From: xsriver@aol.com (Xsriver)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: NEW: "A Time to Heal" (1/1)
Date: 20 Nov 1995 20:19:41 -0500
This story is called "A Time of Healing".
This story takes place after the three parter "Solitary", written by
Lisdean. (LisdxPhile). This is a FANTASTICc story. You should
definately read it. She has graciously allowed me to refer to her
story and use her character, even though mine is nowhere near the
quality of her work.
This story begins a week or so after Mulder and the other three agents
are recovering from their 48 day ordeal. Conche (Lisdean's character)
has kipnapped four FBI agents that he feels wronged him. He locked
them in meatlockers and Mulder is keep in a 5 ft square box . He is
found 48 days later in a catonic state and with Scully's help
enventully comes out of it.
I was so haunted by the story that I couldn't rest until I had written
what I thought would happen next. Please be kind in your comments. I'm
a Clinical Scientist not a writer. You can E-mail me at
(xsriver@aol.com). I must give a BIG thanks to JoAnn(raggedge) for
proofreading this and making some wonderful suggestions.
DISCLAIMER: X-files, et.al , belongs to Chris Carter, FOX Network, and
all the rest. I am borrowing them without permission."Solitary"
belongs to Lisdean. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea.I
hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
________________________
"A Time to Heal"
by Suwanee Smith
*****************
"Hi Mom".
"Dana, how are you, and how is Fox?"
"He's doing better physically, but I'm really worried about him . The
doctor's want to keep him for the rest of the week. He insists he can
get better just as well at home. I'm afraid if they don't let him out
soon he'll check himself out AMA (against medical advice). He has
also refused to speak to any of the therapists. He claims he doesn't
remember anything about the ordeal, and that he's fine."
"What do you think"?
"I don't know Mom. He may not remember what happened. He was in a
catatonic state when they found him. I understand that, in order to
survive, he buried his conscious mind deep inside where nothing or no
one could touch it, but I'm afraid that part of him will never come
back."
"Honey, what can I do to help?"
"I wish I knew what I could do! The doctors want him to sign himself
into one the local clinics for therapy, so he can learn to come to
terms with everything. You can imagine how well that went over. I
can't even get him to talk to me. I wish there was someplace that he
felt truly safe. Someplace where he felt that he could heal in his
own time."
"Bring him here," Scully's mother replied.
"What? Are you kidding? Mom, you have enough to deal with without
taking this on too."
"Dana, you know how I feel about Fox. I consider him part of the
family. He brought you back to us when no one else could. This is
the least I can do for him. Besides I could use the company. It gets
pretty lonely around here."
"I'm not sure the doctor's will release him in his present condition,
but I'll ask. Are you sure you want to do this? He's pretty weak, it
would be a lot of work."
"Honey, you will be here in case there are any medical problems, and I
know he trusts you. Besides, Fox needs his family right now, and you
and I are part of his family, right?"
"Right. I'll see what the doctors think and get back to you.....And
mom.....I love you."
"I love you, too, baby".
*****Next Day:*****
"Hi, Mom. It's me again. Are you sure you still want to do this?"
"I'm sure," Margaret replied.
"OK. Well, we will be there later this afternoon. It took me awhile
to talk the doctors into releasing him, but they finally agreed since
he was threatening to check himself out anyway. Mom, I'm warning you,
Mulder is not too crazy about the idea. He thinks he is imposing, but
I finally convinced him that the only way he was getting out was if he
agreed to spend the rest of the week convalescing at your house."
Scully had gone by Mulder's apartment early that morning and gathered
some of his things. She ran by her house for her things, and then on
to the hospital to pick up her partner. He, as usual, was very
impatient, and made a few remarks about there being a bureaucratic
conspiracy involved in checking out of the hospital. Later she knew
he wasn't himself, when after a feeble attempt to get Scully to take
him home instead, it only took a single glare from Scully to get him
to lie down in the back seat. Scully had made a nest, complete with
pillow and blanket, for him, and he did his best to fold his body into
the cramped quarters. He made some remark about being treated like a
invalid, but she heard his snoring very soon afterward.
