Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck...

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts...

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
A: Hair transplants.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?
A: What are you guys still doing here?

Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
A: She stopped sucking.

Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!!

Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
A: Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
A: When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By her chipped tooth.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves having her picture taken (flashes, got it?).

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
A: She gets her ass chewed out.

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

Q: Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?
A: She thought her period was French Provincial.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: She believed him.

Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.

Q: Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.

Q: Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?
A: Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

Q: Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
A: She screams her own name when she comes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?
A: Well, now she is making money on the side.

Q: Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
A: She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.

Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS?
A: She was dragged 200 yards.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.


Q: Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
A: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

Q: Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: To keep their legs together.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.