Here Many Hopes Lie

"There's no place to run, I have no place to go, surrender my heart, body and soul"

Thanks to J.D.!! Luv ya girl!

It wasn't easy growing up in Nick's shadow. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I always feel compared.

"Aaron, how does it feel being pop legands younger brother? Struggling to meet the demands of former BSB fans? Are you the next Nick Carter?"" I so wanted to hit those reporters, lash out and scream "am I 6'3"? Do I look and act like him, and him alone?!" The BSB days are over, they broke up when Nick was 22, he's 24 now, it was 2 freaking years ago people, get over it! Unfortantly after that America forgot the pop era, but it's starting to make a strong comeback, which is helping my career tremendously, but people keep comparing me to the BSB when I want a music style kinda of my own, but my managers keep making me do old BSB songs, which isn't helping me with the tabloids. I'm so sick of the pressures and the expectations, I can't live up to them and I know I'm disappointing people, but I'm doing my best. I needed relief, I knew I couldn't do this show unless I got rid of the stress. I started looking around the dressing room until I found the syringe. I loaded it up with 20 ml of heroin. Man, I needed this stuff, I craved it, this is what kept me from busting, kept me pepped during shows. I put the needle in the crook of my elbow and prepared myself for the release of my pain, I was about to push the syringe, when a knock sounded on the door 'crap!' I thought, quickly shoving the syringe under a shirt lying on the couch. "Come in!" I yelled, the door opened and in walked Nick.

"Hey!" he said with a smile.

"Hey" I replied, pasting on my well-mastered fake smile, wishing he would go away. He continued,

"I wanted to know if you wanted to get a bite to eat with me after the show tonight?" I nodded

"Yeah, sure, whatever" anything to get him to leave, I needed my dose right now, or I would never make it throught the show. He looked at me with concern

"Aaron, are you ok? If anything's bothering you, you know you can trust me, what's wrong-"

"Nothing!" I said with exaspiration "just leave me alone, ok!?!" Nick looked stunned as he slowly turned and left the room. I sighed and reached under the shirt to grab the syring, I looked at it with a small smile, then inserted it into my arm.

~*after the show, Aaron is high, and Nick is kinda concerned. Nick's Point of View*~

'What's up with Aaron?' I thought to myself 'he was grouchy, and now he's almost, giddy, he's so happy? Maybe it was the energy of the show. . . who knows' I looked across the table at Aaron, he grinned at me then nodded his head at something over my shoulder,

"man, check out that waitress, she is HOT!" I turned to look just as the waitress came towards us. She had curly, light brown hair, and a very nice figure, I had to admit, she was pretty good looking, Aaron had good taste. The waitress stood at the end our table and smiled,

"Hi, my name is Jessica and I'll be your waitress tonight", she said, handing us our menus, "can I get you something to drink while you order?" I ordered a Coke and Aaron had a Mountain Dew. Jessica wrote it down and turned to walk off, Aaron leaned out of his chair for a better view,

"whew" he said with a grin,, "that is a NICE butt!" I had to laugh, then with a sad thought, I realized how much he reminded me of A.J., and how much I still missed the BSB.

~*Flashback*~

"A.J., you got another tatoo?!" Kevin exclaimed when A.J. took off his jacket.

"yes" A.J. sneered "you got a problem with it?" I didn't think much of A.J.'s attitude at the moment, all I could do was gape at the tatoo, so was Brian, Howie, and Kevin. Howie cleared his throat and gestured at the tatoo of a naked Amanda on his arm {[EDITORS NOTE:I know he and Amanda have an on/off relationship, I wrote this during a time when they were going out, he has NO TATOO OF AMANDA on his arm that I know of, remember, it's just fiction!:) ]}. This was his 17th tatoo, and talk about vulgar! Howie spoke up

"uh, don't you think, well, uh, is it REALLY nessecary to show that much of her? I mean, couldn't she have on,I don't know, a bikini or something?" The rest of us continued to gape, I knkew anytime from now on that I saw Amanda, I would view her a little differently.