They arrived at Margaret Scully's home late that afternoon. Mulder
had slept most of the way. That in itself bothered Scully. Mulder was
never known for his ability to sleep much anyway, but recently that
was all he seemed to do. She knew that his body was trying to recover
from severe dehydration and malnutrition, not to mention three broken
ribs along with the rest of the physical abuse that Conche had
inflicted on him. The other kidnapped agents where drugged and
entombed, but it was obvious that Mulder had received quite a bit of
physical abuse, besides. The agency had concluded that Mulder's
refusal to eat the drugged food and water had angered Conche, and he
had inflicted this additional punishment on him. It made Scully sick
to her stomach when she tried to visualize what those 48 days must
have been like. It was brutality usually saved for prisoners of war.
Mulder woke when Scully stopped the car and started unloading the
trunk. He tried to untwist himself from the blankets and struggled to
get out of the back seat. He was breathing heavily and obviously
hurting from the effort. Scully came around from the back of the car
and gave him one of her best disapproving glares. He tried his best
to ignore the glare and started up the walk. Scully shook her head,
dropped the suitcases and tried to catch up to him. "Mulder," she
scolded, "Let me help you up the stairs." Mulder turned around and
gave one of his best 'back off, I am not helpless' looks. She stopped
in mid step, and they were both rescued as Margaret Scully came out
the front door.
Margaret headed straight for Mulder, tucked her arm under his and
helped him up the stairs. "Welcome home, Fox," she smiled at him, as
if he came to her house all the time. He couldn't say anything to her
after she had been so nice to him. She continued to carry on a one
sided conversation with Mulder as she helped him upstairs to one of
the boys rooms, and got him all settled in. She came back downstairs
to help Dana with the luggage. She was coming down the stairs as Dana
was struggling to get the luggage in the front door, completely loaded
down, and obviously trying to get everything inside in one trip.
"We can take care of that latter, honey, let's sit down and have some
tea. I promised Mulder I would bring him up a cup." She wrapped her
arms around her daughter and squeezed tightly. "You look worn-out.
Have you slept any?"
"I'm fine, Mom." She raised her eyes up to the ceiling. "How does he
seem to you?"
"He's so thin! It almost broke my heart when I saw him. He looks
like a skeleton with skin stretched over it. The poor thing, how
could he have survived in that box for going on two months? Well, I'm
going to get that tea up to Fox, and then we can talk." Margaret
Scully returned a few minutes later with the teacup in hand. Dana
looked up questioningly. "He was sound asleep, I don't want to wake
him," she replied.
"That's all he ever does, Mom. It's like he is using sleep to avoid
facing what he went through. He won't talk about it. He's never
gotten angry about what happened. It's like he expected it, and
somehow deserved what happened."
"Dana, he'll talk when he is ready. One of the reasons we brought him
here was to let him heal in his own time."
"I know that, but it's so hard to watch him hurting so much and not be
able to do anything."
Dana and her Mom sat in the kitchen, catching up on all the family
gossip until they noticed that the room was getting dark, and her mom
got up and started some supper. She made some grilled cheese
sandwiches and heated up some tomato soup. Scully took Mulder up a
tray and sat and talked to him, or was it at him, since most of his
replies were monosyllabic. He managed to eat about half the soup and
part of the sandwich. Mulder asked Scully to tell her mom how good
the food was and how much he appreciated her having him here. He
started drifting off to sleep, and Scully took the tray back
downstairs.
Scully told her mother that she was going to bed early, and went up to
her room. She took a shower, but didn't go to bed. She lay on the
bed and listened until she heard her mother come upstairs and get
ready for bed herself. She waited after the light had gone out until
she thought her mom would be asleep. She got up and quietly carried
the rocking chair from her room down to Mulder's. She opened the door
slowly and set the chair down beside his bed. He was sleeping, but
very restless. He muttered to himself, but she couldn't understand
what he was saying. She inched the chair closer to his bed, and took
hold of his hand. She softly said, "Don't worry, Mulder, you're not
alone, I'm here."
