First things first, you may notice that your browser identifies this page as, " I Hate People", rather than, " Animal Rights." The reason for this is simply,I Hate People.I'm not afraid to admit to the world or rather the internet portion thereof that I, on the whole, can't stand any of you. No really, I can't.

You see, I have spent the majority of my time on this god-forsaken mudball observing, and trying to rationalise the day to day stoopidity, as well as the more rarified bits of intelligence displayed by the entire homosapien population at large, my self included.

The culmination of this study has brought me to a conclusion that I have shared on many occasions, and am about to share again.

You people really are a blight on the universe. You are. Period. I can't understand how there can possibly be any sort of omniscient entity that could in any way, shape, or form, tolerate, let alone sponsor the existence of our species.

Now I'm sure everyone out there would like to know what's wrong with Swyndle this week. " What has provoked this sudden outpouring of venom?" or, " More importantly, where the hell are all the prairie dogs!?!"

Okay, so maybe you weren't wondering about that last one. I however am a little concerned and going to answer that and the first question as well.

They're fucking dead, that's where.

Now I'm sure everyone's wondering how the hell that matters, and I'll tell you.

It would seem that the good federales here in Colorado decided that today every last one of those little bastards had to die. At least all of them out by the prison that Tim Mcveigh stayed at while he was being tried for that little Oklahoma thing.

By the way, that equates to right around twenty-thousand of the harmless little dookers. "Dook", it's a noise that things like prairie dogs and ferrets make. At any rate, that's what they were busy doing with your tax money today. Well at least here.

Of course they were also using your tax money to decide today in D.C. whether or not that specific species of prairie dog (American blackfoot) deserved to be put on the endangered species list.

Considering there are less than two percent of them left on the planet, I'll take "Yes" for five thousand, Alex.

Now let's remember that I'm not much of an ecologist, nor am I a big fan of the whole ecology movement as a whole, but, does anyone else have a problem with the idea that a bunch of harmless, weasel-like animals desperately need to be greeted by deadly gas when they go hide in their burrows from the unfortunate-looking bi-peds.

Now I'm going to tell you about your tax money. The reason I say, "...your tax money..." is that, (and I defy the government to come get me) I don't pay taxes. Not a cent, a penny, a nickel, they can have my pocket lint if they really want it. The point is this: We leave europe to avoid taxation, religious persecution, and smelly leadership, and then turn around and make the same fucking mistakes. So what are we left with?

Alot of perfectly good tea at the bottom of Boston harbour, and a bunch of deceased prairie dogs carrying the remnants of that deadly gas into our water table and soil. My solution?

Boycott. It's pretty simple, just quit paying taxes until these feckless, twerpish dickweeds figure out that they work for us. That's right you pompous, overglorified, middle-management, quality assurance advisors, you work for us, it's in the contract. Now stop pissing off the investors.

That's just my opinion, I'm right and you know it.

~Swyndle

Uploaded 30th September 1999