Sexy

I padded, barefoot, up the front walk clad only in a tight black tanktop with the word “SEXY” across it in metal studs and some faded denim jeans. I knew that he had security cameras all over the outside of the house, but by the same token I also knew that he never turned them on. Dumb, maybe. Lazy, definitely.

As I got to the porch I felt the chill kick in and I started shivering all over. My knees knocked with every step I climbed. And my teeth chattered so loudly, I was afraid that they might shatter and fall out. Maybe I was in shock?

I tried the doorbell first, and when no one answered I grabbed hold of the big iron knocker and let it drop over and over against the heavy wooden doors. The soft glow of the porch light illuminated my hand and I could see the blood spatter in a strange pattern across the knuckles and down my forearm. I was still trying to knock when the door flew back and Nick stood in the doorway, sleep still in his eyes, his blonde hair shooting in every direction.

He stood there looking at me, things not registering at first. And then I saw a look of fear come into his eyes, fear crossed with sickness as he stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. “Oh my God,” he whispered into my hair “Oh my God I am so sorry.” His arms held me tightly, like they were wrapped around me three times. I tried to lose myself in the feel of his soft t-shirt, and the smell of sleep on his body. I tried to just forget it all right there on his front porch wrapped in his strong arms. But when he pulled me back and I saw my own blood soaking the front of his shirt I knew that I would never be able to forget what had happened that night.

Cupping his arm protectively around my shoulder he led me inside and shut the door. I listened as he locked the two deadbolts and pulled the chain across the door. “Nick,” I whispered “Will you please set the alarm and cameras.” He paused and then I heard the sound of his fingers on the keypad of the alarm. There were three steady beeps followed by one long one and I knew that we were safe. Pulling me back into the crook of his arm he lead me through the darkened foyer down the three steps to the livingroom and to the bottom of the long flight of winding stairs that lead to the second floor.

“Can you make it?” He asked in a low sleepy voice. He probably was wondering if he was still asleep and having some sort of nightmare. “I can make it.” I replied taking a deep breath as he led me up the stairs. It took us almost five minutes to get to the first landing, a couple of times I thought I might pass out until finally Nick scooped me up in his arms and carried me the rest of the way. I melted into his body and found myself falling asleep.

“Beck wake up,” he said jiggling me a little. “Beck.” The second time he said my name he sounded a little more anxious. I tugged on his shirtfront to let him know that I was ok and we proceeded down the hall to the master bedroom.

Nick laid me down gently on his big king sized bed and I watched him walk to the bathroom and turn on the lights. I could see his reflection in the big mirror. He stared at his own reflection for a minute, rubbed his eyes and then turned on the faucet. Over and over he splashed handfuls of water in his face and then turning off the faucet he grabbed a handtowel and dried his face. Tossing the wadded up towel onto the bathroom sink he braced himself with his palms on the countertop and through clenched teeth I heard him mutter “Shit, shit, shit.” Then with a single punch thrown to the mirror a spiderweb pattern broke across the glass. Than he turned, snapping off the bathroom light and came back to where I lay.

In the dark I could only make out the outline of him as he carefully tugged my jeans off and folded them, then he peeled my tanktop off. He went so slow and was careful when it came to my face. He pulled the neck out and slipped it up and over my head and also folded it putting it on top of the jeans. Then taking my hands he ever so gently pulled me to a sitting position and in one motion picked me up in his arms and carried me towards the bathroom.

“Can you sit here for a second by yourself? Or should I lay you on the ground.” He had sat me down on the toilet seat and leaned me against the cold tiles of the wall. It felt so good on my throbbing face.

"I can sit here.” I moaned, wondering where that voice had come from. It didn’t sound like me. It sounded thick and low.

I closed my eyes and listened to him shuffling through drawers in the bathroom. Then I heard a small crack and when I opened my eyes I could see that he struck a match and was lighting a few candles that he placed in the corner of the large Jacuzzi tub. I knew what he was doing, he wasn’t turning on the light because he didn’t want me to see myself. Turning on the water to fill the tub I could hear him swishing his hand around to test the temperature before returning to me.

He scooped me up again and walked across the darkened room now faintly lit with the soft flickering glow of candles that smelled like some sort of mixture of peppermint and lavender. I was still in my bra and panties as he placed me gently into the steaming hot water. I gasped once at the shock of the water temperature and then my body accepted it and instantly my teeth stopped chattering. I saw him slip off his own T-shirt and sweatpants down to his boxers and then he climbed in behind me, sitting Indian style right up close against my back. Reaching for a wash cloth he dipped it into the water and then crumpled it up above my back so that the streams of hot water ran down my shoulders and neck. I closed my eyes and fought back tears.

