So true.
I'm so frustrated and annoyed. I'm burning out. I'm sick of writing. I'm sick of copying and pasting the same data over and over on different Excel/SPSS/Sigma Plot sheets. Conrad, Chanton, Krueger, Mahieu, Juutinen are all names I don't want to see again. I want to NOT be chained to a computer all day long.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!
Who's prodcutive? ME! I've got about 20 pages left to write and then I'm done. As in I'll have a Master's degree. As in, when I go back to Austria I'll have a title. Frau Mag. Welti has a nice ring. If I print up business cards, I'll get to use it. And in formal letters and stuff, I'll get addressed at Frau Mag. Welti. Awesome. Now that people have moved back to Kuopio for the school year, things are not so boring. But I've still managed to get a ton of work done, so you know that it can't be all that exciting. Three more weeks and then I'm home again! :)
I'm back in Kuopio to finally finish writing my thesis. I've been back a full day now and I've read one whole article. But, I have gone running, stocked the fridge, and took a great 3 hour nap. Tomorrow is another, more productive day. The last month has been more interesting. Odessa left Vienna, but I didn't shed too many tears because I know she's coming back. I said goodbye to Jutta, as well, but I'll be down to Crete, so its not a big thing. Most importantly, I spent 10 days in Dornbirn at Pirmin's parent's place with Pirmin. It was a much needed holiday outside of Vienna. And his family is great and made me feel welcome. Primin and Severin and co put on an amazing festival (check out the new photos). It was a bit nerve-racking to meet all of their friends at once, but at least I got my social retard phase out of the way in one fell swoop. Jumping off an 18m high waterfall helps. But I think the giant bruise caused by my fall was a great conversation starter and really put me over the edge (HAR HAR HAR). For my birthday, Pirmin and I drove to Bern so that we could have dinner with my family and have a cute coupley trip. It was fun to show him one of my hometowns. I could go on and on about the greatness that is Pirmin, but I don't want to cause mass vomiting across the globe. But, he really is that great and I'm really that happy. It's a long wait till Sept 5th. Tomorrow I will be very productive and continue on that trend until its all done. I promise.
So today was kind of a big day for me. I finished all of my coursework for my master's. That's it. No more classes. Done. Finito. Greatness! I also got a committment from the Insititue of Hydrobiology and Aquatic Ecosystem Management to develop a PhD project. So I'm not leaving Austria. I will be doing my PhD in Lunz, Austria at the new biological station there. My project will be about stable isotope (15N) cycling in restored areas. Pretty excellent, I think. The professor in charge of the group is taking a very methodical step-by-step approach with me, which I greatly appreciate. We're not jumping into anything together, but rather "seeing how it goes". I appreciate the fact that he wants me to meet all the others in the group and start brainstorming instead of just diving head first into the unknown. Which is what happened in Finland. It worked out, but there wasn't much input on my side of the discussion there. I was just told what to do when, up to a point, and then I was expected to jump out on my own with the analysis. Right now I'm super frustrated with Finland, but hopefully I'll be finished with it at the end of the summer. I'm leaving Austria on the 25th of July and I won't be back until Aug 31st with my mom in tow. I'm going to take 2 weeks or so in July and visit Pirmin in Voralberg and do some hiking over my birthday, which I'm really looking forward to. I'm so happy about how our relationship is progressing. Its a real-life relationship and its great. I don't think I've thrown myself too far in a fantasy world with him, either. Sam came (had a great visit!) and gave her approval. The only crummy thing is that we've gotten used to each other now, but we'll be apart the summer and then I'll be working outside of Vienna. But, if I stay on the Danube project and not the Tanzania one, I'll be here regurlarly. And Lunz is not soooo far away. It'll be fine. The heat has melted me into a puddle. Its hot and humid here, just like Atlanta. I was looking forward to a hot summer, but now I'm happy to be going to Finland for 6 weeks. I'll survive a bit better, I think. Its just hard to sleep at night when its so hot. Too hot to sleep without a fan, but with the fan I wake up congested and gross. I'm a pretty sight in the morning, regardless, but the sweat and congestion add a special touch that was missing before. Alright, the heat has melted me too much. I better stop now and take a nap before I have to interact with people tonight.
