As me and my dad joined the funeral procession, he notice the notebook i was holding, and asked what it was.
“Just a notebook.” I answered.
“I know what it is, it’s Elizabeth’s diary, ain’t it?” he said nonchalantly.
I just nodded. Till the end of the funeral we didn’t speak one word to each other again. Somehow, i was mad at him.
After the funeral ended, I said goodbye to Jessica and hopped in the passenger seat of my dad’s Prowler. As we set off to Tampa, i opened the diary and started reading. The first page had the date December 15th 1995, the day they had first met:
Dear Diary,
Two days ago, Jess told me that her boyfriend Brent was making a surprise party for his best friend, a guy named Nick. I’ve heard this guy from Brent before but i hadn’t really cared. Jessica wanted me to be there too, y’know to be two couples. At first, I was like “C’mon, i don’t know him and he doesn’t know me!” but Jess insisted and i had to accept.
Then tonite, I met him. OMG!!!! OMG!! He’s soooooooo cute. He has ear-length blond hair and baby blue eyes. He told me that he was in a group called Backstreet Boys. Whatever. And you can’t believe this: HE ASKED ME OUT!!!! Woo-hoo!!! How cool is that? He’s my first real boyfriend!! I can’t wait for tomorrow night. We’re probably gonna go to Macs and then to a movie.
Her excitement made me smile. Such a teenager. At the age of 14, first real boyfriend meaned a lot. As i turned over the pages, I read more about their relationship, how she repeated over and over again that they were meant to be and how other girls got jelous of her having such a heartthrob as a boyfriend. Then i got to the page, where she had scribbled down the night they made love:
Dear Diary,
Well, y’know me and Nick ‘ve been together for like five months or so, and as I told you before, he was forcing me to have sex sometimes. Y’know, he just wanted me to be his’ totally. At least, that’s what he told me. And tonite, i couldn’t resist him anymore and it happened. We made love. Y’know, it was my first time, but it was good. Then i fell asleep in his arms, that’s why i was late. I’m sure my dad would kill me if he heard this. But i love Nick very much. He loves me too.
That was it. My dad had forced her. I shot a quick furious glance at him and then gave all my attention to the diary again.
Dear Diary,
And i came across with the page that reveals that day...
Dear Diary,
As i read more pages, I realized how hard she had sturggled to get things right.
Dear Diary,
I was silly diary, I believed him with all my heart. I loved him to death, I gave him the most important thing of me. To top of it all, I’m now carrying his child.
Jessica’s always here for me, telling me everything’s gonna be alright again. Nothing’s gonna be alright again. This guy got my life in his hands and threw it away.
Dear Diary,
I was pondering this for a while and I finally came to a halt. I’m gonna leave it on Nick’s door. I heard that he had come back from the tour, so he’d get his baby. I don’t want this baby, I wanna get rid of it promptly. He’d ruined nine months of my life and i’ll ruin his’ all life with this baby.
I don’t wanna ever see Nick again, I don’t wanna talk with him again. But I keep loving him. I still love him with all my heart, my soul....I love him to death.
But no...My own life and pride come first. I took a deep sigh as i glanced outside, realizing we were about to come home. But, I kept on reading, i had just two more pages left.
Sept 4th 1997
Dear Diary,
Jess still can’t believe how i have the heart to do that. At least, I’ma mother now. I don’t care. God, i’m just 16! 16! I have a long life ahead me to live and i can’t darken it with a baby, who’s crying non-stop.
So that’s all from me. Thanx for sharing the most dreadful moments of my life. But i’m off here!!
Bye to Nick!! Bye to my daughter!!! Bye to sadness!!! A tear fell from my eye. How could she be as heartless as a stone? Despite what Jessica told me earlier today, I couldn’t help but blame her again. SHE was the one who got things worse. Then i noticed an envelope, at the end of the notebook, my name written on it. As i opened it with my shaky fingers and started reading, I noticed that we had pulled up on our driveway.
Sept. 2nd 2017
My precious baby Skylar,
First of all, I wanna apologize for doing that silly thing with all my heart. I was so young back then, as you can notice. And i didn’t have the money to raise you, besides my parents didn’t want you. And to be honest i didn’t either.
Oh, if you’re reading this, that means i’m dead. Please don’t cry for me (if you do), because i don’t deserve your tears, I’m not worth.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!! Hope you’re having a good time with you loved-ones. I long to be there with you but i don’t have the courage to do that. And how can i? How can i have the face to be there with ya, acting as if i didn’t leave you on Nick’s door.
I’m very very happy that you have that incredibly gorgeous and kind guy with ya. Y’know who i am talking about. Your fiancé, Chris. Oh, please kiss Piper for me, I’m so proud of my baby, the same thing happened to you too, but you could deal with it. You’re the most awesome girl in the world, believe me.
I can’t find anything to say but tell you I’m awefully sorry over and over again. I’m very very very sorry honey, hope you can understand and forgive me, so i can sleep peacefully under the ground.
I love you and I’m proud of you my baby.
I’ll always be with you.
Your mother
Elizabeth I burst into tears. My whole body was shaking fiercely that my dad had to hug me tightly to stop shaking. When i looked at him with blurred eyes, I saw that he was crying too. I hugged him tightly as i cried more, still clutching her letter.
“Please don’t hate both of us honey, please don’t...” he whispered in my ear as i sniffled.
“I love you dad...I love you.” I whispered back.
OMG!!! Tonite I met the most gorgeous guy i’ve ever seen in my life!! His name’s Nick Carter. Ok ok, i’m gonna tell it from the beginning.
Laterz!!!
It’s 2 a.m. right now, I just came home and my dad’s still yelling angrily from downstairs. Though i’m so tired, I have to tell you what had just happened:
Night!
GOD!! I’m mad at Nick, i can kill him right now! He hasn’t been calling me for like, two weeks now and just minutes ago he called me to say goodbye. He’s leaving for the tour. He couldn’t even come to say goodbye!!!!! We haven’t been seeing each other since the nite we made love and now he’s going to tour!!!! Mr.I’m-too-busy-to-care-to-see-my-girlfriend is now going to Europe for a good four or five months, may be longer!!! I’m very angry!!!!!
Both my parents grounded me and they’re still yelling downstairs furiously because,
I’m pregnant. Yeah, simple as that. I’m pregnant. I can’t believe that I actually am. Nick’s still on the tour and i can’t get in contact with him cuz i learned that he had changed his cell phone number. I have to wait for his call...which happens just once in a week. But i still love him with all my heart.
It’s been a month since Nick’s last phone call. I coudln’t tell him on the phone that I’m pregnant. He just said that he was in Germany and that he had to go and hung up. I guess, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he doesn’t know how to get rid of me.
It’s the ninth month of my pregnancy. I’ll give birth to Nick’s child in these days. Right now, mom came in and asked the same question for the hundreth time: what will i gonna do when it is born?
I gave birth to my little daughter, sorry, to HIS daughter. She won’t have any connections with me after i leave her infront of his door tomorrow morning.
If you’re reading this, that means you’ve read all my diary and that you’re probably thinking how heartless i am.