~*present*~

Jessica smiled as she brought our drinks and took our orders. I had to laugh as I watched Aaron flirt with her, I knew he was aiming for some digits to call. By the end of the night, he had succeeded.

~*later in the month, Aaron's Point of View*~

I can't take this! I thought, as the reporters crammed me in a little spot, overwhelming me with questions and demanding anwsers. Comparing me to Nick. I'm more like Angel than anybody! I have to show them I'm not Nick! Maybe if I change my goody-goody image. . . I smiled and forced my way through reporters to my car. Time to put my plan into action.

~*2 days later, Thanksgiving. Nick's Point of View.*~

I was worried about my little brother, he was acting so weird, kinda like A.J., except without the peircings and stuff. . . .just like A.J., but A.J. had supposedly cleaned back up. .

~*flashback*~

"A.J., what the hell is this!" Howie said, holding out the Marijuana that had fallen out of A.J.'s bag when he had flung it off the bed in a moment of fury. A.J. just forze, and glanced at the rest of us. Moments of uncomfortable silence passed over us. Brian spoke first,

"A.J., I thought you quit doing drugs". A.J. didn't respond, just started packing his things, I spoke up,

"A.J., man, what are ya doing". A.J. didn't reply right away, the rest of us glanced at each other before A.J. cleared his throat

"I'm sorry guys, I can't take this, this buisness anymore, I love performing, but I just can't take it. I never did drugs, untill now, untill we got into this business." his eyes sadly scanned over us as he threw his backpack on "bye" he added, turning and walking out the door. We stood there, frozen, for a moment, then Kevin dashed out into the hall, only to return moments later,

"he's gone"

~*present*~

I absentmindedly stirred the chicken noodle soup, thinking how much Aaron was acting like A.J. when he was doing drugs. . .I stood straight up 'NO WAY' he couldn't be on drugs, could he? I shook my head, trying to clear the thought, when I noticed Aaron's car pulling into the driveway, and him climbing out, I turned towards the hall "HE'S HERE!" I yelled, my mom came running into the kitchen, anxious to see her baby boy, my dad right behind her, just as the kitchen door opened and Aaron walked in, we all froze when we saw what he had done.

"What did you do that for?" mom asked, sounding astounded, when he opened his mouth to responde, we saw what else he had done to.

"Aaron!" A voice squealed, it was Angel, Aaron's twin. When he turned around she stopped in her tracks, "You peirced your eyebrow!" she exclaimed

"That's not all he peirced" I muttered, Aaron turned to glare at me and then turned back to Angel, sticking his tounge out, "You peirced your tounge to? Gross! Why'd you do that?!?" Aaron looked down, then back up, I saw a single tear start to fall.

"Because I wanted to be different, I'm sick of being compared to Nick, and the BSB, I wanted to make myself different so I wouldn't be compared, I'm not them, I'm Aaron, Aaron Charles Carter, and no one else" Mom took him in her arms as he started to cry, I could relate, people did the same thing to the BSB when we first came out.

Dinner was weird, we weren't used to Aaron's new, uh, accesories, or seeing him like this. A couple of times he dissappeared upstairs, and them minutes later he would be back, and much happier. Weird.

~*January 4th, Aaron is now 17. From his Point of View*~

Aaugh! "I'm never gonna make it through all these fans and reporters!" I said, groaning as I looked outside the arena. I shook my head in disbelief. Would they ever leave me alone? I opened the door and immeaditly had microphones in my face. Aaron this, Aaron that, the questions and commands and pleas for autogpraphs were overwhelming. Then I heard one particular question that stuck out at me, I turned to the reporter, a guy in his late thirties, "What did you ask?" he repeated the question

"How does it feel knowing, that even with all your hardwork, your not as good, not as loved, and not as wanted as the Backstreet Boys were?" That was it, I don't recall much, I just flew at the guy, outraged and swinging my fists, I was totally unaware of us fighting untill someone pulled us apart, last I heard were the words 'huge lawsuit'. Crap. I was in for now.