She hadn't intended to deceive her mother, but she didn't want her to
know that she felt compelled to sit with Mulder at night. She had
been there every night at the hospital. She knew that normally only
family was allowed to stay at night, but the night nurses had made an
exception for her. They were very compassionate towards Mulder's
circumstances, and let her stay with him. Some nights, when she
couldn't sit any longer by his bed, and her voice was completely gone
from talking to him, they even managed to get a cot brought in. It
had taken over a week for him to respond to her. It seemed like an
eternity. She didn't see how Mulder could have survived that hell for
48 days.
Even after Mulder was better, and insisted that she go home, she had
left and gone to the office to do paperwork, and then come back and
sat with him. She had tried to go home a couple of times, but soon
returned to hospital because she couldn't sleep thinking he was alone.
He had spent over a month in complete darkness, only being brought out
into the light to be tortured by that monster. Well, at least Conche
was dead, but she would have liked to have been the one to send him on
his way. She only wished she could have found him sooner. The clues
were there, why did it take her so long? She looked at the fading
bruises and dark circles under his eyes. Why did he have to go
through this now? She was just going to rest her eyes for a few
minutes, but was sound asleep before she realized what was happening.
Margaret Scully heard the thunder in the distance. Spring was coming,
and it was the time of year for thunderstorms to pop up. She couldn't
remember if she has closed all the windows in the kitchen. She liked
to leave them open a crack for fresh air, but Dana had insisted that
she install special latches so they could not be raised any further.
She put on her robe and decided to peak in Mulder's room and make sure
he was okay. She eased the door open, and discovered Dana sound
asleep in a rocker next to the bed. She was gently holding his hand,
and he had her hand clasped to his chest. Margaret tiptoed over to
Dana and shook her shoulder. Dana woke up with a start and looked up
at her mother. Her mom put her finger to her lips and motioned for
them to talk out in the hall.
Dana reluctantly made her way to the hallway. She knew she was about
to get a lecture on not taking care of herself. She prepared herself
for the onslaught. Her mom turned to her with a gentle smile and
said, "Honey, why don't you go lie down, and I will sit with Fox."
Dana was shocked. What? *No* 'you must take care of yourself'? *
No* 'you won't do him any good if you get sick'? She had all the
remarks memorized, since he had been hearing them from practically all
her friends and family. Maybe this was an X-File and her mother had
been abducted by aliens. She must really be tired, she
was definitely over reacting. She looked at her mom and gave in. She
was too tired to argue.
"You go rest and I'll set with him. It will be morning soon, and you
need to rest while you can." Dana headed down to her room, and was
asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
Margaret went downstairs, checked the windows and doors, and put some
water on for coffee. She could hear the storm getting closer. She
loved the sound of the thunderstorm, because it meant spring was on
its way. The countryside would be turning green, and the flowers
would be coming up soon. Spring was a time of new beginning for the
earth, and she hoped it would be a time of healing and new beginnings
for them as well.
The lightning was getting close now, and the flashes lit up the whole
house. She hoped the thunder wouldn't wake up Dana or Fox. They both
needed their rest. The water was finally hot, and she made herself a
large mug of coffee, turned off the burner and headed upstairs. The
lightning was casting long shadows on the wall as she reached Mulder's
room. She eased the door open and peered in. Mulder's bed was empty.
Not just empty, the sheets and blankets were pulled off and onto the
floor.
She looked around the room, and discovered Mulder in the next flash of
lightning. He was huddled in the corner of the room, with his arms
over his head as if to protect himself from the light. He was
cowering in the corner, like a small animal trying to make itself
invisible to some unseen predator. She quickly put down her coffee
and considered going and getting Dana. She finally decided against
it, and approached Mulder slowly. He shrank away from her when he saw
her in the next flash of lightning. She stopped her approach, and
decided to sit down on the floor next to Mulder. She reached over to
the bed and got a pillow. She knew she might be there awhile, and her
bones weren't what they used to be. She sat down slowly, and started
talking to Mulder. She was terrified that he might not come back at
all this time. Oh, what would Dana do without him?
