SQUEEZE
THIS, WHIPPLE
The name says it all
DRESS
YOUR BIRD
And I'm not talking about Stovetop
SMOKEY
AND THE HAM
At least he doesn't take himself too seriously
I
NEVER FORGET A FACE
What the hell is this all about?
HAVE
A NICE DAY
Hawaii's "Happy Face" spiders
FONZIE
OR FUHRER?
Guess the sit com character or dictator
CHECK
YOUR E-MOIL
He takes tips
JAMAICAN
ME CRAZY
Miss Cleo prank calls
4TH
TIME'S A CHARM
Liza Minnelli, serial bride
IF
THEY CAN PUT A JACKSON ON THE MOON . . .
Why can't they put them all there?
THE
TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON
Goldie Hawn to star in a cable movie about 9/11
DR.
FUN
I've got your path to wholeness right here
THAT'S
ONE CLASSY LADY
The delicate flower that is Tonya Harding
A
NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR RACCOONS
Maybe that wasn't a tail on Davy Crockett's cap
ONCE
BITTEN, TWICE SHY
Wager on when Mike Tyson will bite again
IS
THAT A CARROT IN YOUR FEEDBAG OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
Giddyap
LOVED
YOU IN "BIO-DOME"
Just what I always wanted
LOOKING
FOR BOBBY FISCHER
So I can kick his ass
THEY
SEEM EVEN WEIRDER NOW
The road to freedom
THIS
IS FOR ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE
The definitive collection
NEWS
FROM THE FRONT
Post-Election Fighting Continues in Fierce SAG Stand-Off
IF
YOUR RETIREMENT PLAN IS WORTHLESS, PRESS ONE
Enron's voicemail message
YOU'D
THINK AFTER 4 MARRIAGES SHE'D HAVE ENOUGH FORKS
Liza Minnelli's bridal registry
WHERE
CAN I SEE PHOTOGRAPHS OF CHEESE?
What people are asking Jeeves, right now
READY,
SET, GOUDA
Cheese racing
ALMOST
AS SEXY AS SPITTING UP ON YOURSELF
Adult thumb suckers
ARE
YOU SURE THAT'S VIRGIN WOOL?
That's one hot sheep
DON'T
BE A HERO
Half a sandwich on Ebay
THE
CONSENT CONDOM
It's just all so romantic
ERICA
IS REALLY SAD ABOUT 9/11
But she still wants to show you her tits
WHERE
DO THEY FIND THE TIME?
Gays bring down Enron, claims Christian paper
RUSSELL
CROWE: THE MAN, THE MOLE, THE MUSIC
Welcome to Gruntland
SO
THAT'S WHAT 17 INCHES LOOKS LIKE
Dog with the longest tongue in the world
A
STRONG ARGUMENT FOR RECYCLING
I bet you could get $.35 a pound for this
HOW
TO BURY A DRUNK
Follow the trail of Meister Brau
URINE
LUCK
A frighteningly exhaustive gallery of urinal photos
EILERT
PILARM MANIA
Screensavers, songs and more
YOU
CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY OF THESE
"If you have a large, hard plastic head, this might work for you!"
YOU
SMELL FUNNY
Goofy perfume
WITH
FRIENDS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMAS?
The Bowel Buddy
MY
HUSBAND IN 10 YEARS
Get the Weed Whacker
SO
. . . DO YOU NEED A SPONSOR?
Large penis support group
I
SAW HANDEL WEARING ONE OF THESE
No wait - his said "I Love Ranch Dressing"
ANYTHING
TO MAKE CURLING MORE INTERESTING
The MIT Winter Olympics drinking game
SNOW
BLOWERS
X-rated snow sculptures
THE
TWINE TOUR
9,800 miles
22 states
21 days
2 men
1 dream
no sex
LOVE
IN 4 LTRS OR LESS
Conversation hearts
MAKE
YOUR OWN HEARTS
See my suggestions in today's weblog entry
IT'S
THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
Alt. Suicide Valentine tips
MY
VINYL OFFER
The perfect date
YOU'RE
GETTING SHIT THIS YEAR
I made it myself
TEACHER'S
PET
Student gets a special Valentine
THE
CHEESE STANDS ALONE
"New sex food cheese"
2-4-6-8,
WHO SHOULD WE INCARCERATE?
Superbowl rap sheet
DON'T
HATE THE PLAYER, BABY
I haven't seen so many dirty jocks since laundry day
YOU
WILL AWAKEN AT THE 50 YARD LINE
Becoming a better football player through hypnosis
FAMOUS
LAST WORDS
William Davis' parting shot
THIEF,
INTERRUPTED
Winona Ryder's criminal complaint
DO
YOU LIKE FEET?
