It was 3:57 PM, every minute had become so precious, and it seemed that time was moving faster than ever before. So far the stomach cramps had been the worst. Oh, it hurt so bad. I tried to stay strong. I knew what the poison was doing to me, I could feel it killing me one minute at a time. It was starting to affect everything in my body. I was so scared. I didn't want to admit that to Hutch. We still had 12 hours...12 precious hours.
I had hoped the doctor was right about the 24 hours, cause I felt like we had less. I knew I had to hang on for Hutch. Oh, he tried not to let it show, but I could see what this was doing to him. He was trying so hard to give me hope and I was doing the same for him. Neither of us wanted to believe that our time together was coming to a close.
I hated it when the pain got so bad that I fell into Hutch's arms, I knew he was afraid too, but at the same time I loved it that his arms were there to catch me and to hold me. He was keeping me alive. His voice was angelic and gave me the strength to get back up and to keep trying.
It was pretty rough going after the pain started getting bad. It was unbearable and even excrutiating at times. I felt I was being ripped apart. I never knew I could feel this bad, but I had to keep trying, and I did.
Hutch had to stop the car a couple times when I got sick. He quickly pulled over to a curb and each time his arms were around me once again, holding me and loving me as I vomited and heaved onto the street. I only vomited once in the car. I just couldn't hold on til we stopped. The pain was intensifying with each horrible episode. Hutch would rub my back and tell me how this was all gonna pass, that we were getting closer to finding out who did to me and what was in the syringe. He never once left me give up hope. I trusted him as always. I knew that if there was any possible way to keep me alive, Hutch would do it. I knew that keeping me alive was keeping Hutch alive.
We followed every lead we had. I know I slowed Hutch down, but I had to keep looking with him. Mostly I knew that if we didn't find the answer in time, I wanted us to be together for whatever time we had left. I think he felt the same way.
I couldn't have asked for more love. I knew I was so lucky to have him. He was my strength as I got weaker and then my eyes when everything got fuzzy. I wanted to help him, but I couldn't. Before my vision got too bad I wrote a letter to my best friend while he went in to check on a lead and I stayed in the car. I put it where he'd find it if something happened to me. I was never really good with those mushy moments, and I didn't want Hutch to know how bad I was feeling. As if he couldn't tell...
I don't remember him coming back to the car, I must have passed out for just a bit from the pain, but I woke up when I heard my friend call my name. I was starting to think strange thoughts. I wondered how many more times Hutch would call my name in the time we had left. He said it again as I cried cause my stomach hurt so bad again.
He took me back to the station and we went to see if Cheryl could give me anything to help. I couldn't take much more. I had never known pain like this. It was 9:03 PM on the clock in the lab. Like Hutch would soon tell me, we still had seven hours left. Yes ,I had become a clock watcher.
I wanted to stay strong, but I knew I couldn't go on much longer. I was starting to have trouble walking and even standing. Thank God for Hutch, my precious friend. He helped me to walk and helped me to stand. He was there for me all the way. I felt so lucky. I was dying and I felt...lucky. I knew I wouldn't have to die alone.
When Dobey told us that Al Widell had been dead for four days, I knew it was over. I didn't know what to feel...anger?...sadness?...despair? I felt sadness for Hutch. I wanted to make this whole damn thing just go away. I wanted to see my partner smile again. I knew it would be a very long time, if ever, til my friend would find happiness if I died.
That tough exterior of his never fooled me, not even from day one. I knew Hutch. He was loving and sensitive and he felt things deeply. I knew because he shared his deepest feelings and emotions with me. Only I was allowed to enter that special place inside of him. I hated leaving him behind. Who was gonna take care of "my" Hutch? Who would Hutch 'let' take care of him? Who would look out for him when I was no longer there? Its been 'me and thee' only, for years. We didn't need anyone else.
I had to talk to Hutch. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I hoped I'd never have to say. I knew it had to be soon too, because I could feel my throat closing up and it was getting harder to breath.
I never knew what Cheryl told Hutch about how this poison would take its course and how it would possibly end. I asked Hutch earlier what Cheryl told him, but he said I didn't need to know because we would find the antidote first. If Hutch said I didn't need to know, then I didn't need to know. I never asked him again.
I started to say some sort of a good-bye to him at the station, but realized that all I had to say didn't need too many words. I needed his hand. Maybe I could make it just a little bit longer if I had his hand. It gave me strength. When our eyes met there was a total understanding. It was at this moment when I realized we had both accepted my fate. Our fate. It hurt me to see him cry. Oh, I knew Hutch would never give up, but we both had to be realistic and time was running out.
I decided to use my time...Oh God..."my time"..., praying for Hutch. He was being so strong for me. I knew he would breakdown eventually and when he did...it would be bad. I wanted so much to be there for him but I knew I couldn't be. Decisions were no longer mine to make. I prayed for God to do something...something to help Hutch.
Some lady came into the precinct. She took Hutch's hand away from me. She said she had to talk to Hutch. Only to him. I could tell she irritated him at first. But it would come to be that that beautiful lady was the key to maybe saving my life.
