[=chapter four=]

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She curled herself up into a tight ball as she watched the passing people from her hide out, a dark alley. Afraid to move, she wondered how long she would have to live. If she didn’t die of bone cancer, then maybe of starvation and the harsh weather of London. It was nearly Christmas. She hated Christmas. She had no one to spend it with her. Nothing to spend it with. Everyone was hurrying home with bags of tree decorations, food, presents. She eyed a little girl holding her mother’s hand enviously. What in the world happened to her own mother? Yeah, yeah. It’s the original story about a young mother that had a one night romance with some guy named Rick and became pregnant but didn’t have the heart to have an abortion. Well guess what mom thought Autumn cruelly, I wish you never had me in first place so I didn’t have to be tortured by this world’s happiness. After being dropped off on a porch of a cruel family, she was brought up to be the slave of the family and then ran away as soon as she knew the dangers of life. Now here she was, cold, hungry, homeless. She didn’t even have the energy to breathe anymore. She sighed and leaned onto the trash can for comfort, not knowing what to do with her life. She didn’t have anything to live for. The angel that she had once believed in doesn’t exist in her life anymore. She’d had the chance to be with him, but she had been too stunned to believe that anything good can ever happen to her. Now that she’d let that chance slip away like a fish in her hand, she’ll never be able to grasp onto it again. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered solemnly.

She woke up. I fell asleep? She couldn’t remember when that had happened. All the energy felt drained from her, not that she had a lot. Her whole body felt numb and stiff. She couldn’t feel her own hands, fingers. The wind blew again, blowing away the newspapers, the only material available to keep her warm. She shivered and she knew that she had to walk to live. Why did I want to live again? Oh yeah, I didn’t want to She groaned as she tried to drag herself up from the pavement. Her bottom was sore from all the lumps in the ground. She stretched slightly and caught glance of her reflection on a broken piece of mirror and gasped. She looked terrible! Her hair was sticking up in all directions and bending in such ways that you wouldn’t think was possible. Her face was pale grey and so thin that you can see her cheek bones so clearly. Her lips were dry and parched. She grabbed the mirror, the sharp edges slit her frail hands but she didn’t care. She didn’t feel any pain at all. She sobbed uncontrollably while holding onto the piece of glass. She threw it aside and watched it hit the wet walls and get shattered into a million tiny pieces. Wiping her eyes, she eyed enviously at a happy couple passing by. She was tired of being angry. All she wanted was to be happy. To be with someone that she loved. Now, it didn’t seem possible anymore. She glanced down at her bloody hands and cried even harder. If this was what she had to live through to get a bit of happiness, she’d rather die. Maybe then she would have a better life. Would she go to heaven or hell? She sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand, ripped a piece of material off her skimpy clothing and wrapped it around her wounds, determined that there isn’t only one angel for one person in this entire world, or at least, London.

The rainy weather just matched her mood. She was walking up the avenue when a truck drove by and splashed her with the dirty water on the sidewalk. At least the rain was giving her a shower that she hadn’t had in a long time. She tilted her head up towards the sky and let the water trickle into her mouth and all over her body. Somehow, she felt, refreshed. As if the rain was washing away all her sins. All her anger that she had locked up inside her for such a long time. Twirling around the deserted sidewalk, she smiled up at the sun that was starting to peek out from behind the rain clouds. Things were starting to look better already.

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Nick lay on his bunk, staring up at the bunk above his which belonged to Brian. It was barely 4 in the morning and Nick knew that if he didn’t sleep now, he wouldn’t have another chance to. He was dead tired of rehearsing, and yet, he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t even know the point of rehearsing, he wasn’t even going to be there. Brian didn’t try to talk to him anymore. He knew that Nick was determined and won’t change his mind no matter what. He breathed in deeply. The smell of his favorite cologne, Gravity, entered through his nostrils as he brushed his hair back. He could hear Howie snoring lightly. He could hear Brian talking in his sleep. He could hear the bus making loud noises from the wheels. It had all seemed comforting before, but now, it was far from it. Every noise seemed to startle him. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but all he could concentrate on, was the girl he’d met in London, Autumn Love. Her name was so enchanting, so magical. There was something with it that made him want to say it again and again. There was nothing special with her appearance, but she shone like a diamond in a pile of stones to him. There was something about her that makes him so attracted to her. A mysterious glint in her eyes makes him want to know her. The way she smiles was different from anyone he’s ever met. She showed love, not infatuation to him. So sincere, so sweet. She smiles not only with her mouth, but with her eyes as well. The love dancing in her eyes makes him want to love her more than anyone could ever love somebody. The alarm clock rang, and he snapped himself back into reality. He could hear the guys groaning and the bunks creaking as they sat up. Nick smiled in his heart and knew that he would find her, no matter how long it took, or how hard it was going to be.

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Brian rolled around onto his side on his bunk above Nick’s. Nick was asleep, at least, he thought he was. He didn’t understand what went into Nick. He knew that there was this strange connection between him and that girl in London after seeing the mysterious glint in Nick’s eyes like admiration. This had never happened before. No matter how much Nick loved somebody, he would never go as far as to plan and walk away from something important. Brian didn’t know what to do. Tomorrow was the day of the concert and he knew that Nick would be long gone before the guys would be awake. Should he try again to stop him? Yeah right, and let him stay mad at you forever? Nick didn’t even know the girl! And yet, he was so attracted to her. Was it love at first sight? It seemed more than love. Stronger than love even. Like an unexplainable bondage. As if they knew each other before this life. Maybe before their last one as well. Soulmates Brian chuckled, “It’s possible,” he mumbled. The vibrating of the engine of the bus was so comforting that he didn’t want to wake up when the alarm sounded. The guys moaned as they tried to block out the sounds of the alarm clock.

“Turn it off already!” shouted AJ who slept at 4 in the morning because he was so excited about his tattoo design that he stayed up to complete it.

Brian laughed lightly. He jumped down his bunk and spotted Nick still lying on his bunk, his back facing him. He bit his lower lip and realized that him and Nick were no longer as close as they were before. Pushing away the thought, he walked over to the closest bunk, which was AJ’s, and shook him dangerously. AJ groaned and flung Brian away.

“Go away!” he argued.

“Unless you want me to tell the guys about the time you spat your–”

“Alright, alright! I’m up!” interrupted AJ as he sat up immediately.

“What?” Kevin asked.

“Nothing,” AJ answered as he stood up and started stretching.

“Mrph,” Kevin mumbled.

Brian glanced around the room and noticed that Nick was already out of his bed. His actions lately were so swift and quiet that nobody seems to notice him anymore. He never jokes, never pranks, never does anything he used to. “Maybe if he did find her, everything would be back to normal,” he mumbled. He only hoped that it would be soon.