The haha page- jfk version (just for kim)

21 THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY:

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor -- we're going to need a mop.
3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
4. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
5. Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingie.
6. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
7. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
8. Darn, there go the lights again...
9. Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.
10. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
11. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
12. What's this doing here?
13. I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
14. That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
15. I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
16. Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
17. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
18. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
19. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
20. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
21. Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Some alternative definitions of words:
from the Washongton Post (there were more, but I just took the best ones)

Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline
Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
and one of my favourites: Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp

And here are some words, slightly changed, and their meanings:
also from the Washinton Post

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it
Reintarnation: coming back as a hillbilly
Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously
Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Karmageddon: it's like, when everybody is sending off these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Duke, duke, duke, duke of Earl, duke duke, duke of Earl, duke duke, duke of Earl, duke duke duke.......

bAcK tO tHEpaRtY