Not that much
I
COME HERE TO SIT AND THINK
Be my 'lil pee buddy
DON'T
BE SO SENSITIVE
Love hurts
STUMPING
FOR CHRIST
Woman sees Jesus in a tree
FIND
A NEED AND FILL IT
Attack of the killer tampons
YOU
WILL AWAKE REFRESHED AND DAMP
Help for the continent
CALL
ME "MISSY VANILLA MACK"
Complete list of stupid Name Generators
UH,
JUST BLACK, THANKS
Cancel my foam
THEY
PLAYED "WHAT IS A MAMMAL" AT MY WEDDING
Science songs
BITE
ME
The classiest guy in show business
THEY
CALL HIM "PATTI LE BALLS"
Weirdest fetish I've seen in a while
I
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU ANALLY RAPED ME
Relive the good times with old cell mates
HARD
TO BELIEVE SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM
Building an android is the sincerest form of flattery
MY
POP-UP DOESN'T POP-UP ANYMORE
Follow these links to kill those annoying pop-up ads
I'M
NOT TOO HAPPY ABOUT THE NAME IT GAVE ME
Smurf Name Generator
NO
HARM, NO FOWL
"It models itself on scenes of gang rape"
WHAT
THE HELL IS ON MY HUSBAND'S HEAD?
Check out my Ebay charity auctions and see
I
WILL SURVIVE
I've got my eye on Lindsey's gourd
WOMEN
LOVE THIS KIND OF THING
Absolutely psychotic match-making
THIS
COFFEE TASTES LIKE CRAP
Good to the last dropping
SEALED
WITH A FLUSH
Hopefully she had a newspaper
THIS
THING SUCKS
The Consumer Reports of Erotic toys
WOK
THE DOG
But an hour later he has to crap again
WHEN
YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEND THE POET LAUREATE
I Know Why The Caged Bird Ka-Chings
READIN'
WHEATON
Wil Wheaton's web site
KNOW
YOUR TARGET MARKET
An Ebay auction only Wil Wheaton can bid on
ANNE
HECHE = POLYESTER ANCIENT SISTER
The Lesbian Name Generator
COLOR
MY WORLD
Or at least paint my hooters
CAN
I WEAR A WHITE BURQA AFTER LABOR DAY?
Ask Osama
NOBODY
BETTER LAY A FINGER ON MY ZOLOFT
Someone has a little problem
A
GREAT IDEA IF IT WASN'T SO STUPID
Where do you think that finger was?
SAY
IT WITH FECES
Don't just send any old crap
WHERE
ARE THE NUTS?
The female anatomy in chocolate
ORANGEBLOSSOM
LOAMSDOWN OF DEEPHALLOW
The Hobbit name generator
15
MINUTES OF LAME
Idiots wait in line 4 months for new Star Wars movie
MELTS
ON YOUR ASS, NOT IN YOUR HAND
The delicious Toilet Cake
THE
MONKEY WRAPPED HIS TAIL AROUND THE FLAGPOLE
Good thing he was wearing a diaper
THE
ASSHOLE MONOLOGUES
Hal Fishman's commentaries
I
DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT, BUT I GOT A SPORTS SHIRT
Paul Lynde's best Hollywood Squares one-liners
MY
UPS MAN DOESN'T HAVE A PACKAGE LIKE THAT
UPS to sue toy maker over well-hung doll
I
SMELL A HIT
Just stay away from the French films
WHAT
CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS?
Up close and personal with Katie Couric
YOU
KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GUYS WITH SMALL FEET
Little wieners and the people who love them
IS
THAT $77,000 IN YOUR PANTS, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
Stuff people tried to sneak through customs
DIS
WEEK'S "WIPA" BE REAL DAMN BADASS
The Jive Translator (Submitted by Jeff)
HE
IS THE WHEY
Crying Virgin Mary on a slice of American cheese
PASS
THE McBERNAISE
A Carmel McDonalds supersizes their image
I'M
SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID, "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE"
Must be a bad connection
DON'T
TELL STROM THE BABY-SITTER'S DEAD
Damn, just when he needed a diaper change
INHALATION
HAMTHRAX
They took him to the Mayo Clinic
I
CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE NOT HOOTERS
Home made porn for the easily aroused
DELICIOUS
WITH A LITTLE AMARETTO SYRUP
Mmmm . . . Butt Ice
CALL
ME FISH MAIL
Hey lady, nice bass (submitted by John)
AND
ONE TIME I ATE ALL OF HANDEL'S DONUTS
Go on, spill your guts. It's anonymous
MERRY
CHRISTMAS, TWO EWES
Send some sheep for Christmas (submitted by Jeff)
DAH,
HUMBUG
Walter Koenig (Star Trek’s "Chekov") as Scrooge in the Thousand
Oaks Civic Center's lavish musical production of Dicken's "A Christmas
Carol." Click on "Calendar of Events", and then click on Dec
01.