It was quiet except for the sound of the running water filling the large marble tub. I could hear him lathering up the cloth with soap that he then rubbed over my back, moving slowly around my neck and shoulders. Then he pulled up one of my arms and washed it and then the other. I noticed that he concentrated for a long time on the forearms and knuckles where I had seen traces of my own blood on his front porch. He worked my fingers and even dug under the nails before moving to the other arm. When he was done he gently turned me around. I winced afraid to face him, ashamed of what I now knew that he knew.

I didn’t want to see myself reflected in his eyes, the look he had given me on the front porch when he opened the door was enough, so I kept my eyes closed. He lathered the cloth up again and slowly washed my neck and then he scooted back a little and took each one of my legs into his lap which he also washed down to my toes of each foot. He then tossed the washcloth across the room I could hear it land with a thud on the plush carpet, and grabbed for another one.

“This is going to hurt,” he whispered leaning into my ear. “I don’t know what else to do though I have to clean it up.” I opened my eyes and looked up at him, he was looking into my eyes. His eyes were wide and troubled in the candlelight. I just nodded at him and closed my eyes again.

“Okay.” He drew in a deep breath and reached around me letting the washcloth get soaked with fresh running hot water. Gently he touched the coth to my forehead and then pulled back. I heard him draw in a shuddered breath again and soon the cloth was back on my forehead. Water trickled down my cheeks mixing with the tears that now fell from my eyes. As he swept the cloth slowly across my forehead I could hear that he too was crying. It was soft and low but there was no mistaking that it was crying. After he finished my forehead he moved to my right eye. Oh my God it stung, I gasped a little and gripped his forearm. He pulled back.

“Beck?” he questioned. His arm was shaking.

“It’s okay,” I replied letting go of him. “It’s okay.” He wet the cloth again under the water and then proceeded to put the cloth on my eye again. I bit my lower lip hard and clenched my fists. It seemed to take an eternity before he threw that cloth across the room and reached up to the towel bar for another washcloth. He also pulled the drain up on the tub to let the water out a little as more poured in.

The strangest things popped into my head as he worked the cloth around my left eye now. I remembered that the towels in his bathroom were a light taupe and coral. And I knew that they would probably be ruined from my blood. Then I thought about his duvet cover. That too was done in taupe and beige’s and creams. I am sure that my blood was on that as well. I would have to tell him that I would pay for the dry cleaning. My hands began to shake again under the water, and no matter how hard I tried to stop them the shaking seemed to work its’ way up my arms to my shoulders and down my body to the tips of my toes.

“Beck I think you are in shock.” Nick dropped the washcloth into the water with a loud plop, and took my face into both of his hands. “I am going to get you out of the tub now. I’m done with your face okay.” I couldn’t nod or speak all I could do was shake violently until water splashed and waved over the side of the tub.

“Fuck.” He said in a desperate tone, standing up and pulling me to my feet. I could not stand but it didn’t matter because he just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder while he climbed up and over the wall of the tub. His strong arms held me tight despite the fact that I am sure he too was shaking. He took long strides out of the bathroom back into the bedroom and laid me in the center of the bed. Then he took the duvet from both sides and wrapped it around me and then pulling me up to a sitting position he rubbed my arms hard with his own big hands and worked his way up and down my body. It was so dark in the bedroom I couldn’t even see his shadow anymore. I could only hear his heavy breathing over the chattering of my own teeth. Then a white light popped in my head and for a moment all I could see were bright streaming lights then darkness again.

“ You… have…the hospital…” “ You don’t… I thought …that? Supposed….”

The words seemed far away and I couldn’t make out who was talking? Both voices were anxious.

“I …maybe…called…police…what about…pictures…”

“She…fucking shock…”

The voices grew a little louder and the conversation seemed to get more heated and then it all faded out again.

Birds. I could hear birds. Their voices peaked and dropped peaked and dropped in the same pattern over and over. I wondered what they were saying to each other? I struggled to open my eyes, it seemed to take forever before a tiny slit of light came through. Where was I? Everything in my brain was so foggy. Had I been drinking? Maybe someone had slipped me something at the club? Rolling onto my side I felt like a prizefighter that had gone one too many rounds. My body ached all over. I managed to get onto one elbow and then slowly push myself up to a semi reclined position as the comforter that was wrapped around me dropped away and a slap of cold hit me as I realized that I was only in my bra and panties. This was not good.

