Rick’s mind tried every way it could not to call her fat. She was dressed in black jeans, a silk turquoise tank top and a white sweater tied around her waist. She had dark hair that framed a beautiful face, an elegant neck, perfect shoulders and an hour glass figure- and she was probably at the top of her range in the height/weight category. But she was pretty. She came up to Rick on the porch.
“Hi, I’m Carly. I’m supposed to meet Danny here.”
“He’s still plowing.” Rick said, thinking it wasn’t something that ought to be said in the presence of such a lovely woman. “He should be back soon.” He tried to remember what he’d been taught to do in the presence of a lady. He set the book down and stood up. “Would you like to wait inside?”
“I’ll wait here if that’s okay...you must be Rick. Dan’s told me all about you.”
“Gosh I hope not.” Rick said. He was about to say that Dan had told him about her, but all he remembered was that they had been fighting. “Would you like something to drink? Tea? Lemonade?”
“Oh no thanks, don’t let me keep you. I can see that you’re reading.”
“It’s just something I pick up now and again, trying to slog through it...Dan should be back soon if he knew you were going to be here.”
“That’s just Danny. When left to his own devices he has absolutely no concept of time. He could be an hour late, walk up and say “aren’t you early?”. I’m actually twenty minutes late just to equalize everything.”
Another week passed and Sidewinder came due. Rick led her into the maternity stall and stayed a moment to
scrub her nose with the heel of his hand. “How’re you doing my girl? This’ll be an even
dozen for you, won’t it?” She rubbed her head against his arm, shoving him off balance.
“I’ll come back to check on you after milking.” He scrubbed her nose again and went to
the milking barn to find that Dan had already started. “Russ was supposed to milk this
morning.” Rick said.
“He called. His car died. Mr. Ward went to pick him up. Thought I’d give you a hand till he shows up.”
“Well, the cows sure appreciate it.”
“What has that got to do with anything?” Rick asked over the top of a cow.
“Nothing, I’se just wondering if you knew. I can’t remember her name.”
“I don’t know her name, I don’t know if I ever knew her name.”
“You must’ve known her name at one point.”
“You watch way too many cartoons Dan. I wouldn’t know the name of Dudley Dooright’s girlfriend - or horse - if I heard them.” They were done with the last batch of cows when Russ came in. Rick didn’t see him at first but Dan could tell by his face that something was wrong.
“Rick - Sidewinder...” Without waiting for more explanation, Rick shoved his lines into Russell’s arms and ran for the maternity stall. He was out of earshot in a second but Russ called after him anyway: “There’s an awful lot of blood and she’s standing up.”
Dan stood outside the maternity stall. Rick and Mr. Ward had gotten Sidewinder
down, and now she lay on her side, bellowing in pain with each contraction, as blood
poured out of her, spreading thickly through the straw and shredded paper. Rick knelt
behind his cow, not seeming to notice the blood, frantically tying a piece of sturdy rope
into a slip knot. His jacket was tossed off behind him and his shirt sleeves were pushed up.
Mr. Ward walked over to Dan.
“What can I do?” Dan asked.
“We’re gonna need you to help pull on this rope, once he gets it around the calf’s back legs.” Mr. Ward told him.
“You mean - he’s gonna - ?” Dan gestured to Rick, but he didn’t know the words to ask.
“That calf is coming out backwards, if we can get it to come out at all. If we don’t, they’ll both die.”
Rick looked up sharply at that, squinting like he was looking into the sun. “We need Russell.” he said. He sounded angry.
“He’s coming.” Mr. Ward said. “Just tell us when you’re ready...”
“Yeah...” Rick held the rope in one hand and laid on his stomach before sliding his arm into Sidewinder. Dan thought it would cause Sidewinder even more distress than she was in, having somebody put their arm into her birth canal, but it didn’t change her repetitive bellowing; she didn’t even raise her head off the straw.
Shit..." Rick wiped sweat out of his eyes. "Shit. The hoof went through her..." His voice cracked. When he heard Rick curse, Dan realized how desperate the situation was. Russell appeared at his side and climbed over the railing into the pen. Dan followed him. "Got it." Rick pulled his arm out, covered finger tip to elbow in dark red blood. He got to his feet. "Come on...Dan..." He held the end of the rope out and Dan grabbed it, with Russell grabbing it behind him. Mr. Ward knelt next to cow and put his hands on her swollen belly.
"Get ready." he said.
‘Ready for what?’ Dan wanted to ask, but only watched and copied as Rick twisted his length of rope around his hand.