TURN
OFFS: GARLIC
The Vampire Personals
BUY
A BAG OF PORN FOR CHARITY
You were going to buy some anyway
JUST
BECAUSE I'M NOT ACTIVE DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE AN AGATE
A perhaps too complete glossary of sexual terms
THE
REAL WTC TOURIST GUY
The guy in the photo hoax comes forward (the gallery is hilarious)
THE
SIMULATOR
A day in the life
NO
HAMULKES, WE'RE JEWISH
Just in time for the holidays: meat hats
CLICK
A DICK
Host a virtual penis on your web page
WHAT
DAVE ATE FOR LUNCH
If only he'd keep a dinner page too
WHAT
THE HELL IS THIS?
The Wanna Be Bad wig
I'LL
KICK YOUR ASS, YOU PAY SHIPPING
Bid on an ass kicking
AN
INTELLECTUAL CHAT WITH DR. PATTERSON
Don't call if you have questions
FIREMEN
GET HOSED
An unexpected benefit
GOTH
PERSONALS
Bored loser seeks same
DON'T
USE THE "T"
WORD Use the "f" word
WHEN
PIGS FLY
We will fight your hate with pork!
THERE'S
FOOD ON MY HARE
Oolong, the pastry balancing rabbit
THE
NATIONAL ANTHEM OF AFGHANISTAN
Did they even read the lyrics?
THERE'S
A LADY I KNOW, ON THE S.S. MINNOW
And she's buying a "Stairway to Gilligan"
KARMA
GHOST
Extremely cool cartoon explains it all for you
ARE
YOU SMARTER THAN MISS AMERICA?
The multiple choice quiz given to all contestants
EROTIC
ORIGAMI
Do it on the paper
DON'T
SUGAR-COAT IT
The "Trix Are For Kids" piece
JUST
DOING THEIR PARTS
Webcam Girls' auctions for the Red Cross
GUM
ARABIC CAUSES THE KLINGERMAN VIRUS
Internet hoaxes debunked
DOO-DAH,
DOO-DAH
Twelve Actual Headlines Which Can Be Sung To The Tune of 'Camptown Races'
HAVEN'T
BEEN LADEN IN A WHILE
Every manipulated Osama Bin Laden photo on the internet
I
DON'T REMEMBER THAT JETSON'S EPISODE
What's Elroy doing to Astro?
WHO
SAYS CHESS IS BORING?
Erotic chess sets
LOVE
HIS FABRIC SPRAY
Fabrice spills it all
QUISP
VS. QUAKE
All the crappy stuff you loved to eat as a kid
NOTHING
SAYS LOVIN' LIKE A TUBE FULL OF HOT EGGS FROM THE MICROWAVE OVEN
Incr-Edibly in-edible
I'M
JUST AN ORDINARY GUY WHO LIKES USED SOCKS
Oh come on. Like there's anything weird about this.
SO
GOOD, YOU WON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BLEEDING GUMS
Shopnot for Popnots
I'M
ONLY HERE FOR THE WELFARE CHECKS
Extremely offensive T-Shirts for baby
ALWAYS
CUT, NEVER PLUCK
The online nose hair trimmer
I'M
A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT
Like you never photographed a teapot in the nude
HERE
IS MY PROFILE, HERE IS MY SPOUT
The naked teapot guy's Yahoo profile (avoid if sqeamish)
THESE
WILL GO GREAT WITH MY NECROMANCER BARBIE
Clive Barker's Tortured Souls Dolls
IS
THAT A PENIS ON YOUR ARM OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
No, that's a penis on your arm
LAMENTATIONS
OF THE FATHER
Laying down the law at meal time
FINALLY,
AN IDIOT WHO WON'T WORK FOR WAL-MART
Tatoo his head with your company logo
I
LOVED THE FIRST HAND JOB EPISODE
Mr. Belvedere Tribute Page
I
AM MY OWN GRANDPA
Some families are closer than others
PUT
YOUR HOT HUEVOS IN LOS HUEVADOR
We're even linked in the auction now!
APPARENTLY,
I'M "BORDERLINE"
. Now there's a surprise
THIS
IS YOUR MOMENT
Prepare to spend a lot of time here
THE
EXTREMELY COOL ANONYMOUS MESSAGE SERVER
Send a message out into the void and get one back
ILL
WENCH: APRIL
The Internet Anagram Server
WORKS
OUT TO ABOUT $33 PER TOILET
Perfect for your "theme restaurant"
SEMIOTICIST
SOCIALISM IN THE WORKS OF MADONNA
Meaningless essays randomly generated by the Postmodernism Generator
CHEW
ON, CHUBBY
Beef jerky and the Nobel Prize
HOW
GAY ARE YOU
48%, thanks
101.
