Chapter 13
I thought I stopped cutting, on my own. But apparently not after what I did after Nick and I had the huge blowout.I came inside, sobbing, with tears staing my cheeks and neck. I went into the bathroom and grabbed a razor, threw the cap off, and ran the sharp, piercing blade up and down my wrists. I watch all the blood gush out of my wrists and I got naucsis. Quickly, some of the blood dried and turned brown around the cuts. I let the razor slip between my fingers and I fell against the wall. I buried my head in my hands as I sucked back the tears and my throat tightened. I sat there for a moment, and then I couldn't hold the tears back another second long. They poured out and couldn't stop.
Nick walked inside, looking in the kitchen the my bedroom and then walked by the bathroom, but stopped before he passed it. He turned around slowly and his eyes grew wide. He saw blood all over the bathroom tiles and saw me with my head buried in my hands.
"Rachel," he said.
I looked up and gasped. "Nick.."
"Is this what you did the last time I saw you in here?"
I looked down at the tiles, ashamed of myself and didn't answer. Just simply nodded 'yes.' I stood up and he wrapped me in his arms.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you," I sobbed into his shoulder. He stroked my hair with his hand and kept the other one around me tightly.
"Shhh.."
"No, Nick." I pulled back and we stared at each other. "Nick..I really am sorry. I can't go on like this! I can't go on without you! I've waited my whole life for you!"
"I'm sorry too, for everything. For everything stupid thing that has been going on. I'm sorry for almost having sex with you. I'm sorry for blowing up earlier this morning. I'm sorry for betraying you and going with Kerri. I'm sorry for everything!" He was crying too now. He pulled me close again and searched my face for some emotion other than sadness.
I made a half-smile. He made one too. He moved his face closer to mine and our lips met. This is what I dreamed about. A real kiss. A true kiss. He brought his hands up to my face and cupped my chin with them. Then he ran them through my hair and slid then down my sides. We searched each others mouths then stopped for a breath.
"Wow..." I breathed.
"Rachel, come here." He pulled my hand and made his way over to the couch and we sat down. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"I dont know! I was scared. Scared that I would lose you."
"How would you lose me?"
"That like you wouldn't want to be friends with some physco that cuts herself. I did it a long time ago too. When my parents got divorced? That's when it all started. And then my mom helped me get better and it worked. Then when our dumb fight started! I started again."
"Oh, Rach.." He hugged me. "We'll get help..I'll help you."
"Thank you." I smiled and he kissed me.
*****
It had been 2 weeks since then and we were together. We were the happy couple I dreamt about, but, I still hadn't told Nick about my collage situation.
We were sitting on his couch watching a movie together when I brought it up.
"Nick?"
"Yea?" he asked.
"Um, well.." I sat up and looked at him. "The other day, Pligmont University called. And they said they wanted me. That I wasn't good enough 2 years ago but I am now and my collage now called and recommened me. And I want to go."
"Rachel! That's wonderful! How come you waited until now to tell me?"
"I was afraid that you'd get mad."
"Why?"
"Because it's in North Dakota." He gasped.
" North Dakota ? But that's so far away! I didn't know it was in North Dakota !" he exclaimed.
"See! This is exactly what I was talking about. You getting mad."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to leave. That's all. But I know it's a great oppertunity for you..so go. Just don't forget about me!"
As if! "Oh I won't!" I said.
"So when do you have to leave?"
"In 3 weeks..and I'm staying until I'm done collage. Two years."
"Uh uh! No way are you leaving for 2 years without me!"
"But I have to, sweetie. We can visit each other every weekend. And I'll come down on Christmas and Valentines Day.." I suggested.
"And I'll come up on Thanksgiving and 4th of July and St. Patricks Day."
"Yea..see? It'll work." I laid back down against him and prayed that is actually would.