DON'T BE A TOURIST!

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BAHAMAS......How To Feel At Home.(Don't Be A Tourist)....

When you go on vacation do you want to look like a TOURIST? You know the type..loud shirt with matching shorts, straw hat and camera around your neck. Of course you don't! So stick with me and no-one will know that you are a visitor.

Alright! So you have just left the plane after landing at Nassau International Airport. When you come downstairs or down the escalator and go through the revolving doors LOOK for the restrooms... in case you need it as you are not free in PARADISE yet. Then LISTEN... for the sound of steel drums and beautiful island melodies. See them? Hear it? Ok then you went the right way.

Next stop IMMIGRATION...Did You fill out those cards they gave you on the plane? Do you have your birth certificate and/or passport and ID card with picture ready? "Don't Worry, Be Happy" listen to the island music Mon and relax. They will check your papers then maybe ask you why you are here. Vacation of course! Don't expect smiles here as they are a serious bunch.

Now then STOP!!!! DO NOT PASS THIS COUNTER in front of you. This is the Tourist Info counter. Trust me and just do as I say ok...we will discuss it later. I want you to pick up a couple of booklets. No, put down the pile of brochures, the hotels have those everywhere. PICK UP booklets called WHAT TO DO...WHERE TO DINE...WHAT TO BUY...and also a copy of a newspaper type item called THE TOURIST NEWS. More on these later. You trust me right? These ARE important so PICK THEM UP!!!!

Time to play WHERE'S MY LUGGAGE...Now you know of course that it will be wherever you ARE NOT! I suggest you head for the luggage area closest to the door but of course I may be wrong. Be prepared, you are now in the land of slowwwwww. Nothing moves fast here so don't stress OK? See...here it comes now.

YOU ARE ALMOST THERE SO SMILE :-)

Here is a tricky part. CUSTOMS...this is another group that DOES NOT SMILE. WARNING WARNING WARNING do NOT walk past them or around them though it is easy to do especially if you have a rolling suitcase. No sense of humor allowed I guess because they do not find this funny at all. How do I KNOW? Just trust me and make sure you see them. GOT THAT PRETTY STICKER ON YOUR SUITCASE? Ok we are almost there now.

Follow the heat and sunshine to a noisy flurry of activity. If your hotel provides transportation, the vans are usually to the left as you walk out. Taxis are lined up to the right. Yes that limo is your taxi or is it a van? Well it is your trip to the end of a long tiring day.

ASK THE DRIVER before he puts in your luggage, what the TOTAL price is to go to .....wherever you are going. The key word here is TOTAL!

Some estimates on prices:

CABLE BEACH (Radisson, Crystal Palace, Nassau Beach and Breezes)this should run about $12-15 for two people.

DOWNTOWN NASSAU (British Colonial) This should be around $22-25 again for two people

PARADISE ISLAND (hope that your hotel offers transportation) this will run close to $30 with tolls etc.

NOW then the reason I say two people is because they charge $2 pp extra over two people and 50 cents per extra piece of luggage over two per person. They don't tell you this until the end of the trip and if you shared, this can up the price quite a bit. THE BEST SOLUTION? Tell them to put on the meter. By law they must if you insist. If they tell you NO then don't take them. If you don't follow this and get taken for a REAL RIDE then don't complain OK? Let the buyer beware.

FINALLY....You are here in your hotel. Hopefully it will be time for you to check-in. If not, I hope that you packed a carry-on with a swimsuit etc. Don't waste that beautiful beach and pool. Time to get yourself a tropical drink and watch the sunset in the BAHAMAS!

THIS IS A TYPICAL SUNSET ON CABLEBEACH

SO...STARTING TO FEEL HUNGRY? WHERE GO? WHAT TO DO? I would suggest that before you hit the beach for that tropical drink by the sea, check with the concierge at the Radisson and find out if this is the night for the JUNKANOO BEACH PARY! If this is the night, you just HAVE to go. It is an awesome time. The Junkanoo Beach Party consists of a cocktail party by the pool weather permitting, a taste of JUNKANOO festival..you'll see. A mini-straw market,a native show,a DJ with party games and silly dances and a huge BBQ with more than you can believe. All of this is only about $25. This includes everything but drinks after the cocktail party and is several hours of entertainment. IF BY CHANCE...this is NOT the right night, make dinner reservations and be advised that things shut down EARLY. By 11pm there is no food available. Not even Dominos delivers after that. Your two choices will be...the casino for a $10 hotdog or the casino for a full Buffet at one price (not cheap). I always tell people to drop over at the grocery store and get a styrofoam cooler and keep things like cheese and crackers etc. Soda is another thing to have on hand as those hotel machines are never close and never seem to work or you don't have the right change. Some take only US coins some only Bahamian and you know that whichever one it is you won't have it. JOHNNY CANOES at the Nassau Beach Hotel is a great restaurant. There is usually a band playing out on the veranda (island music of course) and you can get anything from steak to conch fritters a native dish (that is KONK not conchhhhhh) Everyone in your group should be happy with the choices and prices here. You can get PIZZA in the Crystal Palace at Goombay Mamas or Sbarros at the Nassau Beach if you want. Or hop in a taxi and head down to Tony Romas if you love RIBS as there is nowhere to compare with these. MEXICAN? Radisson has Tequila Pepes or whatever they are calling it this year. ITALIAN? There is a cute one in the Radisson called Amici's with a fixed price of $21 I think it was with everything from soup/salad to dessert. There is also another wonderful authentic one across from Sandals behind the Post Office. Make sure you get the right one as there is one near the supermarket as well and I cannot speak for that one. CHINESE... try the Crystal Palace. JAPANESE...down the street near Guanahani (these two are very $$$$) Well this should get you started anyway............. TIRED OR still ready to go? Are you going to hit the casino or wait for another night? It has been a long, day so why not go back to the Radisson and relax in the lounge. Tuesday thru Sunday there is a fabulous band. See the big guy with an even bigger smile? That is George! He's as sweet as can be. Say Hi to him from Donna in Boston if you think of it OK? Big comfy padded booths. A dancefloor that always has someone out on it. If you don't dance, sometimes watching is fun too. Especially with those TOURIST types that you certainly are NOT! Well the casino is open until 4 a.m. so if you still have energy...... CHI CHING the sound of music.....Just remember that they aren't called one-armed bandits for nothing :) GOOD LUCK........ Oh one last thing....before you play, sign up for the little card they issue that racks up credits on how much you spend in the machines. What do you get? I don't know but I plan on finding out this year. Don't be like me, remember to put the card in BEFORE you play.

This is the beach where you will find my good friend CAPTAIN PAUL....this is the shoreline at the Nassau Beach Hotel and Breezes. .