NO CHANCE OF DATING JESSE HELMS
One hundred reasons to be happy that you're gay
FAUX-MO
A not particularly reliable list of gay people throughout history
GOD,
I HATE EBAY
Ever notice how "bidder" sounds a lot like "bitter"?
MORE
LIKE HAWAII 6-0
Hawaiian makeover, eBay style. Mahalo!
WOULD
YOU SIT ON THAT?
The 10 ugliest couches in America
HOT
SNAKE, COMING THROUGH
Pet snake swallows heating pad (with x-ray)
WHAT
DO YOU PUT ON THE CENSUS FORM?
Liver pills turn a black man white (with photo)
THE
COMMERCIAL CLOSET
The world's largest collection of gay advertising
MAYBE
NOT THE BEST IDEA
The Unofficial Joyce DeWitt Home Page
IF
THY FOOT OFFENDS THEE
Cut it off on a pay-per-view webcast
SAY
IT WITH FLOUNDERS
Send a dead fish to a friend
CASH
AND CAREY
A trailer from trash
I'M
JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT LIFE RIGHT NOW
Mariah's message to her fans
WHEN
DR. LAURA CAN'T HELP
Let Gary Coleman solve your problems
IS
THAT A GUN UP YOUR ASS OR YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME
Another round of delightful Ebay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
LOSE
YOUR LUNCH IN A LOUIS VUITTON
Top designers revisit the air sick bag
LIGHT
AND SHADOW, BUTTER AND SYRUP
Capturing the essence of the pancake
SMILE!
You're on Candida camera
THE
GIRL WITH SOMETHING EXTRA
"Fulfill your feminine illusion."
EARTH
WIND OR FIRE
They all look alike to me
THIS
IS YOUR MOMENT
The thoroughly addictive new web site
ALLEN
IVERSON NEEDS A WAFFLE IRON
Browse Allen and Tawanna's wish list
PLEASE
KILL MY CAT
The Cat Lady and many other 911 calls
THE
TOBEY MAGUIRE TALKING DOG TOY YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED
My Ebay charity auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
IDRINK.COM
THEREFORE IAM.COM
Tell them what you've got in the house and they'll tell you what cocktails
you can make /
JUST
WHAT THE NET NEEDS
Make any web site really ugly
DAS
KOOK
Sieht er wie Michael J. Fox zu Ihnen aus? l
PHILADELPHIA
FREEDOM
Send Ira Einhorn a "Welcome Home" message
I
GAVE MY LOVE A CHERRY
But I gave my cat an enema
BEYOND
FASCINATING
Hundreds of before and after cosmetic surgery photos
WHAT
CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS AND DIED?
Could be just about anything
RETURN
TO SENDER
The credit card company payback letter
MIRROR,
MIRROR ON THE WALL
Make George Bush reveal it all
WILFORD
BRIMLEY, MODERN PRIMITIVE
Who's tattooed in Hollywood
THERE
JUST HAPPENS TO BE AN OPENING
Intern opportunities in Gary Condit's office (check the link on the left
hand side!)
MORE
SONG POEM TORTURE
- Common Sense of Love - My Husband, Lover, Friend - That Kind of Girl
THOSE
BRITS SURE KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME
Somehow "Human Toilet" sounds better with an English accent
WEBVAN
STOCK OPTIONS I'M GONNA BE RICH! UH-OH YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
Webvan Chapter 11 haiku
BOONE-A-PALOOZA!
Ebay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
SLIPPER?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER
Think of it as a "two foot penis"
SOMEBODY
ANSWER THE BLENDER
There's a Mr. Frappe on 5
ENRIQUE
IS INTO LEATHER
Hard to believe this didn't work
PINSCHER
PAMPERS
Strange little movie of a Doberman using a diaper
SOMETIMES
A GUY JUST WANTS TO FEEL PRETTY
Heartily recommended by Reverend David Culpepper
I'VE
GOT A CRUSH ON YOU
Mistress Chloe puts her foot down
TIRED
OF THE GRAVEYARD SCENE?
Where to meet quality Goths
SHAKE
HANDS AND COME OUT EATING
Governing the behavior of "gustatory athletes" everywhere
BROTHER'S
GOT SOME TEETH, Y'ALL
Props to the peep's caps
I'VE
GOT JACK'S BALLS, RIGHT HERE
My Ebay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
NOT
THE BEST MEDIA BUY
An unfortunate choice of banner ad
IS
THAT A BROOM BETWEEN YOUR LEGS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
When you can't afford the real Elvira
HEY
KIDS, IT'S MR. BLOW UP!
The original balloon animal
**
WARNING: REALLY SCARY NAKED MAN**
I apologize in advance. But come on. You know I had to.
