I was startled when the doorbell rang repeatedly. I tried to stand up but I felt dizzy and as though the floor was spinning beneath my feet. I leaned against the wall for support. Whoever was at the door must be desperate because he or she was banging on my door now. I rubbed my eyes, the floor stopped spinning now and I walked slowly to the door when I was engulfed in a hug. Surprised, I tried to find out who it was.
“God! Rachel, I thought something happened to you! I’ve been banging on your door for the past 5 minutes and no one came to the door! I was going to call the police or break the door or something! Are you alright? What took you so long?”
I was confused. His voice was so familiar yet I could not well place it. I need to hear it one more time.
“Rachel?”
“…Justin?” I asked uncertainly.
“Yes it’s me.” I pulled away to look. It was him. I looked at him confusedly. “I’m so sorry Rachel. I didn’t mean to hurt you… I just wanted to tell you that I’ve loved you ever since I could remember… just that I didn’t know how to tell you.”
I smiled slightly and pulled Justin close. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone standing behind a tree. I squinted… it was Nick! I could almost see the tears on his face. My heart tightened as I saw him turn away. I wanted to run after him… but I knew I couldn’t. It would hurt Justin too much. Just then, Justin lifted my face and kissed me. All those emotions about Nick… were quickly forgotten.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Justin stayed until nine. He said that his parents would wonder where he went if he stayed too late. We made a promise to each other that we would not tell Geneve about us. I sort of felt guilty. She is my best friend but I gave in anyway. I tried hard not to concentrate on Nick but it was difficult. When Justin left, it was even harder to try to get Nick off of my mind. I had the urge to call him the entire night. To tell him that Justin felt the same way, I was happy… or was I really? Sure being with Justin was great.. but I don’t know what it’s going to be like going out with Nick right? Maybe I should try it with him incase I made the wrong decision? Finally, about a minute of considering, I picked up the phone and called him. Even though I have never called this number before, I already learnt it off by heart.
“Yo.”
“Uh..” I said, not quite sure what to say, “May I speak to Nick please?”
“Who’s this?”
“This is his friend.”
“Alright, hold on just a sec.” in the background, I could hear this guy shouting, ‘Yo Nick! Fat ass! Phone!’ I giggled. I could hear Nick whining that he was not fat. ‘Yo whatever,’ the guy replied, ‘Just get the phone.’
“Hello?”
“Nick?”
“Uh… Rach?”
“Yeah it’s me.”
“Oh yeah, I thought it was you. So now what? You called me up just so that I could see you and Justin together making out? So that I can give up on you? Well that’s really dirty of you Rachel, you know what the feeling is of having your heart being treated like dirt? Being kicked around isn’t fun Rach. I don’t appreciate you treating me like this,” Nick sounded angry.
“Nick, no, that’s not what I meant to do at all. Justin came all by himself. I didn’t mean to hurt you. He just showed up at the wrong time. I’m so sorry Nick, I really had no idea.”
“Well,” Nick’s voice sounded calmer, “What do you want then?”
“Uh… Nick, I tried it out with Justin, I… I just don’t know. I was thinking the entire time about you even though Justin was here and I was just thinking, did I do the wrong thing by turning you down? Have I made the greatest mistake of my life?”
“… So what do you want me to do?”
“I was hoping that I could give it a try with you.”
“Rachel, it just doesn’t work that way. You can’t have everything, only one of us is going to be with you. And if it’s him, then I’m not interfering.”
“No Nick, I’m not even attached to him yet. I just want to try it with you… to know the feeling with you… to see who I really want to be with.”
Nick stayed silent for a moment, “I’ll pick you up in 5 minutes.”
I could hear the buzz in my ear when Nick hung up. I was wondering, did I do the wrong thing? I knew that I had to come to a decision sooner or later. I couldn’t keep both of them… I would be wasting both of their time and my own. 5 minutes passed quickly and Nick was soon at the door waiting for me. I ran out to greet him.
“Hey.” he said. I wanted to step closer to him… but I knew that I shouldn’t.
“Hey… so where are we going?”
Nick leaded me to his car, “Jump in and you’ll find out.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
We parked at the beach. It was completely empty, except for our car, halfway in the sand. Nick’s car was a convertible. I leaned back and sighed. It was such a pretty night. The stars were all dangling in the sky and the moon was directly in front of us in the distance.
“It’s great isn’t it?”
“Yeah…” I took a deep breath, ‘ Do you come here often?” there was no answer. I turned to look at Nick only to find that he was staring at me. I felt uneasy but I didn’t have time for that because Nick leaned in to kiss me.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The kiss felt good. It was sweet… yet it didn’t feel like Justin. Nick’s hands were going all over me now and I couldn’t help but want to go home. I pushed him away slightly… I didn’t want to reject him entirely, it’s just that I didn’t feel comfortable.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Nick asked when he sat back at his seat.
“I’m sorry Nick, I didn’t want it to turn out like this. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s alright, I’ll take you home now.”
He drove me home in silence. When he drove up my driveway, I was going to give him a good night kiss but he turned away. I looked down in disappointment, “Nick.”
He turned a little.
“I hope that despite all of this, we could still be friends.”
I think he nodded a little and then I got off his car and watched it drive away into the night.