Journal of a Living Lady #52

Nancy White Kelly

 

Decisions. Normally I can make them and move on. Sometimes I am forced to re-evaluate. Most of you know that I decided several months ago to forgo any further chemotherapy. Quality of life became more important than quantity of life. My oncologist told me that it was a “now or never” decision at that time.

 

I have followed all the proper protocols in this battle with cancer. I had lung surgery. I had the rough chemo for months that caused me to be weak, nauseous and lose my hair. I also had radiation twice. After a while,  I was eager to live the remainder of my life on my own terms without medical intrusion.

 

I did opt for Aredia which is a type of chemotherapy that fills in where the cancer has spread to the bone. Aredia isn’t as toxic as the real chemotherapy.  I also take Arimidex which is a hormonal treatment for breast cancer available for a few who, like me, test EST positive. I also take a dozen or more pills to boost the immune system and control pain.

 

The average length of length of life with metastatic cancer of my type is 16 months. I am now several months past that and, over-all, my quality of life has been good with a few exceptions.

 

Now I  face the quality vs. quantity decision again and plan to talk with my oncologist this week. For those who don’t know the whole story, I first found out I had breast cancer in 1985. I asked the Lord to let me live to see our son Charlie graduate from high school. Though the longevity prospects even then weren’t good, I did see Charlie graduate from high school in 1998. He is now at Toccoa Falls Christian College and is taking a heavy load of hours because he wants to graduate in three years rather than four. He hopes that I will be around at least long enough to see him get that important sheep-skin. He is now only 15 months away from graduation. I never strongly felt my seeing Charlie graduate from college was a realistic goal though I have maintained hope and faith. God has sustained me thus far to everybody’s amazement. It is certainly within his power to continue to do so.

 

Though there are never any guarantees, in order to “buy” fifteen months probably means I will need to undergo the more drastic chemo once again. Am I ready to lose my hair? Am I ready to puke for days at a time? Am I ready to be pushed in a wheelchair because of the resulting neuropathy?

 

Do I want to see Charlie graduate from college? You bet! If he can make the sacrifices with the extra studies, work twelve hours on Saturdays, spend precious time with me on Sundays after church, I am willing to give it my best shot.

 

Just pray it is not too late.

 

nancyk@alltel.net   www.angelfire.com/bc/nancykelly