The room was a hazy gray, morning gray. No outside light was coming through the drapes that were pulled tightly over the large window to my left. I tried to recognize something, anything, but all I could think about was how bad my head hurt. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I fumbled for the comforter and pulled it back up and around my shoulders. I scanned the room, the blonde wood nightstand with a beautiful Pottery Barn lamp that I remember marking in the last catalog as a “must have.” The matching blonde wood wardrobe and dresser with the over sized oval mirror above it. And then there was a small-overstuffed sofa and love seat piled with thick pillows and a glass topped table separating them in one corner of the room. Slowly I tried to stand, but my legs crumpled instantly and I toppled to the thick plush carpet in a mound. Looking up I made out through the gray light a figure in a large wingback leather chair against the wall.

The figure sat slumped in the chair with its’ chin resting on its’ chest so that all I could see was the top of the head. Its’ arms were folded across its’ chest and its’ long legs were stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Panic flooded through me as I searched my brain for any kind of memory as to where I was and who was in this room with me. Whoever it was, was sleeping which would give me time to crawl across the floor and out the door if I moved quickly. But where would I go and how far could I get in bare feet a bra and panties. As I pushed myself up onto all fours I felt a wave a nausea overcome me, and as I began to vomit I noticed the figure stir and the head lift. Even in the gray light I knew it was Nick.

“Shit,” he hit the floor and crawled to me putting a large warm hand on my back. “It’s okay just get it out.” He said as I continued to throw up. His one hand stroked my back while the other hand pulled my hair back out of my face. It felt like I was throwing up major organs and all I could think is how much had I had to drink to make me throw up like this? “Oh baby girl.” Nick said in a soothing voice, once I had finished and rolled onto my back with my head in his lap. “Oh baby girl I am so sorry.”

“Oh my God I am so sorry…”

“This is going to hurt I don’t know what else to do I have to clean it up….”

“Beck I think you are in shock…….”

His head was bent over me, hair falling in columns over his eyes, he stroked my forehead and rocked slowly back and forth with me in his lap like I was a baby. It was coming back to me slowly. This had nothing to do with the club or drinking or anything like that. This had to do with Trevor. Reaching out my hand I pushed the hair out of his eyes forcing him to make eye contact with me. “Is it bad?” My voice was barely above a whisper. He tried to look away but could not, and it took him along time before he answered.

“It’s bad Beck.”

“How bad?”

“I think we should go to the hospital.”

* * *

I was bundled up in the backseat of his SUV. Nick had dressed me in one of his long sleeve t-shirts, with a sweatshirt over that and a pair of his sweatpants cinched tightly at the waist. Shoes were a problem since I hadn’t come with any to his house so he opted to put me in two layers of his socks and then a pair of his little brothers tennis shoes that had been left in the guest bedroom from his visit the month before. They were still big but they would have to do. Pulling the sweatshirt hood up around my face he tucked my hair down inside and made a loose knot with the strings. Then he grabbed the same duvet cover he had wrapped me in the night before and threw that in the backseat to make a sort of bed for me to stretch out on.

The radio was low, playing The Counting Crows I thought, or was it Pearl Jam? I could not tell. I could smell cigarette smoke, which was strange, because Nick didn’t smoke anymore. I watched him pull the cigarette to his lips and let it dangle there as he shifted the gears, then he took a long drag and ashed it out the window. The wind from the cracked window whipped his hair around his head, and every so often he would shake it out of his eyes and then glance at me in the rear view mirror. I quickly closed my eyes so that he wouldn’t see me awake. I was ashamed.

His car phone rang. “Hello… no…no…yes.” It was a cryptic conversation obviously for my benefit. “Umm…okay.” The other side started doing all of the talking so Nick was silent. And then it ended with “Okay…okay…. Bye.” He clicked off the phone that was set into the console and threw the rest of the cigarette out the window and with his free hand rubbed his eyes.

“Who was that.” I asked softly.” But he didn’t hear me. So I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

“Hey where have you been.” Trevor was early as always standing in my bedroom door after letting himself in with a key that he had stolen from me two months before. I didn’t want him having a key anymore, so I’d taken it away but it didn’t seem to matter he always figured out to get around that.

When he called me earlier that morning and asked me to meet him for coffee at “Insatiable” a little coffeehouse down by the beach I hesitated. For the last three weeks I had been playing the avoiding game with him and now he wanted to meet me for coffee to discuss why. I told him yes, that I would meet him at 4:00, not really intending to go. And here it was 3:15 and he was standing in my bedroom door asking me questions.

“I thought we were meeting at 4:00.” I said casually towel drying my hair, my heart thumping in my chest.

“I thought we were meeting at 4:00,” he mocked me walking towards me with a pissed off look in his eyes. “I will ask you again where the hell have you been.”

“Working.” Was all I said pulling my robe around me tighter. I picked up my hair dryer from the dresser and walked towards the bathroom.

