Justin reached for his jacket and sighed as he slipped it on. He was still in denial of what had happened, but he had just enough of a grasp of the situation to feel a tremendous emptiness in his heart. His eyes wandered around the room and he kept waiting for her to just walk in at any moment, but it didn't happen, and would never happen again. His eyes burned with tears as he looked at all the pictures of the two of them together, obviously looking at each other with love in their eyes. He tore his gaze away from the many frames and let it rest on the clock with was ticking by with the seconds until he'd have to say his final good bye.
"Justin," his Mom called to him softly as she entered the bedroom. "We need to get going so we're not late."
"Mom..I don't think I can get up there and make a speech," he told her, turning around to face her with tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't do it."
"No one is making you," she told him softly as she let him cry on her shoulder. "If you don't want to do it, just tell her parents and they'll understand."
Justin shook his head before moving away from his mother. "I can do this..I'm going to do this," he said as he reached for a piece of paper and a photo album that Lynn had never seen. "Lets go, Mom."
She nodded her head before following her son out of the room and down the stairs where JC and Bobbie were waiting on the two. "JC, do you mind driving us?"
"Its not a problem," he said as he reached for the keys to Justin's Mercedes M. Class. The four of them left the house and piled into the car, dreading the short ride that was about to begin. Justin's gaze never moved from the window that he was starring out. All the memories that they had created and all of the kisses that they had shared were mixing together throughout his body, creating a paralyzing effect that he couldn't shake.
"We're here," JC announced softly as he shut the car off and opened the door, causing Bobbie and Lynn to do the same. Justin didn't move. He saw all the people walking around, wearing sad frowns on their faces that were streaked from tears that they had cried. His eyes glanced down to the photo album he was holding and he couldn't stop a slight smile from forming when he remembered how happy she had been to receive it.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and stepped out into the hot Orlando sun before following everyone into the funeral parlor. He noted the rest of the guys were there, and stopped when he saw Ashley standing at her casket, a solemn expression glued on his face. Justin visibly tensed causing JC to pat him on the back gently. "This isn't the place for you to get angry, J."
"I can't go up there," he said forgetting all about Ashley and coming back to terms of the present.
"Then sit down for a while and then see if you can go up there later."
Justin nodded his head before slipping into a bench behind her parents. His hand gently touched her mother's shoulder and he tried his best to give her a comforting smile, but he couldn't. This situation was one that he had only thought about in his nightmares, but now it was reality, and it was a reality that he didn't want to face. For once, a dream seemed better than the real thing.
Cait smiled slightly nodding her head in agreement. "That she would do...I can't believe she's gone."
Dan kissed her forehead lightly before motioning for her to move on. "She's in a better place at this moment...we should probably sit with Ash and Jenn..he doesn't seem to be holding up too well."
Cait nodded her head before sliding down the bench and placing her hand gently on Ashley's upper forearm. He turned and looked at her before turning his attention back to Jenn who was talking about something. She turned her attention from Ashley to Justin and felt pain shoot through her heart as she examined the lost look that was present on his young face. She felt Dan squeeze her hand, before turning and resting her head on his shoulder, waiting for the funeral to start. Once everyone was settled in, the funeral began and the final process of saying good bye started.
He paused as he bit his lip, trying to keep the tears held back. "I know that all of you will miss her just as much as me, and I know she wouldn't want us grieving this way over her. She could be stubborn at times, and I know I'll certainly miss it," he said, smiling slightly when a few chuckles escaped from people. "I could go on and on about her life, and the things that she helped me experience, but I don't think I could truly get you to understand what a terrific young woman she was. The greatest gift God ever sent me was her, and now..she's back home. She's my angel, and always will be," he said before walking to her casket and placing the photo album inside, and finally giving her a kiss on the forehead. "I love you," he whispered before wiping away the tears that were on his cheeks and sitting back down beside his mother.
He managed to block out the rest of the funeral, his thoughts on everything but the sad event. His mother nudged him when it was over and he reluctantly stood up, kissing her on the cheek before motioning for her to go on. Justin was the last one left in the funeral parlor, and while he was there, all he did was sit on the front bench and stare at her casket and all the beautiful flowers around it. He knew it was getting late, but he couldn't pull himself from the room. He knew that as soon as he walked out, that would be the last time he ever saw her face, except for pictures and memories that would forever stay in his head.
"Justin," a soft female voice called out, causing him to turn around to see who had called out to him. Cait was standing there, looking at Justin letting him silently know that she was there for him to talk to. As she sat down beside him, she took his hand in hers and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as his voice interrupted the silence around them.
"Cait...I feel like I'm the one that died."
"Justin.."
"She was half of me," he continued, ignoring the fact that she had spoken. "She was the only one that truly understood me. She knew what I was thinking without me saying a word, she...she understood the pressure that I felt from being in the spotlight. She gave me so much, Cait. I didn't even get the chance to try and repay her."
"Justin..she loved you. You loved her, and I know you still love her, and probably always will, but you've got to realize that just by loving her, you repaid her more than you think you did. While we were on tour, she told me about all of the things that you had done for her. She told me how much she missed you, and sometimes I'd catch her just starring at your picture. That's how much she loved you, Justin."
"I don't think I can ever love again," he whispered as two tears slid down his cheeks, stopping on his lips.
"You know she wants you to move on..eventually," she tried to encourage him as she slid her arm around his shoulder, hugging him lightly to her body. "I've got to get going before Dan sends out a search party for me...Justin," she said as she stood up to leave, giving his hand a light squeeze before dropping it. "You know we're all here if you ever need to talk."
He nodded his head before closing his eyes, waiting on her to leave so he could say his final good bye to her. His legs felt extremely heavy as they strode to the casket, and his hands were shaking as he reached out and touched her skin lightly. "I know you're listening to me, Whit..and I just want to let you know that I love you and I'm going to need you to watch over me throughout this wild ride that I'm about to have in front of me...but I want you to know that my life will never be the same and no one will ever be able to amount up to what you did. I'll always love you, and you'll always have my entire heart....I love you baby," he said before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on her lips before opening up the picture album to the last picture, which was of the two of them at the beach, holding hands as the sunset in the background. That same sunset that had set that night on the beach had just set in his heart.
He threw one last look in the direction of her body before grabbing his jacket and leaving the room, allowing the door to shut. As he drove home in his Mercedes that JC had dropped off on his way home, he turned the radio on trying to provide some type of distraction for a few minutes.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Angel by Sarah McLachlan
When the song ended, Justin felt a warmth flow throughout his body, and he knew that at that moment and forever, her arms were around him.
That's the end...please..I'm literally begging you all..send me some feed back and let me know what you think! I worked hard on this story, and its my best so far, and I want to know what you, the readers, thought about it! Thank you! EMAIL ME! PWEASE ;)