkle sleep. Suddenly, I stood up, glanced out the door, seeing it was barely dark or barely light, and I sincerely didn't know which one! Then I looked at the clock, which didn't specify morning or night, but I knew it was 7:00. I felt an anxiety attack coming on, so, I quietly walked to my bedroom, picking up the receiver to phone my neighbor across the street, Pat (whom I did not know well at all). When she said, "Hello", I timidly asked her if it was 7:00 am or 7:00 pm. She was hesitant for a moment, and then answered, "7:00 o'clock in the evening. Why?". I told her, I wasn't sure if I should put my daughter to bed, or take her to school! Needless, to say, we became great friends after that... actually, I think she just wanted to keep an eye on me for safety reasons.(Ha!)
A lady was telling her church friends about taking her white poodle to the park. She meant to tell them that after the poodle finished playing, 'her paws were totally black'. Instead, she told them that 'her balls were totally black'!(Great!)
This lady was moving and her friend's from church came over to help her pack. She said she was so hazed, she thought she had a GOOD idea for packing. She purchased clear plastic bags, and told the ladies to just throw everything in the bags, then she would know where everything was.... She said they did as she requested, but looked at her as if she had three heads!(Cute!)
A lady was getting her prescription of generic Flexril refilled at the drug store, when she remembered she had another prescription in her purse for REDUX. The pharmacist was entering the new prescription to the computer, when he called her back to the counter. He told her that 'his computer lit up like a Christmas tree'! It seems you are not supposed to take this combination of drugs!(Good computer!)
Me... again? One day (while in a terrible Fibro-Haze)
I was trying to get dressed to take my daughter, Veronica and her friend, Serena (my friend Sheila's daughter) to a pool party. They were already dressed and waiting on my bed, rather impatiently, while I was digging through drawers to find something matching to wear. I finally found two items, and held them close to my body, asking the girls, " Do these SOUND good together?"! (DUH!) They laughed & laughed, to the point I thought I was going to have to phone for help! Actually, I left the room because I was starting to laugh! (I have yet to live that blunder down! I thought it was funny also, but didn't want them to see me laughing! Ha!)
A lady told me she experiences the same problem as most of us with Fibromyalgia. She picks up the T.V. Guide, selects a movie to watch, and watches for approximately 10 minutes, then she can't remember the title and plot. She says she picks up the T.V. Guide every 10 minutes, from that point, until the end of the movie. Over half way in to the movie, she notices her husband and adult daughter laughing at her. Confidently, she glances over at them, and says, "You better leave me alone, I'm as Tarp as a Shack!".(The movie continued without incident!(Ha!)
Donna Heart's Fibromyalgia Resource Page!
To read the article printed in the Charlotte Observer - Nov. 3, 1997, check this out!
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~Donna Heart
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