2 years later, Nick and I had gotten married. It felt so good knowing that he’ll be by my side for the rest of my life.
“Hey sweetie, I’m going to be out for the night alright? I’m crashing at Brian’s. Haven’t seen him for ages.”
“Sure,” I smiled, “Say hi to him for me.” it was fun to be acting like an old married couple. He walked over to me and kissed me softly before he left. Not long after Nick had gone off, the phone rang. I picked it up, “Hello?”
“Rachel?”
I froze. That voice had sounded all too familiar.
“It’s Justin,” he continued.
“… I know.”
“Can I please see you?”
“I’m not sure–”
“Please?”
“Alright, but just for a while.”
“I’ll be there in 5.”
I hung up the phone feeling dazed. It was going to be weird seeing Justin again since we avoided each other as much as possible. I actually invited him to our marriage (well, their whole family) but he didn’t show up. It didn’t matter, I didn’t feel like I wanted to see him on the happiest day of my life. Washing my hands, I heard the doorbell ring. I wiped my hands on a towel and went to get the door. I walked rather slowly, because I knew that it was going to be Justin. I didn’t know what to feel or what to say. I guess I was feeling very nervous.
“Hey,” he spoke softly. I couldn’t help but notice how good he looked and how good he smelled.
I didn’t say anything but I let him in – which I thought was a total mistake, “What do you have to say?” I shoed him to the den and he sat down on the couch. I sat across from him.
“Rachel,” he took my hand, I immediately took it away, “I still love you.”
I didn’t know how to react. It’s been 3 years! 3 fucking years and he’s supposed to be in love with me? Hello? What am I supposed to do? I’m married! I’ve been married for an entire year! I must’ve sat with no expression on my face because Justin shook me.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I knew damn well what he said but I just needed to stall so I could think properly.
Justin looked at me and muttered, “He doesn’t deserve you,” he pushed me back on my seat and started kissing me hungrily. I started to push him away but he was too strong and he came on stronger and stronger. His hands traveled all over my body and I started growing scared. I began to cry but Justin probably didn’t notice that. I could feel his hand slipping under my shirt and going for my bra clasp. I started screaming help even – but not like anyone was going to hear that. We were in a soundproof room because Nick’s music often disturbed people so we were forced to make the room soundproof.
Justin took off my bra and tore off my shirt. I screamed and slapped him and kicked him as hard as I could… but that only made him more excited. He slapped me – hard – on my face and I fainted.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
When I woke up I had a blanket over me and I saw that Justin was sitting on the couch, asleep. I began crying. Where was Nick when I needed him? I was raped and I couldn’t do anything about it. I clutched tightly onto the thin blanket and started crying even more loudly. I couldn’t believe that Justin had actually done something like that to me. it hurt so much… how could he? I felt angry at myself for letting Justin in, but I didn’t know that he would’ve totally changed! I wrapped the blanket around myself and got up and started slapping Justin hard.
“Bastard! How could you do something like that?” I continued to slap him forcefully.
Justin awoke surprised but then he grabbed my hand and smiled slyly, “I told you Rach, I love you. I really do. You’re hurting me, don’t you know that? And you better not tell anyone about this either… think about Nick, think about your family. If you ever do tell… then I’ll make sure that you’ll never be able to see any of the above mentioned. Do you understand?”
I slouched down and broke down in tears.
“Don’t cry, it wasn’t so bad. You were unconscious then… why don’t we do it again?”
“Get away from me!” I cried out and grabbed the vase on the table.
“Alright, alright, no need for violence. I better get going now. See you later sweetie.”
I could hear him go away and then I dropped the vase. How was I going to face Nick now? I’m not going to tell him – I can’t tell him. what would he think? I feel so ashamed of myself… I felt… dirty. I’m never going to be able to face anyone again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
I was in a trance that I couldn’t shake myself out of. Every once in a while, I would cry. I didn’t know what to think, what could I do? It’s already happened and I can’t take anything back. If only I hadn’t let Justin in the house. If only I never met Justin. If only I had never gone out with Justin. If only I wasn’t so blind to think that I’ve fallen in love with Justin. I stopped sweeping the floor and broke down in tears. There was no one that I could talk to. I felt so, so alone… crying in the silence of the house, I fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, I heard the phone ring. I awoke startled thinking that I was dreaming. I almost forgot about Justin – but when I stood up, it hurt so much that it was impossible to forget. Stumbling to the phone, I wondered who it could be so late.
“Hello?” I said as I stretched. My back ached from sitting on the floor.
“Rachel! It’s Brian! Hurry to the hospital! Something happened to Nick – we think that he’s not going to make it!”
Did I hear right? How could everything go so wrong in just a few hours? I didn’t even have Nick? How could something like this happen to me? What did I do wrong? I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Rachel? Are you there? We’re at the General Hospital–”
I didn’t even hear what he said next because all I knew was that I fled out of the house in tears.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
I ran. I could barely see my way as my tears blinded me. I needed to find Nick. Where was he? I could feel my heart racing from fear. This couldn’t be happening. “Where are you? Nick! I need you!” I cried out. People were staring at me strangely – but I didn’t care. I just wanted to hear Nick’s voice once more. To see him.
“Rachel?”
I turned around and saw Brian at a door. I immediately ran inside the room. I gasped and covered my mouth, I couldn’t believe that I was actually seeing this. Nick was lying there, on the bed. His face pale ghostly white. He looked limp and fragile. His one shiny blond hair appeared to be like a mop. This can’t be the Nick I knew. The Nick I knew goes ballistic if one strand of hair was out of place. The Nick I knew was active, strong, fun. I ran to his side.
“Nick! You can’t leave me like this! I love you too much! We haven’t had enough time together! Don’t go please! You said that you would be there for me forever! I need you!” I buried my face in his chest. Suddenly I felt a hand stroking my hair and I looked up immediately.
“Rachel,” Nick said softly.
I grabbed onto his hand tightly.
“Rachel, I’m so sorry… I’m not going to make it.”
“Don’t say that! You are going to make it!”
“I’m sorry Rach… I love you…”
His hand went limp in my hand as I saw his eyes close slowly, the last of his life draining away from him, “No! No Nick! I need you! You can’t leave me! Come back to me! Nick!…” I sobbed uncontrollably. The worst has happened. There is no point of my life anymore. The meaning of it has just died – how am I supposed to live without Nick? I just wanted to die. Kevin and Brian helped me to my feet. I could see that they were beyond tears. They’ve known Nick since forever and it’s like they’re family. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. The ground beneath my feet spun, as I fainted into Kevin’s arms.