The last few weeks have been a total whirlwind. The trip to France was simply fantastic. It was so great to be meet Severine with everyone else. It was just like old times. How quickly we all reverted to our silly states. I have to give Bertl (aka Bertlette) mad props for surviving a weekend with the Pirates of the Cucumbers. Its not an easy task. I think that Andreas aged considerably in Kuopio due to the fact that he was the only male around. Here's a quick rundown of the trip: Johanna, Lilly, and I arrived Thurs night to Paris where Bertl picked us us from the airport. I must say that I was a bit nervous of how things were going to be between me and Bertl. Its not like we've had a ton of contact since he left for Paris. But at this point, I was more concentrated on seeing Sev. The four of us went into town to meet with Andreas, Mia, and Sev. BAM! We were all attacked by a small French girl flinging herself at us. It was so great to see her! We all went back to Mia and Andreas' hotel to drink champagne and catch up. [there was a hysterical ski instructor joke at some point in the evening] We wandered around the Latin Quarter looking for food and drink. Bertl and I left around midnight on the last train back to his place. Being alone with him was suprisingly easy. We both cleared the air and let each other down (big relief!!). I think its funny how people can turn into good friends with enough time. Its like fine cheese or wine. The next day, we met up with everyone under the Eiffel Tower and walked around Paris until Mia and Andreas had to catch their flight. Then the rest of us drove up to Lille to spend the weekend at Sev's place. I was really looking forward to seeing her place and town. Friday night was crepes! I think we ate a year's worth of crepes in one night. It was so nice to be around the girls and just be silly. [the big secret - Alex and Sev are getting married July 21!] We definatly frightened Bertl, but he's a trooper and got along great with everything. Sat we spent sightseeing in Lille, which is a very beautiful town I think. We popped into Sev's parent's butcher shop and finally met her parents who are just as nice as Sev. We stuffed ourselves with fondue and filet americanne. The whole weekend revolved around cheese - I've never eaten so much of it in my life. The wine flowed freely and we managed to get Sev drunk [quote of the night "I'm only drunk when I'm with the Pirates!"]. Sunday we spent in Brugge, Belgium after checking out the Lille market. Brugge is a very quaint and pretty town. It has the cutest buildings. We left Sunday night from Lille to go back to Paris as Lilly and Johanna had an early flight back Monday morning. Bertl and I walked around Paris all day Monday and came back very tired. We covered a ton of ground (check out the pictures). Tuesday was fairly quiet and I left in the afternoon. All in all it was a great trip. Fantastic to catch up with Sev. I discovered that I have a pretty good friend in Bertl, which is something that I need in my life. I hope that we keep it up when he comes back to Vienna in the summer. Last weekend I went to Switzerland to visit my family in Bern for Pfingsten. Beat and Chantal always have a big lunch on Pfingsten Sunday and this year was the first that I could go. I flew out there Thurs night and was picked up in Bern by David. Friday I spent the day lounging in his flat since everyone was working or at school. The poor guy was beat so we just stayed in and hung out with his flatmates. Saturday we visited Esther and then watched the Switzerland-China game at his friend's place. It got me motivated for the WM (finally). David and I went out drinking with Chantal and Beat after the game. Beat reminds me so much of my dad that I almost teared up when I first saw him. Sunday was the family fest and it was so fun. The food was great and I talked to a few aunts that I hadn't seen in 10 years. I even met a cousin for the first time. It was so important for me to be able to have a "weekend at home". Just to be surrounded by an impermeable bubble of comfort is so special. The longer I am away from my family, the more important they become to me. I left Bern on Monday to spend the evening and night in Zurich with my mom's sister and her family. I definatly need a touch of a Swiss-Finn mom! In one weekend I was able to get love from both sides of the family. I went home to Vienna feeling great. And when I arrived, I didn't have to wait long to see Pirmin. So he and I are officially "together" (whatever that means). We have a great time together and I really really like him. We're still in the beginning phases of learning about each other, but the more I know, the more I want to know. I'm trying to be adult and hold back, but its only sort of working. Right now our schedules are always conflicting so we don't get to hang out as much as we'd like. I think thats probably a good thing since we can keep our normal lives going. But it drives me nuts not to see him everyday! Luckily, he's the awesome type that calls just to say hi. :):):) Last week we saw each other Tuesday and Wednesday and then he went home to Voralberg for the weekend. I've got an excursion course that runs Mon-Wed of next week, so hopefully we'll see each other for an hour or so Sunday when he gets home...Otherwise I'll just have to meet him in the Verein (the coolest place to be on a Wed night in Vienna). Our summer plans don't match up that well, either, but I think I'll be able to spend a week or so over my birthday in Voralberg. On top of all this, I'm taking exams left and right. Every week there is at least 1 (usually 2). Sam visits soon followed by Rob's visit, which I am dreading. It was going to be the last weekend Pirmin and I could see each other in Vienna, but now Rob is coming to visit for 5 days. I have no idea what I'm going to do with him or how it will go. When I think about it, I get really stressed out. Good thing Sam is going to be here right before, so she can help me prepare and plan. The summer is shaping up slowly. I have a meeting on the 20th of this month to discuss my PhD options and when (if) I would start. It seems that I'll be the most of August in Kuopio. I have no idea who else will be there other than my family. But no friends = no going out = plenty of time to finish my damn thesis. I'm so sick of it and I just wish my advisors would stop hanging onto me. When I come back from Finland, it WILL be done. There is no other choice at this point. This was a long post, but there are a ton of other things that have gone on as well [Margit came back to Vienna, the mold continues, and Josh and Beth got married!!!] that I don't have the time to write about. I have to get ready for Margit's welcome back party.
