I think we take marriage way too lightly. We view it as something that we can get out of if we don't like it, like cancelling a bank account. Marriage, as an institution, was created for two people to come together to live with love and respect for one another, to procreate a family, and to set an example for future generations. Television, movies, soap operas and society in general puts very little value on the marriage committment. It is no wonder people don't want to get married anymore.
In hindsight, I have learned what I have about marriage by the mistakes I have made and from watching the mistakes of others. I was married for 12 years to the father of my children. It was not a good marriage, and getting married and staying married were all for the wrong reasons. See the divorce page to learn more about my experience. I remarried shortly after my divorce, again for the wrong reasons. It lasted just over a year. I vowed that I would not marry again for a long time, that I would make better choices and that the next marriage would be one to last. Well, two outta three aint bad.
While I was going through the divorce from my second husband in April of 1999, a friend told me about AOL Instant Messenger. I started talking to people online, and it was exciting and fun. I could be myself and if I didn't like the person, with the click of a mouse they were gone. Less entanglement than a face to face meeting.
One night, a man paged me and we started talking. He was very nice and sweet, and we had a lot in common. We soon found ourselves talking for several hours a night, both on the phone and online. Before we knew it, we had fallen in love and planned a meeting. The biggest obstacle: I lived in Iowa, in the US, and he was from Canada.
Love, however, knows no boundaries. I drove up to Canada to visit him for a week. It was the most romantic, exciting week of my whole life. He was more than I could have ever hoped for in a man. He had never been married, and was giving up on the notion of ever finding someone. One morning in church, he felt compelled to pray about it. He asked God to lead him to the one that was meant for him. He, like myself, had just gotten out of a relationship, and was feeling at the end of his rope.
He hadn't planned on getting online that night, I hadn't planned on staying online that long. I almost didn't answer his page. We can't know all and see all, but God can. As it turns out, I was praying for the same thing. It boggles my mind to think of the odds of us finding each other, but then God works in mysterious ways sometimes.
We fell in love and we know we have both found our soul mate. He proposed to me in a garden, by moonlight, with the sound of Niagara Falls rushing behind us. I said yes, of course! We danced to the sound of our hearts beating and he sang a sweet love song to me. I felt all the years of pain and heartache of wondering if I'd ever find my true love wash away. We had only known each other for about a month, but we felt we had known each other a lifetime. We were married in September of 1999 in a small but beautiful service in a chapel in Niagara Falls. And just to prove that God's miraculous intervention didn't stop at just getting us together, after 15 years of not being able to have any more children, my husband and I had a bouncing baby boy January 2001! Go to our baby page to see pictures!
I hope if you are married, that yours is a happy and fulfilling one. Don't ever take your spouse for granted, and don't let the sun go down on your anger. On the flip side, if you think you are in or headed for an abusive marriage, get out and get help. If you are not sure if you are in an abusive relationship, check out my page on domestic abuse.
Feel free to email me if you want to talk about it. If you are about to get married, remember to take it seriously and be sure that it is for the right reasons. Good luck and God Bless....
