Well, here's this. It probably wont be the last on this topic, but it might be the worst.

Setup

Um, well, mostly, I'm getting married next year to Wysp and we decided that, since most of her relatives wont make it, and all of mine live far, far away, that we would hold the ceremony in Tennessee, which is, however unfortunately, my home state.

All of that is fine I suppose, so we also decided that we should go down there this year for a week or so to get some of the details planned, assign jobs to people who live there, etc. All of which would've been fine, however...

Parents

We flew to Memphis(another entry or two unto itself)to meet my parents. which is not to say that my parents live in Memphis, but that my dad would pick us up at the airport there, and then we wouyld drive to their home in Mississippi. Tupelo to be precise. Tupelo is a small...no, virtually non-existant(for good reason) town, about one-hundred-twenty miles or so south of Memphis. Memphis however, is a cesspool of yuck, about five- hundred miles or so west of our intended destination, my home town.

The intent here, was to visit my parents and sisters for a couple of days, then drive my mom's car up to my grandmother's house and commence our mission there. As I have mentioned before, my parents are devoubtly religious protestant/pentacostal. For that, I do not fault them, I fault them for being over-bearing and having double standards. For the purposes of this entry, my mother will be referred to as, "N" and the role of my pop, will be played by, "B". My sisters are not on the net yet, so until they are, I will refer to them as, "Cosmo"(the middle of us three), and, "Firefly"(the youngest).

On to our adventure...

The drive to the house was relatively uneventful, save my having to navigate our way out of Memphis, due in part to B's inability to figure that sort of thing out, and also due to the fact that Memphis' streets layout was drafted by an epileptic first year student prone to fits of silliness. When we arrived we were greeted happily by the girls. My mother had not returned yet from work. We unloaded the car, carried our stuff inside, and proceeded outside as Wysp and I required nicotine since B's car is a non-smoker. Outside we decided to take "The Tour" from my sisters and made it only halfway round the house before Firefly introduced me to her go-cart. As you've probably guessed, this is where I decided to take my own tour. I like the go-cart. It quite rocks. Remember the go-cart, it shows up again.

So, we had fun. I was tearing arround all over the place, Wysp was hanging out with my sibs, and B was somewhere, doing something, I guess. A little while later, my mom, N, returned and we did that whole, "Greetings, human, I am an emissary from the planet Civilisation." thing, and all was well. Or so I thought.

We got pizza from Papa John's (LOVE THAT!) for dinner, Cosmo went off withsome friends, we talked, met Tiger the exceptionally well adjusted and loving kitten, and that was about that. We set up camp in Cosmo's room and she slept on the floor in Firefly's room. I assume N and B slept in their room, I don't know, they're adults and I don't keep track of that kind of thing.

DAY 2

This is where everything goes to hell.

So, wysp and I get up, get coffee, find the girls still crashed, find B's car missing since N took it to work so we could use her car, and find B in his office. All fine. After many cigarettes, (outside) we took off in the car to go to wal-mart. I'm usally opposed to going there because it's owned by a backward-thinking, censorship advocating, anti- tobacco of any kind, withering old man. but alas, I was kinda tired and forgot all that until later. At Wal-mart, i got some stuff, and Wysp got some cd's, which I completely spaced would be censored versions and then we headed for the house. On the way to the house we stopped to fill up mom's car. Not that it was particularly low, it had a quarter-tank, but we thought we'd be nice since she was letting us use it and all.

When we got back, the girls were up but Cosmo had left with some friends, she does that alot. Firefly had breakfast, we had lunch and then we hung arround for a bit, and then went swimming. Swimming was pretty cool I haven't done it in a while, and Tiger the kitten joined us. He's aptly named. he also looks like a diseased chihuahua with a fuzzy head when he gets out of the pool. So that was good.

We got out, showered,(seperately, she's my sister you perv.) and pretty much repeated the day before. Except... Once everyone was home, we tried to figure out where to have dinner. Cosmo didn't get a vote `cause she was leaving again in a bit. The rest of us however, didn't really care as long as there would be food involved. So I'm sitting there watching T.V. waiting, and they decide on a nearby truckstop. Oh yeah, lofty goals my family. So fine but then... N:"Son, you wanna change into a better shirt?" Beat. Swyndle:"What's wrong with my shirt exactly?" Her answer consisted of some jabber reguarding my appearance and what people think when they see me portraying this half nekkid woman on my shirt. My answer consisted of jabber reguarding me not caring what other people think when they see me wearing whatever i want to wear, and the fact that anyone who saw it would probably appreciate it since we were after all, going to a truck stop. The real answer is that I was wearing a Hook-Ups skate-board co. t-shirt and since I've grown up and changed alot in the past few years, my mom could only find the one thing wrong with me.

So, she went to join B in the car and I looked over at Wysp, and went and changed my shirt. I probably shouldn't have, or at least not selected the "You! Out of the genepool" shirt, but as I had told Wysp before we ever left Denver, "If anyone in the world can bring the seventeen-year-old punk I used to be out, it'll be mom and dad." On a side-note, that shirt got far more glares than the hook -ups one ever would. Even counting the time I wore it to church.