A
GOOD WIFE ALWAYS KNOWS HER PLACE
I got your meat loaf, right here
"ASSORTED
FLAVORS" OF WHAT, EXACTLY?
I feel just like Mrs. Gary Sinise
Q:
WHAT WOULDN'T YOU DO FOR A MILLION DOLLARS? A: JEFF PROBST
The Survivor contestant application
KIDS
LOVE A BEARDED CLAM
Especially when it tells knock knock jokes
CARNIVORES
VS. VEGANS
The latest on Jack's football team
OH,
LIKE YOU DON'T NEED A DR. DOOLITTLE SUITCASE
My Ebay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
I'M
A BIG WIENER WINDELFAN
Pass the Desitin
MR.
NICE HAS NO ARMS
But that doesn't stop him from dancing, does it?
TOM'S
SECRET
He's in Veronica's Closet
THANK
HEAVEN FOR LITTLE
. . . GIRLS Sugar and spice and a big Wiener Windelfan
CORRINE
WOOD, CATALOGUE WATCHDOG
Tackling those really important issues
I
NEVER KNEW YANNI COULD BE THIS GOOD
Hook up your genitals to the stereo
THOU
SHALT NOT DROP
David Cain, Juggler for Jesus
KEEP
YOUR RAMROD IN MOTION
A treasure trove of unbelievably bad music
SOME
BLONDES ARE DOGS
My Ebay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
TALK
ABOUT YOUR BANGERS AND MASH
British Euphemisms for male genitalia
DON'T
BE SO SENSITIVE
The newest things in male nipple protection
IT'S
NOT THE FIRST TIME CHER'S BEEN LICKED BY A STRANGER
Life-sized cake sculptures of famous people
NASUBI
And you thought Survivor was tough
BECAUSE
SOMETIMES YOU'RE JUST TOO DRUNK TO WALK
Introducing The Barfly 2000
SAY
"AHHH"
The tongue gallery
COLT
OR STALLION?
Is that a fake ass in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
JUST
SAY "HO"
Rate a John
TASTE
OF LEAD
Food, folks and guns
POLI-GRIP
ME
Dentures get me hot
SORRY,
I DIDN'T SEE YOU
Poof! You're an idiot
A
LIFE UNEX-SALMONED
Something else to feel "crappie" about
MORE
STUFF YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED
eBay auctions for Project Angel Food
OLDIE
HAWN
Why Kevin Aucoin is a millionaire
MADAME
TUSSEAU ROCKS
The Pope gets stoned
SCHIZOPHRENIA
SELF-DIAGNOSIS
Which one of you is taking the test?
DALE
ERNHARDT WOULD STILL BE ALIVE TODAY
And he'd be much smoother
THIS
OLD DRESS
What Bob Villa's kids wore to the prom
GROUND
ROUND, SQUARED
Ode to the Meat Cube
WE
DON'T PUT CREAM IN YOUR POOL, PLEASE DON'T PEE IN MY COFFEE
Nasty celebrities get more than they ordered from bitter waitresses
DESPERATE
TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES
Frightening telephone personals and other neat audio
THROWING
UP BRADY
When it's time to cringe, it's time to cringe
YOUR
BRA IS SHOWING
Emily Duffy and her amazing bra ball
GOD
WANTS ME TO SMITE YOUR ASS
Christian dominance and submission
SOMETHING
FROM SPIELBERG'S STEAK SAUCE MOVIE
eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
IT'S
BETWEEN "CHRIST IN A HANDBAG" AND "BOGUS PAGODAS"
Buy a band name for a dollar
SHE
PUTS THE "BUSH" IN "BUSHMILLS"
A web site for Jenna
DON'T
STOP BELIEVING
What Would Journey Do?
I'M
LATE I'M LATE, FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE
With my therapist
COUTURE
BY MAILBOXES, ETC
. Pop Art
THEY'RE
REGISTERED AT URNS 'N THINGS
Wedding tips from the Gothic Martha Stewart
PRINCE
LEO'S BEEN IN THE SPIRITS AGAIN
This week's special: Helen Keller 50% off
HOGAN'S
EROS
Bob Crane has a Kodak moment
ELVIS
PRESLEY and LOU COSTELLO
How bands and artists got their names
LET
HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN SPILL THE FIRST SEED
Holy Masturbation!