"Fox...Fox, it's just a thunderstorm. Everything is okay. You're
safe now. No one can hurt you here." Margaret waited a few minutes
to see if he would respond. She hoped she was doing the right thing.
She remembered how Dana had told her how she had talked to Mulder
about anything and everything. Dana had said that he was the only one
who could bring himself back to reality, and that all she could do was
make him feel safe, and he would come back when he was ready.
Margaret Scully took a deep breath and started telling Fox about the
rose garden she was thinking about putting in. She explained how this
rain was going to make the ground just right for those roses. She
moved on to some amusing stories about Dana when she was a little
girl, and how she always ran to their room when there was a
thunderstorm. She glanced over to Fox, and noticed that he had not
moved from the corner, but had brought his arms down and seemed a
little less frightened. He was staring about three feet in front of
himself. She wondered what he was seeing. She continued to ramble on
about this and that, with little or no effect on Mulder.
**********
Mulder had been having trouble sleeping. He kept having the recurring
dream. In the dream he knew something bad was about to happen. He
didn't know what it was but he knew that it was going to change his
life. In the dream, sometimes he was boy, and sometimes he was grown.
Each time a light would come, and then bad things would happen. One
time the light came and took his sister, and he couldn't stop it. The
next time the light would come, and someone would take him away and
beat him over and over. He knew he couldn't keep the light from
coming, so he must go away where the light couldn't find him.
**********
If Fox wasn't better soon Margaret would go and get Dana. Instinct
told her she must make him feel safe. When does a person feel most
safe? <... Ahh.......I know, when you were a child and your mother
rocked you asleep with a song.> She knew Fox would never let her near
him, so she softly began singing one of the lullabies she had sung to
her children. She glanced over to Fox; he was still staring blankly,
but she could she him turning his head ever so slightly as if
listening. She started on the Irish lullaby that Bill had always sung
to the girls. She saw Fox move his hand slowly in her direction. She
froze, afraid to break the spell. At a snail's pace, he started to
crawl to her. It looked like each movement was taking all of his
inner strength. At last he reached her. He laid his head in her lap,
and wrapped his arms around her waist, much the way a small child does
when he has done something bad and needs forgiveness.
She gently wrapped her arms around him, and continued to hum the
lullaby. She rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair. She
wasn't sure, but she thought she heard him say, "I'm sorry Mama. I
couldn't stop them". She continued to rock him, and hum. Once he
looked up at her, with tears streaming from his eyes. She was sure it
wasn't her that he saw. He said, "Dad is going to be so mad when he
comes home, because I was in charge and I let them take Samantha.
It's all my fault. He's going to be so mad. Oh, Momma what am I
going to do?" With tears streaming down her face, Margaret Scully
caressed his face and said," It's not your fault, Fox. There was
nothing you could do. You were just a little boy." She placed a
gentle kiss on his forehead, and said, "You are such a good boy, Fox,
and we love you very much."
********
Mulder was running as fast as he could to the darkness. He knew it
was safe there. Nothing could reach him there. Sometimes, when he
was running, he was grown, and, sometimes, he was that small boy
again. The boy said "Run as fast as you can", but the grown man said
"Wait, if you go to the darkness there are things you will never get
to do, and some people you will never see again." He slowed down, but
didn't stop running. In the distance he could hear music. Not
recorded music, but a song being sung. He thought it was a lullaby.
It sounded nice. It sounded safe. Maybe it would be safe there. He
started toward the music, but his legs felt like lead. It took all
his concentration to take each step. When he thought he would never
get there, and he was about to give up, he felt warm arms around him.
He felt someone stroking his hair, and kissing his forehead. Oh, it
was a safe, warm and beautiful place. There was no blame, no
condemnation--only acceptance and forgiveness. He hoped he would
never leave this place.
