Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and that's why it is called the present. Some people live in the past. Others live for the future. Because of my cancer, I live for today.

Lately I have been unusually fatigued and find myself falling asleep even when sitting. The hospice nurse told me this is common with metastatic disease and that eventually I will become so weak I won't be able to get out of bed. That bluntness gave me the desire to go outside and literally smell my roses. I still have a few decent hours most days and plan my activities accordingly. Buddy and I still eat with friends. I took my first boat ride of the season the other day and for the first time in several months spend about twenty minutes wandering the local flea market. Normal things.

I don't like being sick. Just for one day, I'd like to be cancer free. Not have to take a single pill. Not sign a single check for a medical bill. Not wear the portable oxygen tank. Not have any pain. Not talk about cancer or even think about it.

For one days I would just like to be a normal wife and mother reading the newspaper advertisements, baking a cake, weeding the garden, freezing vegetables and planning a get-together at my house. Things I used to take for granted.

Sometimes I fanaticize that this is all a mistake. I don't really have cancer. I don't have a three month death sentence. That I'll live to see Charlie graduate from college, get married, and have my grandchildren.

He told me recently he wanted me to write a letter to my future grandchildren. I want to do that but find it hard to actually begin. What do you write to children who aren't even conceived yet. I know our son well enough to know he, himself, will instill the values we cherish in our family. About all I could add is "ditto."

The CEO of Coca Cola wrote an essay that says much of the same things I would say about balancing life. He said to imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air: work, family, health, friends, and spirit. You're keeping all of them in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made
of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked,
nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same.

He left out one that I would add and that is the spiritual. If you leave that out you miss out on the whole meaning of life. Faith is my sustenance and I hope will be theirs.

I would include these other tidbits for life:

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.

Don't let life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.

By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn to be brave.


The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love
is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel loved and appreciated.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and that's why it is called the present.

Love, Granny