My mind is always making contracts my body can't keep. I want to do so many things and actually plan to do them. Then reality sets in. Two or three hours at a time are about all I can handle without a good nap. There are lots of places where I can't conveniently nap like when driving the car, sitting at the dinner table with friends, or while shopping for groceries. Guess I could stretch out in the meat counter, but a little ole lady might have trouble rolling me over to get to the ground beef.

It's hard to distinguish what is related to the cancer and what is simply related to older age. Some days it seems that everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work well. I am certainly better than I was a month ago, but not nearly where I want to be. Most times I feel like the "morning after" even though I haven't been anywhere.

Both my maternal grandmother and my mother used to say on days they didn't feel well, "I just have to make myself do." That is what I find myself doing…making myself do, go, read and write even if for short spurts.

It would be easy to stay in bed. Someone with terminal cancer certainly has reason enough to lay low and withdraw from life. It is a battle some mornings to put two feet on the floor. I know the day may come when I can't will myself to keep going. But I'm not there yet.

The only difference I see between a rut and a grave is the depth. When you are in a hole, you don't keep digging. With every ounce of strength you have left, you struggle to hoist yourself from the pit. We don't forget in the dark what we've learned in the light. Another day means another opportunity to make a difference in the life of somebody else. We shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. We need to be able to throw something back. I don't want any part of an empty life. Our lives have meaning and purpose as long as we breathe.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come. But we have today and that is what matters.

Someone said, "Don't sweat the petty things." Don't linger to pet the sweaty things either. We must keep going long after we can't.

I am off to the grocery store now. If I am not back in two hours, I told Buddy to look for me in the lateral frozen food bin.