I'm so happy and busy I could burst! Right now school has reached an insane level with exams and papers. I have at least one exam every week until the end of June. Then I'll be all finished with all of my schoolwork!!!!!!! All I have to do is finish writing and I'll be graduated. WOOHOOO!!! So in response to all the school stuff, I'm taking a trip to France in an hour for 5 days to meet up with all the people from Kuopio and Bertl in Paris. It should be a fun and interesting 5 days. I've also started living a cliche. I've found an Austrian ski instructor who know holds all of my attention. He's more than a ski teacher (studies at my university - we met on the last field class I took to Lunz) but its just funny to me. So yeah...he's "the most greatest" and we're just in the beginning of something, but I've got high hopes for it. There's a lot more to write, but I'm on my way out the door to France and I don't know where to start. I'll be back next week for a day before I'm off again to Switzerland, so maybe I'll have time later.
Things are getting crazy over here. The last few weeks have been full of a million courses. Including a GREAT field course to Lunz am See. It was for Hydrobiologie I which is stuff I've done a million times over. But, I took the course for the German vocabulary. It did me wonders. Not only did I improve my german hydrobiology vocabulary, but I met some great new people and visited where I'll (hopefully) be spending the next 3 years. But I'm mostly happy about the new people I met. For whatever reason, in the last week or so I've met some really *nice* Austrian boys. After what has felt like a long dry spell in Austria, things are picking up. Or at least, they got funny for a few days. Nothing incredibly juicy to report back, but I think I've found my groove again. However, I live a cliche. One of my (many) new Austrian crushes is a ski instructor. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to improve my skiing if I'm still here next winter. I'd love to fall into a nice easy relationship with someone right now. The next 2 monts are going to be insanely busy. Not only do I have about 5 exams to finish, 2 papers, and 1 presentation, but in less than 2 weeks I'm off to France for 5 days (going to Sev and Bertl!) then I'm back in Vienna for 1 day, then I go to Switzerland for 5 days for a family thing. I come back and have another excursion course then hopefully Sam visits. Followed by a visit from Rob (I'll believe it when I see it) which might include a trip to Rome or some other cliche destination. That would bring me to the beginning of July which will be the first available time I'll have to get down and dirty and finish my thesis. I'm actually not taking much stress over a deadline because I think I'll need the time to search and wait for grants to come through for my PhD. It seems that I have a place to work here, I just have to find funding. The whole thing is quite blase and I don't know exactly how its going to pan out. The professor I've been dealing with keeps giving me encouragement but nothing substaintial. I don't have a safety net here to fall back on, so I need a bit more than words to make plans. Right now I can say with about 80% certainty that I'll be here until August. The longer I stay, the more certain I am that I'll continue to stay. I just hope some of these grants come through and it all works out. I don't have a Plan B at all. I've been in a fairly great mood recently because I've been so busy. But today I don't have the kick start needed to get studying so I've been dwelling on America. I guess its homesick pangs. I wish I could just go home easily and pick up some things that I sent back last year when I thought I was going back(like photo albums). Also, with tomorrow being Mother's Day, almost all of my friends are going home. Its kind of depressing. I wish I could hang out with my Mom. There are a few of us who are going to do a potluck in the park if the weather holds, so we can drown our homesickness in Mint Julep Ice Tea and White Russians. I could use some love from America right now, I suppose.