"Now!" Mr. Ward said as Sidewinder went into another bloody, bellowing contraction. Rick and Russell immediately yanked on the rope, and Dan did too. They pulled as long as the contraction lasted. Dan couldn’t believe that the poor calf didn’t give an inch.
They took a pause and a breath. Sidewinder was weakening with loss of blood. Her bellows sounded hoarse and far away. Rick was sweating and trembling. "Come on, come on." he demanded of no one in particular. But they had to wait for the next contraction.
It took ten minutes at least, Dan figured, slowly urging the wayward calf out of its mother’s body, pulling only with each contraction, but pulling for all they were worth. By the time the poor thing was finally out, dazed and bloody, lifeless on the straw, Aunt Marie was there with towels and water and colostrum to bring it back to life.
Rick dropped the rope and went to his cow’s head. He sat himself in the straw and gently lifted her head into his lap. He was blood from his neck to his knees. "How y’doin’ my girl?" He scrubbed the heel of his hand up and down her nose, leaving a bloody smear. "This is an even dozen for you, isn’t it?" His voice shook. The poor cow bellowed again, but it sounded more like a plaintive moan. She moved her head a little, like she wanted to push against his arm. "It’s okay my girl. Your baby’s fine. It’s okay. You did real good. It’s okay. Your baby’s fine. It’s okay." Dan couldn’t tell if it was sweat or tears that ran down Rick’s face, as his voice dropped to a whisper. "It’s okay my girl, you can go on ahead."
With her head still in Rick’s lap, Sidewinder stiffened, and relaxed, and died.
Dan stood away from the maternity pen. Rick still sat with Sidewinder and Dan didn’t
wanted to intrude, but he didn’t want to walk away either. Russell and Mr. Ward passed
quietly back and forth through the barn, finishing up the milking and letting the cows back
to pasture. Aunt Marie had taken the newborn calf to another pen in the barn to give Rick
his privacy. ‘Watch him.’ she’d warned. ‘He’ll wander.’ So Dan waited, and watched.
Didn’t seem like Rick intended to wander anywhere, but Aunt Marie seemed to know
what she was talking about.
It didn’t matter if Rick sat there until next week, Dan would stand with him. But after awhile, an hour maybe, Russell motioned Dan outside. “The guys are coming to take her away...you’ve gotta get him outta there.”
“Okay.” Though Dan had no idea how. He turned back to the pen, and hesitated a minute, wanting a clear plan in mind before he made a move. Finally, he figured the only way to do it would be to just do it. He climbed into the pen again and crouched down beside Rick, who had one hand gripped around Sidewinder’s ear. The other hand he reflexively scrubbed up and down her nose. Dried and drying blood caked him entirely, and he’d smeared it across his face and into his hair.
“Rick?” he said quietly. No answer. “Come on, it’s time to go home.” Sidewinder’s eyes stared dryly at nothing and her tongued dragged out the side of her mouth. Her body gurgled and creaked with death. It gave Dan the chills to be so close to her. “Rick? Come on.” Trying to be gentle but wanting to get the hell away from there. “We’ve gotta go home and get you cleaned up...come on Rick...it’s time now to leave her.”
“I can’t leave her.” Rick said, but Dan got the impression Rick wasn’t talking to him. His hand tightened around the cold, stiff ear, and he wrapped his other arm protectively around the cow’s head.
“I’ll take you home Rick.” Dan wanted to avoid arguing with him.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“I know you didn’t Rick. It’ not your fault, things like this just happen. That’s all. They just happen.” Dan kept his voice low and even, Rick looked be treading a sharp edge and Dan didn’t want to be the one to push him over. “Rick, you need to come home now, okay?” How soon before ‘the guys’ showed up? He had to get Rick off the property before then.
Taking a chance with something he’d never done before, Dan put his hand under Rick’s arm and began to tug him to his feet. Rick was skinny but he was strong, and he resisted the pull, but Dan prevailed and slowly Rick got to his feet, cradling Sidewinder’s head down into the straw. He stopped then, when he was fully standing, and stared down at her.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.” he said to that someone else again.
“It’s okay Rick, these things happen...come on. The car’s just outside, let’s get you home.”
Rick walked unsteadily in the direction of the driveway, turning back constantly for just one more look, then stood a long while at the door of the barn for his last look. He rubbed his hand absently up and down the rough wood of the door frame.
“My girl.” Finally, finally, starting to shake with the cold wind blowing across the farm, Rick turned away and walked to the car, leaning on his hand heavily against the side of the barn for support. Dan walked a little ahead and opened the passenger door to his car. Rick stopped again when he got there. He looked at the car, then at himself, seeing the blood for the first time.
