Some would argue that Batman is the greatest Super Hero ever, because he has no special powers. Those same people have downs-syndrome. Batman, or Bruce Wayne, was a little rich boy who witnessed his parents murdered before his eyes. A hard thing to see, I'll admit, but did little Bruce do the cool thing, and find a shot gun to deliver hot death to his parents' executioners? Obviously not. Instead, he made a spandex and rubber outfit and decided to fight crime with his belt. For a guy who is supposedly all about vengence, he sure has an odd way of going about it. If you were shot down by some piece of shit gang-banger, but your son was left alive, wouldn't you want him to rain down some serious shit on your killer? Of course you would.

What you wouldn't want was your son to spend all his inheritance on an enormous car, a cave, and little boomrangs shaped like bats. You probably wouldn't want him spending all his time with a young boy wearing Daisy Dukes either, but that goes without saying.

Look at the enemies Batman faces. The Joker, The Riddler, The Penguin, Poison Ivy, Two Face. All sick little circus freaks waiting for a bullet between the eyes that they'll never get. Think about it like this -- You've got a handful of rejects who are fucking up your hometown, costing tax payers millions, and killing innocent people. What do you do? You take said rejects and drown them in the sink like a cat who won't stop pissing on your couch. What you don't do is keep putting them in jail, just for them to break out next month and redo all that you've undone. Batman is one of the only Heros who doesn't kill his enemies. Even Superman takes out the trash sometimes, just look at that boney fucker who killed him. Shit, he even took Lex out once. If you're a Super Hero, and you've got scum fucking things up, you pull out your nine and take care of buisness, what you don't do is throw cute little battarangs at them while your fag-wonder chum sprouts 'witty' little catchphrases.

Let's look at Batman's relationship with Robin. Let's start with the name Robin for christ's sake. A Robin is one the gayest birds on earth. Why not be Raven, Falcon, or Crow? Robin also wears a brightly colored outfit that reveals a lot of skin. For someone who is supposed to be sneaking around atop buildings in the night, he sure isn't dressed for it. I have a feeling after a long day's work, Robin wears another custome that involves a leather thong and a ball-gag. I'm sure Batman doesn't wear half a S&M mask for nothing.

Batman really just doesn't have a right to be a Super Hero. He has no special powers, and he doesn't open up shop on the Villians the way someone called the "Dark Knight" should. You want a good Super Hero? Try TopCow Comics, they at least make characters with some balls.

-Oni