Its been a good Easter holiday. David's visit was wonderful. Its always good to hang out with him. There is a special relationship with cousins. We're friends but we know that we'll always be connected so there is a freedom in the relationship that doesn't exist with most regular friendships. And its not as close a sibilings so you don't have all that baggage to deal with. He couldn't have come at a better time. He kicked me out of my funk and the weather was gorgeous the whole time he was here so we basically just hung out in the great Viennese parks. Now I just have to get my ass to Bern for Pfingsten for the family meal. I hope our plan works. I arrived last night from my week in England. Its my favorite place to visit. Sam is the only person in the world that knows me inside and out without judgement. She and I can spend a day sleeping and watching TV without it feeling like a waste. I can hang out up there and let my hair down and be me. Her friends (except the shifty ones) are all wonderful and welcome me with open arms so I feel like I've got my own "mates" up there as well. I just slip into the group as if I've always been there. I guess visiting fairly regularly for the past few years helps, so that I'm not a strange figure anymore. I caught up with Rob a few times while I was in town, as well. That was interesting. Its funny for me to see how much my feelings for him have changed over time. When we first met, I was head over heels for the guy and it was so exciting and dramatic. But I got burned because of the drama. We saw each other in Finland again and were able to sort things out. And now on this trip, it was just a laugh. He can say things now that I don't believe and yet I'm not annoyed by them. I just know that he's a flake and usually full of shit so I can just sit back and laugh to myself and still enjoy his company. Of course, if he does make good on his promise to move to Vienna to be with me again, I'll be floored and have no clue on how to react. But he knows that he can only come here if he sets up shop for himself and doesn't rely on me for anything. I sincerely doubt he'll come for more than a visit. Nevertheless, it was good fun to see him again. A quick summary of the wonderful week: Thurs: XFM party with Nat where I hooked up with Rob after almost a year of not seeing him. Fri: Slept most of the day due to the lack of sleep in the night and the hangover. 80s night with Noella and Steve in Camden where we danced to New Kids on the Block and wonderful 80s music. I was the Austrian leaving on a plane early in the morning, but that didn't stop a boy from trying so hard to get me home. Sat: Slept most of the day and once we were awake, Sam, Steve and I sat in front of the TV until the very last minute. We went to Guilford for the night to hang out at the Kings Head. Sun: Cooked Easter lunch for the family (3 pork roasts, yummy veggies and salads). Sat around with everyone just being retarded and silly. It was a great day. Mon: Got out of the house before noon! Went to my old house, had a drink in the pub across the street, walked around West London for the whole day. 7 hours of sightseeing with Sam and Steve on our pub/garden crawl. Tues: Everyone had to go back to work, so I slept in, met Sam for lunch and spent the afternoon wandering around London by myself. Went on a date with Rob in the evening. Wed: Slept all day and then went to see The Mighty Boosh which is going to be new obession. Thurs: Came back to Vienna
I came home happy to be back in Vienna (the trees are all green now) as it really feels like home, but I was really sad to leave London. There are always job prospects there and if I were a smarter lass, I would try and move there. I would earn more money and I could speak English instead of German. But there's something keeping me here for a bit longer. I suppose I'm not opposed to the idea of moving to England, but Vienna really feels like home to me. Now I have to get out of my holiday mode and get back to work. The boys left me with no food in the house so I've got to hit the shops and load my phone and start working. Robert is in Switzerland for the next 10 days which will make it a quiet house. Koszy is leaving again on the weekend so I think I'm going to sort the place out and finally get the painting supplies out of the hallway and into the cellar. I'm annoyed that I seem to be the first person annoyed with the dust and so I clean first. It makes me feel like the WG-mamma which I don't want to be. But I also like cleaning when no one is here and once I start, I go full force. So it goes.
The tide has turned. I don't know if its the fact that David is coming on Friday, or I'm leaving for England next Wed, or that I've booked and bought my tickets for France, or that I spent yesterday showing the insides of my stomach the outside world. Perhaps its a bit of everything. After lying in bed yesterday, totally empty, waking up today with an appetite was wonderful. I think I'll be one of the first in the library today. Well, considering that its the second day (of 3 weeks!) of Easter holidays I'll probably be one of the only sad souls there. But thats ok. It keeps me out of trouble. Besides, DAVID IS COMING ON FRIDAY! I can't wait. We haven't seen each other since I was in Bern two years ago for my birthday. I hope that the weather is alright so my little Swiss cousin and I can sit in the park driking our double gin and tonics and watch the world go by. I'm about to have 2 weeks worth of family/friends time. It is much needed. It'll get my mind of certain things for a while, I hope. I know in London I'll be distracted. I think I'm going to meet up with Rob while I'm there. To quote Margit "I don't expect you to do the adult thing and NOT contact him." It should prove to be interesting nevertheless. But more importantly, Sam and I can just let go and dissolve around each other. We just have to keep it together until then. Back to work!
