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Master Thespian Reviews:
Shakespeare in Love
I rented this video and viewed it in my exotic entertainment
room powered by an Onkyo© surround-sound five speaker system
with separate one hundred amp sub-woofer.
Maybe that was my problem. That I could stand up and
go potty, or swivel around and spray my braying English Bulldog,
'Shadrach,' with a special concoction of vinegar and jalapeño
juices. I just didn't find this picture as wonderfully
fantastic and deserving of awards as my peers did.
I actually tired of seeing Gwyneth's uncovered thorax. And I especially got tired of the old bastard in the process of screwing Will's 'other' girl friend every time Will bumbled into the room. Gwyneth looks so sweet, I was really dismayed that she allowed the pert occupants of her chest to upstage her. I foolishly imagined she had more modesty than that. What the hell does showing your breasts have to do with acting?
There was entirely too much sex in this movie. Don't the Hollywood moguls realize that with the Internet virtually anyone can see anything they want? At any time, and watch for free?
The acting was fine, although the cast was populated
with far too many male Hollywood pretty faces to accurately portray the common
dental horrors sure to be witnessed in a 1560's production.
Having just seen Runaway Bride at the local
Harkin's closet theater, I found more entertainment
watching Richard, Julia and the gerbil, than watching Ralph,
Gwyneth and 'Rat-boy.' (However, you have to look really close to
spot the gerbil.)
Master Thespian
gives Shakespeare in Love
three out five Monkey Butts .
Cast in The Dining Room! Why Now ?
Why was Master Thespian cast after five unsuccessful auditions? Being as truthful in my acting life as in my 'real' life, the answer probably lays in the fact that most of my peers (non-contract/non-equity actors) are already performing in other Valley productions.
But, and this is a big but, not unlike my own, this time I performed a new monologue and I performed it with more energy by converting my nervousness into movements that gave my character more 'life.'
Also, earlier that week, my acting professor revealed to his pupils that, "the audition begins the moment you walk into the room" that contains the auditor. (Auditor?, sounds like the IRS, doesn't it?) So, when I walked in, I acted confident, relaxed, respectful and attentive. After my monologue and cold reading were received with nary a facial flicker, I shook the auditor's hand and briskly walked out and collapsed in the hallway outside.
In The Dining Room each actor portrays eight separate characters, what a great workout! What a great play to have future auditors see on my resume.
( Right about now you're probably asking yourself why I went to all this trouble. Well, I think I did it just to become more familiar with the play and to allay my fears of missing my scene by knowing the last sentence of every scene. Who knows?
Master Thespian - November 3rd, 2002 )
SCENE 1:
Fran and Molly … At the Salad Bar
Last lines, "And I said, "Were you worried about me?"
And she said, "Yes. I thought you were going to die of sadness."
SCENE 2:
Molly, Jack, Fran and Ellie … The Birthing Room
Last lines, "She's so sweet. She's a little fish.
She is a little fish. Oh god, what a relief."
SCENE 3:
Jack and Fran … Hospital Cafeteria
Last lines, "The ease and intimacy she has with other women,
and with our daughter. When I speak to Janey I always see the
quotation marks."
SCENE 4:
Fran and Molly … Hospital Room
Last lines, "They'd spilled a box of Cheerios© on the rug.
Daddy'd called our downstairs neighbor and he brought his
dog up to clean up the Cheerios©. She has a cold so they won't let her visit. I hung up and felt so far away."
SCENE 5:
Mac and Fran … Buying a Bastard Baby
Last lines, "Yes. And honest. Yes. Like that. Good. We'll
find you something, okay? Okay."
SCENE 6:
Jen and Sylvia … Sell Me Your Bastard Baby
Last lines, "I heard the heart beat. I hadn't been thinking of
it being, you know, alive. And the doctor let me listen
And I heard … Uh huh. Well. Just think about it. I know
you'll make the right decision, okay?"
(* M.T., help Cindy dress)
SCENE 7:
Molly and Fran … Washington Square playground
Last lines, "I'm not good company. That's okay. I'm sorry.
Okay, come say bye to Janey. I can't. Franny. I'll call you.
Okay."
SCENE 8:
Jen … Cannabis Sativa induced blathering on the Phone
Last lines, "Hey, hey, easy does it. We're talking about
your daddy, the fuck. No - not really. I'll always say he
was a cool guy, like, you don't want to grow up thinking
your daddy was a shit. I'll just say he lost my number or
something."
SCENE 9:
Fran … More Blathering on the Phone
Last lines, "But I kept remembering that one night and
how it had turned him off. That was it. We never saw each
other after that night. But that's how I got pregnant.
I was eighteen. And … Daddy knew a doctor. And it was
taken car of."
SCENE 10:
Jen, Sylvia, Eugene, Mac … Sign on the Dotted Line, Bitch
Last lines, "Good girl. Good. Now. Fine. All set. Okay,
Jenny, you come along with me. Just a legality. We need to
bring the package together into the lobby. Why don't you come
along?"
SCENE 11:
Sylvia, Fran, Mac, Jen & Eugene … Passing 'the Package'
Last lines, "Let's go. Don't stop. Goddamnit, you want to
wreck the whole thing, for Christsake let's get the fuck out
of here."
SCENE 12:
Molly, Fran & Grace … Washington Square Park
with milk & poop
Last lines, "Oh, poop-a-doop-a-poop … what should I do?"
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