“I want to go out tonight.” His tone of voice changed, as he climbed onto my bed and grabbed one of my stuffed rabbits to toss in the air. “We’re going for coffee.” I yelled over the hum of the hairdryer, watching his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

He stopped tossing the rabbit and put it back on the bed, then he rolled onto his stomach and reached for my nightstand drawer. Slowly he slid it open, glancing up to see what I was doing. I quickly looked away from the mirror and pretended to be concentrating on my wet hair. “Let’s go out tonight Beck.” He whined. Sliding my eyes back to the mirror I watched him sift through the contents of my nightstand. I felt like a chicken not saying anything, not stopping him or demanding to know what it was he was looking for. But in truth I was a chicken. I was scared to death of him.

Shutting the drawer he rolled back onto his back and then pushed himself up and came to the bathroom door. “Get ready, and try to look nice for once and I will take you out. I’ll be back at 8:00. Be ready.” The kiss he planted on my forehead was too hard and the smile he gave me was insincere as he walked out. I heard the front door slam shut and shutting off the hair dryer I let out the breath I’d been holding and slid in a sitting position to the bathroom floor.

I woke up just as Nick pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine. It had to be about 6:00 a.m. or so, the parking lot of the hospital was semi empty on the emergency side. There was a beat up red Mazda, two luxury cars one green and the other one a sort of silver color and one small yellow car that looked like it could have pieced together from a Gremlin and a Yugo. I also noticed a police car parked up by the entrance to the emergency room, its’ engine was running but nobody was in the car.

Nick slid out of the driver side and came around to the back door. I sat up to meet him as he opened the door, and took his outstretched hand. Stepping down onto the running board one of my over sized shoes fell to the ground with a thud. Nick looked down at it then up at me and smiled sadly. Pulling the other shoe off of my foot he bent down to grab the one on the ground and tossed them both over me into the back of the car. Then he scooped me up and turned around, bumping the door closed with his back. He leaned against the door for what seemed like a minute and I could feel his heart pounding.

“We don’t have to do this. I know that I will be okay.” Pursing his lips together he just sighed and walked through the parking lot towards the emergency entrance.

* * *

Reaching the first set of glass doors they slid back, then there was a small foyer then a second set of glass doors that slid back. Nick continued straight, following the signs that said “EMERGENCY”. Turning left there was a desk with two uninterested looking girls in their twenties sitting there filing their nails. The one with the dark hair looked up as we approached. The recognition in her eyes was obvious.

“He…hell…hello.” She stammered tossing the file to the desktop and smoothing down her hair. “Can we…can I….help you?” Even with his baseball cap on and a sweat jacket there was no mistaking who he was. Nick used to be able to walk around without being recognized a long time ago but now that was impossible.

The other girl continued filing her nails only to look up long enough to see what had her friend so tongue tied and then returned to her nails. Stopping the second girl looked up once again and dropped her file as well.

“Hello, can we help you.” She was a bit more sure of herself as she bumped the first girl slightly to the side. If I wouldn’t have been in so much pain the whole thing would have been comical.

“My friend needs to see a doctor.” His body language spoke confidence but his shaking hands spoke of something else, luckily only I could feel them. The two young women had not even noticed me in his arms they were so busy looking at his fabulous face. Finally the blonde one tore her gaze away from him long enough to glance in my direction. I am sure she could not even make out if I was a boy or girl in his clothing, or what was wrong with me, with my face tucked down inside of the hood. And then without a word the two tripped and stumbled over each other, trying to be the first one to find a doctor for Nick.

Have a seat Nick….I mean…well…Just have a seat and a doctor will be right out for you and your friend.” The blonde was already gone through the double swinging doors. And as the second one turned to follow behind the doors flew back and hit the in the face. She reeled a little, muttered something under her breath and then gave the door hard push open. You could hear her as the doors closed “Patty that hurt, thanks for making me look so stupid.”

As Nick turned and carried me towards a group of chairs in the farthest corner of the dimly lit waiting room I started to laugh. I just couldn’t help it. The image of the girl stumbling forward and stammering away as the door hit her in the face was too much. It was funnier then any thing I had ever seen a fan do and I had seen fans do many bumbling and fumbling things when presented with a face to face meeting with Nick or one of the other guys in the band. My laughter got a little louder, and then suddenly Nick started to laugh and by the time he sat down with me in his lap the two of us were beside ourselves with doubled over with hysterics.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” Nick giggled as we rolled across his king-sized bed, our arms and legs in a big jumbled mess. When we finally came to a stop with him above me I looked up into his blue blue eyes that twinkled brightly and the half smile that crossed his full lips. Reaching up I locked my hands around his neck and pulled him into me for a long warm kiss.

“You are going to get me into so much trouble.” I singsonged pulling him even closer.