BEND
ME, SHAPE ME, ANY WAY YOU WANT ME
Puppetry of the Penis
FOOTBALL
IS UNHEALTHY FOR CHILDREN AND OTHER LIVING THINGS
When footballs are outlawed, only outlaws will have footballs
USE
THE BOWL IN PRIVATE
eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
WHEN
THE EPILADY WON'T DO IT
Hairiest man wins surgery
VOLUME,
VOLUME, VOLUME
How to order 100 lbs. of silly putty
FOR
THE FRIENDLY TRAVELER
They start them young in Korea
I
THINK I WAS PROBED, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER
Must not have been very good
I
WAS REALLY SAD AND JUNK
Existential poetry by the girl who works at The Gap
LET
HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST PENIS
Talk about getting hard
I
HATE YOU, YOU HATE ME
The Ku Klux Klan for kids
URINETOWN,
THE MUSICAL
Think of it as a sort of "Les Wiz" (also see
their web site)
MORE
SHREK DREK
My eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
WE'RE
HERE, WE'RE POOR, GET USED TO IT
Welfare Mothers fight songs
JESUS,
YOU CAN REALLY DRIBBLE
Holy sports figurines
FIRST
THE CHESS VIDEO, NOW THIS
Clearly, Dustin Diamond is crying out for help
WHATEVER.COM
Weird freemail accounts
THE
TEN-INCH COMMANDMENTS
Religious euphemisms for male masturbation
ALL
PROCEEDS GO TO THE CARPAL TUNNEL ASSOCIATION
Will you sponsor me?
MOMMY,
I WANT A CRACK ADDICTED BABY!
These will be harder to find this Christmas than Elmo
WETTEN
DASS? DAS IST "CHARMIN"
A man identifies toilet paper by tasting it
I
NEED THAT LIKE A DOG NEEDS A T-SHIRT
My eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
WON'T
YOU PUT A LITTLE SOMETHING IN HER CUP?
Jenny wants you to buy her some boobs
FLUFFY
WANTS TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE
Use cute little animals to dump your lover
WHO
WANTS TO CHEAT McDONALDS?
An entire web site devoted to cheating on their new game
WELCOME
TO EXTREME IRONING
Combines the thrills of extreme sports with the satisfaction of a well
pressed shirt
MOTHER
MAY I SLEEP WITH STRANGER?
Another tasteful time waster
NICE
FUZZY YOU GOT THERE
"Put your hidden shame on the mantelpiece."
KILL
A CARIBOU FOR CHRIST
Christian Bowhunters Association
MORE
ABOUT THE STAR OF "KOG HEAD AND MEATUS"
A partial list of credits for Sunday's in-studio guest
WITH
A NAME LIKE "CRUISE" IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The article that started it all... les soucis continuent!
YOU
CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SHREK FACE MUD
Our weekly eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
HE
SAID HE LOVED ME, BUT HE WAS LION
Matt Lauer gets some action at Sigfried & Roy's Place
MUST
BE THE SOY BEANS
The newest fetish in Japan
ANTON
GUSTAVSON, SWEDISH IRON MAIDEN COVER ARTIST
Like Eilert Pilarm, but with an edge
I'LL
TAKE AN END PIECE
No jokes about "cream filling"
THE
AMAZING BUZZ-PHRASE-O-TRON 6000
Perfect for those pesky management reports (submitted by Don)
LOOK
AT THE ASCENDERS ON THAT FONT!
Nice picas, baby.
A
LITTLE SOMETHING FROM THE TURD KNOCKER AND BALL BOY
The Oz Prison Bitch Name Generator
ANYONE
WHO DOESN'T LIKE THIS BOOK IS TOTALLY RETARDED
Reviews of "A Mother's Gift", by Lynne and Brittney Spears
ICE
VS. EMINEM
Concerned netizens speak out on the Vanilla Ice message boards
I'M
SEEING AN ILLEGAL FILE COMMAND
Microsoft vs. Psychic Friends
TALK
ABOUT YOUR NYLA-BONE!
Dildoes from the animal kingdom
PIE
MEN ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND
The Strange World of Chrissy LeCreme
OK,
BUT WHERE'S THE LUBE?
I have no idea why this makes me laugh
POORLY
DESIGNED WEB SITE OF THE WEEK
IN
ANY LANGUAGE, THIS BABY SUCKS
"Das ist doch total uncool."
DANCE,
DIETER, DANCE!
