by VanillaMint

part 5

Gackt ran a hand through his cropped hair as he scanned the music
scores. The bleach had made his hair stiff and brittle. He sighed as he
added a few notes to the bar lines. The studio was almost rowdy. His
manager stood a few metres away, talking to a sound technician. His
solo career was blooming quite well after all.

Recording would be over in an hour or two. Then he could go home to see
Mana. 

His heart ached when he had to leave him this morning. Mana was still
sleeping, his face rested into an innocent expression. He knew what he
had done but he was certain Mana would understand his love for him and
thus would forgive him and accept him. He was certain.

-Mana loves me too, doesn't he? Of course, he does.-

His fingers scaled over the black and white keys. His manager peeked
into the room and gave him an `okay' sign. Gackt nodded and waited for
the door to close. The sound of the piano seemed too loud in the
enclosed room as the vocalist played the notes out automatically.

-In a while.in a while, I'll be home with my Mana.-

***
It was empty all around, not dark but simply vacant. Mana did not see
this but he knew as a warmth embraced his body. Something happened
before that but he could not remember. He felt trapped and he struggled
to free himself of the invisible bond. Suddenly he was surrounded by a
fog so thick he felt he was suffocating. There was something in the fog
but he could not make out its shape. He reached out a hand to touch it
but.

Then he woke up. His eyes took a while to accustom  themselves to the
dim lighting. He realized he was still in the bedroom. One glance
around and he saw he was the only one in the room. He was on the bed
sideways, his long hair creating a yellow pool beneath him. Gackt had
left. Somehow that relieved Mana a little.

-Where was Gackt? Had he left right after I fell asleep?- 

Mana ran a hand over the uneven bedspread. A sliver of morning light
touched his face from the slightly parted curtains. He could see the
bright sky outside. He felt very uncomfortable; his body sticky with
dried sweat. He groaned as he turned around.

Pain ripped through him when he tried to move his lower limbs. Thinking
back at what happened, he choked with revulsion and buried his face
into the his pillow of hair, suppressing his sobs. 

He whimpered as he sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. The action
alone caused him great pain. His skin were stained with splotches of
red from their love-making.

-Love-making? Was there love?-

Dry blood caked partially over the sheets. Mana wrapped his arms around
himself protectively. He was naked except for the blanket around his
waist. He stared dumbly at the blood and semen stain on his inner
thighs. 

-Camui.he's crazy!-

Beside the bed, jagged pieces of the porcelain vase slept with the fake
yellow roses. So peaceful as they lay scattered on the dark carpet.

` Yes, I'm crazy for you.-

-Those were his words? How true are they?-

Breaking from trance, the guitarist painfully and carefully shifted his
legs to the floor. His feet tingled as they touched ground. 

-Did...did I want it too?-

Some of the pieces were edged with blood. Gackt had stepped on them.
The silky curls of Mana's hair fell over his forehead as he bent down
to pick up a piece of the vase. It cut his finger, drawing a thin line
of blood from the broken flesh. Mana fairly hissed at the pain.

-I hate him for making me feel this.-

 The line started to smudge as the blood smeared on his rather fair
skin. Almost lovingly, he brushed against the cut with his lips,
tasting the crimson fluid.

-He shouldn't have came back. He should have stayed far away from me.-

A single tear ran down his cheeks. Almost all the make-up was gone. 

-...and this would not happen.-

His eyes were downcast, clouded, as he raised the sharp edge to his
left wrist. 

***
Kozi dialled Mana's cellphone number for the umpteenth time yet no one
answered. The dialtone beeped patiently into his ear before he sighed
and disconnected the line. The leader and other guitarist of Malice
Mizer had been unreachable for the past two days. He supposed it was
not that peculiar since they needed time away from the band as well for
their private lives.

He placed the phone back on the table.

But it's not like Mana to leave without prior notice. Shizu had been
most angry the day before when the guitarist didn't appear for
recording.

A feeling of unease squirmed into him. He frowned.

Then he abruptly stood up and left his house with his car keys.

*** 
to be continued

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