“It will be worth it Beck,” he said stroking the side of my face with the back of his hand. “I promise it will all be worth it.”

“It better be.” Was all I replied as he planted a big sloppy wet swak in the center of my forehead and then yanked the comforter up and over our heads.

Pulling on my jeans I secured them with my favorite wide black belt with the gorgeous sterling silver belt buckle that I bought in Ireland the previous year, and then slipped my tank top over my head and tucked it into the jeans. Nick watched me from the doorway to his bathroom, he was slumped against the doorjamb, shirtless with a pair of low slung black lounge pants with the Calvin Klein logo going across the waistband, and bare feet.

“When are you going to tell him?” He asked for the third time tonight.

“I don’t need to tell him, he knows that it is over.” Fishing around under his bed I came up with my chunky soled Doc Marten sandals and my sterling silver bracelet.

“If he knows that it is over then why did he ask you to go clubbing with him tonight?” Nick walked to the bed and sat down, pulling the water bottle from his nightstand. Popping the cap off he took a long swig and snapped the cap back on.

Nick and I had been friends for almost six years. In that time we had done a lot of talking, cuddling, kissing, hugging, supporting, dancing, laughing. You name it we’d been through it. Always as friends. This recent twist of sleeping together began in the last month since I had tried to cut Trevor out of my life. Nick and I knew that we were meant to be together. And after all of these years we decided to just go for it.

I hadn’t bothered to tell Nick all of the gruesome details of my relationship with Trevor. I knew if I ever would have told Nick the truth, he would have gone after Trevor a long time ago and I didn’t want him to get involved. It was something I needed to take care of on my own. So I used the old “we just grew apart” line and prayed that Trevor would never show up on my doorstep again. And it had worked until today.

“Tonight,” I said looking at the faraway disappointment in his eyes. “ I will tell him tonight that it is over.” Nick looked up at me and smiled, then reached out a hand and took mine.

“Do you need me to come with you?” he asked, opening up my hand and kissing my palm.

“No, I can do it on my own. It is better that way.”

Voices called out over the intercom, making mushy words that I couldn’t understand. If I couldn’t understand them I wondered how some doctor having a crazy night walking up and down through the corridors of a hospital was able to figure out what they were saying. Nick and I were quiet except for the occasional snort when one or the other of us thought about those girls at the desk. By that time they had both returned to their posts and through the darkened room I swear that I could tell that they had both fixed their hair and applied makeup.

“They are trying to look hot for you.” I whispered into his chest. He only shook his head and leaned down his hot breath on my face. “The only hot girl I notice in this room is you.” The words were sweet but the sentiment was flat, I felt like that guy in that movie “As Good As It Gets” when he had been beaten up and his friends didn’t want him to see himself. I was scared shitless of what I looked like on the outside.

Finally one of the girls came and beckoned Nick with a crooked finger to come her way. He stood and carried me up towards the desk.

“We just need to do the vitals first.” She said walking around behind the desk and motioning for him to sit me in a chair. Slowly he lowered me and then undid the strings of the hood and gingerly lowered it. It was the blonde girl that came up behind the other one and let out a gasp. “Oh my God what happened to her. Was it a car accident?” Nick was crouched in front of me, and he turned his head slowly to look up at her. “That really isn’t helping her.” He said making a motion with his hand “Can you take it down a notch.”

“I’m sorry.” You could tell she was embarrassed as she pulled up one of my arms and attempted to push up the sleeve of Nicks’ sweatshirt. “Its’ just that I wasn’t expecting that. I’ve seen worse don’t worry.” The last part she said to me with a little stupid smile. Nick just groaned. She did my blood pressure and took my temperature and pulse and then led us back through the double swinging doors to a small room.

“If you could just remove your clothing down to your bra and underwear and slip this gown on the doctor will be in to see you shortly.” Her professionalism had gotten a little better but you couldn’t help but notice the wink she gave Nick as she pulled the curtain closed and left the area.

“Is this a bad dream or a bad after school special?” He helped me up onto the table with a little snort at my comment. I still had not been able to see what everyone else was seeing. In my mind I was still just the same old Beck. The image I had in my head of myself was the last image I saw in the mirror before Trevor had come to pick me up. Natural face with a slightly upturned nose and wide dark navy blue eyes. Two light slashes of pale pink “Baby Kisses” lipstick on and a dusting of powder to conceal the light smattering of freckles that covered the bridge of my nose. Nick had always called me cinnamon toast because of my freckles.

“Easy Beck.” Nick pulled the sweatshirt over my head then easily removed the t-shirt beneath it.

“Have you done this once or twice in your life.” I said with a hint of a smile that hurt.

