Somnambulism
Mood:
smellyNow Playing: Radiohead (kill me! kill me!): Kid A.
Not sleeping is becoming a problem.
I got three hours kip a night every night last week, five hours on Friday, and eleven hours on Saturday, but only because I bailed on two different events, which I'd equally wanted to attend. (clubbing with yidaho, and a birthday nosh with my sister.)
By yesterday, the mirror revealed distinct air of beagle.
It's not that I can't sleep. It's that the hours I work are stupidly early. It's just ten o'clock now, and I'm halfway through my working day. And it's also that I'm naturally nocturnal. I feel like I'm missing out if I go to bed.
"There's nothing subversive or militant about my persistent nocturnalism" ~ Ethernautrix (had to quote her; bereft of her blog since an imposed hiatus.)Not anymore.
"If you don't slow yourself down and learn to manage stress, nature will do it for you." ~ BeenThere.
Last night, I couldn't sleep till 4am. That sets last night's sleepwatch at two hours total.
Eventually I did manage some shut eye - only by throwing open every window all the way, and letting the freezing air and London mist in.
I watched Salem's Lot as a kid. I know what'll get me if I keep doing that.
No hot water again this morning.
Dammit, I even ate vegetables yesterday (like I want a prize), this is not fair. (I'd been impressed enough by the smells of N/C cooking proper food to actually chop some mouldy plants when I got home. Chili con veggie, with disappointingly ungelatinous arborio rice.)
Looking for a 'through-line' (as Lactose Incompetent calls it), I'm trying to be a grown-up - really trying! I open mail 'n' shit. (Found out I pay two lots of car insurance simultaneously yesterday - #2K a year on a car that doesn't exist any more. Jeeeez. I see the point of opening mail, now.)
I even bought a new phone, and I'm gonna answer it if I can...
So: no shower, and no sleep.
Two hours, though. I know Looby has blogged his experiences of regular sleep deprivation, in the past. It feels like I'm permanently asleep and dreaming - that there's a big grey somnambulist soap bubble barrier between me and the world.
I've seen people sectioned through neuroses brought about by lack of sleep. But it's probably hypochondria to worry about that.
After a time, you become somewhat accustomed to it, and it's the days you do get some sleep that you look like shit and show the worst temper.
Life awake is one long process of dodging, of coping mechanisms best described as ill-judged, of wondering if you've morphed into Larry Olivier's Marathon Man yet. Isssss it sssssafe?
I pity the fool who crosses me at work today.
Slap forehead moment: Today's when I asked ex-DH to have The Big Property / Money Talk. Oh frig.
Updated: Monday, 10 November 2003 6:38 PM GMT
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