All weekend, Nick and Alex had constantly called her. When Nick had suddenly showed up on her doorstep one evening with a dozen roses in his hand while her parents were out, Amanda didn’t know how to react. She just stared at Nick, with a pained expression in her eyes. Before she knew it, tears were spilling out of her eyes and she gradually found herself towards Nick, hugging him tightly, not wanting to let go. The hug was different. The spark was gone. She didn’t feel special in his arms anymore. She knew that Nick couldn’t feel difference. She could feel him putting his strong tanned arms on her back and he began kissing her hungrily up her neck. Amanda closed her eyes… only to see Alex in her mind. She tried so hard to enjoy his Nick’s kisses but no matter how hard she tried, she cannot visualize herself with Nick anymore. She breathed in deeply and made a small motion to push Nick away. He backed off, confused.
“What’s wrong?” he asked with concern.
“Nick,” she took another deep breath. Her voice trembled as if it didn’t belong to her, “I… I’ve… I don’t know how to say this to you. I don’t know what to say to not hurt you… and… and you know that it would be the last thing that I would wanna do–”
Nick laughed suddenly, interrupting her, not seeing the seriousness in her tone, “What are you saying babe?” He held her hands which she was fiddling around with. Amanda stepped back so that Nick couldn’t touch her. Nick glanced at her strangely.
“Nick, I’m not playing around… it’s gone… I’m serious this time. We…” Amanda hesitated, this was the big thing, if she said it… there would be no more ‘them’. Amanda took a deep breath, ”We will still be friends… won’t we?” Amanda was staring at the ground the whole time, afraid to look up at Nick, she finally gathered enough strength and courage to take a quick glance at him. His bright blue eyes lost its sparkle.
“What are you saying Amanda? After what we’ve been through, you’re saying that you don’t love me?” Nick whispered hesitantly. He suddenly became angry and grabbed Amanda tightly as he tried to embrace her. Amanda struggled out of his grasp. “Look into my eyes and say you don’t love me!”
“I… I can’t!” Amanda sobbed, “Because…. because I do love you.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The phone rang once, twice, three times. Amanda sat up from her bed, “Someone answer the phone!” She yelled.
“I’m busy dear! Go answer it!” Her mom yelled back. Sounds of a running machine could be heard from outside. Amanda groaned as she pulled herself off her bed. Throwing her magazine on the unmade bed she was lying on, she trudged towards the hall phone.
Picking up the receiver, she croaked, “Yeah?”
“Charming morning isn’t it?” a voice greeted. Amanda recognized it immediately.
“Alex!” she gasped. “Um… ‘sup?”
“Nothing much… just wondering if you and Nick would like to come over and watch these videos I rented. I’ve got a ton of popcorn and a load of stuff to drink… so how does that sound?”
“It’s great Alex… but I’m not up to it. Sorry! You can call Nick though.” Amanda answered.
“Hmm… yeah and…. I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“It’s okay Alex. I’m sure your hormones weren’t behaving.” Amanda joked.
Alex laughed uneasily, “I… I–”
“Say it Alex! Spit it out! You can do it!”
“I love you.” There was silence. Amanda’s light breathing could be heard on the other side… or was it her heartbeat?
“No… you can’t love me! I barely know you! You can’t love me!” Amanda said repeatedly, trying hard not believing a single word Alex was saying.
“It’s true Amanda… Give me a chance…” Amanda didn’t know what he said next because she slammed down the receiver with tears streaming down her face.
* o~c * o~c * o~c * o~c * o~c * o~c * o~c * o~c *
“… I love you so much that I’m afraid to let go… to lose you… please… understand Nick… everything has an end and a beginning.” Amanda drifted off
“That must be the most pathetic excuse for having to dump someone I’ve ever heard! Who is it Amanda? What is it that he can give you that I can’t?” Nick shouted angrily. By now, he had shut the door behind, his angry intense gaze boring into Amanda’s.
“There’s no one okay? There’s no one!” Amanda shouted back. She glared at Nick. She had thought that Nick would understand and would let her go gradually. Turns out her prediction was wrong.
“Yeah, I’m so sure,” Nick said sarcastically.
Amanda didn’t reply. She turned around and said quietly, “Get out.”
“What?”
“I said, GET OUT!” Amanda shouted as she released all her anger.
“Fine!" Nick shouted. As he walked out the door, he whispered, with a hint of sorrow and sadness in his voice, “I hope he makes you happy...”