“You are not so funny.” He answered briefly meeting my eyes to warn me of the seriousness of the situation. He tugged off the sweatpants and folded them all in a neat little pile beside me and then climbed back onto the table. I was shivering pretty badly in the cold little cubicle. My bare legs had goose bumps covering them so I leaned into the warmth of his body and swung my legs back and forth in tandem with his.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I could just hang around the back of the club and make sure that you are okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I said with a straight face. It felt so awful to lie to him but I had been doing it for the whole year I had been seeing Trevor what was one more night going to hurt. He walked me out to my car and opened the door for me. I turned the key in the ignition and his voice from their latest CD filled the air. We both smiled at each other.

Bracing himself with his hands on the car door he pushed it closed and leaned down into the open window. “You’ll call me when you get home?”

“I’ll call.”

“You could come here after. “

“I don’t know how late I will be and I know that you have to get up early and go to the recording studio.” He leaned into me and touched my forehead with his own. “I don’t care. I can sleep when I’m dead.” We rubbed noses as I took his face in my hands and kissed him tenderly on the lips to let him know how much I cared. “I will call.” Backing up as I threw the car into reverse the last thing I saw was his faint worried smile as I cruised down the drive.

“You’re hurting me.” I said through gritted teeth as he went through the VIP ropes and waltzed passed the bouncer with a nod. “Well it isn’t anything compared to how much you have hurt me.” I struggled to keep up with him as he pulled me down the long darkened corridor through the thick crimson velvet curtains and into the loud pulsating crowd of Club Omni.

It seemed like an eternity before the curtain to the cubicle was pulled back and a young doctor who looked to be in his thirties came through studying the clipboard in his hand. “Umm huh…okay…” he said finally looking up. I watched his face fall when he saw me and then he pulled the curtain closed behind him and fumbled for the small round rolling stool to the left of us. He sat down in front of me and looked back down at the clipboard. “Your name is Rebecka Clark?” He asked. He had a smooth deep voice that reminded me of a radio disc jockey.

“Becka.” I replied leaning more into Nick.

“And this is?” he looked over at Nick with narrowed eyes and a slight frown.

“I’m Nick. I am her friend.” The doctor jotted a few things down on his clipboard and then stood up.

“I am Doctor Jamison.” He shook both of our hands then turned to Nick. “Nick do you think that I could have a few minutes alone with Becka?” Nick kissed the top of my head twice and loosened his grip on my shoulder. I could tell it was hard for him to let me go. He slid off of the table and pulled my chin up.

“I’m right out in the waiting room if you need me Beck. I’m not going anywhere.” I nodded pathetically and felt hot tears stinging my eyes. “Don’t be afraid.” He mouthed and then disappeared through the curtains.

“But I am afraid Nick.” I said in a hoarse voice “I’m so scared.” But he was already gone.

Dr. Jamison stood and pushed the chair back over into the corner and made a move towards me his hands coming at my face. I flinched hard like he was going to hit me and I saw him pull his hands back his mouth tightening into a thin line.

“Becka, I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice was calming and gentle. I felt my shoulders round and my body sort of shrink into itself with fear. I knew that he wasn’t going to hurt me didn’t I? Again he reached out, this time with his hand sort of tilted downward like when you want to make friends with a frightened dog so you let them smell your hand first. Then as he got to my chin he turned his hand slightly. I still flinched though not as badly as he cupped his hand beneath my chin and tilted it up towards the light. The doctor sighed heavily as he explored my face with his other hand. I winced when he got up and around my eyes or when he ran his thumb along the corners of my mouth. It seemed as though he was wincing right along with me although I could have been imagining it.

“Becka, is Nick your boyfriend?” He asked tilting the light so that he could inspect my face better. I shook my head. “Are you sure?” Maybe it was everything that happened that made me so slow but I wasn’t getting where he was going with this. “Because we have crisis counselors here who are equipped to deal with these kinds of things.”

“What kinds of things?” I moaned as he pushed on my forehead above my right eye. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes as he worked his way around my face and then he continued.

“Becka why don’t you tell me how this happened.”

Trevor dragged me to a table in the far left-hand side of the club and yanked out a chair, which he promptly shoved me down onto. Then he pointed a finger at me as if to say stay like I was his pet or something and I watched him walk to the bar. I thought twice about getting up and just disappearing into the crowd. I could run to my car and drive straight to Nicks and never look back. But that wouldn’t solve anything. I had to end this once and for all. When he returned he held two drinks in long tall glasses, he pushed one at me and then sat beside me and took a long drink out of the other one.

“Where were you?” He leaned into me shouting to be heard over the loud pulsating music.