I've been trying to write a letter to a cousin of mine in America but every draft turns out long and rambly and I think come off a bit crazy. Its just supposed to be a catch-up, chatty letter, but I get to a certain point and it turns into how much I wonder and get jealous of having her life. Two boys, married, homeowner, in the same town that she grew up in, minutes from her parents and her in-laws, totally surrounded by people who love her and have known her all her life. I wonder if I'll ever have something like that. I have no idea why I've been so fixiated on this topic (of not being alone) for the past week. Actually, I do, and I'm pissed off about it. I guess thats why its been easy for me to spend hours in the library working - its been a great distraction from these dumb thoughts. I mean, I made this choice to live this life and I should be happy about it. I'm just hoping that this phase will pass. Its really retarded to complain about whats going on with me, because in fact, things are going well. I'm getting dangerously close to [finally!] finishing my thesis. I'm in discussions about a PhD position here in Vienna and I've found a place to live if it comes through [another move...but this time its only next door]. I've got good friends here and I get to travel around Europe because I'm still a student and I get good discounts. I live with the nicest boys in the world. All of my things are in one country. I don't have to worry if I get hit by a car walking across the street because I'm an EU citizen and the state will take care of me. There is a wonderful radio station in Austria thats way better than 99x or z93 and almost Groove FM. I live around the corner from a large market where I can get cheese and olives and veggies really cheaply. I found a discount American book/magazine store. Yet, why do I still have this hole in me? I don't know what will fill it. But I'm pretty sure that its not a "thing" that will fill it....its one of those things that has to be filled from "inside". But when I feel empty inside how am I supposed to take care of my problem? Its just lame and I need to buck up and get over it. Stupid emotions.
Do not read the following entry if you are male. You have been warned. I hate boys right now. They cause all the problems in the world. They are the ones that stir up emotions and feelings that have been buried and almost forgotten. They seem to be able to do a 180 turn around on a dime and are unaware of the turmoil that is created by that. They hide in their caves, retreating instead of being open about whats going on. Thats the worst part - the constant wondering whats going on in the male brain. I'm so tired of having to talk about boys and the problems they cause, but it seems that this is all that is going on with anyone. I don't want to hear about anyone else's boys problems because I want to know whats happening with my girlfriends themselves. We're not 12 anymore!! We can't define ourselves by the men in or out of our lives. Thats the most annoying part! I know all these wonderful strong women, and then a stupid boy says something wrong/doesn't say something/looks at her a certain way and its all gone to shit. A tizzy is created and the girl spins out of her mind temporarily. Boys come and go and we should just let them go when they please. None of this hanging on for dear life. And make goddamn decisions regardless of them! No more hanging around waiting to see what they'll do next and base our response around theirs. I'm annoyed with myself for my actions as well. I wish things would just stay buried and ignored where they belong. Stupid boys. They're all dumb.
PS: This is not about any one boy/friend but rather a conglomeration of whats been happening with almost all of my girlfriends and I in the last weeks.
sigh....I still need that hug.
I need a hug. Yesterday was a high emotional day for me. My dad had spent the weekend visiting me. He was in Berlin for a conference and then flew to Vienna to hang out with me. We went to an Emory Almuni reception in Linz (more about that later) on Saturday and then Sunday just bummed around like a pair of broccoli. It was great; just like home. We slept in and then read the paper (we bought the international new york times) and listened to NPR over our coffees. It took us 4 hours to get out of the house and into the cinema. We saw Walk the Line and then had a nice dinner with one of my flatmates. It was great having Daddy around. I know I chose this lifestyle of living far away from home and doing things on my own, but there are times when I just want to be able to go home and have my parents take care of me for a bit. I had that this past weekend. Nothing bad could happen to me because Daddy was here. I miss my family so much sometimes that it makes it hard to know that this is the right decision. But, I deep down I know it is...Its just that I get jealous when everyone I know can go home for the weekend and I'm left in Vienna by myself. OK, its not really so tragic and I am perfectly happy within myself, but there are weekends when I would like to have a home cooked meal as well! Living in this "international" world has a million pluses, but also some big minuses. I meet awesome people who have a similar drive to me to see the world and of course, they leave as well. Its a double edged sword. So yeah, yesterday had two big goodbyes for me. Its gonna take me a bit longer than normal to get over it, I recknon. I've got some things to think about, but I don't want to think about them.
