“It’s been a year already, Rachel. Can’t you just try to let go and move on? A whole entire year and you haven’t gone out with anyone. He’s not coming back. Live with it.”
I sighed. I knew that. It has been a year since he left me, but he was the only one that I ever loved so much. I never thought that we would not be together. I never thought that he would leave me, “I know that Geneve, it’s just that… I don’t know. I tell myself that he’s not going to come back but part of me still hopes that one day, I’ll wake up and find out that all this was a nightmare or something. Am I naïve to think like that? A whole year and you would think that I could get over his death,” I bit my lower lip, it still hurt to say it, it’s almost like I’m guilty. I could feel my eyes beginning to sting and I took a deep breath.
“I know. But it’s the fact and you have to live with it. Nick has gone, and left you Selina. You should treasure Selina because you had her with Nick, but that’s the past, all you can do right now is just be a good mother.”
I rubbed my tired face in distress, “That’s not it Geneve. Whenever I look at Selina, I feel guilty because…”
Geneve wrinkled her face up in curiosity, “What?”
“Swear you won’t tell?”
“Yeah, why do you feel guilty?”
“Because Selina isn’t Nick’s kid,” I said hurriedly.
Geneve looked confused for a second and then her eyes widened in surprise, “You mean…”
“Yes, Selina isn’t Nick’s…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. I was drowned out by my own flood of tears. I can’t believe how stupid I was. I regret so much, now thinking back. How could I actually do something like that? All because of me, we couldn’t even be together. Well, we were but not enough. I just wish that I could turn back time and never even had Selina. Whenever I look at her cute little face, I just want to break down in tears. Nothing is left of what me and Nick had together. All the time, Nick thought that Selina was his, but all along, I was just lying.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I really had no idea…” Geneve leaned forward and gave me a big bear hug. It didn’t make me feel any better though. I was feeling as guilty as ever. She didn’t know the worst yet.