“I’ll get your car dirty.” he said.
“It doesn’t matter.” Dan said and meant it. “We’ve got to get you home, get you cleaned up. Come on.”
So Rick eased himself into the car and Dan drove them down to the schoolhouse.
Sullivan Road seemed to telescope away from Rick as he stared down toward the
farm. He brushed his damp hair out of his eyes and felt drips of water run down under the
collar of his flannel shirt. Was that a truck down there? He knew Russell would enlist a
gang of friends to get Sidewinder off the property. Was she gone yet? Desperate for just
one more last look at her, Rick paced the small rectangle of driveway and no farther. He
couldn’t even bring himself to put his feet onto the road. Was she gone yet?
Dan watched Rick out the kitchen window. He recognized the taut posture of a
body frantic to run away from pain. But each time, just as he was sure Rick would make
tracks for the farmhouse, and poised to head out after him, Rick would turn face about
and pace back to the deck or farther, and Dan would hold his breath till he saw him
reappear. Finally, Dan made a decision. He picked up the phone and dialed Carly.
Was that a truck? Could they have gotten her off the farm while he was taking his
shower? Where was she now? Rick’s lungs burned and he had to remind himself to take a
breath. He should’ve been on the look out for things to go wrong. He should’ve stayed
with her, right from the start this morning. Should never have bred her that last time, she
was too old and didn’t owe them anything more.
Should never have moved out here from Ohio.
Should never have done anything...
Rick heard the front door of the schoolhouse open and close behind him, as he stood once more at the foot of the driveway. He turned slowly to the sound, he knew Dan had a date tonight. “Headin’ out?” he asked. Rick couldn’t picture himself going back into the empty house once Dan was gone. Maybe he could sit out on the front steps for awhile. Maybe, once he was sure Sidewinder was gone, he could head down to Aunt Marie’s and wait there till Dan got back.
“Naah, Carly can’t make it after all.” Dan came to stand next to Rick.
“I didn’t hear the phone ring.” Rick said. Not that he’d been paying much attention to anything.
“Umm - I’m psychic?” Dan tried, and Rick stared at him, the meaning slowly coming together in his brain. He wanted to tell Dan that he didn’t have to do that, didn’t have to break his date. But the feeling of relief that filled him was greater than his embarrassment that his grief was so evident. “Come on...” Dan went on when Rick’s eyes and body turned back to the farm. “Let’s take a walk.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere, just around. Down Dersam.”
Rick’s eyes went up Sullivan and down Dersam. “Can we go for a drive?” Maybe he’d feel better the farther he got away from the farm.
“Sure. We can stop for some ice cream.”
“No - please Dan. I couldn’t take any dairy products. Not right now.” Rick was serious and joking.
“Okay, no dairy products. Come on though, you’re so wired you’re about to spontaneously combust.” he took his car keys out of his pocket and twirled them on his finger.
Rick looked at Dan’s car. How far could they drive in a night? Rick had the sudden desperate longing to go home, back to Manneville. Back ten years and do everything differently somehow. Dan must’ve read his thoughts.
“Rick -” Dan’s voice was soft, patient. “I know it hurts, and it’s gonna hurt a long time. I can’t watch you twisting yourself on ‘shoulda coulda woulda’. C’mon and let’s just get outta here for a little while.”
“Okay...”
Dan drove away from the farm, down Dersam Road. He glanced over at Rick
every once in a while, but Rick sat staring out the passenger window. He had his hands
shoved deep in his jeans pockets, and his shoulders were too high. Dan had the urge to ask
Rick if he was at least breathing.
Down Dersam, and another couple of turns brought them onto Broadway. Dan drove absently, turning corners whenever the fancy struck him, headed nowhere in particular. A half hour they drove, then forty five minutes, past farms and neighborhoods, businesses and vacant land, that gave way to businesses traffic. And Rick didn’t say anything.
Finally, they pulled to a stop at a red light and Dan found he had to say something. “I only ever had a dog once. Not even really my dog, was Brian’s dog. Died about a year after I met Brian. Had to be put to sleep. Still one of the hardest days of my life...”
“She was just a cow.” Rick said.
“A cow with a name and not just a number.” Dan pointed out and for the first time in the circuitous trip, Rick turned to look at him.
“You haven’t been farming long Dan. It’s a business. A dairy farmer’ll replace a quarter of his herd every few years. Bull calves go for veal. Free martins go for veal. A cow doesn’t earn her keep until and unless she’s producing milk. It’s a business.” He repeated, before turning back to the window. A minute later, Dan barely heard him whisper:
“My girl...”
