[=chapter twelve=]

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Amanda sobbed uncontrollably as she ran away from the disco. It was cold outside, the darkness engulfed her as she broke down. She could still hear the music inside. She looked around for a cab, but there was none. She was alone, outside. She wondered what she could do now. No one could help her. Finally, she searched in her bag for her phone and began to dial Nick’s number.

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Nick was sleeping soundly in his room, when he heard the loud phone piercing through the silence of the house. He felt dizzy as he tried to cover up the sounds with his pillow covering his head. The phone continued ringing, 4 times, 5 times, 6 times. Annoyed, he snatched the phone and growled, “What do you want?”

Nick could hear crying on the other end. Alarmed, he sat up immediately, “Amanda? Is it you? Amanda baby, what’s wrong?” The crying continued, he could hear faint sounds of music. “Where are you? Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you!”

“Nick,” Amanda managed to say through tears, “Please come.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at…” the phone crackled.

“Where?”

“I’m at–” she was cut off.

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Nick glanced over at Amanda. She was asleep. Curled up in his sweater. Her hair was wet and messy, but she was unaware of it. Nick didn’t want to do it, but he was so desperate that he had actually called Alex to ask him if Amanda was with him or not. It hurt to think that she was with him. Having fun with him, kissing him… all the things that they used to do together. Lately, nothing has been going right, ever since that Alex showed up. Thankfully, Amanda wasn’t with him, but he had seen her at the local disco and he had immediately driven down there to find her. He was feeling slightly angry with Alex. One, for screwing up his love life and the other is for not protecting Amanda, and even hurting her. He had wanted to ask Amanda what had happened but when Nick found her, she was sitting against the wall, crying and she had used up her remaining energy to run to Nick and then she collapsed in his arms. Nick had carried her to his car. Amanda stirred.

“Amanda?”

“Nick?” she managed to say.

“How are you feeling? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I think so, I feel a bit dizzy though.”

“That’s alright, just sleep for a little longer,” Nick didn’t want to give Amanda pressure with asking her questions. Amanda didn’t say anything. All of a sudden, Nick noticed that Amanda had started to cry. “What’s wrong? Amanda, why are you crying? Tell me. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s not you. Its me… I just realized how stupid I was all along. Here you were, there for me the whole entire time, and I was too blind to see any of it. I had to think that Alex was more exciting, different than you… but turns out he was such a bastard. I’m so sorry Nick, I shouldn’t have done that to you. Now I realize how mush times I have wasted. I am so stupid… so, so stupid. Now all that time is lost forever… to Alex. How can I ever think that he could ever compare to you? Oh Nick, I could never forgive myself for doing this to you and me. What we had… will never be the same again. How did I ever let you go?” Amanda was crying uncontrollably now, but she continued to talk, “I know that we can’t be together anymore, you don’t love me after I’ve been such a bitch. How can one guy do so much damage to our love? Now you love someone else and I can’t do anything about it. I know that I’ll be living in pain every single day of my life because of the greatest mistake I have ever made… letting you go.”

“Amanda don’t–” Nick tried to tell her.

“No let me finish. I know that when I first left you, you’ve been through hell. I was so selfish, to put you through all that just for my own happiness. I know that asking you to be with me again would be too much so I only wish for you to forgive me and I hope that we could be at least friends. Nick you have no idea how confused I was when Alex appeared. He was so sweet, funny, free… different. I guess I needed something different in my life at that time… now I realize how stupid I was. I don’t know what to do with my life without you in it anymore… everything would seem meaningless. How do I live?”

Nick remained silent. He wanted to tell her that he still loved her and he wanted to be with her. He knew that she was right, she had put him through hell. Now she was coming back to him… wasn’t this what he wanted all along?

“I’m grateful that you are still here for me,” she continued, “I was so scared back there… everyone was drunk and going crazy in there. Michelle had left me for this hot guy and then I saw Alex…”

“Yeah?”

“I saw him kissing this girl,” she began to cry again.

Nick pulled up on his driveway and pulled Amanda close, “Oh Amanda, don’t cry, he’s not worth it. I love you and that’s all that matters. I want to be with you, just you and no one else,” he stroked her hair gently.

Amanda cried even harder, “Nick, I don’t deserve–”

“Shh… don’t talk. Silence speaks its own words,” he gazed intensely into Amanda’s eyes. They were glistening under the moonlight. Wiping away her tears from her face, Nick pulled her in for a kiss.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

The next morning they woke up in the car, in each other’s arms. Amanda opened her eyes and found Nick’s face right next to hers. “Oh shit,” she whispered, “What do I do now?” she tried to get out without waking Nick up but it was too late, Nick was awake.

“Morning,” he smiled at her.

“Nick, we can’t be together. It’s wrong. I don’t deserve someone like you. Your girlfriend doesn’t deserve this pain of me in the way.”

“Amanda, why are you still hiding now? Why are you hiding you feelings when they feel so right? I love you and you know that, there is no one else. You are killing yourself in pulling yourself away from me. You can’t lie to yourself. You can’t make yourself not love me, that’s impossible. What’s making you think that this is wrong?”

“Nick, oh I’m so glad to hear you say that, I want you to know that I love you, more than anything in the world and nobody could ever change that.”