“I was home getting ready.” I yelled back in a slightly annoyed tone to throw him off. He smiled a little bit and took another drink. “Do I have stupid stamped on my forehead?” I didn’t answer because I knew the question didn’t require a smart-ass answer from me. “You forgot I have a key. I was waiting at your place all night for you to come home.” My face fell.

“Caught you,” he said leaning in closer to me. “And now you are going To have to pay.”

The doctor was waiting for an answer to his question. I went over all of the typical answers I had been giving over the last year, for the various bumps and bruises that had been popping up all over my face and body. I ran into a door, I fell down the stairs, I tripped over the dog…”Does it really matter?” I finally answered sick of lying.

“Maybe it never did before but it does tonight. The extents of your injuries are serious Becka. This isn’t just a bruise that you can cover up with makeup and hope that it fades away in a few days. I am going to request one of our best plastic surgeons to come and examine you. I am sure that you don’t want any permanent scarring and with the damage that has been done that is a possibility.” I swallowed hard, kneading the gown in my hands.

“Becka did Nick do this to you?” The question was both horrifying and humorous all at the same time. Nick my Nick. He couldn’t even kill a spider and here this Doctor was asking if he had hurt me. I shook my head gave a small laugh.

“It wasn’t Nick. It was Trevor,” I said in a low voice, tears welling up in my eyes. “Trevor did this to me…again.”

By the time we left the club Trevor was as drunk as I had ever seen him. I begged him to stop but that seemed to annoy him more then just the sight of me did so he drank more. He didn’t talk to me except to direct me to the dance floor where he wanted to dance in between another round of drinks. When we were on the floor he stood to close, held me to tightly, and kissed me on the mouth so hard that at one point I tasted blood from him biting my lip. I prayed for him to let me out of sight for a few seconds so that I could call Nick on my cell phone and beg him to come and get me out of this mess. But after the first trip to the bar Trevor had a waitress coming regularly to the table so I was never alone. At 1:45 a.m. he decided it was time to go. Dumping some bills on the table for a tip he dug his fingers into my upper arm and dragged me back out the way we came in bypassing my car and heading straight for his dark gray Mercedes in the back of the parking lot. I looked around hoping for some coherent sole that could possibly witness us leaving so that if they never found my body someone at least could give the cops a clue where I was seen last. The only people I saw were a couple in a yellow convertible getting ready to snort a line of cocaine in the backseat, I highly doubted they would be credible witnesses for the prosecution.

He fumbled for his keys and unlocked the passenger door and then pushed me hard from behind. My head grazed the top of the door as I fell into the seat barely able to pull my legs in before he slammed the door shut. Then he stumbled around to the driver’s side and climbed in. “Trevor your drunk.” I said reaching for the keys. He batted my hand away and pushed them into the ignition.

“Get away from me whore.” He growled as he started up the engine.

“Where are we going? I just want to go home.” I said in a pleading voice. He only laughed and cranked up the stereo. And then threw the car into drive and peeled out of the parking lot.

He kept singing to the music on the stereo, he was off key and not even close to the lyrics but he kept singing anyway. We swerved a few times over the middle line and I could see my life flash in front of my eyes. Mostly I could just see the look on Nick’s face when they told him I had gone down in a fiery crash with a drunken Trevor at the wheel. I knew that he would blame himself. Finally Trevor pulled off of the road and up a long steep drive to some condos that I sort of recognized. I think they were a couple of miles from Nicks place, newer and geared towards tourists with lots of money.

“What are we doing here?” I yelled so he could hear me over the music. He just ignored me and reached above the driver visor to extract a small remote control garage opener that opened on of the stalls in front of us. Pulling in he pushed the button again and closed it behind us trapping me with him. Then he opened up his door and walked around to mine.

“Get out.” He commanded and then proceeded to help me with a yank out of the car.

He pushed me around in front of him and told me to go to the door on the opposite side of the garage, the door was unlocked. Walking in he came in behind me and turned on the lightswitch just inside of the door.

“Welcome home Becka.” He slurred giving me another great shove in the back. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

They called in the plastic surgeon for a consultation, he and the doctor did a lot of quiet talking on the other side of the curtain. I could see their shoes toe to toe and hear the low whispering. Then they parted the curtain and came in. The plastic surgeons name was Dr. Sanchez, he spoke in a kind voice and had warm brown eyes that put me at ease. His touch was gentle and I listened to him explain to me about scarring and the reason why I should let him sew up some of the more serious cuts if not all of them. I just nodded a lot and rubbed my lips together in thought. I was only partly listening to Dr. Sanchez, the other part of me was trying to get past the last part of what I remembered about the evening. “I’ve got a surprise for you…”

There was nothing more.

“Becka?” I realized that Dr. Jamison was asking me a question.

“I’m sorry what?” I replied blinking a few times to clear my head.

