I'll stop rambling on and end your misery of having to read this. I hope to hear from you and until I talk to you again, please be safe and keep a smile on your face.
JC

As Zara read the letter that she had received from JC, she didn't know whether to be angry or to be impressed that he had actually taken the time to write her. Part of her was saying that she was being stupid for believing that he would be trying to get back at her, but another part of her contradicted that feeling, making her feel as if anything were possible. She laid the letter down on her bed and ran her fingers through her long hair. She didn't understand why she had to be questioning towards something that seemed innocent. It was one of the many reasons that made her so bitter to people. She could not control her own insecurities and passed them on to other people through her words and actions.

There had been so many times that she had tried to change, but she always seemed to fail. She wasn't strong enough to hold to her goals, and despite everything that she had done, she had a feeling that she would never be at the level that she wished to be. If only life could be simple, she would have it made. If she could only make her heart as strong as her head, she could be different.

"I just don't want to be me," she whispered out into the empty room, feeling tears threatening to fall from her eyes as painful memories of the past floated back into the present. She could no longer stand to deal with the pain and sorrow that she felt for herself. She hated having self-pity but she could no longer hold it back. What was shocking was the fact that all of this was coming forth from a simple letter from someone she barely knew. He had complimented her in saying that she stood up for what she believed in, but if he only knew that she was a scared girl trying to find her purpose in life, he would take away what he had said.

She pinched herself to make the memories disappear, knowing that it would only be a brief period before they returned to haunt her again. Her hands wiped away the remaining tears that were on her face, knowing that a headache would soon follow from her moment of being weak. To the world, Zara was the type of person many people wanted to be, strong and secure, but in reality she was the person that they most feared of becoming.

"I need to get a grip," she mumbled angrily as she took the letter from her bed and placed it upon her dresser, still contemplating whether or not to write him back.

"Did you say something?" Heather's voice called to her, sounding muffled through the bedroom door that was shut and locked.

"I was just thinking out loud"

"Well," Heather said before pausing to knock after she had tried to get into the room. Zara checked her appearance in the mirror, making sure that her eyes were not bloodshot, before opening the door to reveal Heather standing there in a denim miniskirt and a black halter top. "How do I look?"

"Where the hell are you going?" Zara asked, taken back at how dressed up her friend was. When she had opened the door, she had expected to see Heather standing there in a baggy clothes, not something quite as nice. "Is there a party or something that I don't know about?"

"No...I met a guy earlier today and we're going out to diner...remember me telling you about it?"

"I must have zoned off when you told me that," Zara said, feeling guilt swell through her for not paying better attention to what her best friend had told her.

The smile faltered from Heather's face as she let out a worried sigh. "Is something wrong, Zar? You...just seem different. Its like your body is here and visible, but your mind has disappeared."

"To tell you the truth..I don't know what's wrong," Zara said slowly as she sat back down on her bed, bringing a pillow up to her chest. "I think its just stress that's causing me to act this way, but it could be something else. Hopefully its just a stage that I'm going through."

"I just feel like there's something you're not telling me.." Heather pressed, knowing good and well that Zara was hiding something deep.

"Why...why do you think that?"

"You may not think that I can't tell that you've been crying, but I know you have. There's something on your mind and I'm not letting you leave this room until you tell me what it is," Heather said sternly, letting the stubborn part of her personality shine through.

"You're going to be in here for awhile..and you'll miss your date.."

"I can reschedule that. Talk to me, Zar..I'm honestly worried about you."

"That makes two of us," she said under her breath before closing her eyes as the painful memories made their way back into her thoughts. "You might want to have a seat if you want me to explain everything."

Heather nodded her head and reached for a chair, having to push away clothes in it before she could have a seat. "You talk and I'll listen."

"You know how I'm always hateful to people and snappy?" Zara began, pausing as she watched Heather nod her head in agreement to what Zara was saying. "Well..I'm not like that, Heather. I'm this lost person, swimming around in pain and fear. I can't decide what I should do with my life..its like..I'm stuck in this place with opportunities around me, but I'm too scared to reach out and snag one of them. I'm scared..I'm alone and I'm weak..I don't want my own self pity..I want to be someone strong..someone who can decide what they want..someone who can look at the world with a positive attitude instead of having to be rude and selfish all the time. Heather..I envy you. You have that bubbly personality that attracts people to you. You don't see things in a negative perspective..you look for the positive while I'm the complete opposite."

"Don't say that," Heather said, feeling tears burning in her own eyes as she watched Zara break down. She had believed that Zara was one of the strongest people that she had ever met, but that assumption had been wrong. She was seeing a side of her friend that was scary. "I'm not like that. I have fears just like everyone else..we all have something in our life that holds us back. We just have to give it time and allow ourselves to find a path to happiness. Its not an easy journey, Zara so don't think its going to happen over night."

"I've tried so many times to change, Heather. I've tried almost everything but nothing seems to work. I'm a cruel, heartless person that brings misery to others around me!" she cried, her voice raising in volume. "I'm scared of what I have become."

"Don't say that, Zar!" Heather cried, moving over to the bed and wrapping her arms around her trembling companion. "You're a wonderful person. You just have to convince yourself of that..all you can seem to do is focus on your faults...find your good traits and let them be portrayed."

"I have no good traits," Zara said, sniffling as she held onto Heather.

"Yes you do," Heather insisted as she rubbed her hand up and down Zara's back to calm her. "You're an amazing writer, you're a very gifted artist and you're the best friend that anyone could ever ask for. You're funny when you want to be and apparently you've got something that has attracted JC to you. Don't sit there and tell me you have no good traits."

Zara sniffled before closing her eyes as she tried to hold on to the encouraging qualities that Heather was insisting that she had, but she could feel the doubt sweeping out everything that had been said. "What am I going to do, Heather?"

"First off..you're going to stop crying because you're getting my shirt wet," she joked, smiling brightly as Zara pulled away from her shoulder and blushed sheepishly. "Next, you're going to wash your face and get cleaned up because we're going to go out and have some fun."

"What about your date?"

"Like I said before, I can reschedule it. You're more important to me than some guy that I just met. I want you to know, Zara, that anytime you're having an inner struggle, you know that you can talk to me."

"Thank you," she told her softly before taking a deep breath and glancing over at the letter that was resting on her dresser. Maybe JC was doing this out of good intentions. "Give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

"I'll be waiting in my room," Heather said before giving her an encouraging smile and walking out the door, shutting it softly behind her.

Zara walked over to the dresser and let her fingers trail over the paper, knowing that she would write him back. From what she had gathered about JC so far, he seemed to be a person that didn't want to hurt anyone else. But just in case she was making a mistake, she would keep her eyes open for any clues that he was doing this as some attempt to make her pay for the rude remarks she had made about him. She was determined not to let her doubt and insecurities ruin the chances of a friendship.