I got my friends hand back on the drive to Vic Bellamy's place. I needed it. My stomach was hurting so bad again and my body was betraying me in every way. I laid my head in Hutch's lap in the car. I knew it wasn't the safest thing to do while he was driving, but he pulled me closer when he saw that I was having trouble sitting up and when he saw me crying. I didn't want him to see that, but I couldn't stop. I was afraid of getting homesick for Hutch after my time was up. I mean, I believe in God and all, but would He be able to help me to live without Hutch, my friend?
I couldn't see too good anymore, it got even worse, everything was real blurry. I was sad and cried a little harder when I realized I would never see my friends face clearly again. I wouldn't see his sweet smile or those baby blue eyes. But I knew he was there. I could still hear his voice and I could still feel his arms supporting me and protecting me. I felt lucky again. I didn't know I could feel so many emotions at one time. I was scared and sad...and felt lucky...so damn lucky. I knew most people would never find the kind of friendship that Hutch and I had. I 'was' lucky.
When we got to Bellamy's I insisted on going in with him. I told him I had "invested interest in this case", not so much for Bellamy and finding the answer...I thought it was too late for that, but I didn't want Hutch getting hurt or possibly killed because of me. I knew he wouldn't be able to kill Bellamy if it came down to it...Bellamy was the 'answer', Hutch wouldn't kill him, even in self defense. I knew, like so many times before, that Hutch would give his life for me.
Well, I couldn't risk Hutch getting hurt. I don't know how I ever made it to the roof or how I got so lucky with my aim at Bellamy. He was about to shoot Hutch. He never made it, thank God.
It made me feel good that I could save Hutch's life one more time, even if it meant giving up my own. Hutch knew why I did it...he would have done the same for me.
I was really starting to have trouble breathing. I thought the end had come. Hutch was there, as always, to catch me when I fell. I was fortunate enough to get to see Hutch one more time in the emergency room. I wished they would have left us have more time together. At least I couldn't feel anything anymore. No more pain.
We looked long and hard into each others eyes. No words were necessary. He knew I was saying, "Thank you....I love you....and Good-bye. It was so hard. I didn't ever want to leave him and I hoped that someday...somewhere, we would be together again.
Four days later Hutch came into my hospital room. I could tell he had been crying. His eyes were still wet. I thought maybe the doctor told him something about my condition...maybe the poison wasn't getting out of my system....was I still gonna die? I was weak, very weak, but felt I was getting better. Why was Hutch crying?
I knew why as soon as he pulled the letter out of his pocket. I left that letter for him to find if I would have died. I didn't think of what it would do to him when he found it. He just looked at me. I just looked at him. I thought maybe he was upset with me, but he came and sat on the side of my bed. Still crying he took me in his arms. He held on tight and so did I. We stayed that way for a while before Hutch wanted to discuss the letter. I thought I was dying when I wrote it I told him. He understood, but it hurt just the same.
I had started the letter by giving Hutch instructions about my funeral, I asked him to keep it small. I told him that I trusted him to pick out a nice casket and to have anyone who wanted, to send donations to a local charity instead of sending flowers. I told him I didn't want him to be hanging around the cemetery. I wanted him to move on with his life. I went on to tell him that I would never lose affection for the times we had together and how truly lucky I felt to have had him as my best friend. He was closer than a brother. He was my family. I apologized for leaving him behind. I told him to take the Torino and do what he wanted with it. Then I asked him to say good-bye to Huggy and Dobey and a few other friends. Mostly I wanted him to call my mother and tell her how much I loved her and that I was sorry for having to leave. It wasn't my choice. I knew Hutch would know what to say to her. I was hoping they could be of some comfort to each other. I really wished that Hutch's dad was more understanding of his needs. He was going to need a lot of support and he could sure use a father's love. I had some comfort in that I would soon see my father. I had missed him so much. I thanked Hutch again for all of the wonderful things he had done for me over the years and left him know I appreciated everything...I might not have said it enough. I left him know that I 'did' enjoy those camping trips he 'made' me go on. I was just giving him a hard time. I liked to kid with him like that. Now I was not so sure I did the right thing... I would give anything to be able to go on one more camping trip with Hutch. I told him that in my life I loved him more than I ever told him and I hoped he knew. He gave me so many years of happiness...I knew true friendship and love because he loved me too. I said my good-bye....
There were tear drop stains on the paper by the time I was able to finish the letter and the writing was pretty bad as I was losing the strength in my hands and I was so shaky. It was all the same though... I knew Hutch could read my scribble.
We had made it one more time. Two weeks later I stopped in at the station. I wanted to act really sick.... I had a surprise for Hutch. Dobey and Huggy played along beautifully. It was the trip. I had Hutch think I was gonna take off and enjoy myself on a nice tropical island with beautiful women, all by myself. He didn't know yet that the trip was for both of us. Dobey cleared Hutch's schedule and it was all set. We were both going away to a beautiful island for seven days...and I told him I would share the girls with him. He could have waited to hear me out before he poured the water over my head. That was my Hutch though and I loved him.