“I think that we had better have her scanned for a possible concussion as well.” Dr. Jamison said to a nurse who was now standing with them. The small space was getting so crowded that I felt myself becoming overwhelmed. I started to breathe a little harder and my knees began to knock together.

“Becka, you’re okay.” Dr. Jamison put a hand on my knees to try and steady them but they just seemed to knock together harder and the rest of my body followed. “Okay nurse go and get us a bed please.” The nurse flipped open the curtain and walked out quickly, Dr. Sanchez sat beside me on the table his arm around my shoulders.

“Becka it will be okay. You just need to calm down.” Another nurse came in, different from the one who had just left. She had curlier hair, longer. She swabbed something cold and wet on my upper arm and then I felt a needle pull in and out.

“This is just something to help calm you down Becka.” That was Dr.Jamison.

“I can’t remember,” I said through chattering teeth. “I don’t know, I don’t know….”

“What don’t you know.” Dr. Sanchez this time.

“I don’t know, I don’t know….” Was all I could say. They helped me onto the bed that the nurse had wheeled up to the curtain and covered me some warm blankets.

“Take her upstairs we are admitting her inpatient.” Dr.Jamison this time.

"I don’t know, I don’t know, I…”

Dr. Sanchez grabbed the side rail and locked it up into place. “Someone go out there and get Officer Terrance, tell him that I need to speak to him.”

“No, No, No….NO!” I started screamed and trying to grab him by his hospital coat. He shrugged me away and started pushing the bed towards a bank of elevators.

“NICKY….” I screamed “NICKY HELP ME……NICK.”

I thrashed around violently my bare legs tangling themselves up in the metal bars of the hospital bed. Both doctors and a nurse tried to hold me down and soon two more nurses were there pushing at my flailing arms.

“Beck, Beck?” I could hear Nick in some faraway place shouting my name. I craned my neck to try and see him and just as the elevators parted I caught a glimpse of his face. His blue eyes were wild and his mouth was in a frown he was trying to part two large men who blocked him from coming down the hall where I was. I reached for him stretching my arms out as far as they would go, I cried out his name over and over

“NICK, NICK, NICK…..” he reached his arms out too but he was so far away. Then I was pushed onto the elevator and with a beep the doors closed and with that my world spun around and everything went black.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

When I opened my eyes I didn’t know if I was upside down, inside out, backwards, sideways or all four at once. There were geometric patterns in black white and red all over, my eyes were playing tricks on me. First I thought I saw my mom and then I thought that I saw my dead grandmother talking to John Lennon and last I thought I saw Trevor. Trevor just standing over me and staring with a dead look in his eyes. But as the patterns began to clear all that was left was a darkened room with four white walls.

I heard the door creak open and then closed and some footsteps come into the room. I strained to see who it was, it was a woman in pink, a nurse I was assuming. She stood with her back to me and looked at a clipboard then she dragged a cart in my direction and smiled.

“I see you are awake,” she said cheerfully. “I am here to take your vitals and to give you some pain medication.” She pushed a button on the side of the bed that raised me up and then she pulled out a blood pressure cuff from her cart. Securing it around my upper right arm she explained that it would be tightening and releasing and just to relax. Then she took my temperature in my ear and handed me two pills and a large glass of water. I popped the pills in my mouth and took a long drink. My lips felt dry and cracked and it hurt to swallow.

“Those stitches are probably going to make it uncomfortable to eat or drink for awhile,” she said taking the glass from me and putting it on the tray next to the bed. Then she scribbled on the clipboard again and removed the cuff. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“No. But thank you.” I replied looking around the room.

“If you’re looking for the young man, tall with blonde hair. He just went out to make a phone call. He said if you woke up to tell you he would be right back.” And true to his word he was. The door opened slowly and I saw him slide in just as the nurse left.

His hair was wild and his eyes were pale with deep plumb colored circles beneath them. When he smiled at me it was a sad smile that broke my heart into a million pieces. He pulled a chair over beside the bed and sat down leaning his knees on his elbows.

“You said he wasn’t hurting you Beck.”

“I lied.”

He slowly sat up and leaned back in the chair exhaling. The smell of freshly smoked cigarette breath filled the air.

“You said you weren’t smoking anymore.”

“I lied too.”

“We have to talk about this Beck. It isn’t going to just go away.” He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes for a second and then twitched them open again with a start.

“You could use some sleep Nick. Why don’t you go home for awhile and get some rest.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he shook his head and ran his hands through his already messy hair. “Besides I didn’t have any plans but to spend the day with you today anyway.” At that we both laughed tiredly and I held my hand out to him, which he took, kissing each one of my fingertips. “When I go home to sleep Beck, it’s going to be with you.”

Part 2
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