I picked up the morning paper my manager had left on the small kitchen table and read the headlines 'Bomb at World Trade Center', 'Schools Go to Far?', 'Aaron Carter, Slapped with Million Dollar Lawsuit'. Crap crap crap. I was so gonna get it now. I massaged my temples and went back to my bunk to shoot some heroin.

~*~5 months later, Aaron is in the middle of a world tour. He's more unhappy and doing mre heroin than ever before.*~

My world tour. I should have been happy, but I wasn't. I had this huge lawsuit to deal with, plus all these pressures from my family, media, record company and peers. My heroin was my daily escape. I was shooting nearly 90 ml's a day. 'I could use some now' I realized, pulling out my syringe and shooting some before I left the hotel to go to a show. I needed the pep. I stuck my gun I started carrying with me about a year ago in my bag. Halfway to the concert I realized the pep wasn't there, I was in the back of a limo, so no one could see me, I quickly shot some more up at a red light. We reached the music hall and I stepped out, imeaditly surrounded by fans and body gaurds. Derek, my main gaurd, let me walk freely once I was inside, I realized I was gonna be sick, I could barely walk straight I was so doped up, I leaned against the wall for support, assuring Derek it was 'just nerves and butterflies', I escaped to the safety of no eyes in a bathroom. I managed to drag myself into the second stall and puked my guts up. When I finished I leaned back against the stall of the wall and dropped my head to my knees, crying, I needed out of this pain, and there was only one way out, I pulled the syringe out of my bag and stuck it in my arm, and injected, but I didn't pull it out, I just sat there, dizzy, nauseous, and crying. I couldn't deal with this pain, being so unhappy. I leaned back over the toilet, and puked some more 'I overdid it' I realized. I opened my wallet, and took out a picture of my family, staring at it I cried harder, and shot up some more. Throwing the syringe on the floor I glared at, it wasn't helping, where was the release? I stared back at the picturte of my family, we looked so happy. The picture blured as tears once again fell from my eyes, tears of the hurt, of the pain, of my life. I had to end my pain. I pulled the gun out of my backpack and stared at it, memories flashed before my eyes, B.J., Lesilie, mom, Nick, Angel, dad,my family, my friends, the reporters, the management, love, hatered. I saw it all in those few minutes. I looked at the picture, "I love you" I whispered, then raised the gun.

~*Nick's Point of View*~

'I wonder where Aaron is? I haven't seen him at all?' I spotted Derek across the room and hurried over to him "Derek, you seen Aaron?" he nodded

"yeah, poor kid's nervous. He's in the bathroom" I said thanks and hurried down the hall to check on my little brother. I opened the bathroom door

"Aaron?" I called, I saw red stuff running from the second stall into the drain in the middle of the floor. . . .blood? I peeked in the second stall and saw him, my baby brother, slumped over, a gun in his hand, needle on the floor beside him. I stumbled back against the wall in disbelief "no" I whispered. Not Aaron, no Lord, please Not Aaron "Nooo!!!" I screamed, shaking my head, my voice echoing "No" I whispered, sinking to my knees.

~*Christmas Eve*~

I slowly walked over the worn path to his grave. I stopped before it and stared at the picture in my hand, the same one he had held when he killed himself. I just looked at it for a few minents before speaking, "Hey little buddy" I felt a tear stream down my cheek, "I'm not gonna be back for awhile, since the BSB got back together and we have a tour, we're singing a song in memory of you, but this was gonna be my only chance to say goodbye before we left for Europe." I choked back a sob "Why Aaron? Why did you do it?" Tears were streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks now. "I miss you so much more than words can say. I love you Aaron, and I want you to know you will always be my little brother, and I plan on seeing you in Heaven one day." I gently laid a white rose on his grave and read the inscription 'Here Many Hopes Lie' "Goodbye Aaron," I whispered, "I love you."