So at the truck stop, I find out that almost all my relatives are stoopid. I mean, I knew it, maybe even repressed a little, but a month earlier my cousin got married up there,(where they live, and when my parents and sisters drove up for it, they were four-of-six of our family that actually showed. Not counting my cousin's parents and sister ofcourse. And here I am, working my butt off, to bring the wedding next year to these idiots.

So, fine.

That evening went off pretty much without a hitch, save mom accusing Cosmo of drinking, even after I checked her out and verified that she hadn't been. She had bad breath mind you, but non- alcaholic bad breath. So she ended up grounded.

DAY 3

The next day was Saturday, it was alright except for mom incessantly badgering me, and me defending, until I had an attack of the mysterious unknown illness that's been plaguing me for three years because she got me so damned stressed. That's when Wysp took over and mom seemed to get it. Seemed. Firefly and I were having fun in the go-cart as we had been, until...

So, she puts the thing in a ditch because she misjudged her turn arround. That was fine, stuff like that happens, but it bent part of the front-right wheel assembly and pulled that tire off just enough to let all the air out. Well, I'm her big brother. i decided that i'd drive it back to the house, slowly so as not to throw the tire, and tell dad that I ditched it. t he way I figure, it's better that way, see when he gets ticked- off, he lets the responsible party hear about it. Forever. So I figure, if he's going to be upset, he can be upset at someone who doesn't have to live there with him. So that pretty much worked out.

I even offered, and then made good on, taking the same portion of the wheel assembly off of the engineless cart, and replacing the screwed up one, so that Firefly wouldn't have to give up her go- cart before school started, and B wouldn't have to fix it right away. not that he was particularly upset about it. Nope, no seventeen-year-old punk kids here.

So Saturday came and went, starting and ending with N and I yelling at each other.

DAY 4

Sunday began withus waking up to an empty house, the family was at church. We ate, smoked,(still outside) and hung arround. When they got back, Firefly had been dropped off at a picnic, and Cosmo was actually arround. Weird.

So after lunch I tried to calmly talk to N, and figure out a comp- romise that entailed her not bugging me like that and me being a little more concious of her little quirks about my wardrobe. The calm lasted about twenty-five seconds and we were at it again. More viciously this time though. I tried, I really did.

Wysp had been in the adjacent room, and had decided to go outside away from it since this was a `family discussion', I believe she called it. In the meantime, Firefly had come back and she and Cosmo had joined Wysp by the pool.

Mom was seriously laying into me, and after about twenty minutes or so, I was crying. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit that. I had had as much as I could take, so I went out to the pool to try and calm down. My sisters and Wysp tried to comfort me, and it was nice. I smoked, drank my sixteen-oz. Mountain Dew(plutonium, I love it.) and was starting to calm down when...

Earlier Firefly had asked B to call the church and see when they would be doing some water babtisms again, so he showed up at the back door with her answer and she went over to talk to him. At the same time, Cosmo had to leave because her ride had shown up, and she had to go babysit somebody's midget. As Firefly was walking back from the door she yelled something about having a brain, so naturally, I asked what B had said. "Don't let your brother fill your head full of stoopid garbage." was the answer.

Beat.

Beat.

I have no tolerance of my own, I've been mooching Wysp's for five years, this is the point at which she ran out. My face suddenly went dry and my eyebrows shot downward, all the while, Wysp tried to stop it, but couldn't. Not at this point. I pitched my drink into the pool, stood up knocking my chair over, Dropped my cigarette, and started yelling.

He couldn't hear me, he was elsewhere, which I think made me even more pissed off. So, I busted through the back door, and stomped throught the house, and almost N who attempted to block me, and then thought better of it. She muttered something about not going into his office because he was on the phone.

I hardly cared.

I got to his office and stood there yelling that if he wanted a piece of me, he should come to me, not the girls, and if he had some problem with me, then he needed to take it up with me, or forever hold his peace. Then, I trudged back outside.

Wysp had stood up, and was crying pretty bad. Than N comes out and yells at her to calm me down. Firefly:"Like it's her job!" My sister rules. I love them both.

So, we sit there, I get myself under control, and then my parents come out together. B:"I've made some phone calls, and your mom and I have decided, that it's best if we all go our seperate ways." Swyndle:"I don't want to go seperate ways, I just wanted to be accepted." B:"So, I'm gonna go gas up the car, and then I'm going to drive you up to Memphis,rent you a car, and give you some money for a hotel." Swyndle:"What!?!" B:"So, go pack your stuff and be ready when I get back." Great, so we had ten minutes to pack everything.

So Wysp and I went to pack, said our `I love you's and goodbyes to Firefly and ended up doing our final checks in the living room, where N decided to say something about where B had gone and I interrupted her with, "Don't even talk to me." So she told Wysp whatever it was, and Wysp just stared at her.

When B got back we loaded the car and I went in to get my phone and sunglasses off the table.

At this point I spoke.

Swyndle:"Mother, i'm going to say two things to you, and then I'm going to leave." "First, if you let me get into that car, I don't ever want to see you again." "And second, if you see me here again,it will be for one reason. It'll mean that he's hit one of the girls again, and I'm here to kill him."

And with that, I left.

Parents that can't accept their children being unique, are the same people that breed the type of guys that went on the killing spree three miles from here at Columbine this past year. Accept your children as who they are, not who you want them to be.

~Swyndle

For more thoughts on this, check out Wysp's entry HERE

Uploaded 21st August 1999