Get down with the Teutonic Funk Machine
COURTNEY
LOVE, CIRCA 2011
Effects of drugs and prostitution on one woman over a 10 year period
WHEN
YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEND YOUR VERY BEST
Think of it as a "Ballmark" card
HARD
TO BELIEVE SHE'S STILL SINGLE
If only she wasn't afraid to ask for what she wanted
GOLLY,
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL STORY
Never give up
WURN
SNELL OF COLITAS
he truth behind "Hotel California"
JOSIE
AND THE PUSSYCRAPS
Our weekly eBay auctions to benefit Project Angel Food
CROUCHING
MONKEY, HIDDEN BANANA
A short movie of a chimp practicing karate
I
DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SIT ON IT OR LICK IT
The age old question
SO
THAT'S WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE FOR
Baby Smasher
LOOKS
GREAT WITH RALPH LAUREN SHEETS
Comes with everything but the sack
MAYBE
I'M NOT DONE WITH HANDEL AFTER ALL
High class pranks = quality torture
LET
YOU FINGERS DO THE WALKING
I'm typing with one hand
OVUM
AD NAUSEAM
Thousands of "Easter Eggs" in movies, software, music, books, TV
and art
PEOPLE
FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF EDIBLES
The fascinating world of Peep research
I
LOVE LONG WALKS, CANDLE LIGHT DINNERS AND GENOCIDE
The skin head personals
REFLEX
TESTER
This is really addictive
PEOPLE
HERE TEND TO KEEP TO THEMSELVES
Sister city to Fucking, Austria
MAYBE
THINGS AREN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL
A compendium of human suffering, for your amusement
SASQUATCH
ALERT
They come out of hibernation in the spring
TIME
CUBE = HIGHEST ORDER
Missed medication = This web site
PRAY
FOR BRITNEY
And say a little something for Alan, while you're at it
WHY
IS JOHN TESH SELLING VITAMINS?
So you have the strength to listen to his music
AND
NO LILIES, DAMN IT!
More reasonable requests from your favorite divas
STAND
UP AND PEE COUNTED
Now you both can leave the seat up
SEE
BRAD GARRETT'S $100 FLASHLIGHT
Our celebrity swag on eBay. Proceeds go to Project Angel Food
WHY
IS THIS BEER DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER BEER?
Just don't have it with Pork Rinds
MY
NAME IS SLIM OY VEY-DY
It's a hip hop seder!
YOUR
EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS LINKS, JUST FOR BEING SO GOOD
WHAT
DO YOU WANT FROM ME, BLOOD?
They all suck
THE
BEST DESKTOP TOY IN THE WORLD
Download a desktop Theramin. MAC and PC versions.
THE
NOT SO LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
The one in the grass is my favorite
JESUS,
THAT'S NOT APPLE JUICE!
We like to think of it as "Holy Water"
YOU
CAN'T SPELL "ANALYSIS" WITHOUT "ANAL"
A Christian analysis of Lady and the Tramp II
DO
YOU DO URINE TESTS HERE?
Then wash your hands and make me a sandwich
READ
MY CHEEKS
Your ass is your fortune
NICE
HAT
Take it off or I won't annually probe you
OH,
LIKE YOU DON'T NEED A "VIVA ROCK VEGAS" CLOCK
Our weekly eBay auctions to benefit project Angel Food
IT'S
A LITTLE "MOPPET
" Put the damn kid to work
NICE
PLACE TO FUCKING VISIT
But I wouldn't want to fucking live there
HE'S
GOT LEGS, HE KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM
It's just wrong, wrong, wrong.
I
PITY THE FOOL WHO GETS THIS NEWSLETTER
A comprehensive archive of Mr. T sound bytes
JESUS,
MY KNEE IS BLEEDING
The Father, The Son and the Holy Band-Aid
VENISON,
ANYONE?
Nice Rack
COULDN'T
THEY JUST CALL AAA?
Just don't ask them for a jumper cable
IN
THE INTEREST OF SCIENCE
Not for the furbish
I
GOT THE ADDAM'S FAMILY
Gee, there's a surprise
JUST
EUPHEMISMS PLEASE, WE'RE BRITISH
I'm no winnie, but did you see J Los' doos?
THE
CORNED BEEF ISN'T MOVING
Visit our charity auctions on Ebay. This week's specials: canned meat and
porno
CLICK
ON MY GIANT LIPS
Too much collagen distorts your design sense
I
GUESS "MEAT TUBE" WAS TAKEN
The worst product name ever
I'LL
GET BACK TO YOU.COM
The most romantic way to propose since hiding the ring up your ass
WON'T
YOU BUY MY BEAVER?
Visit our charity auctions on Ebay, sponsored by NBC.*
*Nothing
But Crap
SAY,
NICE PILLOWS
Too bad they're not real
HOW
ABOUT "TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS"?
Eric conveys an emotion
THE
STEPFORD DOLLS
Barbie goes Amish
SHE'LL
BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU
My favorite is liznew1.jpg
UNIDENTIFIED
F***ING OBJECT
Ok, but I think we ALL inflate that way
OH
GROW UP
Suck on this, you big baby
DUSTIN
DIAMOND TEACHES CHESS
What happens to sitcom stars when the laughter stops
DON'T
FORGET THE DROP CLOTH
She only works with latex
WO
IST EILERT?
Find out where the Swedish Elvis is knocking them dead this week
OWH
OT UTSMARTO APSTERN
The deceptively simple Aimster Pig Encoder
SKIP
THIS, YOU FREAK
The first annoying fitness craze of the New Millennium
WAITER,
THERE'S A COCK IN MY SOUP
Visit our sales site on Ebay. It's all for charity, so fork it over.