*********
Margaret Scully wasn't sure how long she had sat there and rocked Fox,
but the next thing she knew the morning light seemed to be streaming
into the room. She must have fallen asleep. Fox stirred in her arms,
and she glanced down at him. He was looking at her. His eyes were
focused on her, and she thought he saw her. She smiled at him warmly
and said, "Good Morning, Sleepyhead." It was what she had said to her
kids a million times, and somehow it seemed appropriate. Mulder
smiled back. He had heard Scully say that to him on more that one
occasion. They had spent enough nights together, on stakeouts and
such, that they had seen each other at their worst.... first thing in
the morning.
Margaret took a good look at Fox. His sweat pants and T-shirt were
sweat stained. She wasn't sure, but it appeared that sometime during
the night he had wet himself. She knew he would be upset when he
realized, and mortified if he thought she knew. She let him lie in
her lap, as he slowly became more and more aware of his surroundings.
He finally said, "Is it morning?" His voice sounded raw and scratchy.
"Are you feeling better?" There was no response from Mulder. "I know
you must be exhausted. Would you like to take a shower while I fix
you something to eat?" Mulder didn't answer her question, but he
looked up at her with tears beginning to form in his eyes.
"How long have I been like this? Scully didn't see me like this, did
she?"
"I think Dana's still asleep in her room. I sent her to bed hours
ago, right before the storm."
"Please don't tell her," he pleaded.
"We will talk about it later. Right now, we both need to get things
cleaned up, so she won't see us like this. You need to take a shower,
and I will straighten up the room, and then go downstairs and fix you
something to eat. She smiled and said, "Besides I promised you some
tea yesterday."
They helped each other get up. It was a slow and difficult process.
Mulder put out his hand against the wall to steady himself. It was
then he noticed the wet sweat pants. Margaret noticed his
embarrassment, but pretended not to. She started straightening the
bed, and, glancing over her shoulder, told Mulder that she would lay
out some fresh clothes for him, and just to leave the others on the
floor, because she was going to wash later.
Mulder slowly headed for the shower. He suddenly realized where
Scully got her style and class. He was beginning to realize that
Scully had inherited her Mom's warmth and absolutely cool demeanor
under pressure. They were both extraordinary women, and he was glad
they cared about him, though he didn't believe he deserved it.
Margaret Scully busied herself in the kitchen. The events of the
night were starting to come home. Her hands shook a little. She
hoped she had done the right thing by Fox. She felt like she should
discuss it with Dana, but she didn't want to betray Fox's trust. She
decided she would make that decision later, and busied herself with
making homemade biscuits.
Margaret gave Mulder plenty of time to get cleaned up. She wanted to
give him as much privacy as possible. She knew he had a lot to think
about. She made her way upstairs with two cups of tea and plenty of
homemade biscuits and jam. She peered around the partially open door,
and said, "Knock, Knock." Mulder had his back to her. He was already
in the clean sweatpants and socks, but he was struggling with the
T-shirt. She pretended not to notice the discolored bruises on his
back and shoulders.
Once Mulder and the tray were settled on the bed, she pulled up the
rocking chair. "I hope you like apricot jam," she said, trying to make
casual conversation. Mulder sipped the tea and took a couple of bits
out of a jam laded biscuit. Margaret could tell he was uncomfortable,
so she got to the point.
"Fox, why don't you want Dana to know about last night? You know you
can trust her. She wants to help you through this, like you helped
her after she came back."
"I know she cares. I know she has been sitting up with me every
night, even though I pretend I don't know. I think she feels guilty
about what happened. She thinks she should have found me sooner. If
she knew about last night, she wouldn't let me out of her sight for
the rest of my life. None of this is her fault, in fact I know that
she never gave up and was one of the reasons they did find us. She
has been through a lot lately, and I don't think she need all of this
on top of everything else." Mrs. Scully didn't say anything.