But the Emory Alumni reception was great. Emory Business School is a partner school with a business school in Linz and Emory International was honoring one of the alumns. It was also a launch of the Emory Alumni Network Austria. There were about 30 people there or so. I met some really nice people who seemed willing to help me find a job and stay in Austria/Europe. I'm really hopefull that something will pan out career related. If not, at least I have a few more parties to add to my agenda because they get together every now and then for fun. I've got a long list of emails to write letting people know that I'm job searching and that they should hire me or tell others about me. I should also get my ass in gear about my thesis. Since coming back from Finland I've done jackshit on it. I don't know what my problem is. I just can't get the energy to do it. I've got a really busy course list this term, but I have two days a week where I could easily dedicate to my thesis. I just haven't gotten into a routine yet. I think now all the excitement has died down and now its time to get to work. Today starts it. I've even got plans to get back into a regular running schedule (as soon as it stops snowing). Wish me luck, but more importantly, give me a hug. I need it now.
Apparently I've been hard to reach in the last few weeks. Well, its been a seriously busy time for me. After coming back from Finland, Stefan was here and we had a good week of half hearted sightseeing. The poor guy got sick towards the end of his trip and walking around in the snow didn't seem like a good idea. Oh yeah, and my wallet was stolen the first night back in Vienna. That sucked alot. I got it back minus money and bank cards. Some nice guy found it abandoned on the street and tracked me down. It was a bit of a saga to get it back, but in the end all is OK. The week that Stefan was here it seemed that everything was going against me. Excpet going out. Everytime we went out, I met someone I knew. This NEVER happens to me anywhere, let alone in Vienna. It was really funny, though. It started off a bit of introspection for me. After spending Faschings Dientstag in Mistelbach with the boys and friends, I realized how much this place is starting to feel like home. I still get lost and and don't know all of the sights, but somehow the day to day life fits me really well here. I have an actual network of friends who know whats going on with me, can relate to me, and most importantly, have known me for more than a year. For whatever reason, I have completely sucked at keeping up with friends in the states since returning from Atlanta in Jan. Perhaps subconsciously I was trying to just let it all fall by the wayside so I would have nothing pulling me back to the states. Yeah....this line of thinking moved out of my subconscience and caused me to break up with Todd. He is a great guy, bu realistically it wouldn't work. I have zero desire to move back to the states and he coming here to live would put too much pressure on the both of us, I think (at least I know it would for me). Unfortunatly we never had the chance to have a normal realtionship to find out if we would work together in a day to day situation. Things don't change when you're just talking on the phone. You can't find out how well you match or not. I need to figure myself out without anything pulling me in any one direction. I want to discover my own directions. This is classic Nina-thinking. The idea of being beholden to anyone right now just stresses me out too much. Its not like Todd was demanding, but I've started looking for jobs over here and the only reason I entertained going back to the states was because of him. In fact, he was anything but demanding. He was willing to come over here for me for crying out loud! But, I've been ingrained with too much independent thinking to think that this was a worthy reason to go back to the states. Its too bad that it didn't work out. He is a wonderful person and I'll always care about him. But as far as being committed to him, I just can't. I suppose that it could have gone on for a few more months since things don't really change, but I didn't think it was fair to postpone the inevitable. So yeah...now I'm single again. Good thing that I'm good at being single and I turn out to be a "happy single".
I have been a busy little bee. My trip to Finland was really good. I got a ton of work done on my thesis and now its just the little part of finishing to write it and put it together. I gave my seminar, took my maturity exam and had my first attempt at the Noise Pollution exam. I have to redo that one, but all in all it was very good that I was able to go up to Kuopio and work with my supervisors. I realized how big of a task it is to do all this stuff all alone. Sure, emailing works, but there are somethings that wouldn't have gotten fixed or even noticed had we not been able to sit down together. My stress level has gone down tenfold now. It was great catching up with old friends and family again. Somehow it was like I never left. Friday night in Henry's was like gretting an old friend. I didn't realize how much I miss a hangout here. There are just too many options in Vienna! ;) The next semester will be busy (more classes and more writing than last term) but for some reason, I think it will be more fun. The weather will be turning nicer, I'm planning more trips and cultural things, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Which means I have to get on the ball with sorting out what I'm doing after graduation. I've developed a plan of action so by June I'll know where I'm going or not going. At least I hope so. Right now I'm just happy to have a few hours alone to myself with the ability to update this and get caught up to date on all the little things I like to do. I'm such an old woman sometimes, my space is so important to me that when I don't get enough of it, I get weird. After two weeks of playing tour guide (2 countries, 3 cities) I'm going to enjoy a weekend to myself where I won't do anything except be a bum and no one can make me feel guilty for it!