KENNY
ROGERS RINGERS
Know when to walk away, and know when to run
MY
BARBIES NEVER LOOKED LIKE THIS
And Ken couldn't be happier
PUT
ON YOUR BONRAOOS, YOU'VE GOT A 12:01!
Is that a crate in your boof or are you just a gump?
WHAT
YOUR MOTHER WAS LISTENING TO WHEN SHE WENT INTO LABOR
Find out what the number one song was on the day you were born
TALK
ABOUT YOUR MATTERHORNS!
Take a trip down Flash Mountain
WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO BABY JAMES?
He's part of the Sissy Boy Web Ring
TZANGAVATH
& GYNNXOTICA, SITTIN' IN A TREE . .
. The Goth Couple of the Week
IT'S
JUST LIKE A FAIRY TALE
Except the prince doesn't wake her up
WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH KEDS TODAY?
Walk the dog! And step on it!
ONLY
34 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL PASSOVER
Visit our sales site on Ebay. It's all for charity, so make with the gelt.
FOR
SALE BY MENTAL PATIENT
Almost makes Ebay look safe
DOES
CALISTA LOOK FAT TO YOU?
Lara Flynn Boyle, eat your heart out
FINALLY,
MORE INTERNET PORN
Make any web site dirty with the Pornolizer
JUST
DON'T VIRTUALLY STEP IN IT
The Virtual Dog Shit Creator
MOMMY,
THAT CLOWN SHAVED ME
Sometimes you need a clown to beat the hell out of you.
SPRUCE
UP YOUR JUICE!
Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.
DON'T
FORGET YOUR RUBBERS
The strange world of wet socks
DAVID
G. HALL = "SIX TOES"
A little something from "The Just" and "The Toweler".
TINKLE
THE IVORIES
They put the "P" in piano.
PLEASE
GET DAVID HASSELHOFF OUT OF MY GARAGE
Visit our sales site on Ebay. It's all for Charity, so make with the coin.
DIAL
6 FOR MURDER
What does your phone number spell?
OOPS,
I RECOMBINED AN ELECTRON WITH A DOPED SEMICONDUCTOR AGAIN
The Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics
HAUTE
COUTURE FROM ACE HARDWARE
It's the latest thing!
LEAVE
THE GNOMES ALONE
Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Bloody
GARY
COLEMAN'S NASTY ASS SEX CALLS
There's nothing good about this.
HI,
I'M APRIL AND I HAVE CHAPPED LIPS
The first step to getting better is admitting you have the problem,
WON'T
SOMEONE BUY MY VAGINA?
Visit our sales site on Ebay, and just look at all the crap we're selling!
It's all for Charity, so bid up.
HEY!
THERE'S ART ON MY CAR!
That's a copious envelope you've got there. Schplutz much?
MAYBE
IF WE CLAP HARD, ENOUGH HE'LL GO AWAY
"Is 47 too old for such notions?" Um... yeah.
HEY,
SPEAK ENGRISH WHY DONTCHA?
Let's have such a coffee now! (suggested by our listener, Gregg)
DO
I LOOK FAT IN THIS TARP?
He ain't heavy, he's enormous.
NICE
RACK, JOHN
An invaluable resource for men only.
VALENTINE
E-CARDS
Send your Valentine some truly original and disturbing greetings.
WHAT'S
IN YOUR NAME? THE KABALARIAN NAME ANALYZER
Hello, Stapler. Meet my friend, Lamp. By the way, has anyone seen Toast?
SAY,
IS THAT AN ENORMOUS BAG OF PEANUTS ON EBAY, OR ARE YOU JUST FUND RAISING?
Visit our sales site on Ebay, and just look at all the crap we're selling!
It's all for Charity, so bid up.
JUNO'S
UNBELIEVABLY SCARY SERVICE AGREEMENT
Check out number 2.5. Makes you want to sign up right now!
AND
JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME . . . .
The University of Toronto's "rigorous fellatio" study
Baby
let me be your little objet d'art
The Velvet Elvis Gallery
Play
Misty for me
"Force sensitive" musical condom
I
want this on my coffee table
Makes a great ashtray
Two
hoods up
White supremicists go to the movies
May
the feet be with you
The sock puppet version of Return of the Jedi
The
Zagat of hooters
A comprehensive guide to strip clubs
Are
you sure that's sugar in the gas tank?
People who have sex with their cars
Whore
of a different color
She's looking for a little blue man group action
Lordco
Products
"Making Blasphemy Fun Since 1998"
More
interesting than the CBS line-up
Les Moonves, take note
Screw
Paypal
The Oral Sex Donation System
Cat
in the Kettle
Requires Flash
69
x 2 =
The Orgasmic Calculator
What
a dick
Steven Seagal, musician
The
Sex Watch
Time to get digital
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