Mulder stared down at the tray, and spread a glob of jam on the same
biscuit over and over. Margaret left him alone and sipped her tea.
She knew you couldn't force him, he would say what was really
bothering him when he was ready.
Mulder never looked up from his biscuit and said, "Do you think it
will ever get better?"
Mrs. Scully smiled and said, "There is no doubt in my mind." Mulder
looked up and studied her eyes. Did she really mean it, or was she
just saying it to make him feel better? "Fox, it's not going to
happen overnight. But you will get better. You will have setbacks,
but each day will get a little easier. You are a fighter. If you
weren't, you would have given up on finding Samantha years ago. You
would have given up on Dana coming back, like the rest of us did. You
won't win every battle, but you will win in the end, because you never
give up. Now, lecture over, you want some more tea." Mulder showed
the glimmer of a smile. "And Fox, as far as I am concerned, last night
is just between the two of us."
"What's between the two of you?" said Scully from the doorway.
Margaret looked up and said. "Well, good morning, sleepyhead." Mulder
smiled. "Mom, what happen last night?" Mulder glanced over at
Mrs. Scully. "Oh, Fox woke up early, and I was telling him about some
of your more colorful childhood antics. I told him we would just keep
it between the two of us."
"Right, Scully, with this dirt, I could probably blackmail you into
doing the paperwork for at least six months."
"Fat chance, Mulder! I know things about you too, remember."
Mulder laughed, well, it was really more like a giggle, but Scully
thought it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.
EPILOGUE:
Scully and Mulder spent six more days at the Scully home. On warm
days they took walks in the fields and down the lane. At night they
made a fire in the fireplace, and spent the night reading, or
listening to music, or just watching the fire burn down. Mulder had
good days and bad days. Sometime he would spend hours sitting outside
on the porch swing. Scully's attention tended more toward hovering,
and her mom had to remind her, more than once, that sometimes a person
needed time to themselves.
On Sunday Mulder insisted that Scully go back to work. Mulder still
had another week of mandatory leave, and didn't want here giving up
her personal time babysitting him. After a rather heated discussion,
in which Scully felt unwanted and out numbered, she headed back to
D.C. She called several times a day and insisted on taking Friday off
so they could have a long weekend together.
All to soon the day came for them both to go back home. Mulder had put
on some weight, and the dark circles under his eyes were almost
gone. He still had to get a medical clearance before returning to
work, but he would badger some poor doctor into the needed paperwork.
Mrs. Scully made enough breakfast for an army, including most of
Mulder's favorites. They lingered over their food as long as
possible, obviously stalling the inevitable. Eventually they couldn't
put it off any longer.
Mulder and Scully argued over who should carry the luggage to the car.
They eventually compromised, and each carried their own. Mrs. Scully
stood on the front porch wishing they would stay another night. She
looked at Fox, and was reminded of the man that had come here a week
earlier. That man had been only a shell. A man with no inner light.
A lost soul. Now a different man stood by the car. In this man could
be seen the beginnings of that energy that never seemed to quit. A
man with purpose, and yes the sparkle was back in his eyes.
Dana meet her mom on the porch steps and kissed her good bye. They
hugged, and her mom told her to take care of herself and look out for
Fox. Then, like all mothers, she reminded her to call when they got
home.
Mulder was still standing by the car, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
He waited until Scully was coming back down the stairs. He took his
hands out of his coat pockets, and went up the stairs. He gave
Mrs. Scully a hug, then kissed her gently on the cheek and said,
"Thanks for everything, Mom."
Mrs. Scully waved one last time, and went back into the house. She
looked out the window, and saw Fox trying to take the keys out of Dana
hand. He finally wrestled them away from her, and held them over her
head, well out of her reach. She said something to him that Maragaret
couldn't hear, and Fox laughed. She smiled to herself. Well, things
were *getting* back to normal.
THE END.
_________________________
Suwanee Smith (xsriver@aol.com)
Founding Member of XAngst Anonymous
"Into each life a little rain must fall"