What a weekend I had. It was probably one of those great weekends that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Friday night was the BOKU Ball. [BOKU is the name of my university here] It was held at the Hofburg, which is inside one of those old historical buildings (next to the national libraries). The place was just like out of a movie. A grand entrance with marble steps and red carpet. The grand ballroom had giant chandeliers and painted cellings. Just like you would expect from a European ballroom. I went with Johanna and Robert who both looked smashing. Thanks to Johanna, we had a quick waltz lesson in the flat so we were set to dance the night away. The ball opened with a procession of students in tradiontal costumes followed by speeches and the opening waltz. It was really nice to watch everyone twirl around the ballroom floor to a Mozart waltz. I had my fair share of dances, too. Luckily, Robert and I didn't hurt the important ministers we bumped into. I was trying to use it as a chance to slip my CV into their pockets, but I wasn't smooth enough. I even managed to dance with this incredible dancer who had no problem with my two left feet. He just twirled me around like it was no big deal. It was such a girly night for me! All of those princess dreams were being entertained. This was about a million times more fun than prom. Johanna and I didn't leave until 5am and by that time, my feet were about to fall off. I wore great shoes, but its a law of the universe that if shoes look great they kill your feet. Eight hours in 3inch heels makes me tough. But it didn't matter. It was a great night. Last night was the Super Bowl. I managed to drag some friends to one of the foreigner bars in town that was showing the game with English feed (gotta love Sky TV). I was able to drink Budweiser (the real Czech one, but nevertheless) eat nachos, and watch football all at the same time. I was a happy camper. I suprised myself that I knew all of the rules and could explain the various calls to Michael. I guess all those hours in front of the TV with my boy friends paid off. To make it even sweeter, the Steelers won and I was vindicated. It was really nice for me to be able to share the game with great friends and have that little piece of home. Tomorrow I'm going to Finland to get my ass kicked into gear with my thesis. Every time I think I've taken a giant leap forward with it, I get something back or realize something else which makes me feel like I haven't moved forward at all. I don't know what my deal is. Its really not easy to write this damn thing without my advisors. Email works, but its not the same thing. So for the next two weeks in Finland I'm going to be in super productive mode. I just want this to get to a point where I'm not thinking about it at night and it doesn't wake me up in a cold sweat in the mornings. To top it off, while I'm in Finland I have to take this annoying exam about Noise Abattment. I've been trying to put it off as long as possible because I think its dumb that I have to take it. Its a first year course normally taken by students who don't have a Bachelor's. And its in Finnish. For some reason, the fact that I had a bachelor's walking into the door didn't get me out of some of these courses. There was no english component and I couldn't read a book for the exam so I was given some website to study off of. I have a feeling that the questions that will be asked on my exam will be completly different than what I studied. It happens every time that I have to take an exam where I'm given different material. My material emphasizes different things from the lectures, but since I can't attend the lectures, I've got no clue as to whats going on. Argh. I HAVE to pass this exam because I don't want to have to go back to Finland for a retake. The nice guy is letting me do it the morning of my thesis presentation. So all the stress gets to wait until the very last moment. Friday night is going to be nuts. Robert will be in Kuopio then and we are going to hit Henry's hard. Beware. This weekend I also managed to put up all my pictures since last summer. [Just for you, Dan, you can see thumbnails] So have a look!!
I think I've kicked the proverbial potato bucket. Or at least they haven't gotten to me as much. This week has been a fairly productive week. I think I'm growing roots to my desk chair because it seems I'm always here. Good for me, most of the time has been spent writing. I'll be so happy when this is finally over. And I'm sure that everyone around me will be happy not to hear me moan about it constantly. Its so close, I can taste it. I'm going to Finland next week to work with my professors and give my presentation. I'm looking forward to being able to sit next to them and go over some stats. Its hard to send this stuff over email and get the right answers back. I don't think I'll have worked so hard in Finland as I will when I go there. I have to take the horrible Noise Abbatement exam as well. Thats such a monkey on my back that I really don't care how I do, I just want it over. Robert is going to join me for a week as well. It should be fun to show him around one of my "homes". After I give my presentation and take my exam Friday, there will be big happenings in Henry's pub, I think. I'm looking forward to expensive beer and drunk Finns. This will be my last neccessary trip back to Finland. I'll be done with the university after Feb 22nd (hopefully). Weird. All I have to do in Austria is pass my courses and put the final touches on my paper and then I'm done. Graduated. Finito. Into the real world. Therein lies the problem. In America, I had decided that I would just bite the bullet and come back so that Todd and I could be together. But now that I'm here, I realized how much happier I am here. I just fit better. Which created a great deal of angst in me because I didn't know how to break it to Todd that I was still undecided. It has nothing to do with him, its just a fear I have of moving back to the states. I shouldn't have underestimated him, though. He really is the most loving and considerate person I know. Instead of trying to convince me to move back (which would be the easiest choice) he just said to not give up any opportunities that arise over here because of him. So long as our goal is to be together, we will. We'll make it work somehow. How in the world did I land such a perfect guy? He's willing to move over here for me despite any possible job/visa problems. I must have been good in my past lives to end up with this guy. The saga of what to do/where to go after graduation continues. I'm not going to activly pursue anything till after I get back from Finland, though. There's no point in even sending applications at this point because I still have my paper to conquer. I think I need to just admit to myself that I want to stay in Vienna and try and make it work. I have to start activly looking for a job or placement and I'm sure I'll find something. The next semester looks like its going to be pretty fun. My courses look pretty interesting. The only problem is that a few of them continue into June. The Nicholatos-Todd wedding is in early June, which has been my date to leave. But leaving early and being in fear of not graduating is not something I want to consider. So, I'm pretty doubtful that I'll be able to make the wedding. It sucks, it would have been a great excuse to catch up with a bunch of people, but I think that its just bad timing for me. If I was in America, it would be another story. Luckily, no invitation has arrived in my mailbox yet so I can postpone this bit of disappointing news for a while. Since I'm probably staying through the month of June, in my mind it makes sense to try and find a summer job here at least......This seems to be my catch phrase, but here it is again- Who knows what the future will bring.
Seems like for the past few days life has revolved around potatoes. Firstly, my own potato status. I started the week off really well being quite the busy bee and even sending in a mostly polished chapter of my thesis. I read a good article in some recent TIME magazine about making the most of your natural working rythyms and it was helpful to know that my afternoon slump (crash is more accurate) is normal for someone with my sleep pattern. So I was using their times to really get some good work done. But then somewhere around Thursday afternoon it just went to pot. Leaving the house was more of a chore than just staring into the vastness of the internet. Waking up just seemed to take all of my energy. If it weren't for an energetic flatmate, I probably would have spent Friday night at home as well. By Sat, I had exhausted myself from trying to force myself to work through all of this oppressive laziness. I was sick enough to warrant a duvet day in front of DVDs. I think it did the trick because today I was able to be productive again. My personal potato status brought about the second half to my potato-rich life. I just couldn't get enough motivation to bother buying food for more than a day in advance. Friday when I went, it was all I could do to think about that night's meal, let alone plan for the next 3 days. Since Sat was spent being sick/hungover/lazy I didn't make it out and just ate potatoes because thats all that was left which meant that today was also filled with potatoey goodness. I think I'm eating more potatoes here than I did in Finland. Slowly, I am becoming a potato master. Its amazing what you can build with them.
I'm back in Vienna! I was really busy in Atlanta and so I had no time to post onto here. Too many Judging Amy's and ERs to watch instead. Atlanta was great as always, except that there are several people that I just ran out of time to see. I'll be back in the summer, so its not that big of a deal. Two weeks is enough time in Atlanta to get almost everything done and feel like I've been there long enough. Its really just a good place to visit nowadays. I don't know if I could live there again. I suppose if I got a job there I wouldn't turn it down because I could live in one of the cooler neighborhoods. But, there's something about moving back to my old city that is a little disheartening. They say you can't go back home. So I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm very happy to be back in Vienna. Its amazing how strong of a connection I have with this place after only a few months. Probably because this is where my stuff is and I don't have to live out of a suitcase here. Not that I had to really live out of a suitcase at my parents' place, but that's my parents' place. We tend to fall into the same roles every trip so its a bit strenous at times. I'm going to miss my kitties, though. I got used to either Hershey or Rascal falling asleep on my stomach or side and purring until we all fell asleep. And the HUGE beds in America. I forgot how low and hard my bed is here after sleeping in the luxury of my old bed. I'm having a bit of climate shock. Leaving Atlanta it was in the mid 70s and sunny while here its in the 30s and foggy with patches of snow in the city. Now I've got a few weeks to get my shit in order before I leave for my last trip (in a while) to Finland. I have a feeling the next 2.5 weeks are going to be very stressful. But after that, its smooth sailing. I'm going to make the most of my last 5 months in this town. Ahhhhhh, so good to be back!
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